Monday, August 01, 2005

"can I be loaned a dollar"?

I had an Interesting experience at the Mall today!

Rained for hours, Tallahassee's version of Bombay, India! Downpour. I got off of the bus to go to the mall, the usual coffee shop would seem to require a boat, for to walk there! Inside the mall I ran into a soaked wet guy, with a beard and raggyness that gave to me an aura of "homeless". I came up to me and asked me if he could be loaned one dollar for the bus.

I hesitated, was this scam number 1284? I chose not to give to him his dollar.

Later I got on the next bus and then i saw him come up to the bus and he loaded his bycycle into the bike rack and he then got on. I "shrunk" a little, as I felt that i might have made a mistake in not giving to him the moeny for a "real" need!

Later I changed buses and did something else and then took another bus out to the park and then walk across it to the "all you can eat" place next to it.
I, in this park, then saw this guy *again*, he had bused his bike out there and he was with other homeless men under the picnic shelter.

Suddenly I realized why i did not give to him the money and the reason is a reason that is hard for me to explain as this reason is in a language that was not ever taught to me in my otherwise nice Interlaken high school!

His "beg" was probably his 5000th beg. most of his begs were for spare change and for drinks and for "devious" reasons, probably. like to have "life reality", which could be a nice stiff kick of Jack Bourbon whiskey, as "straight reality" is the unreal reality, for him, maybe!
Thus, I could Feel all of his previous begs, behind the Tone of this one beg!
as if the very tone, of this one, echoed all of the others.
-4999 +1 =-4998
Thus this was why I did not want to give to him any money, as this Real beg was contaminated with the others.

I suspect that this is one reason how animals can sometimes detect the quality of a person by his voice. what was said, in only a few words, is a summation of the person's whole life! each word contains the whole Soul tone, of the entire lifetime lived.

now I do not feel so "bad" about not helping him.

As i passed him, i saw he was sleeping on the bench. I had already confronted,
within myself, what i would do if he asked me for more money, as i passed by. I would take him with me and buy him dinner, and pay for it and have him do two things.
1...sit with me. we ate, he would tell me of his life, the ups and downs , his joys, hopes, dreams! I would treat his tales as a prayer to spirit, then let spirit handle it.
I suspect that he would talk of being the "victum". Battered the moment he came into birth. mentally, phsyicly, and maybe a broken home. then nothing but the Road from then on....
then i would have to *try* to tell him that he is INDEED a victum, but a victum of something far far greater than what he tells of: he is a victum of his own thinkings and feelings that he is a victum! this perpetuates itself, this "stinkin thinkin", of the AA people's philosophies.

behind him is 500,000 more just like him.
Then behind these people are maybe 5,000,000 who have the same soul attitude, but dress nicely, live in a "mcMansion", and have a good CEO, or Professor PhD job!

I retired from Counseling, years ago!