Monday, July 28, 2003


I walked back home from the FSU library, yesterday, after my "depressing" little post, and got even MORE depressed! big mistake, walking through student Housing!
then I Realized!
I go through this three times a year, DEPRESSION big time! mechanically. always and on the very same dates each and every year.
Here yesterday, the weather was sublime, the skies so clear and all i could possibly feel was a big blue funk 20,000 other kids feel the very same way.

"Final Judgement is due and i am failing and i spent all of the summer goofing off and the first final is 8 am Monday"!

final exams!
finals week at FSU!
three times per year, in this college town of, in the fall/winter semesters, all of 80,000 kids!
80,000 de-pressesed kids!
the psychic field is awesome: 80,000 depressed souls! every bit of my 62 gigabyte brain's cells, are filled with the undertow of 80,000 souls' depressions.

"ego-humbling" in my personal sense, as i have all my inner planets in cancer, mars in pices, and all the rest in the twelth house!!
Here i am, a "man", in America, the land of the "strong man", and I tremble at every little ole thing!

In my Imagination: a talk with friend, who is a soccer coach and is a bit "extrovert".
I tell him..."I, freestone, am a Sensitive, that is my Strength."
He talks..."soccer coach talk, about overcoming and being strong!
I say back to him...."why take STRONG FILM. take this ultra-sensitive, the finest-grained film that they make, and open up this camera and hold this film up to the noonday tropical sun, for an hour: this is STRONG film and strong film can take anything thrown at it, why you can drive nails with it, it is so strong"!
----maybe my reply will have it sink into him that one's soul-strength might have not a bit of relationship with what "Western man" might define as a "strength"! In my own case, one of my soul-abilities is in being of the finest grade of Litmus paper, or of the finest ball-bearing weather vane, a vane that can turn to detect the *faintest * breeze!
[you would not use a vaccum cleaner , on "suction" to blow leaves off of your driveway, would you now?!! a "soccer coach" just MIGHT!!]

*what* that means is that i am a "weather vane" in the collective uncounscouis, and that if i sit with someone at a table for coffee and he is depressed, HE would have to be "cured", by me/him/spirit, or else I am depressed with him!
I talked to a lady friend, once......."oh hello, how is your depression today"?
"I am NOT depressed, Stony"
"mumble mumble'.......
[what could i tell her, her depression was as obvious to me as the sun!! she might have been momentarily happy, but that moment of happy-nesss was "one hour out of 407,999 hours, of DE-pression depression!!" *that* encounter Taught me how the soul is built up over time, and the Aura was depressed, in her, such that I could feel, within her, the whole 20 years of her depression: any joy that she today had, was a mere "paint job", a surfaceness, on a vast body of depression!
when ya build a Mighty Muscle, through excercise, it will be huge!
dribble the basketball and when you stop dribbling, the ball will keep bouncing for quite some time!]
this poor lady has now a "home-base" in depression, and her soul will keep ever ever that form, as she keeps a-adding yet MORE depression to it, and this depression will pull her down, back to it, even as she lifts her head above the "depressional waters", for a moment of joy...this "joy" is "not real" to her soul, thus her soul would deny that moment of happyness, as not being "real"!
pour the concrete into a Form, and when the cement hardens, this form can be broken away and the concrete keeps the shape forever: "when the bottle is broken, the soul flies to heaven"!
when her body dies and her soul flies Free, it will be in that depression-shape! it will "like to like"...go to a place, in the spirit worlds, where depression *is* the Way! She might join the group of "Lamenting Angels"...those spirits who poeticly lament the Pain of existance: she will have discovered that her whole life-time, on earth, was Preparation for this service!

I. as a
feel it all...the anger of a street full of cars at rush hour....the happyness of a child...the depressions of
a mall-sitter, around the Fountain. there are some people that if i get even near them, i just want to go to a sink and wash wash wash wash, using the whole bar of soap...trying to C_L_E_A_N_S_E
my aura of this person's awfullness!
[prayer is much much better!!]
I can even feel the aura of a town, by running my finger over the map, over the town, on this map!
Makes it hard to be a "man" in america!!