......also some Journalings about my psychic experiences.
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my life after Near Death Experiences: 08/01/2003 - 08/31/2003
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Saturday, August 30, 2003

---a tempest in a tea pot!

Yes, if your read the Usenet threads, the message boards, and even your local Comments in your comments box, let alone in other weblogs and livejournal entries.....you will find many "tempests in the teapots"! This is where there are a whole bunch of people who are *very* VERY upset about something and they flame away at "the other side"!
-----I call this "tempest in a teapot" as out side of the coffee-cup or teapot, no one knows anything about the "war", or could care less!

two cockroaches duking it out in a coffee cup, on the third shelf, in your kitchen: very intense, within a two inch square, but Does One Care, 500 feet away, out on the street?!

*this* is something like that "Sai Baba sex thing", that I wrote back about two posts ago, here!

Oh the devotees are hopping mad!! Their precious Guru is said to be a Standard sex offender: with zillions of proofs! Most of the rest of us knows nothing about this, of course. Here, a Guru with millions of followers, in India [200,000 swarm to see him, when he visits major cities: Time magazine doth not write one word!], here a major major Guru is accused of the very "worst" of the 'sex sins"!

the articles that I condensed and linked to, are of one person's "explanation" as to how baba is "not guilty"! Is this writer True? I am not going to say "yes".....I am interested in the Drama...you would have to choose yes or no, here.
there *are* a few westerners who care about baba. But how can they cope with 200 articles that say things like this:...

.>>>>>"- In January 1999 I got in touch with a Swedish boy, who had had six interviews with the swami. I noticed that the boy was shaken. He told me about the same things that had happened to me. It was about masturbation - the swami opened the boy's trousers and started to masturbate him - but no penetration. The boy withdrew but the swami insisted. Then the boy turned to a medical doctor and asked for help, but because of his age the doctor had never been exposed to the swami's improper advances, so he told the boy that he must have misunderstood the situation.

If I had to "defend" baba, I would have to say this.....and no other sites have I found, that say this, either....
I read once an obscure speech by baba, where he was ranting to a "inner circle" of devotees, sometime around 1990, or so.
"Ranting"...as baba was Mad!! He was mad, he says, because, as of 1990 [or 1998...or so]
most of the devotees at his huge Ashram, were caught up in worshipping his body-form! They were "stuck" on the outer form of baba, and not the Inner baba, he says.
"love, goodness, truth, have no form, and that is what I am"....baba more or less said, there.
baba then said...."this has GOT to Cease: NOW"!

here is my guess, sports fans: that he made this sex-scandal so that his form is so soso repugnant that everyone takes his picture off of the wall and burns it in Disgust!
*IF* baba claims to BE "love...goodness...truth", then his form is irrelevant: would ya buy the cup or the coffee?? Once the cup full of coffee is made, then the delivery system, this cup, is not needed anymore: it is the coffee that counts!

here most of the Ashram devotees were stuck on the "cup"!

baba makes *very* sure that the cup is seen as now being very very worthless...NOW you can toss it out!


"Wholeagain resource guide.
----this link leads one to a *HUGE* list of links for *just* channeled material!!
If you are interested in channeled writings, be very very very sure to check this one out!!

Friday, August 29, 2003

There. One of the most interesting articles about "why is Sathya Sai baba faking materializations and
having SEX with his devotees, men...women...boys!!

[thse two articles are EXCERPTS, please go to the link to read the two *long* articles, if you are interested in this!]

P O T E N T E V I D E N C E :
W H O is Sai Baba?
by R. D. Awle

False Materializations?
Some people have accused Baba of “faking” materializations, saying, for instance, that they have seen Him clandestinely pull a ring from under His cushion and then wave His hand and pretend to miraculously manifest the ring. Although these stories may just be more lies from the jealous ones, let’s assume, for the sake of discussion, that Baba does occasionally throw some cheap magic tricks in among His miracles, and allows a few devotees to glimpse His sleight of hand. What could be the reason for it?

First of all, there could be many devotees whom Baba wishes to bless with a faith-enhancing gift, who are simply not karmically ripe enough to receive a divinely manifested object. (Most souls in this age are immersed in dense worldly ignorance, and are neither spiritually ready nor karmically deserving to witness genuine miracles.) So, although Baba definitely has the power to manifest anything He wishes, and transform one object into another with a single puff of His breath (something He has proved time and time again for decades), for certain souls He might instead engage in a bit of beginner’s magic, and pull a ring from under His cushion rather than materializing it. This would enable those devotees to receive the gifts from His hand that they craved, thereby giving their faith a boost, while satisfying the requirements of the Law of Karma.

By allowing one or more devotees to glimpse the trick, my guess is that Baba would simply be exposing a doubt that was already lurking within their minds, bringing it to the surface so it could be faced directly - and in the process giving them a severe test. I imagine He might be saying, ‘So, you claim to be My devotee! But after all these years of experiencing my omniscience and omnipresence and witnessing my miracles first hand, and after hearing and reading thousands of accounts of the healings and blessings I have bestowed on others - you still doubt Me? Then perhaps you are not worthy to be My devotee. Here, you see? I am a fake! I have pulled the ring from under the cushion! Now, isn’t it best you leave Me and begin denouncing Me to the world? Then other immature souls will also stay away. V e r y happy!’

When the doubting devotee is thus challenged, he will either make the choice to leave Baba, or else receive the grace to remember Baba’s Divinity, infinite power and mischievous nature - and then cast aside all doubts and emerge with fully renewed faith. Using such a test, Baba can filter out devotees whose faith is only ‘miracle deep’ and shallow in true devotion and understanding, while retaining more mature devotees whose faith and devotion are based on a profound soul experience of who He is - a faith unshakable by such leelas. (I would guess that only those of the second variety are ready for the full-out quest for Self-Realization, the ultimate Gift, the one Baba took birth to give.)
Another possible outcome: by shocking a devotee out of his ‘miracle-based faith’, Baba’s tricky test could serve as a wake up call from the duality laden Guru-disciple dream, breaking the devotee’s attachment to worship of the external Guru, and leaving him with no recourse but to put all his focus on the non-dual Atman - which is, after all, the true spiritual goal. Through that sudden shift of focus onto the Self within, the devotee just might find Baba in a whole new way; it could even propel him all the way to Enlightenment - to the permanent realization that Paramatma Sai is his own indwelling ‘I’

SAI BABA and SEX: A Clear View
by Ram Das Awle

Over the last couple of years, a number of people have alleged that Sathya Sai Baba has been engaging in sexual contact of various kinds with some of His devotees. These allegations have gathered force on the internet, creating a storm of doubt for many of Sai Baba’s devotees around the world.

So, when I first heard the allegations of His sexual contact with devotees, my mind reeled: How is it possible? Isn’t He a Divine Incarnation? Have I been deceived?? I struggled very hard to understand, prayed day after day, and gradually gained some clarity of vision. Maybe some of my understandings can benefit you.

Last night there was a dimly recalled dream. Probably, almost certainly, partly in Spirit. There, in my dream, was a meeting with me and other people, in a house and the leader of this group somehow had a conversation with me.
This person was a "RAP Master" of some sort. As if, he were also "out of body", and on earth, he was a leading performer of Hip-Hop and Rap music.

Some of his slang, I never ever have heard before!

What strikes me as amazing, sports fans, is that I am a white 62 year old man! Next week I am signing up to move to a senior Residence!! "shuffleboard court on premises"!!
Yes, while this dream is SO dimly remembered that I cannot intelligently comment upon it, except that I was with a group of Rappers, meeting very positively with them, gives to me a certain kind of


----knowings that here on earth, in my remaining years, I cannot ever be "predijuced" about anyone or of any group, or of any belief system! I will meet them in heaven, some day! I must always keep a very open mind, to try to see the goodness of anyone or of any group, as I will have heavenly
to these people, after I die!
---I already have sat with "white robed Muslims", in out of body experiences, and at least one or two of the experiences, the local was either in Afghan or Iraq!
------leading Intellectuals?

------Taliban leaders?!!
[why oh why would I have long talks with Taliban/Alqeada people??!!!!!]
I might have some *very* big surprises, after I die, as to who and whom my spirit buddies are?!!
and, I gotta be ready for *that*, now, while I am alive!

Thursday, August 28, 2003

That was sure Something: looking at senior residences, and finding out which ones to rent in!

On the very same day, last week, TWO of them had an apartment for me!! [I had sort of "let life and fate and Spirit, direct me to have the very first one that has an opening "have me"!] but on the same day, I got notice of an opening: now I had to CHOOSE! Just about one day to make that choice.

and what a difficult Difficult choice it was too!
---"Georgia belle"...Old Tallahassee Culture-people, mostly white middle-upper class. The apartments are *very* small, really one room efficiency, and me with my two computers and 40 games! The heat and air tend to be influenced by other rooms about me.
----"Bethel towers" Funded and run by a black church. 80% black residence renters. Large large one-bedroom.
this place has far far more "soul", perhaps, than the other.

so which one, and I had one day to choose?!!

I chose.
or, rather, it was "chosen for me", if I valued my health and sanity above "soul"!!

*this* weblog entry could really be titled..."in making that purchase or renting that place, be sure *ALL* the subtleness are taken into an account: try to stress-test everything, before you commit!

I asked the manager to let me look at the Bethel tower apartment again. The tower is just off of one of the main arteries
of Tallahassee, Tennessee street. Six lanes and buzzing with cars, trucks, busses, from 6 am until 2 am. The way that the tower is set up, my bedroom is on the third floor, at the corner that is the closest to the street: actually the very closest point in the whole building! All of 50 to 60 feet from the street, and oh those west winds will carry that exhaust fumes into my room for sure, big time!! 60 feet from six lanes of bumper to bumper traffic!
None of this was apparent from just walking around the halls or even while in the apartment: when I opened the window and listened, all I could hear was that angry GROWL of traffic, endless anger-snarl-buzz, every second, every minute!!
[I wonder what the effect upon my mood would have been if I listened to that angry growl of traffic, for hours and hours per day and all night too?! *what* would it do to my Soul?!


So the soul-filled Home had a toxic trap to it! I rented an apartment in my 1997 hometown of Interlaken, New York, in such a way! It was on the second floor of a place that was ten feet from a state highway-main street! The exhaust fumes really got to me, made me realize why my sister Suanna told me how she passed up a nice hilltop house because the road was right next to it, and the fumes bothered her!
thus, "soul", while good in the abstract, in my case, I had to turn away. When one has a lung disability, like people who have "conditions", often the "choice" is made for them, where to live and what to do....If they *want* be be able to be healthy!

so next week or so, I will Move. By the 10th or 15th.
So here this here freestone will walk into the place, probably I will have to carry, at first, my roomkeys in my hands so that the "little old ladies" will not think that I am an intruder!! Most people there are in "their twilight years"!
I see walkers and canes and lined faces, of 70 to 80 year olds! Here, I feel like a "kid" at 62!
I see "culture shock", as this is the place where there is
"shuffleboard court on premises"!
I probably will not post so much, during the 5th to the 15th of September, as I move!
I suppose that I could get a phone, now, or Cable, but at $60 per month?!!!!
Gotta have $50,000 per year, to be able to enjoy the Toys, I guess....

so this here, somewhat Autistic, guy, will soon move into a senior tower. 5th floor, at that.

Tuesday, August 26, 2003


NYTimes.com > Opinion

David Margolick is a contributing editor at Vanity Fair.
The Seeds of a Summer Revolt

AG HARBOR, N.Y. — Maybe it ran on the obituary page and I just missed it. But a notable death has apparently occurred, and has thus far gone unrecorded. The venerable watermelon — the one with seeds — has died, of entirely unnatural causes. It was at least 5,000 years old, and lived, well, fondly in our memories.

For a long time, watermelon as we have known and loved it has been an endangered species. Everywhere you look these days, whether in state-of-the-art supermarkets or those quaint "farm stands" whose fruit often comes out of the same crates from the same California conglomerates, all you see is the newfangled "seedless" variety. Where I live, only one store held out, and there I'd always go.

But the other day I learned, much to my horror, that it, too, had succumbed. On the shelf were nothing but those anemic, emaciated slices of pseudo-watermelon, with no black seeds in sight. No one wanted real watermelons anymore, the woman there told me matter-of-factly. Seeds, it seems, are inconvenient. What had already befallen oranges and grapefruit, with predictably disastrous, deflavorizing results, had spread.

And spread not to just any old fruit. Watermelon, at least as nature meant it to be, is one of those foods like raisins or olive oil or maple syrup that is very nearly perfect as is. It is tasty, sweet, crunchy, nutritious, and fun — cotton candy without the calories or cavities — which is why it has always been a summertime staple.

They were harvesting them 5,000 years ago in Egypt. The word has been in English dictionaries at least since 1615.

But watermelon had seeds, and until recently that never posed a problem. Suddenly, however, we have grown impatient with them. Seeds are a nuisance. They're messy. So you do away with them, and if the essence goes with it, who will care? Or even notice?

This is not yet another screed about genetically engineered food, but a matter of aesthetics. The new watermelons taste tasteless. They lack the texture and tang of the real thing. Even the crystallized inner core, whose whitened chunks break off so deliciously, is only a simulacrum. These newfangled strains have but one advantage: they can be consumed more quickly and easily.

It is also a matter of tradition, and history. What is summer without spitting out watermelon seeds, either on a plate, or on the ground — by August, some of them would inevitably sprout, even those spat out on sand — or at your brother, or an inch farther than anyone else? Or chewing on, or swallowing a few, by mistake, and worrying whether they'd take root in your stomach? The wimpy white seeds they've not yet managed to eliminate entirely — give them a few more years, and they surely will — have no throw weight at all.

Americans love not only to eat a lot, but to eat easily. And prettily. They would rather buy something that looks perfect than tastes perfect. Someday soon, I suppose, there will be apples without cores and peaches without pits. Eat up the old kind while the going's good.

Conventional watermelon will not disappear entirely, of course. A few farmers will still grow them, catering to the carriage trade. You will still be able to find them abroad. Perhaps Restoration Hardware will carry them, alongside the likes of Ovaltine and Ipana toothpaste. Or they will be featured in those tiny advertisements in the backs of glossy magazines, like Omaha steaks or Mackinaw fudge, available for overnight delivery.

But who among us will be able to afford the postage?

I see something like this coming, in my own life, sports fans!!!!

I am applying to live in one of the local "towers", senior residences. There are at least two of these places, in this city.
These are places where everyone is over 62, and usually federal funded HUD-for-seniors.
one of the towers, in their brochure, says..."shuffleboard courts in the courtyard"!

Yesterday, i find that there is an aprtment at BOTH of them! at once!
One of the towers is real big. they have a monthly calandar of activities, every day is filled with something to do.

yes, suppose i live there? I will have to set up my apt, walk about, try the activities, talk with the people, get to know people. volenteer for helping seniors with their computers, walk in the city park, etc...etc..etc..etc..etc..etc...

What I am saying is that there might be some a real possibility that i will not have a single SECOND free to even LOOK at the internet!! all my day will be filled with" real life", and i may need 100 hours a day just to take advantage of the Richness of expereinces availible!! i may just let my yahoo mailbox fill up with "wicked screensaver" mails, at 150k per letter! not post anymore to my weblogs....just let all the paid subscriptions Expire...

REAL LIFE could fill up my day, my weeks, my year!
One senior residence, will have a much larger series of programs than the other, and if i get living in that one, i may not have a moment of free time!
--coffee with one or 30 of the 150 seniors.
----long long talks with other people.
.................................i could fill twenty sheets of paper with what i could be doing in the next year!!

"just Connect eh, with your own phone in your own apartment"...you might tell me!

I do not have a phone. i do not have a internet connection, thusly, and phones and connections cost the earth, for someone who lives on a $700 a month disibility pension!!! thus i use the public library and to walk to one takes the whole moring, thus i need a whole morning free, just to use the internet! I *might* be able to get a senior phone discount, and connect at the senior center but then there is the problem of all the time time time time time that it can take to get an internet account activated!! can take days and days.

so i can well SEE how for many people, something has to give: NO SEEDS in their melon even if the melon tastes like mush! some people just tear off the hamburger that they bought at the drive-through, in their car, as they try to chew it down between cell phone calls!
taste is utterly irrelevant! so many of us really DO need a day of 100 hours long, each and every day!

ya gotta choose, then, what to give up! accepting one thing, will mean that another thing must go. only time for just so much.
I have very few aquatainces, let alone friends...as each and every minute of their day is


like my one good friend: he has five kids. an alzeimers father living with him and the wife. *each* kids goes to a different school. then there are the extra-school activities and my friend is a soccer coach. he manages five properties and is buying another.
"life is Maintance"...is something veryvery real, to him....why it akes 45 minutes per morning just to get papa into his wheelchair! my Friend *IS* busy, i see him about once every two weeks, and he has to carve out that time, letting go of something else!

thus...if i soon live in a senior center, i must accept that i may have to cease anything to do with the internet, except to do research upon something in my daily life, that pertains to what i need to live with, in the "real world"!!

so, if i all but cease to post, in my weblogs...I probably have not died, i have only just begun to live a "real life", in the world!!

Friday, August 22, 2003


the weblog
"Where is Raed ? "
---the weblog from Bagdad, writing about the war and the aftermath....
I found his e-mail address, on his site and I wrote to Raed, a letter: maybe it will get there, maybe it will be read by him.
But I will post my letter here, as it deals with my feelings about the mess, there.
I apologize for my "Autism, I have a bit of asperger syndrome, I think only in pictures, so that I have trouble writing about "politics" as there are NO pictures in "politics"!
here is the letter....

"the West won the world not by the superiority of its ideas or values or religion but rather by its superiority in applying organized violence. Westerners often forget this fact, non-Westerners never do."
----------[quote from the header, on his site.]

Samuel P. Huntington

Where is Raed ? ....the weblog of yours....

Hello "Mr Raed"!

I am a resident and citizen of the united states, living in the state of Florida, the capital city of Tallahassee. I am 62 years old.

I have a weblog also.
"my life after near death experiences"
[*some* of what I will write here, will also be posted there, as some of what I write, is "not personal to you"!]

I have read a bit of your Journal, and I am dismayed. dismayed about the whole war thing! All of it, from Saddam's removal of the Marsh people, removing the marsh itself, in the process, to the whole American invasion-thing!

I see no solution except yet more killing, more deaths.

Here is my "view from 5,000 miles away"!

The U S, like in Viet nam, has two options, I feel.
One...to invade TOTALLY, do a real big thing about it, becoming repressive in just the same way as the oppressor. 100 times the number of troops and 100 times the amount of "tortures of civilians"! Enforce strict codes of law, wipe out every bit of resistance.

two...Leave. Leave with a completeness and let everything free-fall into whatever will occur, just like in back in 1000 A D, when there were no red cross or UN! Let the 400 tribal groups go at it, "population control: thin the herd"!! Let anarchy rule, let the place be like Somalia!
In other words the US and the west would just let all of the interest groups of your part of the world fight it out amongst themselves.
[I read that many, in the CIA, during the first invasion, in 1992, really did not want to kill Saddam
as if he were killed, the vacuum would exist and then dozens of tribals groups would fight it out, in that vacuum! The US was just hurting, with Somalia, about then, and there were fears that Iraq would become ANOTHER "Somalia"!!]
well: that *is* option two...let Iraq become a Somalia!

[a poem written by a Somalian..."I and my clan against the country.
I and my family against my clan.
I and my brother against my family.
I hate my brother!!]

either *that* *or* a complete annexation of Iraq *AS* a western country.....which Will Not Work!

thus, I see no solution and the problem as I see it is far far far deeper than this! There are two civilizations, here, and they are a bit like..."two male dogs, or two Roosters, in a small room: only room for one"!!
In these days of
there can be only one civilization, I fear!!

think..."The Muslim invasion of Europe, in the dark ages...The Crusade mentality and the Armageddon mentality!
[i.e...if the Muslim world had all those 10,000 nuclear
missiles that 1968 Russia had....All of us, will have now been TOAST, burnt to a nuclear crisp, in a world wide war of total mutual destruction!!

yes, the west Invades...Even without the "Reasons of weapons of mass destructions"!
that is your, your people's Telling, and the
Samuel P. Huntington's quote, from the beginning of the letter, "our" tendency to Violence.

and, yes..."we" see that there are members of your people that will not rest until the whole world bows to Allah! *MUST* bow to Allah!
written in the very DNA, so to speak, that this must be so, in the heart of all the believers.

I am NOT very articulate, Mr Raed, as I suffer a bit from Autism and I type only 5 words per minute: I am NOT a "political person"....Thus I have trouble, here...

but what I see is a picture of two charging camels, both charging towards a huge rock, that neither sees...And the camels are "out of control". They both will collide with each other and the rock, at the same time.
Blood may flow like a river, from many countries and
in two or five years, the whole world may see the sun set on what they call "civilization!!

I see, that there are greater forces at work than what President Bush ever thinks: he too is a "puppet" with the strings of influences, controlling him.

there are corporations that are larger than most world governments. Thus "globalization" and "one-world economy", WILL RULE!
[there cannot BE two civilizations in a "one world economy"!!]
Will be the Plan, then, that Directors in boardrooms, say, in Swizterland, put forth! thus "oil" and "materialism" influences Presidents to Act.

but there is a even greater Illusion that drives even these Corporations to act upon governments!

which is...

That the Tombstone, is a dead end and not a door!!

As long as people think that there is no afterlife, no heaven, thus no God...no God's Love for humanity, and no God's Laws, for us to live by...
MONEY and Power
count for all. Is all there is and whoever has the most WINS!!!!

would Saddam or Bush act the way they do if they knew that there is a heaven?! That they will live there someday and for a very very *VERY* long time! They will have a huge surprise, when they "die" and then find that they are not dead!

I have, myself, been Given the Grace of being taken by AngelGuides, to have seen some of the heavenplaces.
I have spoken to some of my relatives, there...two way conversations!
[some of these experiences I have written up at

As long as there are no livings with God, in one's life, and as long as there is no Knowing that there is an afterlife, after death, the Material world will be seen as an end, as the all-important thing.
---and more, are seen as being all important, when the physical world is seen as the only real thing.
very few leaders, from your country or from mine, seem to even be aware of this....Even in your country, the MYSTICS called "Sufis" were persecuted without mercy, for most of the East's history!! Many of these Mystics wrote extensively about the soul and of the afterlife: their beliefs were not according to Doctrine...thus "persecutions" soon followed!

no soul.
most of the west's people do not believe in the existence of one's soul that will live eternal.
I more than "believe"...I "KNOW"...That the afterlife exists and that all of these leaders, soldiers, involved, will be there. Some of "heaven", though, is NOT a "nice place"!! I have seen some of that too...
Thus if there is a soul, in each of us, there has to be God's laws, and God's Love, and Goodness must be our ways...If there is an afterlife that depends upon how life is lived here on earth.

our life here attracts
a certain afterdeath heavenland that corresponds to that life that we lived here on earth.

some of my thoughts on the mess in Iraq!!


Thursday, August 21, 2003


I remember something, yesterday, from years ago. I worked at Strozier Library, as a mail clerk, for over a year. I had my 6 am smallbreakfast, at the Sweet Shop, then walked to work. The toast was always
ROMAN MEAL BREAD. Real good, this bread, especially in the dark Days of 1971! The best commercial bread of the day, perhaps, that could be bought anywhere in the country. Made by the Cornell ag department, I think. Then sold to some company. Anyway, real good bread. Had it each and every morning, with jam.
about four or five months later, I began to notice that the bread was having strangle tastes, and this taste was showing up in each order. Got worse and worse, as the months went by, I gritted my teeth, to order it....then gave up, as by now the bread tasted of "nuttin but chemicals"!!

Only *now* can I see why this bread Changed.
the bread did *NOT* change: what happened is what happens when ya enter a kitchen and you smell the rich, strong, aroma of, say, cooking onion and vegie strew. As you stay in the kitchen a while, you "get used to" the smell, and then the smell of the baking bread begins to show up as the onion smell covered it up, even though the bread smell was still there....the nose smell organs "got used to" the onions so that they were no longer detected; the undertones then began to appear. Eventually even the bread smell "got used to", so that the coffee smell shows up. After that, the garbage smell shows!
now....what was causing my Roman Meal bread to change tastes was the same reason as above, BUT THRU TIME!
that is...my brain, as I ate, daily, the bread, my brain eventually "got used to" the taste, then the undertastes began to show up! Took months and months, but eventually that "goodness' taste was "used to", so that the brain detected the next level of "taste" below that, in intensity....then the brain would detect the taste below *that*....the "chemicals"!!

I suddenly saw how my "favorite" tune-of-the-day, turns to "how-hum" after about a month...then even to disgusts, as I hear it over and over again, on commercial radio, every day! If I listen to a good song, for a long enough time, "it turns sour", as "I get used to it"!

All of a sudden, Bigger Issues are seen.......!!

the 1966 to about 1974 timeperiod, saw wonderfully creative music and a free-er way of Possibilities. The music, alone, was a model for all the rest of the "hippie-new age" way of changes.
Ah...the free-form 'flower music' of the haight-asbury days.
then it went to even larger styles..."Acid rock"
then to heavy metal...
down to Punk Rock.
Gunge rock, is next...followed by Hip-hop
Today it is..."Gangsta"

"gangsta"...as in...."what the two gangs did to each other after Michael Jackson leaves that warehouse, in "Beat It"!
Pure anger, *AS* the tone and rhythm.....the "whitety version" is the "new music" where if you tune across the dial, across the New Music station, all you will hear is a cry of
*anytime* that you cross that dial-spot!!
anguished anger.

how did the Octave Go Down?

to me, Simple. Roman meal bread!! The same process is at work, with our music and our culture!!
*this* is why "all good things go Down and Go bad"!

we all start at the "high Ideals" levels, of "goodness, love, Wisdom, creative-adventures", and then we all "get used to it"!
then the octave falls down down down.....down to the very BOTTOM of the collective unconsciousness!
Only the very very ROOT of being, like those bread-chemicals, now is noticed and is liked!
ya hear it in the music and you see it on Fox network as the Troops Enter....
ya get "9-11" and you get terrorism!
soon, it will be..."one man with one gun, against the whole world"!!

what we all may need, soon, *desperlately*...is "the Next new Thing", to start the creative, "high ideal", process anew: a new BRAND OF CULTURAL BREAD!! If we do not get it soon, "Somalia" may be our collective future!!
Complete meltdown: everyone against everyone, only Primal Urges are "real"...the very Bottom of "hell" is the "only taste in town" that will exist, for us, as hell itself emerges into the light of day-consciousness!!

Monday, August 18, 2003

I get a newsletter in my mail, that is *very* interesting!!

It is the newsletter from the GEAE people...
Advanced Study Group of Spiritism
Founded on October 15th 1992
The Spiritist Messenger - Monthly Electronic Report of the GEAE Group
GEAE 8th year - Number 41 - distributed: August 2003

"The Spiritist Messenger" is a monthly newsletter that exists as a living laboratory where GEAE's members participate in publishing essays, texts, articles, commentaries and inquiries about Spiritism and its consequences in our everyday life. It also brings news, general information and assists various Spiritist organizations from around the globe in promoting their activities, seminaries and workshops. "

Brazilian, i think....."GEAE means, in english...."the group for advanced studies in Spiritism", i belive.

There is a famous Spiritists writer, Francisco C. Xavier , has written many many channeled books, over thew years, in brazil: unknown in the west, otherwise!



By Andre Luiz, through Francisco C. Xavier
(Translated from the 25th Portuguese edition entitled "Nosso Lar". First Portuguese edition published in 1944 by Federação Espírita Brasileira, Rio de Janeiro, RJ, Brazil.)
----from this newsletter, i have included, in this journal, two, to me, Incredible writings, descriptions of earthbound spirits, who "died", but could not accept either death, or the afterlife!!

[severly snipped: see the "spiritist messenger' link, on the page of

http://www.geae.inf.br/ and then click on the "The Spiritist Messenger 041 " link at the top of that page, for the full excerpt!]

Chapter 29 -

"The poor boy entered the spirit sphere after an accident due only to his own carelessness. He was excessively attached to his physical body, and for days he wouldn't leave his grave, refusing to conform to his new state. So deep were his delusions that he spent a long time desperately trying to raise his stiff body. He was terrified at the idea of facing the unknown, and utterly unable to muster even the slightest detachment from his physical sensations. Aid from higher spheres was of no avail he had closed his mental zone against all thoughts of eternal life. At last, the worms made him experience such atrocious pain that the unfortunate creature ran away from his tomb horrified, only to begin a dismal wandering in the darker regions of the Lower Zone. However, those who had been his parents on Earth enjoy considerable credit over here, and through their intercession he was rescued by the Samaritans who brought him, almost by force, to our Colony. His condition is so serious that he won't be able to leave the Chambers of Rectification for a long while. The friend who had been his physical father is now engaged in a difficult mission far from the Astral City."

"Does he come to see the patient?"

"Yes, he has already come twice, and each time I was deeply moved by his silent grief. The boy's mental disorder is so great that he didn't even recognized his generous and devoted father. He kept crying pitifully, under painful delusions. His father, who had come to visit him accompanied by Minister Padua of Communication, showed emotional fortitude while in the presence of the Minister to whom he owed his unfortunate son's hospitalization. They spent some time commenting on the spiritual condition of the newcomer. But when Minister Padua was called away unexpectedly, apologizing to me for his human gesture, he knelt by his son's bed, taking the boy's hands into his own, holding them tightly as if to transmit some invigorating vital fluids, kissed the boy's forehead, and wept. I couldn't keep back my tears, so I felt the room. I don't know what happened, but I noticed that from that day, Francis has been steadily improving. His condition of total insanity has been reduced to occasional crises, which are gradually diminishing."

"How touching this is." I exclaimed, deeply impressed, "But how can his corpse pursue him?"

"Francis' visions," she explained, "are nothing but hallucinations. Many spirits suffer from them after physical death. Those who are excessively attached to their material body, who make it the center of their existence, living only through it and for it, cannot abandon their corpses when called to the real life. They do not accept the idea of spirituality, and struggle desperately to retain their physical bodies. In time, however, voracious worms drive them away. Then, horrified, they fall to the opposite extreme. The sight of their own corpse, a strong creation of their own minds, torments them to the innermost recesses of their souls. They live in crisis for more or less lengthy periods of time and many suffer acutely until the ghost-corpse they have created totally disintegrates."

Noting how deeply affected I was, .........snip.

Friday, August 15, 2003

Oh those Huge headlines!

they said, years ago, that a blackout can never occur again!

I was, this morning, a few minutes ago, in my 7 am coffee shop, and the usual guy comes in, who is one of the Administrators of the university, one of the men who are on the outer ring of the inner circle of the management, there, at FSU.
I told him....."ya know, the first blackout, in 1965, was on November 9th, a 9-11, just like the trade center: *another* "9-11, only this was "11-9"!
he replied, a bit ANGRY; "I do NOT want to hear any of this pseudo mumbo-jumbo
that smacks of occultism"!! [huge reaction, I had to walk to the bathroom and then come out and change the subject immediately! Only "length, breadth, height"---"materialworldnesstalk", for HIM, from now on!
[like for *MOST* people, nearly *all* people, all of the time...I will now do!]

Could I even begin to talk to him about how there are 28 days between this blackout and the 9-11 trade center event, where the trade center was 28 years old, when it fell?!


I gave this a bit of thought, on my way to this keyboard, and now I have a Story, that gives my feelings.
I lived, again, in my hometown of Interlaken, NY, back in the 90s. Right on main street, next to the business section, a town so so small that the post office at the end of the business section was 400 feet from a corn field! Maybe 600 people and every ten years sees ONE new house built!
I immediately discovered how the biggest industry in town was the Rumor Mill, and that everything that you do, feel, think, affects everyone around you!
One day as I walk along the sidewalk, I see a nail on the sidewalk and I lean over to pick it up. A older lady happens to be near her window, in her house, and she sees me pick up this nail, and this good act makes her day. Later that day, her daughter comes by to visit and she tells her daughter about my deed. That night I go to my Wednesday special meal at the town cafe. "beef stew" is that special. I order it and I am pleasantly surprised that instead of three pieces of meat, in the stew, I find five large hunks of meat!
Little did I know that this older woman's daughter is a cook in this cafe, and she saw me order that stew!! Of course, I cannot connect that extra helping of meat with that deed, I do not even know this young cook, let alone seeing her working in that kitchen! I might just attribute that good fortune to "happenstance"!
----everyone is linked together. Everyone is part of that Vine that is of the Christ!
tis easy to see this in a small town: in a city this works too....

look at all the connections between the deaths of Kennedy and Lincoln! I feel such events show our interconnectedness, rather than of a "conspiracy"! Thus it is the same with the "trade center"! Probably *each* and *every* "disaster", in our future, will have some synchronized relationship with "9-11"!

Thus, my point of this post, is that I see from these "numbers" about the trade center and the blackout, that I am being shown that we all are interconnected, truly!
Thus whatever I do, say, think, feel...will affect everyone around me. As I am affected, in turn, by everyone else's deeds and thoughts! And that anything that I do, in life, Will have Consequences into other people's lives!

On the box of 22-caliber bullets, when I was a kid, and bought bullets to go shoot squirrels with, there was a warning...
---a good slogan analogy for what I am writing: the range of connections and affects, go far far far beyond my horizons! What you do, affects far far beyond ....the ripples from that dropped stone, go out and out and out.

thus, any Collective events, like the "9-11" will echo and reverberate into each and every other collective event, also!

Thursday, August 14, 2003

Here I was, about ten minutes ago, trying to copy a paper on the Library copyier, a study in frustration. no matter how carefully i study how to use it, i always place the paper in the wrong way.
If i read 20 minutes or if i just jump in and just do it, it makes not a bit of difference! each copy machine is different and they change them all the time.

the guy next to me told me of how his father cannot use the computer commands on his car, i told him in return that i read of a New York Times car reviewer who found that on his test car, that all the commands for everything were on one input system: took

32 descrete commands

to get a radio station to play!! make just one mistake and ...do it all over!
Too, he found, that one must bend down and pay utter utter attention to this and not even look at the road! Gotta pull over in the parking lot, i guess, and spend an hour to get your radio to play *A* station!

So what i do with all copy machines is to just place the paper in rthe machine and when it comes out "bad", the copy, then i have feedback and i do it again...sometimes two or three times.

I feel for the people with those "remotes' for their tv, and stuff! whatever happened to dials and buttons?!

Wednesday, August 13, 2003

---a comment in my comment box, a comment about that old man bent over double, with breathing problems...

like this entry... it reminds me of an old man I used to see all the time in downtown hollywood - he lived under an interstate bridge and social workers came once a month with nurses to check up on him... then one day I never saw him again.

Yes, I can "reply" to this comment, here...

when my father was about 72, he had, by then, about five heart attacks and his blood pressure was off the charts, due to 40 years of working with Lead filled products. All that blood pressure had stroked his brain into
[if senile-ness is a room, there are many doors: one is alzeimers, another is stroke-damage!]

no long term memory at all, he could only remember things that happened about when he was ten or twenty. He actually was, at 72, about "7 years old"!

One day, on a long walk, I had an Inspiration, about my father Dudley. I had known him, of course, all of my life, and I could recall many of the "amazing exploits" of his lifetime of his 72 years.
Like a poetic Expression, a "poem" of sorts, was inspired.....

----Ya, look upon your father, freestone, look at him in the Nursing home.
But remember that a river is measured by its high water marks, and a pole vaulter
is judged by his highest jump, and a movie is not judged by the three minute credits shown at its end! What you see is a exhausted hulk of a physical body: ye do not see the Accomplishments of his soul, that were done throughout his lifetime of 72 years! We all, who tend to Judge a person by 'appearances", only see what is before us *now*; an old man in a wheelchair in the Home! We see not his soul, his soul that will bring all of the accomplishments back to his TrueHome, in heaven!------

Yes, I often see "ruined" old people, people who now must spend every bit of their time in "body managements", just to keep that body going.
I have seen my share of "old people under bridges' too....and this bring to me a STORY!
san Francisco 1967. I had just, that day, been discharged from the Air Force, and had *just* gotten off of the bus, and rented a room in the YMCA for a week. By the time that I had unpacked, I felt supper-hungry, so I walked out onto the street and found a place to eat, late, about 8PM. I was alone, Me and about ten empty tables. I ordered, and soon the meal came. I salted, peppered, sugared, stirred my coffee: I did not see an old man bring his coffee-cup over to my table. He sat down next to me
and he did not even ask me if he could. As soon as he sat there, he looked at me
with "doe-like", tear filled, eyes....and he told me...

"I can cope with loneliness".......

Then he began a monologue: His Life Story. For an hour or more, a "video tape played back, frame by frame, unable to
synthethize any of his life! Thus he had to talk it out, in literalness, like of a movie, and he could not find any "meaning" to it, as this takes a kind of "summarization", which he could not do. I recall, now, that I listened to him for about an hour, all a monologue by him. He wanted to have someone hear out his life, event by event, all of it, each hour spent, his getting up at 7 am on June 3rd of 1917, what he ate for breakfast on that day...eggs, toast [two slices with butter and strawberry jam], coffee, beacon. His walk to work, afterwards after cleaning up the dishes: each building Described, on his four block walk to work. His June 3rd workday....[568 words]...his walk back....his supper...

I told him I had to leave the cafe, and Do Things.
[ I knew that he had about 18,000 more days yet to describe to me!!]
He seemed to be not able to "put two and two together", not be able to summarize his life. I see this often, in our culture: "what you see is all there is".
thus all of what anything is, is only a "video tape", and thus what this old man really wanted, from me, is to have me watch his whole life, each and every moment of it, the Movie of his life, frame by frame!
"what did it mean?"...is a question that he Could Not Ask, of himself!!

perhaps he wanted ME to do that for him!!
[much like some women want their man to do their thinking for her: and some men want their women to do their feeling for him!]

Later, as I walked the nearby streets, In san Francisco, I learned that this ten-block district was filled with cheap hotels and many many cafes, where I peered into the windows to see many 9PM cafe rooms where there were perhaps 20 tables, each with ONE alone person, old person, nursing a coffee-cup

Thursday, August 07, 2003

That man again!

I watched him from half a block away, a study in a kind of "suffering"!

He bends over nearly double. Then he holds that position for about five minutes. Then...he stands up and he walks about ten feet, then he bends over nearly double again. Five minutes later, he stands up and walks another ten feet, then he stops and bends over again!! That position aids his breathing.

Older man, he is....
Six months ago, he could walk sixty feet between three minutes of "bending over".
A year ago, he could walk a block, before stopping.
it is about 400 feet between the bus station and the library where he is headed to. That is...40 times he must stop!!

"emphysema" I am told...a retired post office worker from up north.
he smokes *only* butts that are picked up from the sidewalk! The *MAXIMUM* amount of tar and crud, is in that last end of a butt! He smokes like a fiend.
power-damaging his emphysema lungs!
I wonder how many months he has before he can walk NO feet?!

I have tried to talk to him, try to know him a bit, but he is bitter and not-social!
Rail-thin and raggy....I feel that in his soul as much as in his appearance!

I ponder, a bit, about his karma and the whys of where he is. Surely there is a good post office pension there for him. And could he not smoke? Or at least buy good cigarettes!

too too easy for me to judge him, without knowing much: *this* man is an example of "how one could mis-judge"!

[in the larger context question: some of the homeless...how *does* one Love a porcupine-with-quills?! How does one try to befriend someone who is bitter and
"negative" in each and every vibration sent out? How does one "care' for someone, when the caregiver, me, has five Planets in water, four in Cancer...the rest in the 12th house....sensitive sensitive to all vibrations to the Max: I would immediately *become* that persons pain...pain...pain!!]

if I cannot do this before I die, how can I aid any soul after I die?!

Monday, August 04, 2003

Synchronism, oh synchronism!
I had one yesterday, a Big One!!

I came to Tallahassee in 1960, to go to college, FSU. My parents dropped me off at the dorm, me without a car and 1200 miles away from home. Tallahassee is *nothing* like upstate new York, was a very very mysterious city to me. The southern vegetation...the southern accents...radio stations signed off with "Dixie", in 1960.
Sometimes on the weekends, I would take walks around the city, in 1960, there were no malls, all was downtown, could walk anywhere. There was one house in particular, that struck me as being a SYMBOL of this strange, interesting, part of the country! An old 1850 precivil-war house, with a low stone wall around the front of it about two feet high, made with, I found out later, cemented rocks from ship ballast. The first owner was a ship captain, I think, and he got the rocks from ships that dumped the ballast just for him, ballast from, perhaps even his home city...Edinbough Scotland!
Looked to be "old family" house, to me!
So one October 1960 day I walked past it and I could see, in the yard behind, a ten year old girl in a 1880 creniline, "southern" skirt, with a 1880 hoop: she was rolling that hoop just like in the photos from 1880!!
a real girl? A ghost?! I, being 19, I did not ask...she looked real enough: a time warp...she was living in 1880!!
*that* was the tone of this house......

Over the years, I lived in Tallahassee, on and off: about four years per ten, and *this* time, I have lived her for about five years straight. The house sat empty all of most of this time, I figured the owner was in a nursing home or tied up in Probate. Recently the house was fixed up a bit. Surely old money, and old Founding family, owns it.

this house was...and is...*the* symbol, for me, of the "mysteriousness and wonder" of this Tallahassee part of the country.

Yesterday, on my walk to Barnes and noble coffee shop, I passed this house like I always do. But today I noted something: on one of the two "posts", besides the entrance to the front door...on top of the cemented one-foot-square, made with cemented Scotland rocks....were about a dozen pennies!
All of a sudden, I had a "Spiritual Knowingness"! That someone left a penny there and other people saw it and then they, too, left a penny! One penny per person: a kind of "homage" to the spirit of this house. I reached for my wallet, as suddenly it was apparent to me that if I were to give my penny to the pile, I would be furthering my homage, not to the house as such, but to this Tallahassee area of the country! A kind of "belongedness" I would feel, by my contributions. I would be "contributing" to the "spirit" of all the creative people that I had made for friends...the mysterious plants and atmosphere...the spirit of the nice things about the Past...and of my own contributions that I made, here, over these 43 years.

I *ALWAYS* have at least a penny in my wallet: not today though!! I looked and looked, not a penny to be found. I was mildly shocked: I always always have a penny, if not six of them, and surely, in my five years, this is the very first time without a single penny! Not only *that*, I had not even found one on the sidewalk, I always pick them up!
I walked away.....
and...Suddenly, I *knew* that spirit had "set me up"!!
set me up to tell me a message!! Made very SURE that I had no more pennies....
made sure that I would have none to give....

---and the Meaning became Clear:
No more Tallahassee for me: it is over...over!

1..I could soon move into one of the senior towers, perhaps the 5th floor, far off of the ground.
2...One of the senior "towers" is Verona Village, near my upstate new York town.
3...The closing could be far far sooner than December and no tower would have an opening, so that I have to move away from the city...never...never, to return!
Move to some cheap town, far away, or back to my hometown.
4..As I walk across a parking lot, Lightning could zap me: a million volts on my head...Relocate to HEAVEN!

----at any rate, this Spirit-Given message tells me that my Tallahassee, creative days
are over and done with: I am still here but "sitting on the bench in the bus station, awaiting *a* bus, the "unknown" bus, to an unknown place"!!

been a nice 43 years: I wonder where next?!

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