Saturday, January 18, 2003

I have a friend who subscribes, somewhat, to the psychology
that everyone is basicly the same, in mind. Somehow, i suspect that he thinks that AUTISM is just another mental trip that one can just get out of by Proper Thinkings. as if it is *really* "your fault" if you are autistic!

In my own experiences with people, i sense that there are utterly utterly different ways of being human!
---like that lady who, i *think*, is not really set up to talk. Someone asked me about her hands, even though she is a street person, homeless, she has the MOST delicately manicured fingers!
of COURSE! just as one would want a pleasing face, to face people in talkings, she would have Beautifull hands as she uses her hands to talk! not in as in..."sign language: she deaf"...but that she is, apparently, *not* a verbal person, she talks with finger-gestures. i can well see how she is not part of society. ...there is little in common! as if she belongs 500 years in the past or 600 years in the future, or perhaps she Incarnated from another solar, planetary system's Race! and of course society judges that it is her fault, all she needs is some Counselings....

I have great trouble thinking two things at once. *SO* much so, that
i get tripped up anytime and everytime.
HOW can i eat comfortably with another person? i listen/talk *or* eat!! not both. as much of my focus is on the food, when i look at my food, the listener can greatly sense that and *that* is an utter social fatal error as that means that "i consider food more important than them"!!
that is how it is, and for most conversationalists, the social stroke-ploys just covers that! most people can look down for a second to slice a piece of carrot, while talking or listening and the other person accepts the act as part of the meal. but apparently for ME, since i have to put ALL my attention to the slicing of that carrot, it is utterly utterly apparent, to the other person, that i left his world to attend to something of my world!

--i once looked down to stir my sugared coffee, during the moment when my coffee-friend was baring his soul to me....and this SO offended him that he did not speak to me for over a MONTH!!

I have left entire meals on the table, untouched...not one bite, as my dinner-friend had such a intense, deep, conversation.....that i needed every bit of "brain power" in order to attend!

Rudolf Steiner says....that each person is a species in and of itself, especially compared with all the incarnations of that one soul through time. there is that "species similarity" between each and every incarnation. thus each of us, here, now, is utterly different from each other, and that is why much of the trouble comes in "communications"!
like: once i tried about three times to tell a lady where i lived, using images. there was no way she could mistake that i lived directly across from the one nursing home, in a town of 100 houses!
ah.....but she thinks in DIGITS!! in numbers. she kept asking me for my house number...i wondered why until i realized her Cant....she knew immediately where i lived once i told her the number of my apt!!