......also some Journalings about my psychic experiences.
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Web freestone.blogspot.com
my life after Near Death Experiences: 10/01/2004 - 10/31/2004
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Friday, October 29, 2004

---here is what i have been doing of late, figuring out what makes my computer game not work, and a post to a form on it.....

hi all...

well well well....
Cross my fingers and knock on wood and save often: I think that i found out what was the problem with my radeon card and neverwinter nights, where I would freeze up only 5 to 40 seconds into the new character game!
You all, Kel, and others, have read me whine and moan
about this, now, for over a week: here i have this here hotshot radeon 9600xt and I cannot even get 30 seconds into the original game without a freeze, a lockup, the screen freezes and locks up, the mouse freezes and hangs, with that ole music loop and looping.
[lots of word-repeats so that some poor newbie might find this, someday, in the search engine!!]

as....i have read of LOTS of this sort of problems with the ati and radeon cards. i even went as far, yesterday, as to check out if i could buy a Nvidia card!

[a whole 'trip' there, sports fans: nvidia video cards!
i did find that there seems to be a drift of opinion that once nvidia was King, and ati was second, in quality and relibility, but over the last couple of years, nvidia has gone downhill and Ati has gotten much much better! why even a gainward buyer had his card arrive by mail with parts rolling around the box and it took TWO cards before he found a good working card!
---and neverwinter is a openGL game.
and *that* is the problem, with me and about 9,408 others, apparently.
some have reformatted.
some have gone through *all* the driver versions!
some even have reinstalled evvvvverything!!
--to absolutely NO avail at all: lockup in 30 seconds always!

I was, yesterday, about to Give Up! my frozen mouse curser laughed at anything that i did!

Then i tried to think it out. to think out why it was that when i installed my radeon 9600xt and at the same time installed my audigy2 zs, and directx 9.0b, and tried a "trial run" of neverwinter, to make sure that my three "upgrades" still had it where neverwinter still worked. i recalled that i used a save and i walked my character through hundreds of feet of the city and opened up my inventory, etc,etc; it worked OK then!!
---so what did i do in the meantime, since then, to Change things? why, since then, i configured my machine for Morrowind to get that fps out of the 5 to 8 fps-level, with my 280 mods! i finally got my fps level up to about
6 to 9, with the fps-optimizer at "20% view distance"
near the bridge in Seedya Neen.
then at this time, while configuring, i discovered to my small dismay that my directx diag gave to me the Report that i had no AGP! was disabled!
----that led me to a day or three of research into the arcane world of "bios" and "4 in 1" Athlon and Asrock motherboard driver upgrades, so that finally I got my Smartgart panel in the radeon control board to have the AGP active and i set it to "2x"! hooray!

so yesterday, i pondered setting my AGP to "1x".
my old motherboard, oringinally bought for a 1700 processor, only supported, with the motherboard new-drivers, up to 4x agp, so i have little choice.
Set my agp to "1x"?

why not try DISABLING the agp?!
i did this then, as this "setting", no agp, was what i had before i enabled the agp. This was after i added the radeon and the audigy and the 9.0b directx and neverwinter played OK! neverwinter played ok before i
activated the agp.

I disabled the agp, rebooted as smartgart wants me to, and then i tried again.
I then added, for good measure, the "patch" for the
animations for HOTU, as i read that this causes problems in HOTU [hordes of the underdark expansion] with some people. i then loaded up my test save, with the pregenerated character [new game as in the meantime i installed the 1.64 patch: i even contemplated uninstalling
it all and then just trying plain neverwinter, to see if that 1.64 patch was the culprit!]

i began my "game", at the very very beginning of neverwinter, the "prelude". i took the elf gal out into the main room, i talked to the guard, at length, i waited for the enevitible, the lockup! i closed the talk screen, after boredom set in and then i went to the other
person and talked some more and some more and then i bought a set of armor and then i entered both bedrooms and opened the chests over and over and then back out to talk some more, and then enter the option screen and then diddle with that and then talk some more...after about 15 to 20 minutes i quit the game...NO freezing!!
...which leads me to beeeeelive that

yes, sports fans, you read me right! to actually DISABLE the agp, in the radeon smartgart panel, taking away the very very "goodness" that ati/radeon promotes as the Way To Go...AGP!!
--like taking out, in your BMW sports car, the Engine, and replacing it with something from a low cheap entry car from
"John's Salvage Yard"!....something from a ford or chevy from the 1960s!

I then tried my Knights of the republic game, untried, as i got it just to use its directx 9.0b! my hunt for answers, yesterday, took me over to the KOTOR board as *they* have Issues aplenty with ati/radeon cards too! many many radeons/ati cards have the very same lockup problems where the game IS unplayable, sometimes from square one!
kotor is opengl.
well i tried this game after quiting neverwinter. i got into the entry room at the very beginning and moved around a bit, diddling with the dialogues and such, for about ten minutes and there were NO freezes! no slowdown either!
[i guess my radeon 9600xt is SO of a "hotshot card' that
a kind of "pci-mode" does not affect the fps much!]

I wondered, then, what this action would do for my Morrowind! what would disabling the agp do for *its*
framerates?! [ah the DOS days, where the computer has to be reconfigured for *each* game!]
So here i loaded up my game to where i was, in Seedya Neen
where i had about 6 to 9 fps at 20% view distance, before
my removing of the agp. actually, i was about 200 feet to the east of that spot by the bridge, where i had the "fps-optimizer" set to about 50% view distance, so i entered that 9 fps area with 50% view.

---I went from 6 to 9 fps at 20% view distance
14 fps at 50% view distance

---why would this be so?
is there some pecularness inherient in my asrock motherboard with athlon 2400XP with win98SE?
will this "trick" work for anyone? there are so many possibilities out there of Combinations of hardwares with versions of windows and other operating systems with driver versions, that *your* milage may very well very if you try this trick. but this action is very very easy to do: just disable the agp in the ati/radeon Smartgart control panel and smartgart will reboot your machine!

of *course* this action is "counter-intuitive"! this agp is what you bought your vid card FOR, is it not?!
yes, KILL your agp and See if this helps, ye all who
freeze and lock up, with your ati/radeon cards!!
i hope this rambling long post will help *someone*, here, as i read of this problem in nearly any forum devoted to video cards and games!

so maybe i will play again, neverwinter! i will save my game a LOT, though, maybe i can live with a freeze every half hour or so, if that happens!


Friday, October 22, 2004


the CEP project for neverwinternights rpg game.
content addition to a good rpg.

this picture, to me, looks so interesting, so adventurious!

Wednesday, October 20, 2004



Insight into the news, technology, and culture of Google.
Tuesday, October 19, 2004

Posted @ 8:56 AM / Permanent Link Get the latest word direct from the Googleplex about new technology, hot issues, and the wide world of search.


ah Morrowind.

I am 'fed up" with politics and the rants and the stuff of it.
I will play computer games and the game of life, both here and in the astral worlds, in my time that i have left, in my old age of 63 years.

I recall a writing about the stagecoaches of the frontier, where there were a sign in each coach...."no talking about politics or religion allowed"!
six people sitting face to face cramped in close quarters for miles and miles and all day long: heated arguments would break out over these topics.

no more politics. not only do i not read about politics, i cannot form picture images of anything that is said!

I will vote for who feels good to vote for, i guess.

in the future, in the months and years that i have left, i will devote my writings to things of Spirit and to life's observations of people and events, in the light of spirit.
dreams...visions...things that are "psychic' in nature: stuff like that!

stay tuned!


Tuesday, October 19, 2004

you said....[somone asked me a question about dreams!]
What is your take on dreams? I've been conditioned to think by the rest of the world and mental professionals that "dreams" are simply a distortion of a series of events that have happened to one during a time period. I've had this happen, but I've also had dreams totally unrelating to that, and even dreams that are almost premonitions of things to come, and pyshcic.

yes, that is what the "professionals" say, that dreams are nothing but "brain processing" of the previous days events before falling asleep! i think that "Scientific American", and other mags, have devoted ten page articles on this, often.

a-HEM! i know better. the researchers are all "materialistic"! they do not consider
that there are other demensions besides the three
earth demensions of space and the one more of time!
Spirit demensions.
"they" the guides write that there are SEVEN demensions in all....

the professionals usually are "agnostic" and are not into the idea that even ESP exists. let alone
the other Talants, like claivoyance, let alone the Afterlife!!

at night, the bodies separarate!

that is...one has a duplicate body, of a sorts, that is a "counterpart" of the physical body but is a part of it while one is awake. at night though, this spiirt, or soul-body, sort of separates and "floats" just above the sleeper, connected by the "silver" cord. normally this astral...soul..spirit body [yes there are several words for this body]
is such that you are also asleep in it too!
that is...you do your dreaming in it, as you are in it. *this* type of dreaming is what these reserchers study, pure brain processings!!


as this soulbody is completely IN this spirit demension, the fourth demension, sometimes the scenery around the body is dimly seen or heard!
this "scenery" is often bits and pieces of the objective spirit world, or maybe just the bedroom that the dreamer creates and then projects outwards....often this astral bedroom is NOT the currant place he is sleeping in, it might be his childhood bedroom!
normally a spirit wandering the realms, then entering your Image of this bedroom, might see you there *as* someone who is asleep!!! this spirit would see you asleep in a room that would be your mental projection of your bedroom, your mental projection out onto the 4th demensional

there, in the spirit worlds, images are THINGS!

maybe this spirit could "shout into your ear", or even create a mental image and then insert it into your mind....communicate this image..and then maybe you would awake the next day with a remberence that you heard someone speak a sentence to you, a sentence that might indeed refer to an event that is in the future; or maybe recall a picture that somone shows to you!

my dreams are getting very intense, of late.
take last night's dream. I can only remember what i would call upon awakening, the "encounter"! This event was a meeting with someone, a "someone" of very great Importance, in the Spirit world! At least i had that impression upon awakening!
This personage Told me things about my relatives and somethings about heaven, only dimly now recalled. But, in this dream i was lucid enough to be able to choose to ask questions of him, after he had finished with what he wanted to tell me.
tis difficult to describe the Tone of his teachings. as if what was shown came from "behind' him, from higher up, in spirit, some higher heaven. a feeling of awe and reverence, here, as he "channeled" or spoke.

too, a guide or an angel could even get you to WAKE UP, there, in the spirit world, while "you" are still asleep, in your bedroom!! then this Guide, or spirit, could even take you to see places in the spirit worlds!!

So many of my dreams of late have been to places that seem to be

....A dream where I wandered around an open air plain, covered with trees and plants, a savannah, really. There were many many animals, of different species.
what struck me was that all of the animals,also were really REALLY different from any here on earth!! At the end of my dream I wandered into a hut and met a man who told me he was "my teacher for this dream"...And that he said to me..."How did you like you visit to the Sphere around another planet, around another sun"?!

...Another dream where I sat in a home with four men and talked. One of the men was dressed in white and had a "muslin" turban.

...Another dream was where I was in a place, in the astral, where there was a astral world where people from new York city lived. I was in a shop or building there and there were about four men in the room, and they all professed their "gayness".
they all joined in a big hug, a "homo hug"...Me included, even though I am not gay!!

....Yet another night, where I had a dream of going to some "alien world"...Probably one of earth's astral worlds. I cannot recall much of it, but "this is not Kansas anymore"!!

EXAMPLE where i was taken to a collectively created place that looked like an earthly copy of a religious camp, but was occupied with souls who died but they thought that they were still alive on earth!! I was "sent" to help them as they could see ME, but that they could not see their own Angels and guides! thus their Angels had me help them realize that they had died!
I went or was sent to a "Pentecostal camp", by my guides. a "camp' that was created by or for a group of young people. Some
campground where there were a number of people.
must have been a hundred or more, nearly all were
younger people, in their 20s perhaps. I do not recall
all of the particulars of the hours and hours that I
spent there, but I really recall one event!!
here I stood before a young man and all but SCREAMED
into his face to try to get his attention...
---his attention was now gotten!
I told him to look upwards to the sky.
I said..."You are dead and you still think you are on
earth: but you are truly not dead: look above you and
SEE the planes of heaven where at the upper levels
Jesus LIVES and at the lower levels Jesus VISITS: you
are to go to one of these levels"! I actually said
that, in my dream!
---I could indeed see upwards into the sky and I could
see what looked like to be a open shaft, like of an
elevator shaft, going up into the sky. I could also
see that there were three or five floors to this shaft
where doors opened out onto "floors". Just like
looking up an open elevator shaft with open elevator

there is, with many older Religions, sects, Trainings to get one to be able TO awake in this soul body, and to be able to travel and to see places on your own without guides, as the "silver cord" is infinitely STRETCHABLE!
*this* is what "astral travel' is all about!!

thus, all dreams that are of "more than just brain processings", are where the surrounding spirit world's screnery and people's are dimly perceived, by the semi-awake dreamer, semi-awake to the spirit world. thus when you wake up the next morning, *this* is why often the last night's dream is SO strange as there is spirit material all mixed up with the brain processing stuff!
"spirit material" and 'spirit realms" ....are another word[s] for...."material and places in the afterlife worlds where we all go to when we die and become residents there *as* spirits!
"spirits' are other deceased souls.
There are many many many realms and worlds there, thousands of them, thus each person will have different astral experiences!

thus, the dreams are "strange" as the spirit and the physical material is all mixed together.

yes one IS "psychic" in these dreams as "psychic' is another word for "being in two worlds at once, when awake!
Check out a medium "camp" sometime...like of Cassidaguia, florida! all the residents there are either psychic or mediums!

I have lived here, now, in tallahassee for over 40 years, and i have had hundreds of these dreams where Guides have taken me to see places in the spirit worlds!
i have some of these written up at
go read some of them, to see what a dream is like when one is somewhat awake in this astral, soul, body; and then can see and hear some of the scenery in the afterlife places, either going by himself, or more often the case, being taken by Angels or Guides to see places!!!
[one can indeed pray, before going to sleep, pray to Spirit just to have such Angels and Guides visit you or take you to see...such places.


Monday, October 18, 2004

Hi all...

there is a word that I like, from the mediums/channelers/psychics....


---this is where a message comes from spirit, perhaps a message given by a spirit guide, as a "heard voice", but then the psychic expresses not the quote, but the interpretation of it, thus this message is now colored by the ego-interpretation.

in NDE experiences, or like in my own type of "NDE", where mine were of vivid, lucid, dreams of experiences of afterlife worlds, I can well imagine how coloring would take place!
First one has the experience.
Then one remembers it not completely, as one pays attention to the parts of it that rapports with
the belief system then held currant. Thus, over time, some parts of the NDE might even be forgotten!
worse....As a person communicates the nde experience to others, the description gets colored with the belief system then held currant!

I have "had" probably 100+ experiences, over the years, of "being taken to spirit realms by guides".
*some* of these experiences do not tally with my belief system, and it would be very easy for me to get emotionally involved in interpretations!!
like: my recent experience of being a part of a "gay man orgy"! I was in a room of about 15 naked homo men: I was there in person, and there was an orgy in progress.
strokings...fondlings...I awoke when I felt someone's Penis entering my rectum!!
I am not "homo" by belief. I have sympathy and "likingness' to Homo people. But an experience like of this "tests" my ability to judge this experience, in telling it to others!
[how many "buttons" have I activated already, in readers of this post?!!]

I have read of some NDE-ers who experienced a HELL WORLD, and when they told it, they got a very very bad reception from the listeners for their efforts!
---of course the experiencer might have colored the experience!!

to wit: there is the Experience, then there is the communicated interpretation of this experience.
they often are not the same. Colored!

this morning's paper had a front page article about a family living Ecologically next to the National forest south of Tallahassee. Only when I turned to the next page, where this article was continued, did I see that this article was REALLY a Kerry ad!! Put forth as a real article on page one, but
not only was the slant of the end of the article "pro" Kerry, that paper had a "sidebar" in the middle of the article describing how "good" Kerry is pro-environment and that "bad" Bush want to open up much of the public lands to mining and well drilling!
*this* is "coloring"!
[maybe this is why this paper is named the
"Tallahassee DEMOCRAT"!!]

a person who has had a REAL spirit experience, but then interprets it according to their pre-conceived belief system, then tells others to live according to this belief system of theirs, now self-VALIDATED
by this Spiritual experience...Is verging upon "Cult" territory! "self-righteousness" is a result! "God is on MY side"!!

should be the other way around: the Spiritual experience should make me Humble and change my way of thinking, feeling, living!!


Wednesday, October 13, 2004

Cornell University, the main tower
--more nice pictures

I have a kind of "writer's block" over the last few days as I had found a subject that is "too too large" to write about!!
--Just try to Process a file of 50 megs on a 400K hard drive!!
If I were to wrote, thoughly, about my topic, I would need a book of 300 pages, but in a weblog typing at 5wpm?!!

no way!

I would truncate and mutilate what I write, in my Autistic fashion, most of the good stuff would never ever get written!!

reminds me....
...I had a 1980 friend, in Ithaca, NY, who tried his hands at writing a short story for the very very first time. He was a grad of Cornell, he lived about 1/4 mile from that tower in the photo. He was a "student" of "zen" and Buddhism.
I read a short draft of his story, maybe ten pages long. He told me that "he needed to cut out the fat", to take out the rambling sentences. The next day he appeared at the coffee shop with five sheets of paper. He had begun to Trim.
the next day he had four pages. A week later he had One page.
The next week, he presented me with his Final Effort: all the UNESSENTIAL
stuff had been removed.

One sentence!!

"He walked to the store and became Enlightened"!

done. Short and sweet, "War and Peace", the book, in a page!


my topic?
--all that "mess" about the Divinci Code, Jesus, and John the Baptist, and leonando DiVinci!
[computers do NOT do "caps", never ever have I found a keyboard that will do them, at the beginning of a word!!!]
Di Vinci was a "Jonathan"! That means that Vici believed that as John the babysat baptized Jesus, then Jesus is the PRETENDER; it is john who is the Messiah!!

I see it now, my spin on this: that there was little of any kinds of "heavens" , for the deceased, over time, for umpteen thousands of years after Mankind got individual souls. One survived after death by "hovering" near the family clan alter, and that everytime that a family member made an offering of food and of attention at this alter, the soul Awakened. If the food and attention was for an hour a day, that soul was awake for an hour, then slept the rest of the day. Thus, on earth, that clanhouse alter, it it was there for a week...168 hours, that soul was awake, self-conscious, for 7 hours only! Then eventually this soul would incarnate back into this same family that he died in.
"ancestor worship"...It is called.
eventually "temples" and secret societies developed something called
"INITIATION" that permitted a person to be constantly self-aware and awake, after he died. He could now exist AS an individual soul, like he did on earth. If he now died *without* being initiated into the occult Temple mysteries, like of Egypt
or Greece, etc,etc...He would either "hover" near his clan house or maybe join a band of semi-awake spirits, being "one" with them in a dreamlike "likeMind"!
[this is why demons in exorcism speak all in one voice!]
this iniatian was really very "ELITIST", as only the very very best people could endure the rigors and the discipline and the dangers that went with initiation!
after such and adept died, he would be a Guide for other earthly aspirants in the Temple, other candidates for Initiation.
a true true "us versus them" mentality developed. Any secrets of initiation, or of the temple teachings, if they were revealed to someone of the unwashed masses, to the common people, why this traitor would be probably killed!
thus only the Elite would have eternal life, or at least a self-aware life, until they reincarnated!
then came Jesus!! He was initiated into the mysteries by John the Baptist.
john was a temple initiator. Not of the Sanhedrin, naturally, but of the Ancient mystery cults, of course.
Jesus, however, al the idea of the "woman of Samaria" at the 'well of Samaria", felt that ANYONE should have access to eternal life if the asked God himself!
That anyone could become initiated, no matter if she was a prostitute at the Well of samaria or if he was a thief, on the cross!
"remember me in heaven, please oh Jesus", this thief asked, and Jesus replies that it is so: now this thief is INITIATED into self-awareness, after he dies, he now lives in the spirit world as an individual soul, *just* like of the Initiates of old
Oh how MAD and ANGRY were the temple people!!! Not only does Jesus spill the secrets, and that he Intitiates someone to eternal life, outside of the Temple Orders; Jesus now opens up heaven for "JUST ANYONE WHO ASKS"!!
now the "rabble" and the homeless and the sinners and the [fill in the blank as to who *you* deem not be be worthy of eternal life]...
One could get Killed for this, and thus Jesus was killed. In a very very real sense, no Priest or temple order was now neccessary for one to receive Initiation into eternal life in the spirit worlds. "the temple veil was rent", at his crucifixion! No veil between a person and the Lord, no intermediary.

Leonardo Divinci seemed to feel, I read, that Jesus and his followers HAD john beheaded, responsible for john's death. Little wonder that Divinci hates Jesus so so much! devinci, in his Noble/aristrocratic background, might have had great trouble imagining how the rabble of peasants in the middle ages could ever ever be worth of eternal life in heaven! One in such a mindset could only see how the influx of 10,000,000 dirty poor uneducated "redneck" peasants and sharecroppers, into heaven, after they died....Would "dirty up" the lands of heaven...The "Ultimate arty Crashings" of the aristrocatic heavens, where only the elite of mankind were supposed to live in after they died!!

---and the work of Jesus goes on....What about the *OTHER* thief on his cross, the thief who did not ask Jesus for salvation?! The work of Jesus is not yet Done!
[moral for today]....Are the homeless, the jail-timers, the "hip-hop/rappers"
and the
[fill in the blank with *your* most thought of person who is Least Derserving
of a heavenly afterlife],
and the other "rednecks" : are these untouchables now worthy of an afterlife, maybe living with YOU, after death?

thus, Jesus brought out Intitiation to the masses, by his incarnation's mission Intent, before he was born. The "old school" temple people were not amused.
now their "party" in heaven is Crashed by the masses of the unwashed, the unlearned, the lower class peoples.
the old school temples are still around and if one looks hard enough, they still are Intitiating people. Most do not like Jesus.
but I feel it is time for a RECONCILIATION, here, of the temple people.
both are working for the same ends, and the temples reach people who do not respond to the NOW too too organized religion, too too polluted by man's social dogmas over the years.
temple people?
new ones might now be called "cults", some of the cults. Or "sects"...especially in old Europe.
lets all work together....

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