Tuesday, December 30, 2003

Tallahassee, the photo is not currant, but now it is the end of the year, still fall here, trees shedding their leaves. Soon, the new leaves will come out even as the old leaves fall...Spring and fall shake hands here....
By April, the daily 90 degrees will be back. I like that.

I finally have figured out my "one year to live" dream, back in may 13th of 2003!

[where the Master tells me, as I had Dream-traveled to Astral India, that he read, in 1938, while he was still alive on earth, my life-records, three years before I was born....That back then he read a whole bunch of these records, and he showed to me the astral copy of that record. I could see very well my name on it, it was mine all right, and the rest of the document was in some language that I could not read!
he then told me all about my lifeplan that was set up for me and I heard that I had finished everything: he read aright my lifeplans, and I had done ALL of them, finished them.
he then said....."In one year you will begin your Spirit life"!
*then* he mumbled some untranslatable comments about this, but the last word was in English, I heard it...
end of dream.]

now Dec 30 of 2003, one and onehalf years...

----46 days from may 13th to my birthday, and my mother's dream, where she came from heaven to tell me some number was when I was 57 and there were 57 days between 8that* dream and my birthday so that I just KNOW that the 46 days is MOST important!!

I came to Tallahassee fall of 1960 to begin school, really my whole creative adult life was spent here. My life of my soul. Tic now 43 years I have been here.
no 46 years if I were to have died in 2003!
but *what* about the "1938"? He could well have been counting from that....
three years to my birthday and then 43 years fro 1960!!

around thanksgiving, I sat on my morning toilet. I had had a rare, very *very*
hardpacked bowl movement the day before, and on this morning I looked down and saw the water in the bowl was
a hemorrhage that was shocking...Even a tablespoon of blood would look very very VERY bad!!
I had ruptured a hemorrhoid. In a day or two....It was "cured": but what a shock to see that red red water!

I know have a *VERY* good suspicion: that master's foreign language, now I can translate, sports fans!!

"You, freestone, will have one more year to live, from the day that you have a hemorrhage: that will occur, this hemorrhage, 46 years from 1946."!

"one year' as in "my father had one year from early November of 1986. "One year' as in that he died one year and one month later: "one year" means from....One year to maybe 18 months!! Not literally 12 months and zero days, probably!

spring 1938 to summer of 1941, my birth....3 1/4 years.
fall 1960 to November 2003...43 1/4 years..
46 years and one half year.
when I was calanderly 46 1/2....It was xmas of 1987, as I was born June 28th, EXACTLY 180 days from xmas.
my father died on xmas day of 1987!!!! After his one year extension: my mother also had a dream that Dudley would die at 72...He died at 73...One year extension as he forgave me, over the years.....

Friday, December 26, 2003

I have now "brought forwards' from the archives, many of my "most important and significant" astral travel experiences of heaven, on my other weblog, of *just* these experiences.


thus you can now go read them ,right on the very first page, of the
"December 2003, currant page"!
I was thinking, the other day, about a dream that I had months ago. This was an astral travel visit to a place in the "middle" heavenworlds, a place that I had been visiting for nearly

20 years!

I had not been there for about a year, and this time, I was amazed at what I saw....
It was as if there was a whole new "subdivision" of homes built there! In fact, most of the lands, of this heaven, was "overwritten"!!

---like going back to one's small hometown of 1000 people after ten years and finding that Honda corporation had built a factory next to it and now this "town" is a city of 300,000 people and a mega-mall sits where your childhood home was!!

As I sit here, pondering a moment this dream of six months ago, it is obvious to me that, as the Spirit Guides Teach....The heavens BELOW, at least, the "throne level, the Celestial Christ level...



what implications indeed!
----for *this* infers that the very very best of the "1965-2004+ changes-times"
will appear in these heavens! Not rustic cabins, perhaps, in my "Applalachin land"
but "Hippie/new age" homes with super, ultrafast Internet with computers and
Music of this age...as books...movies...etc..etc...of the 1965-2004+ times.
the very best.

thus we all, here on earth, are creating the very heavens that we all will go to...

I have gotten dreams, already, that many of the residents of these heavens, the "not too evolved" or "progressed"....they are not very happy with all the ideas and ways of the newcomers!!

too bad!
as the hippies began to change this world...heaven itself will change as they come in!
the phrase...."A new heaven, a new earth", in the bible, now has a more POTENT meaning!

one of the inferences, from this, is that all of the descriptions of heaven, given through mediums, are now probably
as by now our great changes here on earth, have percolated into the lower heavens so that these "old" heavens, depicted by 1930...1950 spirits, are now outdated!
the small town is no more, the mall covers your home, the computer internet will rule heaven....The heaven that awaits you will be a reflection of *this* world's "very very best"!!
"Spiritnet", anyone?!!

Tuesday, December 23, 2003

Out of body dream last night.

a "real" out of body dream! I dreamed that I was in a house with several roommates and I went out of body within the house, I could float through the walls and then float into the rooms where my "roommates" were. Maybe three other people. Then *they* all went out of body and I touched one of my roommates; he was only dimly aware that he was out of his body!! I could touch him, but anything in the house was like of a mist that I could pass through.

one small problem: I have no roommates and I live alone in a senior tower on the 5th floor and the dream was of a house surrounded by land, green fields!! I floated, often outdoors to see this....

*anther* "not so small' problem! I was not "I"!! I was another person!!
I was someone else, not "freestone".

I guess this is why the house-with-land, I "was" one of the people in this house of four roommates: somehow I did MORE than just dream his memories, as if I used someone else's memories....I WAS that person!

by far far, in my dreams...By far this one dream is not the only incidence of this!! I have, on occasion, dreamed a person's whole lifetime!
.....That store in SE Georgia! He grew up next to the family store, a rural store, I dreamed much of his childhood. I found the town on the map, later....

somehow, I seem to have the "ability" to insert my consciousness *into* the awareness of another person, as if I were that person!
---like of that gay guy, yesterday, in New York, when he met several of his gay friends and they had a very
"touchy-feely" reunion, very Loving, but very "gay-like"!!
[irrevelent that I am NOT gay"!!....There have been many many dreams, of this nature, that have me "animate" someone who I have nothing in common with, or even agree with the life-style of!!]

I have also "died" many times, died other people's deaths!!
drown....Car accident...Heart attacks....Being shot------you name it!

I wonder what my heaven will be like when I die?!!
I *could* find that I might not "own" myself!! What I mean by this is that I might find that I will not exist, as "freestone" there, after I die: I might live *AS* other people!!
live out there earthly life experiences as if I were them....

[think of the Possibilities!!]
...drug dealer in prison.
....Housewife of 4 children.
....summo wrestler

Monday, December 22, 2003

other worlds.....

So many of my dreams of late have been to places that seem to be

....A dream where I wandered around an open air plain, covered with trees and plants, a savannah, really. There were many many animals, of different species.
what struck me was that all of the animals,also were really REALLY different from any here on earth!! At the end of my dream I wandered into a hut and met a man who told me he was "my teacher for this dream"...And that he said to me..."How did you like you visit to the Sphere around another planet, around another sun"?!

...Another dream where I sat in a home with four men and talked. One of the men was dressed in white and had a "muslin" turban.

...Another dream was where I was in a place, in the astral, where there was a astral world where people from new York city lived. I was in a shop or building there and there were about four men in the room, and they all professed their "gayness".
they all joined in a big hug, a "homo hug"...Me included, even though I am not gay!!

....Yet another night, where I had a dream of going to some "alien world"...Probably one of earth's astral worlds. I cannot recall much of it, but "this is not Kansas anymore"!!

when one dreams of going to spirit realms, one often cannot choose, consciously, where and when and how....
like: since there is no "sex-orientation" in the afterlife, no Aids danger, no need for "puritan ethics", in many of the worlds.....
There may indeed be more "union" between two men or between two women, without Shame!!

millions of inhabited planets in our Galaxy....Each with their heavens.....
*that* is what the "dark matter' is composed of...From the Authority of some spirit guide that I read, channeled through a medium!!

millions of planets each with a million, or more, heavens *each*!!

-----better be Open to new experiences when ya die!!!!

Thursday, December 18, 2003

That picture, in my last post, the previous day.

Another world all right. India, and Sathya sai baba talking to villagers.

Strange person, this baba. Some say that he is not a human being! A psychic, who went to listen to him speak, noticed that she could not read him! Could not discern a bit about him. In fact she felt as if she was ascertaining the hole in a donut!
"no one home"!!
*then* baba mentioned, in his speech, that "psychics cannot read me": he looked at this Reader, and she knew that he was talking about her....

so who is "home" in baba?
who or WHAT is at the Seat of his Soul?!!

child sex abuse?!
I read the rants, the pains of crossed devotees....
but I also read a speech given by baba to a private group of people, in one of his speech-sessions, a speech that probably is not found on many websites, a speech that gives to me clues about this sex-thing!
Baba spoke about how now things are getting Serious, serious with the problem of people confusing his FORM with ..."love, truth, goodness"!
[like liking the cup containing the coffee, instead of the coffee within!]
"Something MUST now be done about this"...he says....."NOW"!!

---make sure that no one likes him anymore....everyone who has seen him until now, have Love-truth-goodness in their hearts and souls....need no more "outer baba form"!
Yes, myself, I suspect that the heaven world that baba has, for his devotees, has not ONE picture of sathya sai baba in this vast realm! You might live there for an age and not even know that there is anything of even "India" or Baba, there!!

Love...truth...goodness, have no shape or form that is particular to any one time or culture! Or to any one teacher's messages!

Tuesday, December 16, 2003

Monday, December 15, 2003

Interesting observation at the senior home!

Seems that I had a long talk with one of the weekend desk sitters, who sees and counsels many of the residence people, during the day.

She talked about "all the moving vans' that come when someone moves in, often!
As if a person who rents an small apartment, has six "U-hauls" and four Vans, trailing behind her!!

All her STUFF!!

But none of it is something that you can SEE!!

All her attitudes, her bitches, her "hanging on to the past"!

A certain lady who still is angry at her divorced husband, maybe ten to twenty years ago, and even I am not certain how long ago the Divorce occurred as it sounds as if it has occurred last week!!

I guess we all Collect! "grudges" more than "things"!

From what I know about the afterlife, *this* is truly what will actually go up there with you!! Not the things, the intangible stuff, the stuff in your soul.

all those vans will follow this lady through the Tombstone Door! They will all be parked, there, at the heavenly reception area! In fact they will stand between the arrivee and Jesus/the Guides/the Welcoming Relatives! All that she will see is the ten vans, full of her stuff, blocking the very gate!

She will have to live inside of the vans, for awhile, Nursing her "stuff"! The "awfulness" of her "ex", perhaps, or the "very very real" feeling of her anger and of her resentments! These will fill her existence, for awhile, I guess...Much as they did in her life on earth!

Friday, December 12, 2003

Well I finally figured out my DreamVision where my mother came to me to tell me some numbers!

May 2nd of 1999. In what seemed to be an "ordinary dream", I wandered along the driveway of my childhood home, out to the mailbox; I stood on the dirt road at the end of the driveway.

[my mother has been dead, now, since 1975, about 24 years.]

Suddenly this dream became "extraordinary"! My awareness increased to "Lucidness" as some spiritual energy infused the dream, and I noticed how the far open space, to the west, was being lit up as if the sun were rising! An Arch of light rose from the horizon, and under this arch, a figure about
500 foot tall and half a mile away appeared, as if this arch of light were a door into another reality.

It was my mother!!

My mother wore a shining white robe, glowing with white light as if it were the sun, and the white light streaming out from behind her was most impressive!

As IF she came way way down from a very high vibrational level of heaven, to see me.
surely that!

---and I heard her speak, speak softly in a voice that sounded far far away

"39 3 99 .... those numbers are in the Bible"

Then she faded away, leaving me with a great mystery, sports fans, a mystery that sometimes I had thought of, over the years.

I just just "come through" a period, from about may of 1998, until early October of 1998, where I was repeatedly WARNED, by vivid lucid dreams, that it was getting very very close to my Time To Die!!
the SECOND time in ten years this was so...Fall of 1993, I was in the hospital for 20 days, and nearly died . So the dreams got ever the more intense; about august of 1998, there was one that had it where a lady told me..."Freestone, your life force has run out"!! Then I got sick. Pneumonia. But between the vet clinic, antibiotics, and spirit, I healed. *then* I had a dream where another mysterious lady told me that...
"due to some help you gave your mother[??]....You will have an extension: be a prisoner of the flesh for a while longer, but not for a long time"! I left my hometown October 2, at 57 years of age.

A good guess that this Visit from heaven, by my mother had to do with this near death that September, as "mother" was involved in the extension dream
that the number of days between this mother-vision and my birthday...Was 57 days!!

---what did these numbers refer to?!!
about once a month, at coffee or on a walk, I pondered......

well, sports fans, now I know what the numbers refer to!
In 1993, I was 52 years old, when I nearly PHYSICALLY died! [no "symbolic death" here!!]
I had, by then, lived, on and off, in Tallahassee, for 33 years. 1960-1993. In this city, I had done most of my "adult" soul expressions, over the years; sometimes I would go back to visit my hometown for a year or two...But come back.
After my 1993 hospital stay, I spent 22 months in my hometown. Then 18 months in Tallahassee, then finally 16 months, again, in my hometown of Interlaken, where I had the other "death experience".
"33 years". Symbolic number, that. SO symbolic of Jesus and HIS death, that the
3 days my mother refers to, surely refers to the "he arose on the 3rd day"!!
but he was in "hell" for only ONE day! Friday 4pm, until Sunday 6 am....Is about 32 hours: ONE DAY!

so my 22 months in my hometown, after the hospital, counts as ONE YEAR!
Then...The next 18 months in Tallahassee, and the next 16 months in my hometown...Are of ONE year each!
*THERE* is the "3"!
1993 to 1998...is 3 years, by this Reckoning.

After I returned to Tallahassee, October 2nd of 1998, I have lived here since and now am
"awaiting' to see if that lady on the train is "right" where she tells me, November 28th,
...."You have One year: get ready"!!!!!
In the fall of 2004, I will be 63

So far, I have spent 57 years, in my hometown
If I add that to 33 years of Tallahassee, plus the "3 years", above, I get a total of 93 years.
when I returned to Tallahassee, in 1998, until the fall of 2004...Is 6 years.

93 + 6 = 99!!

the numbers revealed and now I have the Message interpreted, that my mother of 24 years in heaven hath given to me!!
39 years of Tallahassee and 57 years of "hometown", and "3" years of 22 to 16 months, for each period of time, the three places that I lived, after 1993, until October 2nd of 1998!

at the *VERY* least: I am "prophecised" to leave Tallahassee and never come back!!
probably my death.

I better be Ready!!

Thursday, December 11, 2003

I saw something, of another person, that struck me, the other day.

in the public library, where there is a computer room of about 15 computers with one printer, I sat at a computer and sent a page to be printed. I heard the printer print it, but I waited a moment before going over to pick up my 5 sheets of paper. Another person sent a print job through, right then, I could hear the printer print out another ten sheet, or so, of paper. Then I saw a young lady walk over to the printer to pick hers up. I figured then, that I ought to go get my stuff and when I went, low and behold, I saw that she took mine alone with hers!
I then walked over to her desk and mentioned to her that my job was in her pile of papers.

no response from her at all!!

I asked again, now TELLING her that my 5 pages were in her pile of papers.
she looked at me as if I "came from mars"....as if my request and statement had *ABSOLUTELY*
nothing to do with reality.

I asked once again; she slowly looked to the back of the pile, I could tell her interest was about .001%
Yes, my job was there, she handed me the sheets.

page 2-5, thank you!!

I told her that she handed me only the second through the last page and that my first page was still there. [ she did not even look, or even care to look!]
reluctantly she got that page for me....

...Utterly self-absorbed......

I pondered a minute what her future might be, years from now....She will marry and have a career, and live in this modern age...
will she marry a guy, have a baby, then fall in love with another man, and if she is articulate enough, she might tell her husband that "I gotta go where my heart lies, isn't the heart that one should follow?!!"
leave him with child....Then her next marriage/relationship will last another year until the *next* guy is seen!!

"young soul"
---this would be a good example, "just off of the boat"....


Tuesday, December 09, 2003

There are Times when I ponder "free will"!

*then* I ponder my January 1982 dream, where I was spending the winter at my sister's house deep in the Applachcian mountains near Asheville, north Carolina.
it was a long long dream, involving going to India and going to some master's ashram building, then a whole series of images that were "used" in the dream events...."a graphic novel", as it were.
Funny thing was, the next day as I took a walk to a place where I had not been to before, there were at least two scenes, that I walked by, that were in the dream!
*that* amazed me, as I had not walked that road before, this particular mountain road.
As the years went by, low and behold, each and *every* image in this dream was really of some physical place that I *WOULD* see some day!!
One by one, over the years....*that* fountain, in *that* park. *that* library wall in *that* city, a city that I had no idea of living in, when I moved there in 1989!!

On and on....Perhaps the last image that "came true" was around 1995.

free will??
I suspect that maybe free will exists but often "fated' people CHOSE the future while in the state before their birth, while they sat with the masters and Guides who help set up the life to come, on earth. Then when they are born, they see their life-events as "fated".

at least this dream reveals such for me, very very humbling over and over and over, to see about 20 or so places that were part of this dream, over a 12 to 15 year timeperiod!

there were several numbers in this dream too. One number referred to my "getting a car", the number of years from my birth to when I got this car!. The other number was also having to do with my life, somehow....

If I , i now see, if I now add up the numbers of the years that I lived, in several places [overlapping years!], up until I actually BOUGHT a new car, my only brand new car that I ever ever bought, the total comes to that number.
I figure that the other number is the number of years, in several overlapping places, that I would live *after* January of 1982.
I am still "working' on that one, as it is all too too possible to "fit', artificially, the numbers into a preconceived fittings! But as I see it, the "end" must be in 2004 or 2005!!

maybe I will overwrite this, by my 30+ years of life? By what I have done since I bought the car, back in 1966-67! ...And do more life livings.
maybe I will NOT overwrite.....

I must be, indeed, coming up to a "point' set up before I was born, to have all of these dreams, over the last few years...
SO SO much has changed, since the 1970s, for all of us....so many options, so many opportunities for personal growth, so much so that "enthusiasm has outrun self-disciplines" for many of us. There has been so many changes since the late 60s that perhaps the "set-date" for my death, has now been overwritten; I still get the echoes of the Date, in my dreams!
So much has changed, over the years, in my own life, surely the date WILL be overwritten!!

or maybe not.

Saturday, December 06, 2003

cornell university live camera.

on a 400 foot high hill overlooking cayuga lake, the wind has a 60 mile fetch, from the northwest; often blows 30 MPH at 20 degrees far.

You do not know how lucky you are!!

Friday, December 05, 2003

Hold the presses!!!

I finally figured out why I could not ever ever seem to read my "find" of the wonderful series of books where channeled descriptions of heaven were found!!
Seems that everytime that I sat down at the computer, there would be a library conference of four librarians about 5 feet away, or that lady, this morning, who sat down about one foot away at the next computer, closer to me than she would sit with her boyfriend...No reading possible!!

has to do with several things.
...That dream where I sat with sathya sai baba where he asked me if I wanted to help him with the Progression, in heaven, after I die, of "millions of souls"!
that is...to be one of the Workers who Counsel...Console newly arrived souls who are "stuck" in the lower realms after they die, me working in the "Office' of the baba organization, with his thousands of angels and other thousands of Volunteer, like of me, souls..
......Explains why I dream very very often, now, where I do not merely talk to afterlife spirits that I meet in the astral realms; I LIVE their earth-life experiences as if I *WERE* them!

Yes, since I am to read channeled books where the material is FROM the heavenralms, I "have to do here on earth exactly what I would be doing after I die...at the very same moment that I am reading!!
thus I had, with that girl, probably a choice: have sex with her right there, or else she and I talk of deep deep life experiences, from both of us, for hours and hours and hours, right there and then!
...And have a four hour talk with those librarians....

Most of "you" will go on to higher heavens after you come to the lower heavens and helped to Progress by spirits who work with the Christ, and the Enfranchised Master, spirits and Angels who are trained to do this, naturally they will 'stay behind" to help others after *you* go on upwards. Some of the helpers might be there for millions of ages, until every single earthly soul has come! Since there is about 100 years of heaventime for each ten years of earth: these helpers will be in the lower realms for a *LOOOOOONG* time!!

---and you say, "oh, to live another's experiences, how neat"!

I probably will have to, as an example, "hold the hands" of many many "childsex/abusers"!
to experience *as* them, their sexual experiences! Then...go find any of the children that they had sex with, if they have come up to heaven and Experience with them *their* sex experiences with their abuser, as they had experienced it, first person!! Then I would have to re-unite all of the children with the abuser who sexed them, and "sit there" to Mediate his victims with himself, the abuser!
Of course I will have to experience the death of each of the people that I counsel with: I have already "dreamdied' in many ways...been shot, drowned, poisoned, heart-attacked...etc.....

Since I have astral traveled to places that had names like
"Kabul"...or "Baghdad", and sat with bearded, robed, Muslims, I wonder what their beliefs are, even now.
Suppose I find out they are of the Al-Queada!
I might have to "live" their feelings as to why Infidel America must Convert Now!!

Thus, I see, today, before I die, in my year-to-come...I have to accept that every single way...Philosophy....Lifestyle, is Valid and a way to live. That there is something Good in all ways of life....whether childsex...gay...officeclerk...housewife.....pornography store owner....[ ].
[fill in the blank with the lifestyle that *you* dislike the very very most!!!]
whatever your most disliked path is...I might have to live, first-person, it with hundreds and hundreds of it's followers, after I die, and after I get Trained in counseling/consolings!!

this is why, probably, if I DO have only that one year, I will read the daily New York times, and the "National Inquirer", as well as play RPG computer games...instead of
"going to the monastery in retreat", that *most* people might do, if they knew that they had one year left!!

I must Understand even the more, the Diversity of Experiences!

*most* probably SHOULD do that, go to the Forest or monastery, but me? No! MOST people will not work in the lower realms, in "soul rescue" for a zillion ages!!
The sun may burn into a clinker, from old age, before I finally Retire from my job, as by then all the earth's souls will have come to the heavens!

So *this* is why I get such strong synchronisms from trying to read channeled material about where I am going to live soon!

the wonderful state library, here in tallahassee, has a nice section with computers. I finally found out why I never could use the PDF readers, on these computers, to read the huge and wonderful e-libray of
there must be 300 books and 200 links, there, of channeled old out of print books.

such a treasure trove and I could not read them!!
If I have but a year left on earth, better do some reading!!

so yesterday I found that the problem was that all but ONE computer had an out of date PDF reader, and finally I found that if I used that one computer, perhaps I can access!!

I sat down there.
Suddenly, at *right* that very second, four librarians came over to stand five feet away and they began to talk in earnest about changes in the floorplan!
talk for over an hour!!!
killed *that* plan!

so today I came in and sat down to that one computer and *just* as I did, a young lady comes over to sit down next to me at the next-over computer and she is about one foot away: NO HOPE! I got up to leave, telling her that if I sat there I *would* have to have a conversation with her as I would be physically closer to her than most people are when they talk!!

DO I HEAR ...."HIDDEN MESSAGE" hidden in these small sychronisms, sports fans?!!
that I should NOT spend my "last year' reading about heaven!! Perhaps I should
pay more attention to the physical world and to the people I relate to!

cannot take a walk until the shoes are good!
cannot drive without good tires!
cannot dance on the floor until the floor is fixed properly!!!

physical world
COMES VERY FIRST!!...in "heavenprep"!

---that is the message that I am getting!

one does not run out of a house into the sunlight *as* a "first action"!!
the "running out into the light" is the *last* thing that ya do!!
when you see the sunlight through the window, you first have to stop and wind down what you are doing. Then walk slowly around all of the furniture, you just cannot walk through the wall, can ya?!! Slowly finish up the stuff in the house then walk to the door and open it!

you want a cola drink. But then you have to find a store that sells it, then buy it, then put it in a cup. Then sit down...etc...etc...the very very LAST thing that you do is to actually drink it!!

99% of everything that you do... is "physical prep"!!

prepare for heaven? The last thing to do is to read books about how others have seen heaven!!

Wednesday, December 03, 2003

[a copy of a letter that I wrote to the newsgroup
alt:daggerfall, alt:comp:rpg, and the Elderscrolls forums, in "old games".]

So why did I uninstall the ultima games I-8, from my computer?!

Several days ago, I read something nice about the Fanmade patch for the Ultima IV, and this inspired me to take out my old copy of the origin box of ultima 1 through 8, and install them.
I went to gamefaqs to print out a few faqs and I looked yet again at the "user reviews" for all these games.
"U7...best game of all time"
"U6...the good old days, even better than 7"
praise praise praise.........
[images of thousands of old gamers bowing to the Gods of Old Dos machines]

I have an old 120 pentium, rescued from a yard sale, *just* to play old dos games with. All of 1.8 gigs of a hard drive: gotta be selective as to what games I put on it!
So I tried Ultima 6. A wonderful introduction, leading to....A MESS! The top down screen was SO pixilated that I could not even see where the characters and the enemies were! *this* is what happens when an old game, made for a 10" monitor, is played on a 17" screen! Too too fast! Even for a 120 Pentium, even with a slowdown program...too too fast, and when I really slow it down, the animation is "jerky"!
But what turned me off completely was the "unimmersion factor"!! Lots and lots of "facts and data"!
How can I put it, sports fans????....seems to me that the early players of computer games were the "Geeks", the "intellectuals", the "airheads"! I am NOT putting these people down, by any means, but with the limited graphics abilities of the early computers, the games were really made to be "played in one's head"! Thus, for me, everything was "too abstract", for me to enjoy! extreeeeemly abstract!
about as much "fun" as placing 5000 returned library bookslips into alphabetical order! Too, even on my 17" screen, the playing area was about six inches across: I could not become involved with anything on the screen!

I feel a bit like of being someone who dislikes classical music, and I am "supposed" to really like classical music!! Everyone, who is an "intellectual" raves and raves about the subtle qualities of, say, "classical music", and I prefer Rock!
Here I am with a whole compilation of the "greatest rpgs on the planet, of all time", and I find them all[with the exception of Ultima 7] an exercise in Abstraction and "Distancing" from what I can relate to!
[try eating coffee from the coffee cup with a Fork! No matter how many times you bring fork to mouth, dipping it in the coffee, so little of the coffee comes on the fork]
So here I sat, peering at a pixilated screen of three "heros" battling out with three[?] orks. This begins right at the beginning of the game and there are 548 battle-commands to use right away, to have remembered! I cannot even tell how many enemy there are!

---which brings me to Daggerfall!
On my main computer, I am now playing Dungeon siege, lots of graphics and lots of scenery, but a shallow game! I seem to prefer that! I crave "immersiveness" in a game, so much, that I seem to prefer graphics over gameplay, very very greatly! Neverwinter nights too!
on my dos computer, I recently reinstalled daggerfall. I played it out, once, the MainQuest, not following too many of the sidequests. Probably I will play it often now, just to roam around that World. The Music, alone, is some of the best gamemusic that I have ever heard, especially the night music, when I am out in the wilderness. SO mysterious!

of COURSE the psychological tests reveal that I am "left brained' and Attention deficeted so much that I would classify myself as "Autistic" DO classify myself as that! I rapport with Temple grandan, who
wrote the book...THINKING IN PICTURES. *All* of her thinkings are done only in images, like of my own....

which means....Graphics over cruddy storyline/gameplay...and nuts to the critics.

I have a gametheroy, sports fans.....
...that the recent involvement, of the "broader base" of younger gameplayers, tends to "fighting games and to "rpg-lite" is more of a reflection that *most* of the rest of us are more IMAGE ORIEENTATED
than the early gameplayers! I, myself, find that I can handle "stats" and "character management" only if there is a direct link to what I SEE, on the screen!
[in fact I have great trouble reading the game manuals until I play the game for awhile, if I read the manual FIRST, what I read means not a durned thing at all!! I have to keneticly DO the game before anything that I read makes sense.]

I might even find that I would *like* console fighting games, over "ultima 1-6!!
SOUL CALIBUR, perhaps, if I can find it....or the similar one for playstation!

my Time is short, I have to choose my games, I guess I have to NOT listen, or to read of, the "review experts" who play abstractly, in the future!!


Monday, December 01, 2003

Someone asked me, in a letter, about some of the symbolisms in my train dream, last week, where I was told by the conductor...."One year: get ready"!!

> Have You ever thought about the term "one
> year" as a symbol, or more an image for a
> deeper meaning ?
> I see, that there are facts that do contradict
> this interpretation, like the story of Your
> mother, who imagined her own death and
> the death of Your father...or Your experiences
> of living the life of strangers, or meeting with
> dead people within dream, experiences which
> also do not appear symbolic to me

> What is about natural rhythms of time (seven days
> of a week, four weeks of a month, twelve months
> of a year) ? Do You experience them as images or
> are they always meant literal in Your dreams ?
> - "ONE YEAR, get ready !"
> Do You have still something to do ?

> sincerely, xxxxxx
I thank you for your reply, and for the pictures too. I am going to post one of them into my weblog. Too....your questions are very good for me to ponder a bit about my dream, I am going to post some of this letter to my journal too....

tis interesting questions you ask about that "one year"!
Tis partly a cultural thing, that phrase. "you have one year to live"...the doctor confides to the patient, Xray in hand, the brain tumor is incurable!
"one year", is merely a nice round number, a chunk of time.

in my dream, I saw my own coat and hat, on the train seat, as I left, I made sure to grab them before I walked out: thus the dream was indeed my own, I was NOT dreaming someone else's dream! I saw a great river outside of my train window, just before that stop at Monongahela. A representation, perhaps, of the Crossing of the Styx!

After I got off of the train, I saw off into the distance that factory building with the words..."SCHISM CORPORATION" on it. I did a search in Google, there is no company name like that.
the word Schism means.....
The word schism is derived from the Greek σχισμα, schism, meaning division or split (from σχιζο, schizo, "to split").
......That *would* be a good definition as to what happens at death: a split off from the earthplane, *more* than "just a train trip to another country"!!

I had a very very similar type of dream just a few weeks before this, where in an ordinary dream my deceased sister came up to me and then said
"father Dudley will only live ten more years unless he learns how to love"!
[he died in 1987!!! But his wife had a prophetic
dream where he was SUPPOSED to have died in the fall of 1986, at 72 years, he lived ONE MORE YEAR, as he now forgave his son, so that the son, me, came to be with him for that year...A grand reunion...His face glowed with happiness each day that I came to see him! He lived one more year, dying at 73, about a 13 or 14 month extension.
mother also, in the same dream, foresaw her own death in TEN YEARS.
...Thus, the model is there, in the mother's prophecy, for the "ten years' and the "one year"!!

yes Dudley lived 11 years.]

I have a theory here about the mechanics of both dreams. That the message was delivered by an OBJECTIVE, real, person! A real living Spirit-person, my sister who died in 1986, and a Guide, in each dream. They came "down" from heaven and entered my dreamworld where I stand at the Border of the spirit worlds.

the message is delivered, a lady speaks.
*then*, only then, my subconscious creates a dream scene. This is why the message even sounds "more real" than the dream. The message comes first, then I create a fantasy around it, then I awake, with this fantasy encapsulating the message within it! As, furthermore, I create the fantasy, I imbue this 'story" with symbolic elements that reflect the message!

...Tis be *like* someone tells me a message, then I go sit down in a coffee shop and make up a story with that message in it, and then recite that story to a group of people that night.

thus, when I wake up, I receive my own story. And...the story is made up of reflections that I made up, thus the story is "not as true" as the original message.

---and the message?
in both cases, they come from a living spirit, a spirit that once was a earth person. Just because someone says it, does not mean that it is True! That Conductor on the train, why I created her role as conductor, in my fantasy, but she is a Spirit communicator of the message: she may have read it aright, from the Astral records, but she might not have got the dates right!!

OK, lets ASSUME that her message is correct. This might have little to do with me at all!!


for instance:

Hidden Codes in the Bible by Roy A. Reinhold revised 11/15/98

In 1997, THE BIBLE CODE, a book by Michael Drosnin burst on to the scene, proposing that there are hidden coded texts recording all of history in the Hebrew textus receptus (the Masoretic text) of the Torah. THE BIBLE

One last cautionary note before we delve into the prophetic implications. All those involved in the ELS research, caution that we don't know enough specific knowledge of how the Creator of the codes intended a nearness of terms at the same ELS, to apply and form a meaningful set of data. For example, if near terms are found at the same letter spacing, do they always apply to each other, or are there other nearby terms which are the intended correct association of terms? Without caution, we could mix up terms in close proximity and form a prediction of the future which was never intended by God our Father, the Creator of the codes and Author of the Bible. However, the evidence of past historical events recorded thousands of years ago in Bible prophecy and the Bible codes, means that future events are also there. We just need to exercise caution in our searching of the codes, as well as common sense. A software program called Bible Codes Plus was released to the public in October 1998 with dictionary search capability, a function which may make codes research about the future much easier. The problem with looking for future events in the codes, is that we often don't know what to look for. Dictionary searches are a new brute-force method of identifying all words/phrases in the displayed matrix.

Also, the philosophical question arises, just how much free will do we have, if the historical record was written down beforehand in prophecy and the Bible codes? The answer is that we have free will, but the Author of the Bible and the codes is God, who stands outside the creation and is not the creation itself as so many new-agers would have you believe. Being outside of the creation, He is able to view all of history and each person's life and choices and see what they choose. Pre-knowledge by God does not negate the free will given to each human.

Implications of THE BIBLE CODE in prophecy

In chapter 6, a couple of findings from the book, THE BIBLE CODE, hit me like a ton of bricks. The term "world war" was encoded with the term "in 5766" for the possible year. In another place, the term "atomic holocaust" was encoded with the term "in 5766". In another place the term "great earthquake" was encoded with the term "in 5766." In another place, the term "great earthquake" was encoded with "Japan" and "in 5766." And in another place the term "economic collapse" was encoded with the term "fire, earthquake struck Japan."

For those of you who don't know, the year 5766 runs from October 4, 2005 to September 22, 2006. These dates are from Rosh Hashanah in 2005 to the day before the next Rosh Hashanah in 2006. The dates are from the current Jewish calender. For example, June 26, 1997 is Sivan 21 of 5757, and the year 5758 begins on Rosh Hashanah, which is October 2, 1997. The implications of the year 5766 could be staggering. I'd like to make some preliminary proposals subject to revision and correction. Please, please, please, consider the following a "what if" type of scenario. If, if, if, if, if the hidden codes are correct in the above association of terms concerning the year 5766, then the following is possible.

If, if, if, if and only if the Bible codes are correct in citing the year 5766 as the time when world war 3 occurs, then from my table of dates, World War 3 will start immediately after the abomination of desolation in the Temple on 31 January/1 February 2006. That means working backwards, the peace treaty of prophecy will occur on 19/20 September 2002. That also means that Jesus (Yeshua) will come to reign on the earth 1290 days after the abomination of desolation on 13/14 August 2009. The fulfillment of prophecy of Yom Kippur will occur on 27/28 September 2009, and the fulfillment of Succoth after the judgment of the peoples of the earth will occur on 2/3 October 2009 and run for 8 days.


In "bible code II"...the writer dwells upon the 2005
possible date for WWIII and/or earthquakes!!

what I am saying, is that there might be some great disaster then, around 2005 or 2006!

"Schism" for *YOU* too!!!
for many of us, a date that might be "set in concrete", where some disaster occurs, a date set up long long ago, and prophets see it coming...

anyway, I digress....

So what happened to my may 13th, 2002, dream where a India master read me the record that he transcribed *while* he was out of body, in 1938, where he read that "I had one year to live"?!!
I was born in 1941, my lifepath was then set up, and set up perhaps to die in 2003, would be the fall of 2003,
and die of a HEMORRHAGE, to boot!!

Father DID learn to love, he lived one more year.
I, too, must have "learned to love" as I dropped my own plans to drive the 1200 miles to be with father for that year!!
thus I would also "have one year extension"!
*not* die in the fall of 2003, as the master read, but die one year later. Father lived another 14 months, thus very very late 2004, or early 2005, for MY version of this "extension"!

Too...I nearly died, in 1993, of a Lung condition, and I was in the hospital in November of 1993, for about 20 days. My room was only 200 feet from where my father was, in 1986, on the same days, in November!
*this*, sports fans, is TEN YEARS apart!

what all this 'rambling" is about, everyone....Is that there is a PATTERN apparent here, a pattern that shows that there is a strong possibility that I have now my father's "one year extension"!!

Thus, that Master is not wrong, in the may 13th prophecy! Like of my father, the date was Overwritten, and for over a year.

Now the ball is thrown back to me, what can I DO for that year to come?!
I can ignore the dream message, of course. I can assume, too, that "it is only symbolic" of some personal 'ego-death", a "mere" change of residence, or whatnot.
There probably will be yet more dreams ahead....I am still "recovering' from the message, I do not know yet what I will do....

Saturday, November 29, 2003

-----a good site for pictures of Scotland!


A Dream, yes a dream that gives to me yet more Doubts.......

Seemed to be an "ordinary dream", I was on a train, in this dream, a train that went on and on for what
seemed to be for hours. The train was supposed to take me to my hometown, in new York state, it had a train station once....But I saw
a great river from the window and this river was not of Seneca county. The train was bound for new York city.
A lady stewardess, or Conductor, came by to look at my ticket and she told me that my stop was next, and she helped me get off of this train.
I saw that the station was deliperated and the signpost read...


I took a walk from the station, across some Industrial-ruin type of open land, with old factories off in the distance with grass growing between the tracks of the railroad tracks. Off in the distance I could see the downtown of an old 1920 industrial city; buildings from the 1920s, unchanged. Ahead of me was what looked to be a great steel mill, the smoketowers reaching for the sky.

Monongahelia, Pennsylvania, just outside of Pittsburgh. Yes....I have never been within 80 miles of this milltown!!

there is a "convention" in writing and in life where if one , say, goes to a bar or cafe, and has lunch, just as one leaves, the bartender says something "off the wall" to you...*and* you better listen as he tells ya something of vast Importance.!
"buy united Gear"...he might say to you, as you put on your hat, to leave! He does NOT know that the day before you read in the wall street journal, on page 14, a once inch notice that United Gear Corp. is going public at $2 a share! You then buy a 1000 shares and a year later the company is bought out at a vast vast profit!!

so there is a "Incidence" of this in my not-so-ordinary, ordinary dream!!

*JUST* as I stepped off of the train, onto the platform, the lady conductor suddenly tells me, in a voice that was *not* part of the dream.....



Waitttt a minute!
Here I am, getting off of this train into a place Unexpected and then I am Told that I have one year to get ready for something.....Did not help matters that one of the major factories that I saw had a big signboard on the front of it...."SCHISM CORPORATION"!

...I wonder what astral records that she consulted with?
Betcha I know where and what she is referring to.....

but is she right?!
what do I bet?!
This a couple of weeks after my sister tells me.....coming from heaven to tell me..."Father Dudley will live ten more years unless he learns how to love"! But he died in 1987, one more year after Mom's prophecy date for him to die: a year extension as he Forgave me, and we two had a wonderful reunion!

"In one year you will begin your spirit life" the master told me, in dream, on may 13th of 2002..

MAY have a "one year extension" encoded within it!!
thus, *not*..."2003-4
but extended to 2004-5!!

thus the "limit" is may 13th of 2005, if I have a year of "extension"!!

one year to get ready, the Conductor tells me, in a Tone of a "Stern Warning". I better listen!!

I better not cancel my "one year to live" weblog!!!!!!

Wednesday, November 26, 2003

well here it is theday before thanksgiving, here in Tallahassee. I give to you all the photo of one of the outlying wild places. there is mystery here.....

Tuesday, November 25, 2003

hoo hoo....
I am still recovering from yet another Encounter, with someone that I knew from years ago.

"chapel perilous"
---this is where a soul has evolved, in the reincarnations, so that this soul has Progressed to the level where thoughts and feelings can actually
something to the environment around this person!!!

Real Magik!!
...and NO Rituals...incantations....Evocations,
are needed, or even thought of: just the person walking down the street and having a thought, with a feeling with it, about a house he passes....is enough!!
Enough to maybe have a window break, or perhaps a spill of coffee, by the owner, against the white paint, days or even weeks later!!!

"chapel perilous"...as this point in the evolution, of this soul, is fraught with the greatest, greatest of
dangers that if this person has not yet kept up with his own soul-growth, to keep up with the soul level, he Could Do Real Damage!!
Damage all right, being "immature" or just not evolved enough, in *this* life, why he could hurt, ruin, or even destroy things!
*then* that negative karma is added to his soul-karma!!

when, years ago, I just "merely" talked to this person, that night a bugspray truck
came mistakenly right into the property and nearly sprayed the insides of my trailer!!

I have now learned that just to talk to him, that following night will mean "an intrusion" of something to keep me awake!

Being in such a situation, this person....Ouch!
If such a person were to criticize, say, a church he goes to, criticize it with "real", and valid comments about how "awful" this church is....His comments could actually affect this church and the people within it! *MAKE* the church actually become the negative thing, even the greater than it is, by his comments! Then he will see that this church has become even more "negative".

the Wheel tightens.....
the Spin, of the whirlpool, becomes faster...
Now this church, being seen as being now even the more "negative", by this person, of course he will see this and then fling back to one and all what he sees! Then the church becomes even more to reflect his now even the more negative attitude...Which of course he will have him to *really* put the place down for "really really good reasons!"

how far will it go?: in music....the microphone/speaker loop, will go to "howl-squeal"!
Probably the church will end up burning down, say....*then* he might say that "God
did vindictive action against this place"!!

see...*most* of us are protected by our "young soulness"! You or I might have negative feelings about the house/people next door, but nothing will be connected between you and them: your feelings are just that and they are contained.
NOT so this Chapel perilous person! His feeling judgment will "try", by this "magik", to directly affect this thing that he has the feeling about!!

a saying I read....
"to someone with a great power, must also come a great Responsibility"!

On my childhood rifle caliber-22 bullet box....
"range one mile, be careful"!!

with *this* magik person, each and every thought and feeling has a "range" of miles and miles: *everything* Deforms, around him, to his judgments!!

---so what is the "cure" for this soul?!
more self-discipline, probably....
too, this soul should try to Connect with the further growth of his soul, to enable the Spiritual realms, crossing the Abyss of "being able to Magik, but not yet grown in Wisdom and Understanding, ladled with a lot of LOVE! *then* he might be a Positive "emitter" of love and Aid, to all those around him!!

Problem is, with this person that I know, is that many of his critical statements about a place, a cafe, food, the weather, are quite quite CORRECT!
[every city, every restaurant, every person...has "warts"!!
anything can be validly criticized. Only *this* person's criticisms Bite!]

do I not agree with him, in criticism?
---that is like denying that the "sky is blue colored"!
If he, say, tells me that the cafe coffee is bitter and cold, and I taste that, he is not wrong! The waitress, behind the kitchen, not even hearing what he says, might have spilled grease on her white smock; not connecting this small accident to this person's feelings, but his critique Did Damage!!

do I expect him to be a "polyanna"?!!! Nothing but sweetness and upbeatness?
cannot be done. Should not be done. Not real, anyway....for him to try this.

I think that many Hippies near-ruined their lives, when they got "increased awareness", via drugs or Rituals!! They accelerated the "magik" side of their soul, ahead of the growth of Understanding, wisdom, and love! They did real damage, to others...to themselves.
if one multviatimen pill is Good for ya, then is 100 pills, of this multivitamen, 100 times better?! 100 pills per day.
--probably many of the hippie-gurus fell into this....just recall the "squirrelyness" of that Antelope Community, out there in Oregon! Not "Ras-Nesh, so much, but all of his inner circle of devotees. All of that power and Kundilini!!
short circuits to the lower chackras, I guess; pupils do not yet have their upper Centers ready to stand the intense vibrations....

I guess, if I meet this person again, I will have to TRY to not agree with things he says that seem "negative"....with 5 planets in Cancer including the sun and moon: all of the inner planets with mars in Pisces.....this could be very very hard to do, as a Cancer archetype is TO bond with the other person being related to!!

Monday, November 24, 2003

Interesting how I dream other people's dreams!!

least it seems that way!
It is getting ever ever the more so, now, after I moved to Georgia belle. It is as if I use other people's life experiences, and use them to weave my dreams with: I live as if I *am* someone else, in these dreams!
Tis usually "astral' too....I am in a spirit place, usually a place so very near the earth sphere that one might think it is here on earth, except that there are ways that I see to be able to tell that it is not.

last night, I dimly recall being amongst a group of several people who went with a Guide to see a brotherel section of an astral slum! About ten to twenty people went on this "tour". Yes a whole block of protistutes and a kitchen area, dining area just for them, as if all of the block were really all of one "house"!
the girls all wore red dresses and all were of the black race. So were "house managers and workers"...all of the negro race. Customers too.
several of the tour takers were white people!
*some* of these tour-takers freaked out! I could watch how some "little old lady"
just frreeeaked!....went into denial mode and froze in disgust. The red-dressed ladies stood in a room, where their were rooms off to the sides for the customers.
food in the kitchen dining area too: pork chittlens and food of the old black south!
[astral replication of a large old Mississippi town's slum???]
I can dimly recall being fondled by one of these ladies...

so you wanna dream other people's dreams?!!
well...some of them are *NOT* nice!!!!!
I have died often over the years, dying where I relieved other people's deaths.
falling...Drowning....Heart attacks....You name it! Having sex too, *as* a woman....
Russia, china,France...different places.

Once I was one of about 20 gay men having a nakedparty in a lakefront cottage somewheres by a large lake! 20 naked men writhing in sex-orgy, in the living room, a huge orgy of gaysex! I awoke as someone's penis was inserted into my rectum!!
I, a 'straight" older man of 62, why this certainly was a different kind of experience!! Be that way when ya dream other people's lives......

Thursday, November 20, 2003

men at work cutting down a tree. As I walked to my church, for lunch, where they have that cafe in the kitchen area, open to the public....I saw besides the church, where a row of nice liveoak trees were, men cutting down one or two, they had died, recently!
about a year ago, the church restored their 150 year old building, a great Undertaking for the church, a great re-vitialization, for them.

I saw a deep ditch dug next to the two trees, last year, and then 10 ton trucks mashed down the grass, the killing stroke, for these trees!!

---there was a letter on the table, for everyone to read, about how sad they were
that they had to remove these dying trees....They will plant more later.

I noted how these two trees died in the process to Restore the old, beautiful church!!
They gave their lives, in a sense, in sacrifice, for this Undertaking
I have Noticed!
noticed how something has to die, in order for a "new" to be built!
I even read, once, of how an artist sat before her blank canvass, unable to paint a single stroke, in her beginning of her painting!! She then saw that she was afraid to KILL the canvass!!
I guess, when anything is transformed, the prior thing is "killed", *must* be killed first!!

when the Dutch settlers first settled Manhattan island, the center of new York city, in the 1600s, this island was renowned for its sweet springs and wonderful farmland!
[Lots of trees gave their lives for *that* city!!]

well, Jesus, himself, gave his life, for us all.....

I suspect that most people in this church are unaware that the trees died, as a result of the new construction: this "reconstruction took a year and, yes, the Sancuary is very very beautiful!
two trees gave their lives, for this....

perhaps the artist who stared at that blank canvass should have gone out to a pet shop and got two baby white mice and set her two cats on the living room rug and then let the mice out and watched very very closely as the cats pounced upon them and killed them and ate up each!
mouse.....goes to....*cat*: transformation!!

even if we walk on down to the VEGAN food store, we crush hundreds of bugs under our shoes!!
even if I get a job, surely perhaps the person next in line, for this job, "needed"
it more than I...Maybe he has 6 kids and is broke, and needs it far far more than I!!
even if I just buy a item in the store, the other brands of the same item that I passed up...well....several Eastern Asian workers did NOT get fed that day....for their work: i did NOT buy their work!!

I can sense why some "ana", or anorexic, people feel ashamed just to take up space and use oxygen!!

solution: accept that for each thing that ya do, something has to die!!
just be sure that the 'death' is worthwhile; that the SACRIFICE is for a good cause!!
be sure that the transformed event is "higher in octave vibration" than the subject that died!!



.......About Zarfhome

Zarfhome is my web site. Zarfhome is about what I do.

Zarfhome is not a "blog", or web-log. A web-log is a personal collection of links to other web sites. Zarfhome has some links to other web sites, but they are footnotes -- "see also" links. Zarfhome is about the material I put up on Zarfhome.

Zarfhome is not a diary. I don't update it every day. I don't sit down and create material solely because Zarfhome needs something new.

Zarfhome is about what I do, and some of what I do is commercial.

I do a lot. If you wander this site, you'll see that. I have things that are art, things that are games, things that are programs, things that are tools. I think some of these things are pretty cool.

I want you to see my cool things, sure. But I want more. I want everyone to do more cool things; I want more cool things, more than I can produce, more than any one person could produce.

...More writeups, on this interesting site, on my
link weblog!

[I have this here weblog, of just links, and a write-up, about each of the sites that I link to, for me to Keep Track of all the AMAZING sites that I have found, over the months, so that I can find them again!
So please come look at all the Interesting places that I have seen.....]

Wednesday, November 19, 2003

I can find myself in the way you are thinking,however I really believe that the youth these days doesn`t listen to the words or music but rather to the beat,because this is the "beat" they live to...................in this world.

...A comment that someone wrote, about "anger" and music of kids today...In a recent post.

Yes I agree with this!
I, a psychic sensitive, get angry just from walking a block along a city street full of traffic!! All those people in those cars....I can just imagine how....

---she is late for her meeting, why wont the car ahead speed up?!!
---he hates it, so stupid the driver next to him....
the whole population, in this age of "increased awareness" is ever the more up against
"Resistances", something to overcome or to get completed!

anger, too...as so many people in a city are so individualistic, that anything and everything that you say, or make public, will offend someone DEEPLY and they will
take it very very personally and might even take you to task for it!!

there was an old computer game, made by Bethsoft/besetha, called
"Arena". A RPG world where every bit of the world outside of the towns fought you, thus the whole world was called "the Arena"!

so it is indeed "in the air"!
the very atmosphere , in cities, is saturated with anger and this is not necessrarily a bad thing, if one can channel this anger to some creative act.

Monday, November 17, 2003

at the coffee shop this morning at 7 am, the college girl behind the counter and i talked a bit about
"why the ANGER in music, today"!

I had to leave as she had suddenly many more customers, but she wants to talk about it tomorrow.
I told her
"i cannot imagine how someone would be comfortable listening to anger, in their car, for hours and hours, unless this music were one with their souls!" Perhaps this angermusic reflects something wrong with our whole culture!
I will have to talk to her this week.

Thursday, November 13, 2003

There is a yahoo/egroups mailing list called "earthchanges", I wrote this letter, below, to them just now. I got tired of seeing posts, on this list, that seemingly ranted on and on and on, using superhyped words, describing spiritual and political ideas!
I think in images, thus these words were lost on me. Paragraphs and paragraphs...Pages and pages of words like of jet contrails at 30,000 feet: look so pretty up there but so far away! I cannot reach up and touch these contrails!


Hello everyone,

Been awhile since I wrote a "personal" letter to "Earthchanges", as I have forwarded my weblog journal from
my weblog, at
over the months.

---there was a couple of entries that caught my eye, as I read through...

One, a review of a book....."15,000 times more advanced than the Christ" [the entity spoke of]
[how? why? who is the Christ? What Does this high level mean?....Questions not asked or answered, in this review!]

two...Letters with paragraphs and pages and pages and pages of
verbal words that I cannot pick up, as I think only in images...Mostly political and financial words!

All this reminds me, sports fans, of an image that I once had, of a person with a bowl of water, eating it with a fork! 95% of that water slipped through the tongs of this fork so that he had to really really make fast motions of "fork to mouth" over and over, at a very fast speed, in order to get any water into his mouth!

I call this..."Spiritual Inflation"!
This is where the message gets ever ever ever the more strident or ever the more Grandiose/complex, as "simple descriptions" are "not enough"!
[like in "drug fix", as one must take ever the more of the drug in order to get the same high!]

In ADVERTISEMENTS: this "inflation" usually means that the product advertised is less in Quality than what is presented---the empty-er the product, the more the talk, the more the hype!

For ME, I have a simple outlook on "life-reality"!

---heaven IS!
---heaven is full of spirits, Guides, Masters, and ascended Avatars, like of Jesus, and they all want to help you.
---the higher the heaven [there are many levels]
the more Love, Truth, goodness, beauty, are the Reality, there.

--like attracts like.
---we all go to *a* heaven after we die. [some levels are *not* nice, I have astral traveled to some of these hells!]

thus, sports fans, the Simple Philosophy of Freestone is....Live here in the world, in your life, *LIKE*
you are now living in the highest heavens, where Jesus lives, where Love, Truth, Goodness, beauty, are the reality. Having the Celestial heavens in your heart, as you live your life, will attract you to there after you die, AND while you are alive, on earth, in that Vibration, you will have the Angels, Angelic souls, and
Jesus....As your spirit companions, in spirit, to help you on your lifepath!

live here now like you are already There!

---that is SO simple, that one line!


Wednesday, November 12, 2003


Late afternoon, I went to my once per week coffee shop. I soon became very
DEPRESSED! For no reason, seemingly, and I left, and only after a bit of time did the depression go away.
Of COURSE! The coffee shop is right next to the American Legion Hall, *and* the Viet Nam vet Center!! Less than 100 feet away, for both! And it *is* veteran's day, the day of Mourning........

Oh beware, I say, for a "psychic sensitive", if you, sports fan, are one....Be aware of your thoughts and of your feelings: often they are not your own!!

I have often come to grief, as I have picked up the atmosphere around me and thought it was my own stuff! Tis a "no brainer' that a Legion Hall, on Veteran's Day, will have an aura of depression! But I have often ate in cafes that *looked* nice, but were filled with anger or depression!

---and that vet thing, I can well imagine that part of the Pain, in the air, comes not only for sadness over the fallen Vets, it is that in the Iraq war, the killings go on and on and on and there seems to be no way to stop these deaths!
Oh we could get out, then have the country go into a bloodbath as the factions fight amongst themselves and then the "winner" go to Purge everyone who resisted! 100,000+ we are talking of here, maybe 1,000,000-plus!!
Oh we could "go the imperialist extreme"....Go in and make Iraq and afghan *part* of America...Go in and make them into permanent American states!!
Oh we could "muddle on, trying to institute democracy into a place where it could take 500 years to cultivate amongst the people a sense of what democracy is!!
"zero to 100 MPH in .0000002 seconds"....That is "getting democacy to work in Iraq"!

Get Used to DEATH!!

perhaps we all could get used to the Idea of "culling the herd"...Get out of Iraq and then let Darwin
Take the Course....Survival of the fittest and then in that part of the world the population will be Culled to a very very low level: better for the earth's environment!!

There was a editorialist in the local paper who wrote, to me, an Interesting idea: that America is about "79 AD"...About the time of the volcanic ruin of Pompeii, where the Imperial might of Rome was stretched too too thin, and Christianity is about to "excoragate", or convert, the core of the ruling class of Rome and cause it to fall.
---this writer ponders that perhaps in the West, a Cult will rise, a cult that will end America as a way of life!
I shudder!!
I fear that someday we ALL will decide, collectively, that "freedom of choice" just leads to chaos and then we all choose to stop this by letting some authoritative Person or Cult, do all our thinkings for us, so that we all can go on to living our lives without stress or fear!
I do NOT fear, so much, the idea of a cult, I fear much MORE greatly that *each* of us, individually, "when it is Time to do so" will just choose this as a collective, near unconscious act!! That suddenly you, and I, will *WANT* this, and then do it: back to

"super...Ultra" Puritanism

of some sort, and NO deviant thinkings will be permitted, as that Pendulum swings way way way back, in its "corrective" swingings!!!

If, I fear, the extremist El-Queada world, would ever feel that they "have won", if America pulls out, they will feel that their extremism is Justified!
Soon, then, very soon later, the earth will become Polorized between the West and the Muslim
fundamentalists: both cannot co-exist in the same space and then you *will* learn how to shoot a gun or else contemplate your Tombstone!!
----the Owner's manual speaks of this, in the Book of Revelation!!

ah yes, a mess; but if you, sports fan, were to accept that you WILL die, by old age if nothing else, then you can go on living, enjoying our


of "now and today", making the best of it, knowing that winter's breath will come some day!!
Sometimes the very BEST weather occurs during that Fall period of the year!

MY guess is that the Mayan calendar date of 2011.....2012...2015 [thereabouts]
is the Time of the Frost of Winter: either earthquakes...astroid...war....or all of the above at once, will occur.
the West will die, then, as either a political entity or of a physical entity!

but that gives us all 10 to 12 years or so......to make amends...learn to love...finish up our Lessons of soul growings.
......My thought for veterans day.........Freestone

Monday, November 10, 2003


the 10th of november already!!

Now i know *much* more about my mother's may 2, 1999, dream where she came down from her upper heavens to meet me out of body to tell me three numbers!

"3 39 99"

Assuming that my sister's visit from heaven interpets to where I live to be 73, dying in 2014-5, then
from mother's death date of october 5th 1975 to october of 2014.....

----IS 39 YEARS!!

well, it looks as if i have a few more years left, sports fans! Time to live, to write more stuff in my weblogs....
astral travel nightly, now.....I slept, like 10 hours last night and I followed one man to heaven, but my telling of the tale would be hard to do, in a short letter, and too too vague.

so i use that metaphorof that mysterious spanish moss, here! Those wooded mossey trees have to me a kind of "gothic mystery"!

that there is MORE to what one sees, than what is apparent to the immediate senses!!!

I will leave, here, for today....tommorrow is a holiday and most of the libraies are closed....

Saturday, November 08, 2003

that car image seems to confer to me a symbol of what my "I might live only a few months", thing, means to me!!


stuck in the Crossing, as I wait wait wait to die, tomorrow...next day...or????Whenever!!

I *could* get stuck like this.

HOWEVER.....Last night's dream is the "logjam breaker", now I have not this concern anymore!!

on November 5th, In the middle of nameless, unremembered, not so important dreams, all of a sudden I became very *VERY* vividly awake, in my dream!! Something from "Outside" intruded into my subconscious dream spasms!!
"outside" as in 'from Spirit realm"!

It was my sister Suanna!! She died in 1986, the spring of 1986.

I was sitting on my childhood bed, back in my childhood room, and then she appeared and then she told me just one sentence and this sentence , the TONE of this sentence is a tone that I cannot convey in print, the Tone was *very* gravid, very very s-e-r-i-o-u-s in tone, the kind of voice that implies
"you NEED to burn this one into your brain, your memory"!!

she said,


I immediately woke up!

a prophecy of great import: but one littttle trouble: Dudley died in 1987!!!!
He was prophesied to die at 72, according to my mother's vision, but he lived yet one more extra year as he forgave his son [me] and we two had a grand reunion!!
Dudley learned how to love!!!

---so suanna would be as if she was giving to me that prophecy on about November 5th of 1976, the same date that my friend Jeff bought the house and trailer that I lived in until a month ago. 1976...1986 = 10 years, and one more year makes it 11 years to 1987. Dudley lived 11 years from Nov 5th of 1976.

on Nov 5th of *this* year, the dream day....Jeff Signs the contract to SELL the property!! 27 years later. Maybe to the day!!

is suanna's dream a veiled warning that I am not "loving", or just what *is* her meaning to this message?!
I would consider myself to be "loving"...Especially in the light of going back to my my hometown to be with my father for a year, in 1986-7!

well, I could ramble on here...But her message is......In Code: Freestone, me, will live another 11 years!! Die at 73 years old, *like* my father *And* my grandfather, before me! 2014...27 years after father died!!

that is the message:


Wednesday, November 05, 2003


why is it that autistic people have problems with "disorder" and "changes in routines": my take on this!

Yes, sports fans, I have wondered that too...
I do not think that the doctors and the psyc people really know why, and I *think* I know why!!
these doctors and the psyc people often do not think in images so that they are clueless as to why
so many autistic children and adults have so much trouble in changing of routines and of even
something like of this...
"mama, when you clean my room, please oh please do not disturb anything on the desk"
"yes son, I will not touch a thing"
Mama goes into room and lifts a bandana off of the desk to clean under it and then places this bandana-cloth back down in the same spot.
Son has a temper tantrum of huge magnitude and the fragile bond between he and Mom is almost ruined, as the Trust between he and mom is gone.

Mom, see, did not place that bandana down on the desk in the *EXACT* same spot!!!! She was
clueless!! She thought that merely placing it in the same place is the same as placing it in the INDENTICAL same spot!

as in...
change for a $20 bill comes to about $19.00, you get $19.00 back from the clerk, for a candy bar, as you pay with a $20.
change is $19.01
---they are *NOT* the same! You *would* make a fuss would you not?!!

I was clued in on this, once, when I visited a house that I lived in for years, as it was halfway being demolished, and the living room was partially bulldozed so that the walls were all crooked. My head felt as if it were in a vise, as the room, outside, did not correspond to my image of the room INSIDE
of my brain!

*that* is the secret as to "why" of why autistic kids have trouble with changes, I feel!!
I think in image pictures and thus I have an image of my desktop inside of my head and if someone were to move a bandanna that is on top of this desk, just .001 of an inch, to the left, then this outer image is NOT in correspondence with my inner image!!
[one can get a feel of this process by using their computer to copy an image from one internet site onto their computer. This user would get *very* upset if that image did NOT get transferred correctly!! Thus, for an autistic person, the outer image, of something, is the same as the inner image: when this is "ruined", there is great stress!
Same with time too! "time' is a kind of image space.

I would imagine that most autistic kids have so so so little self-confidence, as it is, that any "out of their control" activity, really really un-nerves them! [like the mother moving that cloth!]

solution: stand by the kid and tell the child that the bandanna must be picked up so that the desk can be cleaned! Either ask him to pick it up himself, or to pick it up with him watching. Maybe even placing
his hand on top of it with your hand on top of his and then BOTH of you move the cloth!
try to have it where there is a 'safe place", like his room, where nothing is moved

As long as he or she is "part of the Process", of changes, the stress will be less, and the Trust will increase!!

suppose you wake up one morning and find that you car is about one foot closer to the curb than where you recall parking it. Did the car move? Is the brakes failing?! Later, that day, at your office, you take a break from your desk to get a coke and when you come back with can in hand, your desk is moved to the other side of the room!! And no one admits to moving it.
after work, you go out to find that your white car is a pink car! A raspberry pink!!

you LOSE IT!!!!!
---how would you like to live your whole life like that?!! Many auties do!!

what occurs is that once an image of something is formed, whether of a room, or of a routine, in time/place, that image is in the brain, and naturally that person expects that the outer thing that is the image, will be always the same, just like the inner image. Like two wings of a butterfly, each wing *must* be the utter mirror image of each other, or there is a great
DISCORDANT, if one wing does not mirror the other wing!

---you know that feeling when that row of trees outside of your window, that you have looked at for 10 years, has it where one tree falls over and is removed. Then you suddenly feel very "disturbed" whenever you look at this row as that missing tree spot really REALLY stands out, as inside your head there is still that solid row of trees!!

*this* is magnified incredibly greatly, I feel, in autism!

the "trick" is, for a help, probably....is to have the child try to be "in control" of all the changes. If he HAS to have something changed, try to do it with him.
just as...

that lady who finds her car turn pink.........Suppose a officemate comes to her and tells her that he paints cars on the side and here is an offer that you cannot refuse and your car is fading and needs a paint job, and I have a special on pink tint!! He paints her car pink, while she is at work: he returns the car at 5 pm....
SHE is In Control,of the Change!!

Tuesday, November 04, 2003


well last night's astral traveling sure takes the cake for strange and even "threatoning" material!!
I say "threatening" as what I saw goes against many grains of what people would like to read when they read about "someone going to heaven , out of body, to see places there!!!

Of course I cannot recall much of what I saw. It seemed that I was with some faceless Guide, who remained in the background, and most of my vision-activities revolved around watching and following several souls, spirit lives. I followed the progress of several people's advancements, after they got arrived, via death, into these Spirit lands.
there were the "usual" scenes of a soul being counseled and consoled, a "new arrivee" in heaven.

I particularly followed one soul, a soul that was told that she had to walk to, and to enter, the DEAD FOREST! She was told that she must enter this woods of dead trees, as a kind of "punishment", or "reward" for something that she did on earth while alive. This walk into this woods apparently is supposed to show to her the symbolic meaning of a major life-choice, and to what this choice means, symbolically, in the spirit worlds and to what Ethical meaning that this choice inferred.
I "hovered", as in a "third person computer game, in third person" overhead of this person, as the counselor pointed his finger severely in the direction of what appears to be a woods of nothing but dead trees and brown soil. She slowly walked along a trail into this woods, apparently unknowing to as to what would happen to her there. She walked slowly past the first trees.
SUDDENLY several of the nearby trees began to move as if they were living arms of some beast, and the trunks and branches acted like arms, arms that reached over the path and then the closest trunks whipped down upon this girl. Oh I could hear her SCREAM in AGONY AGONY........A squalling
series of screams that inferred that her whole worldsenses were of nothing but pain pain pain pain....
such pain that eventually she "burned out" and that she fell unconscious!

read: "pain to the MAX"!!!!!

then only the counselor and I were still there, next to these woods: I could see, about 30 feet away, a pile of rags under the trunks...Mashed flesh protruding!
this counselor turned to me and said.....[my words]
"she has to go to Hell, to experience these hells, to learn what her life means. She has to Know that
every action lived, has a symbolic correspondence in heaven, and in heaven that corresponding meaning is no longer *just* a symbol: it is what will be experienced, *AS* an experience, in the heaven worlds! She will be there for quite a while, in the various hell places, but not 'forever""!!
.....He added: " these hells are there.... As for many people who arrive into the heavens with "negative"
life paths, they must be broken, broken in body and in soul, as *that* is the only way that their "castle" of ego-rigidity can be breached!!. The only way that the meaning of their lives can be Understood, is to have it engraved into their soul-body, by various physical torments! Otherwise, their ego-castle would be such, that it would endure forever, unchanged and unchangeable, that soul would never never grow! If it cannot change, it must be SHATTERED FROM WITHOUT, in the hells!!!!"

Hell exists, and it is Not Nice! *this* one is awful!!
[I can guess as to why the punishment: "dead wood" of a "dead wood parts of a life"
"WEIGH'S ONE DOWN" in life. Thus one must endure the weight of 3 ton limbs, crushing one's body in utter pain, in heaven, afterwards....]

double yipes!
----for from what I see, in this, and in other of my experiences, the Bible -thumpers are right and true: hell exists and is real and that many many souls need to go there for awhile!...Only it is "not forever". Must seem like
"forever' to the poor soul who endures tortures of a hundred years in length!!

the second experience is "not much better"!!

---I am now in another spirit place and I can see down into the physical world. There is another soul
near me and he is trying to influence the actions of people in the scene below me. What are the earth people doing, in the laboratory that I see, upon the earth?
why developing, via breedings and genetics, animals for wars!! Breeding attack rats that are as big as cats with teeth TWO INCHES OR MORE in length! Cat size...Dog size: rats to attack troops and people with! I could dimly see yet more animals, even larger animals, in the background!
The Spirit , who was trying to influence the lab people, was ANGRY! He apparently was angry at
the great great MISUSE of animals, of life, for this purpose of wars and killings! Angry too, at the genetic manipulations: playing God for Diabolic ends!!
I, just before I left the dreams, I saw the body and face of this spirit person. He was trying to stop
these scientists, somehow, by any means possible [heart attacks?!] from carrying out their plans...
He looked "India indian"....had a orange or gold colored robe on.
The face?! I have seen it before, I think! A LIVING person, someone else who went out of body to be in the astral, thus MORE EFFECTIVE at altering the scienctist's actions, perhaps.
a living person on earth...
I think it could have been Sathya Sai baba!

in a lab, in some country.......?????????

Monday, November 03, 2003

My take on dyslexia----------

Yes, I now have a personal image of what dyslexia is.....

I am standing on a dirt road. There is a row of fenceposts besides this road. Five in all.
each post has four papers at the top, with a letter, the same letter on all four sheets and the sheets arranged so that the letter is viewed from all the four sides.

from left to right, as I walk along the path, the post "read"

......P O S T S........

as I stand at the right end of these five fenceposts, I turn around and look behind me and then someone up ahead of me, on this path, asks me to turn and tell me what the closest post is.
I tell him..."the S post."
then I note that these post spell out a word, a nonsense word as I read them from the closest post, back to the furtherest away

s t s o p

it would *NOT* be correct for me to start back at the beginning of the row of posts to do this!!
*that* would be like as if someone were to ask me, on January 10th, what I did yesterday, and then I went back to Jan 1st and then worked up to January 9th! Naturally I would "turn around" mentally, and then just "look" at my previous day, and if I needed also to see what I did on the 8th, I would back up one more day, and not go back to Jan 1st, again.

ah...Sports fans...That word "naturally"!!

*this* is what we all are supposed to do with reading a word: do an unnatural thing....."Go back to the very beginning of the month of January to see what was done on the 8th, go back to Jan 1st and then go forwards again!!
...Be like me at the 5th post, saying that the closest post is the first post, way back down the road!!
be like I drive to Los Angeles, from new York city and then someone were to ask me in Los angeles what the last big city was that I drove through last before arriving at L A? If I said....Philadelphia, pa...This questioner would think I was crazy!

but *THAT* is what is expected with "reading, writing, and words"!!!!!

I betcha that the higher preponderances of dyslexia people are found in people who think in images!!

so that is my take on
People who have trouble doing an "unnatural thing"!!

Friday, October 31, 2003


I went, last night, to the Tallahassee CARD office, for to meet some
"high level functioning/asperger" adults, to feel out setting up a support group for adult autistics.
There were about four of us there.

Interesting. Most of the autism-focus is upon "kids", but the awareness of the problem of "adults" is growing.
I saw three "normal-looking" men. It was only after talking for awhile with the three of them, that I noted some of their struggles.
More than the Autism, their childhood-onwards problems had more to do with a "self-image" problem, then it actually did with disabilities! Everyone around them "put them down"...Then they learned to internalize this. The oldest person there, of the three, was about 55. They all grew up in a less aware times.
The next thing that I noted, in common, was all of them having trouble living in a world and in a time of
"MULTITASKINGS"! As I told one guy..."I, myself, have trouble doing one-half thing at a time: good grief, try doing six things at once"!!
My own take, on these people...Was that while they had "disabilities", the Times and the Age and the Ways, of our modern culture, makes it even the harder for "Independent livings"!
Oh, the support is there, the support for independent living is there, and better than ever....But the need to multi-task and to think in ways that is *NOT* a strength of a autistic person, makes it harder to live in our culture , I feel!!
yes, one can do 'clerical work" perhaps, like several of these men, but the jobs are often the "lower
level" jobs! Their Intelligence and their creavitiveness has problems manifesting to the world!

we, in this country, seem to devote most of our ways of life to
"verbal thinkings", and to abstractions. abstractions that are not image based at all.


that car reviewer who reviewed a European sports car with its modern computer-controlled command system: to turn on the radio to one Particular station, took 32 discrete commands and if you messed up somewheres you have to start over and you have to devote every bit of attention to setting these commands...No attention to the road! Of course there is not one way to just manually "turn on the radio"!!
it is this system or else!! else you do not use the radio!!

One man told of how he just knows that he cannot drive! takes too too much multifocusing on several things at one time! I agreed...."putting on the brake" has absolutely NOTHING to do with 'turning the steering wheel", and I find that I have to focus on one OR the other!! Not both at once: try *that* with your windows computer: two programs at once and see how fast you will get that "illegal action code: shut down"!!!
So if he pushes the brake pedal, all of his attention is there and not a bit is left for anything else!

I, myself, got someone irked, once. I was not eating my dinner as I talked with him and he commented on this fact that my roast beef was just sitting there uneaton, he commented sort of "putdownly"! I replied that...."How in somethings name can I eat
that roast beef when I am *IN* the picture of the streets that you are describing?! You are telling me about the streets of new York, the streets that I have walked, myself, years ago, and I see no roast beef there on the sidewalk! Oh, I suppose I can leave my image to focus on lifting the knife upwards and inserting it, with fork, onto the meat and cutting and cutting, having to pay attention to eachmovement of this knife and fork and to cut and fork and stab and place in mouth and chew. I am not in 5th avenue then, and in fact that scene is gone gone gone, I cannot get back to where it was before I tore away from it to pay attention to my food: I do not ask you, seatmeate, to tell me what you ate on July 8th, of 1991, for supper, do I? You forgot that long long ago, thus when I leave your picture image, it is


and I have trouble restarting it, so please just let me listen and to talk, the food is not a relevant thing!!
it gets in the way!

I have left entire meals upon the table, after an hour or so of talk, as both of us get up to leave!

The other men, why one guy even told me, first, what my awareness-philosophy is....In his own words, before I got around to telling my version. That his world is seen through a knothole, while everyone else has a picture-window, to peer through!!

so this is some of my observations and of course all this description of the meeting is not organized in a sense as I describe it
"associatively"! I make a VERY poor organizer, when I review something!