Thursday, March 17, 2016

Why do relatives shun dementia relatives?

   I discovered something Important about why many relatives of dementia patients do not come to see them or even to send cards or money, they often let one caregiver do it all!

All comes from where my social work lady told me how she knew of several ladies, in a circle of friends, once she had symptoms of dementia her friends dropped her like a rock!

I have noted several cases where a caregiver of an alzeimers relative does it all.  While the others live far away, they do not call, do not help, do not visit very much.

Recently I talked with someone who caregivers and none of her relatives seem to do very much in the way of caregiving.
I told her that it is not that they are lazy and self centered, letting her do all the work of caregiving, it is that the dementia mother reminds them of THEIR vulnerability to dementia!  The genetics alone is scary!  Runs in families.  So they do not want to hear, know, anything about dementia and to stay away is best to not face their possible futures!      
But these people, are all high level professionals and naturalists and professors!  Should they not be more educated and understanding?!
NO!  They more intelligence one has, the more one stands to lose.....!!
Imagine a. College professor , now, in the nursing home, now a baby again, being dependent upon everyone for everything.  Imagine that he cannot now tell time, nor the date or even to know where he is!     To be reduced to a Nothing....
Since there is, often, in these cases, no spiritual life, there is nothing.

Tis a bit like a root canal dentist appointment scheduled for four months away.  Ah...safely four months away.  You do not even look at that calander month, on the schedule calander on your wall.   Only when that month appears do you see it.
Out of sight is out of mind, thus the relatives stay away and even to send a card or donate money REMINDS them!
So I can understand now why there are "uncaring" relatives!   One often has to deny, repress, just in order to be able to live!   Imagine being 45 years old, in a family where every lady gets early onset alzeimers at 50 years old!  A daughter,  being this age, if she always Knew, she might be so paralyzed with fear that she might have a nervous breakdown.   She she represses in order to be able to continue to function.
    Perhaps the only way to embrace such a future and to continue to live well, is to also accept death and to know that there is an afterlife.  To live a spiritual life, In Other words......