Tuesday, September 30, 2008

what is difference between me and the Homeless?

homeless 4, originally uploaded by freestone.

homeless 4
the mural at the Homeless shelter. sometimes there are nearly 200 people here a night, in the winter. a good shelter.
"ALONE ALL ALONE, NO ONE CAN MAKE IT THERE ALL ALONE", is the Title of this mural.


hi all....

Yes I ask myself the Question, the question of the title of my post, "what is the difference between me and the homeless people"?!

I had to, today, ask myself this as on today's bus ride, as I sit up front, when I got off, i nearly stepped upon the foot of a handicapped, older, lady! she had her foot out so so far and my size 12 foot occupied all of the space in the isle.


Seems that I grit my teeth a bit when people walk by and nearly take me out with their umbrellas, their 50 lb briefcases, etc... Now I see that I am no different than they, the other passengars who pay more attention to getting on and off of the bus than they are of the people around them!

"but I NEED to watch only everything but my feet", I would kind of wail, if someone confronted me! How could i even get out of the bus if all i did was watch my feet in utter utter slooooow motion!

like many of the homeless and dysfunctional people, they are in "troubles" and they blame everything else but themselves, am I any different?! is ANYONE any different?!

I once talked for over an hour at an enraged homeless guy and his rage was so great that if he put his finger into an electric socket he would power the city for an hour. what was he so angry about?

why.....How the Mother-F***ers mess with him, disown him, blame everything on him, want him to go away and get him cured *THEIR* way of getting cured!

"yes we will help you if you take Thougbenzibrine three times a day" [gain 50lbs as a side effect!]. I had to end up agreeing 100% with each and every thing that he ranted about.

then how about the guy who was so so angry at a church where the secretary was so put off by his anger "at everything" that he went into the bathroom and shit and then smeared his feces all over the stall and bathroom walls! Goood thing he did not have a gun on him! But his anger might have stemmed from having 4,971 people dislike him because of his global anger and thus as he gets the angrier, more people want him to leave their presence. How could he stop being so? probably have someone take him into their home *as* a child and love him unconditionally

for maybe the rest of his life and if everyone in our country did stuff life this for the dysfunctional, maybe something could get done: but all of us would have to change the way we live 100%, first!

how could anyone install a higher life-purpose into the hearts of a dysfunctional homeless person, if the liberal left does not like "value systems"!

So here I sit, living in a senior home and sometimes i feel as just like them and I wonder how many other people will BE them, if the DOW falls to, say, 7000?!

How am i, or for that matter, anyone else, different than any of the homeless people? in my heart and mind, I probably have committed the same "sins" of negative stinking thinkings, and the same mindsets, as they. I will have to really "work on" from now on, when I see a homeless or dysfunctional person, to feel that there is absolutely no difference between he/she and myself, and for that matter, anyone else around them.

who is to say that the "suited men" with briefcases are really the dysfunctional people?!

when the Emperor is naked and only a few see his skin, the regular people will try to "cure" the seer!


Friday, September 26, 2008

from a game post in elderscrolls forums about which scaling mod people use, in Oblivion: francescos, MMM, or OOO

I got to post it as a type of "pity party" for me, i guess.


this thread is really an interesting Read! I am one of those "casual gamers", br Default as I wimp out for sleepyness at about 8PM, and earlyier if I use my 6PM time for talking to anyone!
much of my free time that I spend at the senior Home, is doing things with and for the other residents. I walk outside a lot, my NA genes Feel freedome to be outdoors in the open air; i cannot sit still in a chair for over 30 minutes! ADD.
Probably I will play the frans though to the end of the game, I have MMM also but maybe I should not use even that one.

There seems to be of several kinds of Players here, one that loves to overcome monsters, wants lots of monsters, good for people with short attention spans.
the other players seems to be the "origin of the mage guild" type of player who loves deep DEEP introvoluted quest mods with a very good story.
I am of that camp. immersion and story. but sometimes it is days before I play between sessions and "poof" the memory of what happened last week has Gone Away!

I See It Now: my Oblivion, and Morrowind too, will be like as if I am a Janitor with an IQ of 90, wandering into a cafe or library where there are books that are far far "above" me, and the people in the cafe all have doctor's degrees and they all are like those two film major kids that I recently overheard at a cafe, where one guy was telling the other guy about the ten foreign films that he saw last month and then he listed who played in each, who directed the movies, and most of the movies that were directed by these directors, plus what movies these actors also played in: all in about two minutes, talking like a mchine gun!!
I, in those two minutes, *might* be able to think of one movie and i would have no idea at all who played in it, or directed it.
Thus, I am tempted to just bash monster heads!! but no......I will not; I will wander around as a tourist, admiring the complexity of it all.

[beginning when I got out of the Air force, in 1968, every single job from then on, whther for years or of one week, was ALWAYS waorking for a lady boss, and always where I was at the very bottom of the employee pecking order. a janitor, for instance. Often everyone in the building was really my boss, thus I will probably approach my Oblivion the same way, as if I was the only freshman level student in a university that only has graduate students, fro other colleges, for students! been this way for exatly 40 years!]

a "rube" in new york city, to the max!!

not to mean to have this a "pity party", I would play, whther i would want to or not, a copy of my life. I might like TIE better, for a overhaul mod! to sneak around and not to disturb the Rulers in charge!
--is not playing a RPG partly in trying new role models?!

I answer with a true story, a story of someone that I knew about who was a grey vibrational clerk in a state office, a most mundane job, filing cabinents was his 1980 way of life.
he did have a dream though, to own a cadillac car!
one day a very very used one came on sale, near where he lived, only $500, and was looking in good condition: he bought it!
but alas, he sold it in three months!
----weeeeeell, he found that he could not live up to his dream! this car "asked" him to become a character that he could not support, after all, he was a grey clerk, not a bon-viant with the ladies who drove fast and took risks!
[never ever wear a hat with more character than your own; I read this somewheres]

I will probably try the "learning of stories and magic" approach, not the "kill anything that moves" way of gaming!


Wednesday, September 24, 2008

The Rock Band Drummer

the Rock band Drummer!

Interesting guy, here, playing the drum. From India.

well known.

Listen to the cuts, especially the first one, the

Of Course this person is Sathya Sai Baba. The site I cannot read, most of this site is a recap of some of baba's teachings.
I found some very very strangely Interesting meditative insights, while I listened to this first cut, the "jai" several minute long piece.
----The feeling came to me, with Images, of some Great Being, the Over self of baba, in all probability, having an argument with the Masters of the Cultivation of the human race. This "dialogue" occurred before baba's birth in 1926.
A *real* strong argument. face to face with the masters and He was in utter disagreements!
the Issue?
---that as it stood, at that [1900?...1820? ????] time, in the upper heavens, the harvest of mankind, collectively, was going to occur at some very very immediate future, maybe like from 1996 to 2030, and that the masters insisted that about 10% to 15%, if that, of the incarnated people were "harvestible"! This meant that only about 10% of earth's people would be able to live in the New heavens to Come, to be able to live there permanently without any further forced earth incarnations. All of the rest were "not ripe", not developed enough in soul and spirit, to be able to live there. thus at this point, humanity would split into TWO groups, the first group would remain upon the incarnation earth cycles for maybe another 12,000 years, and if the earth were made ruined so that few people lived there, this "not passing the grade" 90%
of humanity, would then be transferred to another planet in the galaxy, another planet around another star.
the 10% that was of the "passing grade", are capable of living in the intense high vibrations of this new heaven, created out of the old heavens, just for them. they would then Ascend to live in this spirit plane and never come back again to earth unless for a special mission.
so *this* was what the argument was about: the masters saying that only 10% of humanity was harvestible, and on the other hand, this "pre-baba" insisted that nearly *ALL* of humanity should live there in this new spirit land!! that they *could* live there.
[shades of the woman at the well of Samaria!] that even "bad" people, like of the abortion doctors and child sexers, could somehow be of Worth and be worthey of being harvested!
this Entity wanted a 90% to 99% harvest of humanity!!
He thinks that nearly everyone can live in this new heaven.
Then he Incarnates, in 1926, as "baba"!
*this* is what i got in the "Jai" music, when I listened to it!
the Lament of baba for the 80%-plus, of humanity; that the old guard of the masters would condemn
to not being Qualified.
a heaven only for the Spiritual elite, thusly, they wanted!!
Baba wants a heaven for everyone, no matter how low society might place them, on the pecking order, the class order, or even the Moral order!
Thus somehow he might now be "working" on this.
[I have read that he tells people that there will be no major earthchanges during his lifetime and that he will die around 2021. that there will be a delay in whatever end times that was previously set up, before he was born!]
Did he somehow give a grace period, delaying the end times from 1996, as some major seers have seen?!
[some high entities might *WANT* the end times to happen NOW, as if so, then the rolls of humanity would then become CLOSED, meaning that maybe only the higher ranking moral people might be the only ones there: the longer the delay goes on, the more the chance is that
the "dregs" of humanity might somehow become "saved' and then be able to ascend with everyone else. they want the "riff-raff" to keep out of heaven!!]
the longer the Delay, the more these "dregs" might have a chance. why even the very Demons in hell might thusly be "saved" and will come into the new heaven, to live with the rest of us all!!
thus his real "enemies" are not those who would call him a "sex pervert", his real enimies would be of the likes of the "Sanhedrin", who would oppose him, in his assessments of mankind!
read: "most of the masters and saints of old", many of them with earthly Names prominent in the history books, in the religious and temple books!! some of the very high ascended masters, even!!
a *lot* to get out of one "song"!

Saturday, September 20, 2008

the ruined raspberry patch

The ruined raspberry patch.

Yes, ruined. I, in about 1998, was walking down the rural state highway to my nephew's house; right by the road, 40 feet from his house, was a patch of raspberries, the most "ethereal", and delicious raspberries that i have ever ever eaten. These berries must have been planted even before the 1850 house was built, he had an old raspberry patch in his garden but the berries did not live up to *these* berries along the road. There were never very many of them, as they had to live with the state road crews cutting them down every year. I had no way to take a cutting of them, either.
Well today I saw the biggest ditcher machine they make dig a 20 foot wide ditch along the road, wiping out every plant right down to three feet or more.

My aunt, next door, told the that "they will come back, they always have"!
They never ever did, people! Now every year or so, they come by with that machine to redig that ditch even the deeper.

I was subtly and deeply bothered by this, I Mourned the loss of some fruit that might have been the very very best of its kind, never ever to be seen again unless some "heritage" fruit people find another patch somewheres.

Well i have finally come to terms with those raspberries, i thought of this again today: thus the Post.
These berries gave their lives so that Seneca County could Live!

This upstate new york county, the county that I grew up in and lived in, on and off, became on "hard times" after about 1980. Most of the factories and the Hospital and the Army depot closed. the county is long long long, about 60 to 80 miles long and in fact it is one of about two or three counties where there are two country seats. Most of the jobs are at either end of the county or even further and in my 1998 Interlaken hometown, I knew of a couple where they each commuted 60 miles ONE WAY to work, and he drove south 60 miles and she drove North 60 miles.
This is the Point, people: that as the winter brings from 40 to 100 inches of snow and the blizzard winds can blow at 50 MPH for days and even weeks on end, the roads have to be *utterly* passable so that the few residents can get to work! This state road is by the milder temperature lake so that this road is any one's only Hope, if there is a blizzard and the 10 foot deep and 30 foot long snowdrifts, from such storms, have it where the drift is as hard as concrete! And...every commuter has to be on that road at 5:30 to 7:30 AM, for that 20 to 30 mile commute: that road must be Clear! Thus the ditch is there to catch the snowdrift, and where those raspberries were, the wind has nothing but barb wire fences to slow it down, for over a MILE!! Thus the ditch gets that drift, not the road.

People come first, raspberries a dead last!
Like of those pretty 40 foot oak tress, here in Tallahassee, Florida, where I live, where four of them died in Service to restoring the 150 year old church building! That reconstruction job took a year and the hundreds of heavy duty trucks so so compressed the soil around these trees that they all died: In Sacrifice to the church restoration.

a deep deep Truth, here, people: often something really good is lost, when something else that is good is placed on top of it! Life is Compromise, and which *thing* do you let die, in order to have something else live?!

So these berries gave their lives.


Consider maybe if they were preserved, the road not ditched. there are a LOT of things, people, where I see that if you change one thing, you have to change everything around it! Might have to go back to 1880, people, to live like 1880, men work the farms, women cook, clean, and raise the kids. Yes, many many things are so [a new liked phrase, by me] "integrated systems", that if one thing falls apart, it all falls apart, as everything is connected to everything else.

I read the other day that a lot of long-commuting men, when they get up, they throw a pop-tart into the toaster and as it toasts, they grab their coat and briefcase and they grab this tart as they run out of the door and they SMUSH it into their mouths as they run to the car, to get every second advantage they can, on that 20 mile Urban commute! "awful", you say?!
well.....it is that OR not eat! or rather you want that man to not commute at all, stay home?!
Get up earlier? No. Need every bit of sleep. Maybe to have him stop eating only tarts is to have wife stay home and cook a decent breakfast and he come home for lunch and walk to work.
[I met a man in Rochester, New york, once, in the 70s, he worked 50 years in the same room, and lived three blocks away, now he was 70 or so, still lives where he was born, the house he was born in! *could* we all Go back?! would you want to?!

Buy your raspberries from the mega-mart, shipped from central America!
then enjoy what 2010 can bring to you, in the modern entertainmental sense!


Friday, September 19, 2008

wall of Darkness

wall of Darkness, originally uploaded by freestone.

wall of Darkness
ooooh boy!

sure looks bad bad BAD!

The bark was much worse than the bite!

This mass of dark clouds just looked bad! The area of light is the rain, where the sun shone from behind the rain, as I was looking to the west, about 6 PM. The the immediate left, the sky was clear. The rain came, but only was light, then the sun came out.

But oooh, this image looks SO scary!

tallahassee, florida, usa

Uploaded by freestone on 19 Sep 08, 10.12AM EDT.

Monday, September 15, 2008

the rainbows

the rainbows, originally uploaded by freestone.

the rainbows
a very pretty rainbow, then there is yet another rainbow above it.

Even in a city with the usual parking lots and wires, there is beauty.
Yes, Hope for tomorrow, but you have to be able to look up to see it!

Tallahassee, florida, usa.

Taken about 6 pm, I told the Desk lady, at georgia belle, where I live, about the rainbow, but she was busy with her duties, a phone call. By the time she got out to see it, it was gone. I showed to her the image in the camera view and she wants a print of it.

Uploaded by freestone on 15 Sep 08, 9.22AM EDT.

Saturday, September 13, 2008

the Thunderhead

the Thunderhead, originally uploaded by freestone.

the Thunderhead
Oh llok at this, a thunderhead cloud that has several wind directions, at different atmospheric levels, pulling it "this way" and "that way".

Sunset, tallahassee, florida, usa. Looking Northwards from my 5th floor window.

At this time of year, in the subtropics, here, often I have seen storms nearly pulled apart by the different wind directions at the high altitudes, as the stormcloud grows and ascends upwards.

Uploaded by freestone on 13 Sep 08, 10.16AM EDT.

Monday, September 08, 2008

evening light of a shower

evening light of a shower, originally uploaded by freestone.

evening light of a shower
Looking to the west from the 5th floor, the setting sun illuminates
the rain shower, here in Tallahassee, florida, usa.
Most of this strange setting sun light comes through that hole at the top of the cloud.

That color is "natural", taken as is, with my canon 610 powershot.

Uploaded by freestone on 8 Sep 08, 9.28AM EDT.

Thursday, September 04, 2008

Feeling the Florida Countryside

I took a long 90 mile each way trip yesterday, the Van took me to the lake city veterans hospital for a test for my lungs, along interstate 10, I could watch the countryside go by, from the good window in the rear of the van. I have no car, this is a "vacation" for me. The Hospital people had scheduled this trips weeks ago, I wanted to make a "vacation" out of this trip; i wanted to have a "feel" for the rural land outside of Tallahassee.

About four miles beyond the Interstate intersection, beyond the residential areas and the "raped land" of a couple of mall sites [what were they thinking besides $$$ ?!!], the wilderness began.
Looks like "Jungle".
*is* jungle!
---a solid wall of vegetation, so so thick that a machete would be a Tool, not a "show-knife"!
Vines on vines, subtropical plants. About every ten miles the interstate people made a few miles of a 60 foot vegetation barrier between the lanes. Only 60 feet wide, but it is a solid wall, I cannot see the other lanes, a green tunnel passing through!

I got into the rear of the van and was alone and no talkative vet besides me to talk away the time. Thus I was able to sort of meditate and Feel the countrysides. Each town had a lot of farms near them, then miles and miles of Real Jungle and a few farms, about five towns. In one area, near a town, I felt a Presence of a soul who left his mark on this town, a rambunctious extroverted countryman. In another area near my Tallahassee, I could feel the presence of the native Americans. The "still visiting" souls were bemused by what they saw, the white man's stuff, slightly confused, but not angry.

One of the things that I wanted to Ponder, on this trip, was my feeling of the possibility of a great collapse of civilization, via economy collapse or earthchanges. *was* there going to be such an event, soon?!


Not a single feeling of any kind of "doom"!

no feel of doom, no feel of "the other shoe dropping".

I *did* feel a bit of....."there is a choice of some sort, a choice that has not yet been made, on some profoundly deep level, of the Collective of humanity."!
"now"...."or later", was the slight feeling.

Either some end of civilizational event will occur within the next few years, or ELSE maybe not in our lifetimes even if you are now 8 years old! at least..."delayed" quite a few years yet.

There was no real feeling, from me, as to *what* would cause the end times to happen now or later!

Something, though, that would appear to an outside observer, to be small and unimportant.

In any event, I looked forwards to this trip for weeks, as it was an appointment, thus spirit had plenty of time to "arrange" any events for me to see or to experience.

At the end of the return trip, I had come to the Conclusion, in an intuitive way, that the Time of the end of the age is now here. there are no more collective karmas to be processed, no more real events.
[the Age rolls over to the next age, but we all are still here, no end time forced us all to Embrace this new age!]

but I had been shown, over several visiondreams, that the end times WAS to have happened, once in around 1996, again around 2004.
But not to be.


thus we all are now Actors upon the global stage and the script has run out and the last line has been spoken, but each of us is STILL HERE!
the curtain refuses to decently fall, the light switch is frozen to "on"!
no one can leave the stage, even if the drama has ended.
the Abyss, the canyon, of the Unknown faces us all, as even the END TIMES, as terrible as it would be, is a Comfort of a knowings that soothes us, even if this means utter death and the living envy the dead!
[the dread of "uncertainty" might be worse than a real catastrophe-ic end times!!]

thus I feel, at the end of this posting, that one reason why the feeling of global feelings, here, is that the end has past us all and we all and each is still here and there seems to be NO Lines to say, or dance to dance. We all are "waiting", waiting for ??????
thus the Unknown faces us, without Guidance evident.
Like: telling a joke but just as the punch line is ready to be uttered, the phone rings and the caller is your aunt from Ohio, and she has hours of talk to say; the guests who await the punch line, are out of luck, completely! they just sit there hanging, at the dinner table, and all evening long, too!

So here I was, enjoying the countrysides. Lots of time to ponder, the 95 miles pass soon enough, then also on the way back. The Visit, itself: another topic post on another day.