Thursday, July 29, 2004

I had a small talk today in the bookstore cafe, starbucks, with a young minister
fired with the Holy Spirit to reach the young people of Miami, fla. through music.

we talked about "hip hop/rap"! I told him that rap was not about "anger and bitterness and self-serving egotism"! "Rap", i told him, is a kind of music
technique. *what* one does with it, is what counts, and i told him that for ME, rap is a way to express one's Stance on what life is, to express, as it is, one's life-philosophy! so many rap singers are in a bitter mood, they see life as
"like of an inchworm climbing up the walls of a descending elevator", that is...any good that ya do counts for nothing compared to the Heat Death of the Universe, as *every* house is for sale eventually, and that all Fruits Rot, and that One Dies!

He plans to play and maybe sing, of "christian rap" where he talks of his Dialogue with Spirit, as he lives his life, a life Preparing to live in heaven, the Spirit-filled levels of heaven. Thus now..."love truth goodness count for all", as these Qualities are of the higher heavens, thus the more one lives them NOW in one's life, the better Preparation one has for the Celestial heavens!


Interesting, i find...that the "liberal left" so indentifies with the struggles of the "victimized black ghetto youth", to overcome the Oppressions that whitey has caused upon them. The Left, originated the political/social idea
that one must not have any Value judgements whatsoever, thus any work of art cannot be judged by any merets and that a schulpture made from a pile of human excrement has *exactly* the same value judgement possibility as the "Mona Lisa"!....thus this kind of thinking where there should be no value system what so ever, removes the possibility of these ghetto kids from ever getting Free!!
i. e. : if there are no value judgements to be made, and the ghetto kid
can choose to work for Macdonalds for $6 an hour OR be a drug runner for $600 dollors and hour, these liberal would have to say..."go for it" as any choice is equal to any other, except that there is a *slight* difference: $6 or $600 dollars!
Tis a no brainer what the kid should do!!
maybe the radical left people should all quit their jobs and go sell drugs and open sex shops! why not? it is all the same, in values!

thus...I see that the "gheeto kid" is actually ENABLED by the "radical left' to continue as he is.....and that his "negative" stance, in his music, is just as valid of a life expression, as of anything else.

But then i have found that most college professors, young or old, are deeply cynical anyways. The heat death of the stars, is what they see, why believe in anything Positive....they say! Thus maybe, "they" say....."lets celebrate our bodies and our money aquisitive nature as an END in and of itself"!

"childsex"....."Gangsta"...$$$$$$$....all are equal in value compared to anything else.

Wednesday, July 28, 2004

another photo of cayuga lake, from the site futher down on the weblog.

they do not have a summer up there in upstate new york this year. but here in tallahassee it is 90 to 96 each and every day, as usual. Tropical.

not in a writing mood, i will return later....

Monday, July 26, 2004

this comes from a brazilian spiritist site.

IEJA - Joanna de Ângelis Spiritist Institution

In the year 1958 the Terezinha and Luiz Barbosa de Souza couple finished paying for a 1.440m2 piece of land in the Santa Amélia quarter, near downtown Queimados, where they lived.

Seventeen years later, in 1975, when they were already living in Flamengo, a quarter in the South Zone of Rio de Janeiro City, Terezinha and Lulinha went back to Queimados in order to get rid of that piece of land, which was of no use to them any more. Yet, when they were walking along Santa Amélia's main street, they heard the following remark from a group of children that were passing by:

- "Don't care, we may steal something later tonight ..."

The sentence they heard impressed them a lot. Terrified by the reality of one of Rio de Janeiro State's most violent areas, a fact that had been just shown to them as naked truth, and knowing that it was an area lacking any kind of educational assistance, Lulinha ventured:

- "Terezinha, what about building a school here?"

The set of five basic works of the Spiritist Codification were the result of the life work of Allan Kardec, the pen-name of Prof. Hyppolyte Léon Denizard Rivail, who organized them under the inspiration and coordination of a group Superior Spirits under the leadership of Lord Jesus.
all his five books: the "bible" of the Brazil Spiritist movement.


Spiritist Articles & Studies

In this section our dear visitor will be able to read or download articles, studies, lectures and interviews on several important issues written by spiritist authors.
The articles and other works are classified in four categories, as can be seen in the menu below. Left clicking you mouse on one of the links you will be moved to the page with the corresponding works. Another way to access the articles and studies is by clicking on the name of one of the authors in the list that is shown further below.
ah well, sitting on the top floor lab at georgia belle apts. typing to blogger.

If anyone wonders why i do not "cap" when i type, it is that i type about 5 wpm. if i have any hope of actually wriitting something, this is the Way it is done. clumsey autistic fingers really NEED a keyboard where the keys are about one inch wide, each! my hands are so large that one finger can esily hit uopn four keys at once! what what would i do with a Palm keyboard or a cell phone?!

In a way, i like being "autistic"! the other day, i was sitting in barnes and nobles finishing off a cup of coffee with lots of sugar and there was a bit of sugar at the bottom of the cup and i put my finger into the cup and got a bit of sugar on the finger then licked my finger, putting it up to my mouth and tongue. Suddenly i noted that at a nearby table, the college professor, a phd-type of professor, who was talking to his other professor friend, i noted that his voice-pitch changed the Tone! He saw me lick my finger!!
betcha he will never ever Respect me again! nothing that i will ever say to him will be believed or taken seriously as i broke one of the Ten Commandments of Maturity! "never ever act childish in public"!
I am SO sorry: i am ten years old, 15 years old, even three years old, as well as 63 years old! all at the very same moment. when you hold up a yardstick you hold up *ALL* the yardstick, not the upper end of it! thus all of my 63 years stand at attention and are lived!

as i say...I look gawky, awkward....and wear the same clothes, the same color of clothes all the time. things like that.
i tend not to have women who dump themselves upon my doorstep and want me to take care of them!
a i knew a man in trumansburg, ny, who goes to new york city ever few months for some
high-level temporary work. in one of those three months he saw a lady in a bar and he told her..."when you are in T-burg sometime come see me, say hi".
well she did!!! she appeared in his front yard on his doorstep and she was Neeeeedy!
He told her to leave.
she did not!
she camped out on his yard near the street and would not go! two weeks later, the Police had to Do An Extraction! yelling and kicking, i guess, with "white coats and thorbenzidrene"!!
or Sathya sai baba. the holy man in India. once he "healed" a deaf kid, while in a large city, staying at the city big-hotel. the next morning he peered out the 2nd story window, only to see....
...1000 deaf kids with parents utterly filling the street as far as he could see!
Back Door Exit, real quick!!

Do Not be Noticed!
John Lennon was Noticed.

Friday, July 23, 2004
nice lakewiews here!!   Looking at Ithaca, ny.

eye-opening small event yesterday!  I got onto the bus and sat down.  the guy across the isle turned to me and full of anger and bitterness began to tell me that five minutes before he walked over to sit down by a young lady, on the bus platform, and he began to talk to her and in five minutes she got up and walked away, telling him that she had to go to somewheres.  this man told me that he just knew that she did not want his company!
he *then* tells me about his *PAINS*...That his life is full of trouble and of course he gets a raw deal in life and of course  he is angry at everything and why not...etc..etc...
he is even more angry that this girl snubbed him and it is her fault just like everyone else does so....

"I have lots of troubles and  I want people to  bond with me over just how much troubles I have and how bitchy life is"......That is his TONE of voice and his inference between the lines, as I listened to him.

no clue.
here is a "skunk" that belives that the reason no one wants to be around him because of his THEIR problem, not his!

honey attracts bees, rotten fruit attracts wasps.



Wednesday, July 21, 2004

I discovered a book on sale in the bargin bin at barnes and Nobles yesterday.  Only $4.00.

Every few months they get rid of the books that no one wants.  there were about four copies of this one, utterly unwanted.

I cannot recall the exact name, i am not in my apt to type this....the book was about "Channeling
the Spirit of Jerry Garcia".  he, of the Dead band, died a while back and this psychic was contacted by his soul, Jerry wanted to tell everyone about life and death and the afterlife.

I only browsed the book before buying it, but there were topics on....
---be true to your own Contact with your own inner truths: do not let anyone else take control of this for you.
---the whole earth is immanently going up a level in vibration.
---there are too too many deceased souls hanging around the lower astral and near the earth plane, too many for what should be.....

What i found even more interesting than this book is that no one seems to notice it!  not the "dead freaks", not the psychic book lovers, hardly anyone.

No wonder the "new age" book  section is getting ever ever the smaller, as the months go by!
I guess everyone is so involved with living their stress filled lives, getting their souls ready for
growth, that they have not a moment but for anything but their immediate lessons!

Monday, July 19, 2004

Another small tipping point yesterday!!
I am gettingh a lot of these of late, sports fans!!
at the senior residence where i live, Georgia belle.
i came in the see the counselor at the front desk and she had on a table about 30 bottles of pills.   I asked her about them.
she tells me that all these 30 bottles are for one person and that she takes some of all of them in one day, that or two pills, or more, from each bottle a day.
she then tells me that this is only HALF of the pills, the rest have yet to be delivered by the pharmacy!    then she showed to me a container where she takes the 20 morning pills.   then the afternoon box that has the 15 to 20 that she takes then.   there was yet another small box for nighttime!
another old lady resident walked by and she overheard our talk and then she piped in to say that she too takes about 20 different prescriptions per morning too!
20 pills at once!!
I then got a terrible feeling that this is quite common and if some older person were to complain to the doctor the doctor might label the patient as "non-compliant"!   so she must take them;  we all will take them! 
    soon each of us will take 20 pills per morning, i imagine, at 25 years old as a "preventitive"!  If we do not, then we would then be labeled as a "burden upon society", as the cost of treatment will be huge, for the resultant dibeties side effects, the strokes, the high colestrolol, the heart conditions...
where did you say that cabin in the mountains is?!!!

Thursday, July 15, 2004

I heard today the "most worst sound", my vote for the worst sounding noise.

funny, the sound is only a soft "click".

what is it?!
----I walk along the busy street and all the cars stop for a red light so that there is a line of cars along side of me that are stopped. the sound is the sound of paople reaching over to press
the locks on their doors!
"click"..."click" echos and echos about ten times or more: i see a mother and child in a car as she reaches over to lock
all of the doors, in her "old fashioned car", where there are locks on each door!

*worse*...if i were in a car like this i would lock MY doors in a second, a heartbeat of time!
[Gainesville fla...1992...when i lived there: about twice a week
someone would whip out a gun as they walked in front of a red-light car and take the money *or/and* the car!! gainesvill has about 30 prisons nearby and they release their paroloees into town!]
yes worse, as i would do it too, and have to ADMIT that this is the very best advice one can give to a newcomer to a city: lock your car doors near strangers on the street!!

the "stranger". the japanese farmers place icons at the end of their driveways, small shrines, really, to invoke the Shintu
gods to protect the farm against the "stranger"!.

the high school bullies are only trying to do the racial "goodact"
which is to remove the WEAK from the genepool!
[in japan near middle class housing area, i read, young kids
burned the whole encampment of 30 homeless japanese men. they only emulated the Value system of the japanese..."the weak are to be removed, culled"..."the nail that sticks out gets the caress, first, of the hammer"!

The family comes first, that is why when a batcheler
marries, his single friends fall away. my sister had to give up church, being single, as singleness is NOT a valid quality for belonging to a family driven group!


that is why one must rise above the Archtypes and stereotypes as if one cannot rise above them, one can only become them! this means that if you "do not fit the round hole, being a square peg", if you cannot Bond with your stengths, you will then put YOURSELF down, having internalized the judgement levied against you, by society! to believe the school bully that tells you that "you are no good for anything"!

so people will continue to lock the door against the outsider/stranger, as 200,000+ years have taught us so, ever since the bands of cavemen raided the other tribal villages. long as there are "wolves" in our culture, Fences will have to be built, to protect the "sheep", and car doors will be made with locks on them!

just do not become a "wolf"!

Tuesday, July 13, 2004

from other pictures of cayuga lake, in the finger lakes.

Ah, my childhood. Parents cottage on Cayuga Lake, in upstate new York. All summer long, the Home was only a few miles away.

Later, my grandfather willed to me the "shack" next door, I spent about five or six summers there, in the 70s. My "summer shack" had a porch and it was only about 50 feet from the water. Oh so nice.
swim fish hike, all of the above, and Lots of just sitting there with coffee in hand, on the dock.

I recall the little things of my childhood there, like of when the next door renter spent hours teaching me how to fish for bass. Only later did I realilize that he took time out of his week or two, to show me, time from his own Quiet Times alone!

when I sold the cottage and moved away, many of my relatives were not happy, they could not imagine why I would sell! But I Knew....Knew that apples soon ROT, and time to go onwards to the next tree that has the "next month's good apples"
I saw the across-the-lake power plant adding a new section, I saw and HEARD the increase of boaters as by the late 70s every foot of lakeside land was being cottage developed.

in the late 80s, when I visited my dying father and spent some months renting my old cottage, my Intuitions were Vindicated!
the powerplant now had TWO sections running full blast, and all night long, the rumbling was loud enough to drown out all sounds of the lake! Then no one *could* still-fish anymore as the powerboats, ski-doos, the ski-ers were out in full force!
buzzz...roar....roar, NO ONE could just drop an anchor and savor the quiet of a picture-perfect still lake! Lets not talk of the dirt road up through the trees, once good for hiking, but now the cars come every 60 seconds, dust a flying! And the cottage boom was only just getting really started!!

moral: what is heavenly, often soon turns to "hellish"!

A writer once wrote about how "all houses are eventually for sale" and that "all neighborhoods go down"!
the Trick is...To enjoy the apple when it is ripe and then admit the rot when it arrives and then be ABLE to let go and to move on.

I have read where Spiritguides write about people who "hang on' and cannot die! They will not let go and live well beyond their time! In lesser events too: people who see their niehborhood going down but they do not leave. People holding on to "sinking stocks" hoping to recoup their investments, only tie-ing up their money so that they cannot buy a good stock! Relationships too! Rather living with a dead marriage because it is comfortable in the security of knowing the same routine!

like farmers in a desert-becoming place, the rainfall gets one inch less per year, but some hang on: so much personal "investment" in their land and homes...Time..Knowing familiarity...So they tell themselves that it will rain next year, but it does not!

the trick is...To be able to assertain whether one should "give up" and move onwards, or to make an effort to overcome an obstacle!

in my cottage's case, the environment was 'against me"! It was "outer environment 100: cottage 0"! Now if it were the case that my cottage was falling apart and in need of repair, then I could then do something about it. But if I really wanted to live by the lake and had the $$$$$$ for it, I could move.

Monday, July 12, 2004

This Russian church illustrates a point that I made in the forums at the elderscrolls site, Morrowind forums.

this photo came from a train trip across Sibera to china.
good photos.

Saturday, July 10, 2004

---here is a repeat of an old autism article that i wrote to a messege board, where someone asked about his autistic son.

Thursday, February 06, 2003
I was reminded, the other day, about my article that i once wrote to a newsgroup. A newsgroup of Autistic people support. someone, there, asked...."my son has been diagnosed with autism, help! Please give to me some advice"!
I thusly warote the article that is below.

MY autism probably is where my soul was too too big to fit the brain: old souls step out of the Boundries, in everyway! like take a 4 gig hard drive of a brain and then open 8 windows, eight programs, all at once, on your desktop: all 8 programs have to dance on that little old 3+ gig space, so an"illegal action code...shut down" error messege is sure to soon soon follow! I need a 40 gig hard drive but i have that 4-gig brain!!

anyway....the article.

advice to parent with autistic boy


Someone from some newsgroup...asked me a question
about their young son who had just been diagnosed with
some type of the spectrum of Autism.
they asked....
> as we go into teen years is there any words of
> wisdom that you might have for his father or myself?
i was a bit taken aback to,one...i never
married or had kids...and two...i am not a counselor
by profession. i am only a person with a bit of HLF
or aspers autism!

but i said something....
and got into it.
i might as well share what i wrote, to you all...maybe
there even might be some help given!

with that goes!!

my....what words of wisdom can i give in one minute or

actually, i can give some general advice...

[to give to me reinforcements to write MORE than a one
minute reply...i will write this out to a larger
audience and then remove your personal references and
then post it to a few autistic groups...]

I can IMAGINE the steps of Discovery!

first, your son was seen to be "different".

then there was the taking him to see the experts and
then the diagnosis comes.

there IS Relief...the Demon IS named; there is now a
label that you have that is a kind of handle for his
Of course, your concern has been allevieated; but it
also has grown.....WHAT OF HIS FUTURE?! how can we
help him to be able to live?!

then you go through those "several steps of mourning"
--grievings...sadness...anger...then Healing!!

I sorta see this boy in front of me. he has a label
to his condition.
however...the label "house" refers to a building that
one lives in; that one word "house" covers about
ten-thousand kinds of dwellings!!
thus "aspergers" or "high level funtioning
autism" a label that will cover MANY kids of
brain conditions.

simply put...the "trick" of helping the to
MAXIMIZE the Talant-aspect of his symptons, and to
MINIMIZE the "negative" aspects of his conditions...

as in like of this:
some A people think mostly in image of
me. perhaps there is a career, like graphic arts,
that would be a natural for this person. if the mind
is good, a high IQ...perhaps the computer programing
field will do...look at Bill Gates!! i read that some
people think that he has HL Autism!!
yes, accentuarate his Strengths, whatever they are,
as each Autistic person will have a different symptom
spectrum. thus...go find out what his strengths are,
though offical testings or by just observing of him!

either by his changing of his envirnments...or by of
a changing of his attitudes...he can minimize the
impact of the "negitive" aspects of autistic symptoms.
if loud noise bother...he can avoid or wear earplugs!
He can put himself in social areas where only one
thing will clamor for his attention at a time.
teaching him some of the social graces and the
language of person to person non-verbal language...may
help, as he might have to LEARN counsciuosly what we
all[you all!] take for granted, and know from birth
often one can only do or think one thing at a time,
like me....and have a very short term memory.
this person should not be a waiter in a resturant!!
try to make his childhood sheltered in some ways to
keep the stress of copings down. then teach him to be
able to do that for himself: an
example......[speaking for myself] image-only
thinker may find that
there should be ONE physical area of his home [maybe
his room] where there should not be ANY change in the
room arrangements over time, down to the MINUTIST
small piece of paper! that outer room will be a
butterfly-wing mirror of his inner image of that
room----changing the outer room will cause a great
conflict within him as now the outer image is in
conflict with his inner image...of that room!! this
room area will be his "security blanket" whenever he
is stressed...he can go there for shelter, if he is
overcome by something in the house, for a few minutes. son may have sensory overloads...he may hear
sounds that you may not notice...he may put those
hands over his ears, at a noise that you may think is
a soft sound!

so...above not "put him down", or tell him
that "he should come around", or that "you can tough
it out, a real man should not be bothered by THAT"!!
for in the example above...if he contorts with pain,
holding his hands over his ears, at the sound of ICE
falling into a glass, as if he were being ATTACKED by
a hand grenade...why,
he *IS*!!
for HIM, as severe as that, really really!!
...that sound may be that overwhelming to him on a
real physical level!!
thus, well-meaning people who criticise him for being
so "sensitive"...that may well hurt his self esteem!
would YOU not feel good about yourself if you grew up
in a color-blind family where only you could see
orange and all the other members of the family could
not and they teased you without remorse about your
wierd talant!! not let the "doctor-speak" overwhelm you.
some of those so called experts may know next to
nothing, really!
be carefull about drugs...if they help, there is
always the side effects to aware
that he WOULD be more sensitive to the effects and the
side effects of drugs!

and keep connected , above all, to these here SUPPORT
GROUPS!! get HIM to be a part of them too...if he is
computer funtional. why on is a
list for autistic college students!....

my final but most important advice may be.....
the REAL experts in this...are the parents who have
been there, before you, several years ago...who now
have 15 year old...18 year old..children who have
autism. they have been there and done that...and they
may have very very good advice and counsul for you
with a younger child, as they have been though all of
what you are NOW going through!
THEY are the ones that you should get to read about
and to know and to get advice from!!

sigh...i am not a Talanted Therapist...and i think
associational only...thus my suggestions are only
hit and miss general suggesstions...i am sorry but my
own way of thinkings get in my way...but i hope that
my sugesstions may help a bit!


Friday, July 09, 2004

Interesting day yesterday!

I was in Barnes and Nobles at the coffee shop reading the NY Times yesterday and then as I walked back to my residence, Georgia belle apts, I began to think about some article in the times. A small mistake, as I walked along the main fourlane busy street!
There was something in that article that got me angry and I began a fantasy about
being enraged....Amplified by all the impatient drivers along this busy busy street.
By the time that I got back to Georgia belle, by 3pm, I had a real snit going.

But by then I had left the amplifying traffic and I took a shower and Restored my usual peaceful nature.

Supper at 5:30, I walked down to eat with the rest of the residence people who eat. About 25 people usually eat at night and I sat where I usual do and the lady who has a bit
of "Bi-polar" condition came also to sit with me, as she usually does.
I was told later that she is "ok" as long as she takes her meds and if she does not, she can tear into everything with her words! Find fault with the very air!!

yes she did that, today! No meds and she had one big attttt-tttude! First she found something wrong with each and everything on the plate, one by one, the peas were "cheap", the meat was not what was on the menu, and the server LIED to her! Then she went on and on, everything that she thought of, she spoke about it with a Tone of "fingernails down a blackboard", with a great irritating anger. The kind of anger that if a picture goes with it, this picture is of a person who is pounding a cockroach
on the kitchen floor with a hammer, to kill it and all of his RAGE of the week's worth of anger comes out and then he hits and hits and hits till the roach is a smear of brown goo and then he keeps on hitting till only a faint brown color remains and he keeps on hitting, sweat a-poring off his forehead, his face red with anger!
from beginning to end, until I left, she did this.....

most people would consider my two "events' to be unrelated. Just two negative incidents on what might be a "bad day".
This morning, as I walked to my 7 am coffee shop, I had a Spirit Inspiration that the two
events were indeed linked: that my earlier anger-snit DREW her to sit with me and dump
the REFLECTION of my anger back to me! Think...."Magnet draws the iron nail to itself"!
thus I got what I Deserved, my own reality thrown back to me!

there is a word that I like: "prattle"! It means, to me, "saying something without
thinking of the consequences and the implications of what is said"!
the "New Agers" talk about the "increasing of the vibrations of the earthplane so that the earthplane is now partaking of some of the spirit laws of heaven, here on earth, from now on"!
the implications often escape these writers, I think!
For from what I have read and learned about the rules of the afterlife is that the outer reality *must* be a outer copy of one's currant inner life! A total mirror of it, indeed! If one is angry, the person is either instantly drawn to a place where anger is all, or else the currant place that the person is in becomes filled with negative stuff, like of the walls turning color to red-green, and demonic faces appear on the walls, of a previously pretty cottage! Thus these writers who babble about "the earthplane will be beatified" do not understand the implications! For one to live like this, one must PURIFY themselves "bigtime", right now this instant utterly, and begin a life of
DISCIPLINE ala "puritanical", or else! One must learn "psychic ecology" or "environmental
Spiritualism" or else what one draws to him/her self, might not be so NICE!!

....Or else every little bit of conscious OR unconscious "negativity" will appear "out there" in the world, around and before, this person! Appear immediately and obnoxiously.

I thank Spirit for my Lesson, and I will try to obey!

Thursday, July 08, 2004

I wandered the barnes and nobles store, yesterday, after my coffee at the Starbucks section in the front. i was struck by the DIET SECTION! it had grown big time!
now it is about 50 feet long! huge, really. maybe only the "novel" section is now bigger.

I suddenly realized.....

there is not one book there about how to
"gain weight"!

there are people who need to gain weight and gain it NOW!
--"little old ladies" who are very underweight.
[that Finland study that underweight older women have a 30% higher death weight, than normal or above-normal weight seniors!]

---hiv people.
---anorexic people.
---underweight people in general
---poor health people.

at the front of the starbucks section is an ad for a "only 4 carbs" Brule bar. I saw it: it is a cheese cake thing, about three inches thick, with a bottom crust.

but, sports fans, NO ONE ASKS about "how many CALORIES" it has!!!!!
i figure about 1000 calories for this good looking bar.
oh that is "ok" i guess, i weigh about 135 at 6' 2", but i see this "info" evvvvverywhere now that i look, the touts for "low carb", no mention about the calories!

deception is everywheres!
why *should* anyone be honest, in our collective and personal lives; in the "Enronic" big things of high Finance or in the little personal things, when 99% of all the cutural things are Mis-leading! in ads, in wars, in culturemedia.

the Leemings march to the cliff. everyone Diets, can die for it, lose their health for one asks if the Emporer is naked or not.

another thing: SUGAR!

my messege to all drug dealers who read this...your Future is


when the artifical sugar makers get to making artifical sugar more cheaply than real sugar, that is all that will be for sale and if ya want real sugar, you will have to go to the black market for it!!

the day is a-coming, sports fans, when at 20 years old you will be
to take all kinds of pills daily, and for life! if you do not want to take them, you will be Ostricized as a "non-supporter" of our way of life as you will become a burden upon the health care system and society, by getting a preventible heart attack or hardening of the arteries or Diebetic coma!
of COURSE there will be side effects, but hey, we all live with "side effects" as it is, the women with their uncomfortable shoes, the men with windows that cannot ever be opened for fresh air, in the house or car: "side effects" in medicine will just be another Cost of living.

know any good cabins for rent far far out Away?!

Wednesday, July 07, 2004

govenors club, on a main street, tallahassee....

Quiet summer in tallahassee....
I got a letter from my aunt in upstate new york the other day. she tells me that on about june 28th, the 2 pm temperature FINALLY has gotten UP to 72 degrees!
they all wore their winter jackets in church, on sunday! her son's farm corn is about two inches tall. my aunt thinks that she *might be able to swim in the glacerial lake by the end of august.

here, the other day, early in the morning at about 8 am, the temperature was 80 degrees, on the way to 90 to 95.

my aunt might see frost in early september, i did, one year in the 90s when i lived there, frost on sept 12th!

lush and green. i love it here!

Saturday, July 03, 2004

An aquantance who i think is part Indian, told to me a very very Touching statement!

He told of his alcoholic family on his father's side and i think on that side of the family is where the Indian, native American, bloodline came from.

my friend told me about the Mohawk saying.

"one cannot look very well into the future with tears in the eyes"!!

how can the Indian become "whitey" and "assimulated" into the american way of life, if there are unresolved PAINS from the Past?!
Read: "Pine ridge reservation"! "sitting Bull", and all the rest of it!!!
would one *WANT* to become a Indian White man?!! the past has been ruined, but at least it is still there. trashed, perhaps, by things like the "march of tears", but still there.

---got me to Thinking, after that one!

at least the native americans have a past to shed Tears over!!
I know a race that has no past! the only future for them
*IS*, i guess, to become "assimulated-white-people"!!
No wonder they balk at Education, as this is a white, European concept.
no wonder that "hip-hop" is the Closest they can get, the young people, to a Viable culture.

The Arabians, and their own neighbooring selves, took them as slaves, ripped them out of 1700 AD Africa tribes, and got with the Yankee traders to ship them to the west, to freeze in Rhode island [i read that 40 to 60 percent of the 1700 population of Rhode Island...were slaves!!], and then later, much later, into the South!
[the North Pioneered slavery!]

what culture can *they* cry over?!!
1700 Africa?!!

as 90% of all "assimulational efforts", from Civil War onwards, has
urged them to only follow the white man model, they have to become white people, if this assimulation model is true for them!!

[I met a couple, in the early 60s; they rented the lake cottage next door. they were black and from new york city. if i closed my eyes i could not tell what race they came from! He wore a suit, she a white lady-dress.
they *were*, for all puposes, white people, taking utterly of the White european way of life.

so what can the afro people cry over, for Lost Ways of life????

maybe that is why the "ghetto" kid shuns all paths of "redemption" from drugs and crime and the ghetto way: all the Ropes to have them grab to climb out...have a white hand holding the upper end!!!
[why work for $7 an hour when you can drug runner for $1000 a day?!]
Since all education is of the white way, that is not an option, then.

"gangsta rap"?


The People of the Black race should find a Model soon...soon!
[i do not think that a certain sports star, who led the police along a certain freeway, will do! thousands, i read, of young black kids, held him to be an Icon to emulate, just before all that Mess broke out, there, in L A!]
One of "their own" should Find something to use as a "Pole Star", for everyone to Compass-point to.

or else it *IS* Whitey that they must become!

I guess one cannot remove the "Repressor, Oppressor", unless there is "someone there" to do the Pushing against this "oppressor"!
gotta find that "someone there" within their own Race-culture, i guess!

Friday, July 02, 2004

Interesting dream last night, more interesting in the implications, perhaps, than the Content!

I was In a room, in a spirit realm place. I was being shown some "technique" where a soul was being shown his life-to-come, upon the earth, when he was to be born. The entire life was shown somehow, the lifescript of the intended incarnation.

very hard to describe what I saw next. There is no "English" for it and the images are too too complex to describe!

I was shown how there were 'choice points" in the life where this soul could choose one of several possible branches of possibility. Then he was shown what would happen if he chose one path over another and what ramifications would result from that path and the effects of his choice.
or if he succeeded or failed, in some project or other....

could see all of this
like as if someone were to be in an airplane 1000 feet over a 300 acre farm and the whole farm is seen at once.
like a complete tv screen-image seen at one seeing, whereas that image is scanned line by line from left to right, all 256 lines
If a lifetime is "scanned", that is..."lived", in its 70 years of life, it is seen as lived by the clock from one hour and day to the next, like that tv-image is scanned. But here in the "room" , this soul that I watched saw all of the whole lifetime of his "70 years" to come, being seen at once, like that complete TV image!

not only was the effects apparent, of the possibilities, but it was assumed that when he actually LIVED his life, the Results that he did not choose while apparent in his life preview, are not there anymore!
like: if he had a choice between "joining the army" or "going to college", on a certain time, he would see, in this room, the results of both actions.
suppose he went to college, on earth. Then the "reality" of his army experiences are not there: do not exist.

yet more!....
whatever is chosen, in branching paths, also affects what comes before!
like: if he chose the college path, in the fall of 2001, and applied in high school for this college, in January of 2001, then he would have signed up for certain college courses, in 1999 high school, he *wanted* to sign up for them even though he did not then at that time consider going to college!
If he had joined the army, in the summer of 1999, he would have taken up the offer from his friend to go to "Outward Bound" Special camp, when his friend asked him if he would like to try this special trip to the wilderness! [if he had chosen the college, the friend would not have even asked him, years before!]
more intense: Suppose a 2010 Choice of one of two paths has it where one choice would have led to something "terrible", like "killing someone", this particular soul set it up so that he *would* have been killed in a car accident in 1998! His "disgust" at such a possible failure, the killing, was such that he made sure that if he did this, he would not exist then to do it!!!
Thus...If he chose the "other" path, and did not kill, then that oncoming car would have run the stop sign 1000 feet behind him: he would not even know that point of accident was even there at all.

point again: souls sees the entire life *as* a "mural" all at once, and all the possibilities too!
*and*....What "important" choices there are, will also affect, not only the future of that life, but its past too!!

---this I saw, in that "room' in the upper spirit realms.....

Thursday, July 01, 2004

----the Autism Newsletter, first issue.

[I tried to save it *as* a document, but then you all would have had to "open" it as from a file, *like* an "attachment"...oh virus fears Rise!!]

if you would like to subscribe, please mail

he will add you, he hopes one issue will come out quaterly, or even monthly, eventually.


The T*A*S*C* Master

The News-Letter of the Tallahassee Autism Support Coalition (T*A*S*C*)
Summer 2004

The First Issue of the T*A*S*C* Master

This is the first issue of the T*A*S*C* Master, the newsletter of and for the members, friends, supporters and others of the Tallahassee Autism Support Coalition (T*A*S*C*). It is intended to be a quarterly publication, sent free of charge to all who have shown substantive interest in, or support of, the work of T*A*S*C*.

Why the T*A*S*C* Master? Well, T*A*S*C* stand for the Tallahassee Autism Support Coalition, the initial letters of which (with a “hard” ‘C’) form a version of the word, “task.” “Task” implies ‘work,’ or ‘effort’ and that is what the “coalition” is all about – working and making an effort to better the lives of individuals with autism spectrum disorders, especially (but not exclusively) adults.

“Master” implies ‘mastery’ – having a good grasp on something, whether it is a skill, a body of knowledge, or whatever. Here, the connotation is a ‘mastery’ of what T*A*S*C* is, is about, is doing, is concerned with, etc. Thus, this newsletter is intended to give the reader a ‘grasp’ on just that.

Future issues will include continuations of the columns started here and other articles containing news and views pertaining to the work and concerns of T*A*S*C*, the related support group and other efforts. It is still very much a work-in-progress; still a project-in-development, yet-to-be wholly defined and never (I hope) to be confined!

I hope all readers, whoever they may be, will find something in it interesting, something informative, something useful, . . . .
I would like to here thank all those whose moral and other support and encouragement have made this and all related work possible; not only T*A*S*C*, but the support group and everything that is, has been and will be.

The Tallahassee Autism Support Coalition (T*A*S*C*) is Alive and Kicking
A local autism?related support group established in Tallahassee for adults has developed into something more: T*A*S*C* ? the Tallahassee Autism Support Coalition. The original support group is still open to adults with Asperger's Syndrome (AS), or other autism spectrum disorder (ASD) who are in the higher?functioning range of the autism spectrum. However, it has been expanded into T*A*S*C*, which includes any adult with an ASD, their friends, relatives and professional support people, and those of children and adolescents with ASDs.

Any adult who knows or believes that they have such an ASD, whether due to a personal self?diagnosis or formal professional evaluation, parent, other relative, or friend is welcome to join the support group. The group has already started meeting together and maintains contact via telephone and email. They are looking for new members with whom also to share experiences and perspectives and provide mutual support.

These same individuals, and all professionals who work with them and others in the community who are interested in helping with support, advocacy and other elements related to identifying and serving the needs of people with ASDs are welcome to join the coalition.

There are several autism?related
support groups in the Tallahassee area, and other organizations that provide assistance with problems associated with autism. These do good work, but are primarily geared to aiding the parents and other helpers of children and adolescents on the autism spectrum. In contrast, T*A*S*C* is already at work determining common needs and concerns of high?functioning adults with ASDs and to organize and participate to develop and find services for such individuals. We want to work with all that share our concerns and interests.
Besides seeking new members, the group is also interested in hearing from anyone who can suggest or provide means toward determining needs or accomplishing its purposes. Anyone interested should contact Jarl K. Jackson at (850)412?0141 or

So what is it like to "Have" ADULT AUTISM?
(This is the first in a series of articles written by individual adults with autism spectrum disorders (ASDs) about their own experiences from their own perspectives. As little editing as possibly necessary for clarity was done, as spelling, punctuation, etc. are as much a unique expression of each writer as what they have to say.)

So what is it like to "have"

By Freestone Wilson

???in the public library computer room there is a printer for 20 computers. sometimes six people print at once: easy to take someone's print job home with ya, if you do not look. I look very *very* carefully! when I get home i always find someone's print job mixed up in mine, and this person has lost his efforts! i have a choice: look veeerery carefully, or just walk out without checking anything, grab them from the printer, the results are just the same!!

???I mispronounce a strange word, talking to someone. He corrects me and i try again. still comes out the
"old way". try again. and again. Finally i tell him that i either have to think utterly upon the
pronounciation, and not ever be able to speak that word and need twenty minutes of utter silence as i
concentrate, not even looking at him...or just go ahead and mis?pronounce it! I find i cannot do both! one or the other, not both: that word will be mis?pronounced until i die of old age!

???I finish my coffee and then poke my finger into the cup to run it around the bottom to collect the sugar there. then i lik my finger, and when i do so, the professor at a near by table, i can hear the tone of his voice change! He is even younger than my 62 years, perhaps he does not like seeing "10 year old"
behavoir in a 62 year old man!! But i am *ALL* ages, all at once, at one time! 3 year old...10 year old...16 year old.......
I will continue to lick my finger!
???as the roaring truck passes me by, on the sidewalk, i put my hands over my ears, and back up against a wall. but i see the other 15 people not even notice
this truck, let alone even wince their ears!

???I never order my lunch by name, only the color or the shape of the food, do i ask for...As i eat food, not words....

???comes to find out that "my favorite job" of the last 40+ when i spent months at a goverment office stapling papers togther, like in..."1000 sets of 6 pages each, to be stapled"!
no thinking required at all...SO peacefull!

???I talk what i see, to someone...if there is a "hurt", like he just found out that he has uncurible brain cancer, why i feel his feelings, as if that subject of his tumor and his death is the *only* thing that can be talked about, as i can sense that it is on his mind, even when he "small talks" otherwise. [in the book PEOPLE OF THE LIE, by Peck, he says...."first you lie to yourself, then you begin to lie to others, until your whole life IS a lie"!] Guess i would talking "nuthin else" to this cancer
brain tumor guy, until he dies!

I am not a "CEO", at 62. Guess i am partly 10 years old. and like it that way!!

Coming Out of the Corner Seat:

(This is another column that may also be a regular feature.)

. . . Relationships and
Social Interaction

“The boy had strong arms and embraced her clumsily because he knew no other way . . ..”

-The Story of the Grail (Perceval)
By Chretien De Troyes

The ancient Greek philosopher Aristotle called Man a “social animal.” I sometimes wonder if he knew of such a person as Perceval, and if so, whether he gave any thought to such when he wrote those words. Poor Perceval lacks the social graces, lacks dissemblance – the art of hiding one’s feelings and thoughts as appropriate in social situations – and he seems to not lack enough a certain impulsiveness, judging by the passage from which the above quote is taken.

(For those who do not know, Perceval was a knight of King Arthur’s Court noted for his . . . “naivety,” to put it somewhat over-simplistically. . . . Yet he achieved the goal of the ultimate quest. . . .)

Do you know of anyone who is like that – anyone now or at some time in the past – who lacked the finesse (though it seemed he or she should considering age or intelligence or something) even in doing what was socially appropriate or even expected? I have and I do. He was and is I.

Whatever else autism or Asperger Syndrome involves, it does seem that difficulty (to say the least) in learning, developing and using appropriate social skills and establishing, developing and
maintaining relationships are at the core of it all.

My friend Perceval never does seem to learn, which is, I suppose how I often must have seemed to others, growing up, and even as a young adult. I did, in fact, once sort of up and kiss a girl somewhat like he did, back in high school. (I also thought it was right and all right). I have also been just as bold, or by turns, equally shy, at other times in my life – and not just toward the opposite sex, or in (hopes of) such relationships as one might have with them.

Growing awareness that doing it that sort of way was not the ‘right’ way seemed often not to help much. I did not seem to be able to learn how else to do, and also to have effectively closed off any opportunities. Often enough, I just gave up, which does not exactly help a person learn anything.

In some sense, learning how to interact with and relate to people is like learning to ride a bicycle – you don’t learn how unless you do it. That involves practice. That involves opportunity. That involves trying practice and taking the opportunity to do so.

Yet, like I said, I so very often gave up. Then, the need to have relationships, the wanting to interact, would rise up. So also would the frustration at not knowing how and the fear – or (perceived) fact and/or overwhelming possibility - of failure. Still, I might just go ahead and try, in what way I would or could.

Unlike Perceval, when I kissed the girl ‘way back when, I thought I was at beginning of a mutual effort to make and establish a relationship. Obviously, I knew no better than he did how to interact and relate with other people. He keeps trying to apply rules – modes and means – he thinks that he has learned to various situations. Often he so far from right that it is ridiculous, if not worse. Yet, he persists, which I after trying and failing, did not always so consistently do.

Know anybody who might be like that? If not in fact, then in fancy – fiction or fantasy, myth or legend? In some sense, Perceval’s adventures parallel my own. Even as he manages in time to become a knight of King Arthur’s Round Table at Camelot. Some situations have lent themselves to my learning a little bit, now and again, here and there, whether I was really thinking about in those terms or not. I evidently did learn something.

I now have found myself to manage by hook if not crook – by fair means (hopefully) and not foul – to find my way into circles of friends and colleagues. Among these I find myself accepted and also appreciated, maybe even loved. However, one sort of relationship still eludes me – the sort that I would wanted more or less with that girl back in high school. The one that I would love to have with a woman now.

As it turns out, Perceval ends up being the one knight to find the Holy Grail, which no other of Arthur’s knights quite manages. It often seems just the opposite for me – all the other knights, peasants, and kings – and ladies and queens – have found what they came to seek. Yet, perhaps more than ever now, and certainly more than in a very long time, I am hopeful . . ..

. . . And after many mis - (?) adventures, I may yet arrive at the grail castle of “Joyous Gard.”

The T*A*S*C* Master is distributed quarterly as the newsletter for the Tallahassee Autism Support Coalition. All views expressed in each article, editorial, or other original piece are the opinions and/or perspectives of the individual author, but do represent a perception, or understanding of the world, or some part of it, as seen from the autism spectrum. Questions and comments are welcome and should be directed to the editor.
Letters to the Editor
This space, or one like it, will be used in future issues for editorials by the current editor, or guest writers, and/or letters to the editor (addressed as noted below). All such submissions are subject to the minimum of editing for general clarity and will express the views of writer and/or all undersigned.

Some readers may be aware of a promised column, article, or series of articles, on Theory of Mind that was to be included in this newsletter. This project is still a work-in-progress and will appear in some form in (a) later issue(s).