Monday, September 30, 2002

--oh the Wonder of plastic bags!
[ ijust got one to use to carry away some printed paper, i printed a LOT here at the other library as the other library uses ink that is TOO TOO irretating, for me!]

at least for a person with Reactions to chemicals!
as long as the bags are not scented or put next to my face!

there are many people out there who react to fumes and chemicals and i am one of them! runs in my family: my sister was medically allergic to cigarette smoke and the wheelchair lady, in her office, had more public access rights than she did!
moral: some people who LOOK healthy, on the outside, may actually be much more handicapped than anyone who looks handicapped!

someone looked at me strangely as i RAN up to the bus and used my Disibility card! I told her that i have to sit three seats away from her as her perfume would
knock a dog down at 50 yards, so she would never be attacked by a dog! i told her a can run just a bit but that church is OUT!
---with books and many newspapers and clubs and mall stores and movie theaters!

I was a miner's canary in my past life, so to speak!

I read that there are a group of people who live in a Colony, in texas...they build their huts from scratch and line it with the allergic's friend...aluminum foil. they all are allergic to PLASTIC! they are also allerfic to near they live in a pure air place and wear only raw cotton clothes and no body cologones and deoderents at all.

So i have a "half full cup". i can go out and do things...least a computer screen does not smell! as long as the wirings do not outgas, in the computer!
but i have trouble with the walkthroughs for my games as they are printed on paper using INK!

they changed it the last ten years! book paper too! the National geographic is off limits. i have not a book or mag in my home unless it is sealed away in the cupboard!
I can read a newspaper IF it sits a bit to outgas!

Saturday, September 28, 2002

---I sent a letter to a person who asked me about my dreams: "do I dream other people's experiences, often?". this is where i first person dream dreams where I AM the other person and live his experiences as if i were that person.

this is freestone from "my life after
near death experiences".
You gave to me a comment about my
dreaming other people's realities
and you asked me if i did this a lot.

my answer...Yes...a lot!
I could fill a book...hundreds
and hundreds of these dreams.
sometimes i go to a map to look
up the places i have seen and low and behold,
they are there.
the man that i was, in the dream,
i can still recall the image of him
looking across an interstate-like
six lane road, to over the hill,
the birch trees to the side,
as he/I ruminated about the city
over there that this road was a ring
loop around...MOSCOW, russia!

then how about that GAY orgy that
i was at, in the lakeside cottage
where about 20 men, naked, had an
orgy...i was one of them and i was
there until the penis went up my
rectum and i too much!
my not being gay has nothing to do
with it: i still dreamed it!

do not ask how many times i have died!!
been shot, drowned, fall off of cliffs,
car accidents...first person dying
another person's death.

i have even "retrospected" people's
whole that man in
northest Mississippi state! his
whole childhood, place names and
road numbers...i even recall, after
i awaoke...that this man was a friend
that i knew from my FSU college days
back in 1960!
over the world!
first person living bits and
pieces of other people's lives.

I have the feeling that this is done
A LOT in heaven!
that anything that we did to another
person, here on earth, we live what
was done *as* the recipient, when we get to heaven!
we are one another....nearly. that
is a major lesson from this.
at least we all are interconnected
and what i throw
it will come back to me, literally.

I do not know if i use the memories
of a person or that i AM that person,
in these dreams. nor do i know if
they are living on earth or in heaven.

Thus, i cannot hold "favorites'
or biases or prejudeces, as I am
"the other" as well as myself!

thus i am FORCED to "love everyone"
as they are me!
i surely should love myself!!

thus...if i "hate someone" now..
when i die, i will recieve that hate
back, as I AM that person hated!
same with love!
---*that* is one of the major
philosophical rammifications that
i see, for me, from this!

as i say...least once or twice per week i dream other people's lives..
I have been in prison and
as woman and sex as man...
been killed and died...

on earth, from this...basicly
i see that each of us is right
in every way, in our
life-choices...just different
slants. and i mean ALL of it!
the gay man is perfectly right
in his gayness, even if he wants
to teach school...Bin labin has
Something of Importance to say to
americans...the serial killer is
making His Statement...
and if these extreme examples of
"rightness" seem to offend...just
HOW would you like it if you WERE
that person who was ben labin or
the serial killer and someone
told you to change your ways?!
yes, just imagine that you WERE
that serial killer...try to
imagine how and why you killed all
those people....what justification do you have and why you feel that it was right!

I will have to imagine that, imagine
their serial killings *AS* they did,
first i will be a
counselor in heaven to maybe
hundreds of serial killers!
live their lives. experience
their experiences...only then
could i even begin, in humility,
to help them, as i must first
live with them their killing
experiences and their motives
and meanings as to why they killed
like they did, on earth!!


see...most earthly counselors just lay
a trip of their own Bias onto the
"client" as their
own little world-view is all that
they CAN know, as they can only
live out their own life.
not so in heaven! there, a counselor
works out WITH the client, the life.
AS the client! this poor serial
killer, of course, will also have
to live out the lives of all of his
victums too!!

Spirit gives to me a year to
live...i have no regrets...i am
told that i will be one of the
counselors there...they need all the
help that they can get, needing
hundreds of thousands of counselors,
probably...especially if a war or
earthchange were to send millions
to heaven before
their alloted time to come, so that
they arrive unprepared!
[would you like to volenteer, in your
prayers, to become a counselor? you
CAN, in your prayers, do so!!]

I have rambled enough...i will also
post this in my Journal[s].
I tuned to my favorite rock station yesterday and got a NASTY surprise!

"pirate radio" panama city, florida.
I can just pick it up from tallahassee...a not too hardrock station, a station that i have enjoyed from the 1970s.....

Clear channel corporation owns it.

surprise? Mood Music! the same two "elevator music" tunes over and over with an announcement about the change in Format...monday!
---probably TO Mood Music!

yes about 80% of the FM stations in this 2002 country are owned by only a few corporations. Once, in the 1960s...FM was commercial-free and nice.
In tallahassee, this format change goes on at the drop of a Rating Report. of the 15-odd radio stations, two companies own them all...
about once per three months, I Get That Surprise....a station Gone To something else!

probably even the manager of Pirate radio got five minutes notice! everyone fired and all the rock people get a job grilling hamburgers at a fast food place....for a job!

---maybe *that* is why my dream last night relects this...a small dream about how America is being slowly infiltrated with "VESTED INTERESTS"! everything is becoming that. soon, even the schools will use fast food companies to teach our kids and *everything* will be an advertisement. even computer software, like games, will be full of "placements"!

Friday, September 27, 2002

sometimes i try to imagine what i need to do, here, now, to get ready to go to heaven....even after my dreams tell me that "there is nothing more that i can do to get ready"?!

this morning, i prayed to have a different approach to this matter. After I die, seeing that i am somehow "supposed" to be some sort of aide/counselor/healer to other incoming disturbed/dysfunctional a "job description" there in heaven, after probably "schooling" of some sorts to learn how to do this: what I need to do, in my short time left, is to "get ready" by seeing what i can do here that will help my Ability to do this work, there in heaven, better!

somehow i feel it is NOT in "joining some religious order or monestary, in prayer, purification, and pentenance"!
perhaps it is in playing computer games and reading GRAPHIC novels ["adult" comic books!].
perhaps it is in reading zillions of weblogs!

----to develop my Imagination, especially in imaginating how it is to look at life through someone else's way of being and thinking/feelings! HOW can i relate with a "client", there in heaven, unless i have some of his way of life IN my soul, to start with? If i can not imagine it, i cannot see it in others, in heaven.

Gotta think out of my own box!
there are probably 126,093+ ways of life that my mother would *not* approve of, or cannot even imagine!
My little town of Interlaken, all 600 souls...they, many of them, see life through a *small* set of glasses
and Judges everyone by their Values. I have a relative, a wonderfull christian lady...she listens to Christian Radio all day long. wonderfull values...her and the radio mindset: betcha 99% of my "clients" in heaven do NOT share those values, though! what does Christian radio think about..."homo. Lesbo. hip-hop.
Scientology.LSD.Shintoism.hippie.Pearl Jam. Hopi.Exu.[Spiritist religion] NPR."...etc...etc.?!!

-the galaxy Looms huge, overhead....they say that there are 10,000,000 stars *just* within the bowel of the Big Dipper... the number of stars in our Galaxy must be Huge. probably 10,000,000+ planets with Ensouled
beings. I wonder how my home town and Christian radio would deal with the Mores and Morals and Ethics...of some of these 10,000,000 races? I will meet some beings from some of these places, in heaven: gotta get out of my Mindset!

Thursday, September 26, 2002

Lo i wonder about my small obsession with computer games! why?! I found a site that has about 50
home-made adventure games! i downloaded a bunch of them, games made by fans, with the Adventure-kit
...if you are actually interested!!

I could Imagine many pshycological reasons that some people could give....but i would like to think that
Heaven is where Imagination will really be where it is at!

Take last night's dream!
I was another person, in this person's apartment, *AS* the other person! i have many many of my dreams like this! I either am using another person's memory-bank of experience-memories, or else i actually "AM" that other person, briefly! I suspect that when i arrive in heaven, i will often, when i meet a person, not listen to what he says....but to actually experience what he has experienced!

THIS will really really need, from me, "an open mind"! i cannot have the Luxery of harboring a Bias or Bigotry! But *as* "freestone", I am full full of them! comes with being that SPONGE called "a child growing up"! gotta have an open mind and heart, entering heaven!
How can i enter another person's reality if i have a fixed mindset on "this is right: this is wrong" and block out what someone could give to me?!
Interesting, at my coffee shop this morning!

Two 18 year old college kids working the counter with the radio playing NPR classical music. Normally the classical music on this national public radio, is very nice to hear.

NOT this morning!
I do not recall the name of the piece, but i could call it..."emotional cartharsis INTEN-sity in B-Sharp-major, with overtones of nervious breakdown"...the kindof music that, for me, *must* be listened to: the tone of the piece is like of someone fighting 30 monsters in the Mine with swords and clamor of klingston shields, sweat just a-pouring off the arms....yo ho mates, and gung ho!

---the two kids did not even notice!
No One ever ever ever does, it seems, anywhere, anytime! " INSENSITIVITY"...i see, is actually a
good survival trait in our today's world.

Wednesday, September 25, 2002


I do not write very well on anything "political"!

I see before me a golf course green, with the surrounding grass....going way way off towards the Tee! i am on my hands and knees with a pair of fingernail scissors, snipping the grass blade by blade, cutting all of the grass this way instead of using a lawnmower, and the whole green and the Tee area and all inbetween....needs cutting.
blade by blade, snip snip snip. by the time i get to anywhere near half done, the grass at the very very back that i started at....will need a-cutting again!!

---each blade of grass is a newspaper comment about some "terrible" thing, in the world. perhaps some Injustice, or some action against nature or Humanity, or some such political act! i would need to comment of course and i would never never end commenting!
Cutting Kudzu-vine piles on Interstate 10, leaf by leaf......will not work!

Tuesday, September 24, 2002

A newspaper article the other day.....

""""" The average lifespan of a Black male is still low. it is about the same age as men in Bangalesh [!!]! In south side chicago, the lifespan is about 58 years. why?!
poor treatment due to race and a stoacism due to all the years of mistreatment, perhaps."""""""

An eye-opening article , this. 58 years for a black man in America.
high blood pressure and strokes, the article says.....

I recall how many many researchers nearly lost their jobs and tenure when in the 70s they suggested that the reason why so many mexican indians were so alcohol-ruined, was because of a genetic difference between the indian people and other people of different races!
Seems this article about black men suggests that there might not be any differences between blacks and whites in the genetic department, at all!!

to ME, this smacks of the Biggest racist attitude, of all!!!
for IF there were no differences, then the black race is not allowed to develop their genetic racial stengths at all! those 'strengths"
may not be acceptable to the European culture-----eliminate them!!
so if there were no genetic differences, then the black men should just learn how to live the North European way, just like everyone else, in Teutonic world.....a world of Time, thought, disipline, structure....."the leaves are more important than the tree" [german].

what would be the genetic strengths of the black race?!
Tis not me to say......probably has to do with physical agility and abilities...[sports], and deep feelings, family closeness, and a inate feeling for Spirit. these values do not really fit in with the western business ethic that Rules hereabouts, nowadays...

as someone actually told me, in 1960 tallahassee, florida...."the white man does all the work: the black man has all the fun"!

our timecrunch age has little fun!

----end of rant-for-today!

Thursday, September 19, 2002

that "ana" site...the Futurebird site! [ ]
Yesterday i went to it and found many links. there are also links in the "Faq" section, links to dairyland
dairies where the pain is raw raw raw.....
there is a "forum" too....someday she is gonna mail me the password and i will be tempted to post there!
Perhaps i will....
this letter, my "letter to ana-people"!

here goes, here goes what I think about all of this....Having stared at "Eating Disorder", myself, in the face, in my youth!

This morning, at my coffee cafe, they had NPR public radio on and the classical music had a nice
quiet Numenious sound to it. Then the young college kids came out of the kitchen and they changed the station to an, to me, Obnoxious country music station. mostly talk show, at 7 am...a talk show of jabbering monkeys on drugs...gibber...gibber...gibber, like of a metronome on the fastest setting....and the Advertisements!
the ads were nothin but the car ads that i dislike, the most bassy, brassy..."if that person were a guest in my house i would call the police, citing intruder, to them"!
these college kids love this stuff, and today i can see why. because they are *like* that inside. that is the quality of their souls so that for them, this stuff is balm and lifeitself! they are hyperkenetic, without direction or focus.

so what does my mornings observation has to do with Anorexia"!
---everything!! the perfect metaphor!

Oh yes, i have read the books...know the psychological reasonings as to "whys".
Control. power. Addiction. pain. lack-of-selfworth-feelings, brainchemicals-highs-due-to-starvation, worship-by-culture-of-"thin"...etc...etc.

My reason has nothing to do with these!
for....I feel that Anorexia is a metaphor for a secret that is buried in the American way of life!
which is....we ALL are Anorexic! even the "350 lb fatties"!

these two college kids in my cafe! they react and act very very snitty-emotional *as* a way of life, to everything. positively or negatively. there is no depth to them, either due to age or due to what is in their souls....and *that* is my point!
we each have a starved soul! our souls are not being fed, by the way we live! all the changes of the last 40 years has "we fly to california but our souls travel to there by slow covered wagon"!
and the culture is not feeding us soul-food! only outer superficial experiences and that perhaps "the purchase" will fill the void, the hollow empty feelings. thus we react and act, to everything, without a center of gravity within! Tis all "outer" and superfical, where appearances count and the wrapper on the box *is* all, let alone the box----and inside this box, of most of us, is a starved starved soul!
got that?! "empty hollow feelings"?! "life's a bitch them you die"? just listen to "X-105" and hear the Songs and the Music...over and over and over and over.....
the Pain of the ANA people is the pain of a person with a withered soul. Most of us "healthy people"....even if they weigh 500 pounds....and PERHAPS that is *why* they weigh so so much: they try to fill the Void Within!!
yes...perhaps much of our collective overeatings is each of us trying to fill a Void. eat eat eat till we puff up like a balloon, by none of these calories can be assimulated by our souls! so we over-compensate by eating ever the more!

Most of us are Anorexic in our souls. there is little soul in us, it is "56 lbs"...each of us: THAT
is the parable and metaphor that Anorexia is, for me!
we are not taught, in school and college, how to grow a soul! or what is "soul-food"!
"religion" does NOT work! all religion is..... is some group's Control-freak trip, on ya!
"soul" has also to do with Spirit and life-eternal, the afterlife world, after you die. soul, with spirit within it, is the only thing that "goes with you" into the afterlife! And we are taught to put the care and feeding our our souls....LAST, in every life-choice and life-action!!

thus "ana" people are the "miner's canaries", to us all....they KNOW the emptyness within, and accept that...but most non-anapeople do not even know that they are in Pain, of *that* kind of emptyness-pain!!
They feel that their pain has to do with "box problems"...not "soul-problems"!

most of us feel that life has no meaning, and that there is no meaning in anything....a classical symptom of a withered, anorexic, soul! cynicism and sarcasm abound.....
thus a person with a anorexic soul, on a walk down the street, he cannot appreciate the mysterious sound of a train whistle, miles away...the sounds of birds chirpping...the pretty clouds in the sky...the feeling that everything, "out there" is interconnected and interconnected to himself as well!
he is on the cell-phone, in his car, in traffic, in a hurry: he has not a moment to spare, anyway, even if he was on foot, for the birds, sky, trainwhistle!
---and our culture, our way of life, in the Western world, is NOT training us, in the school system, or in the
family, or in the value "trainwhistles...birdsongs...skies"!
so our souls grow the ever the more EMACIATED, as we grow older, losing that Innocence that was our childhood-soul, as we each grow older....growing ever smaller, not larger, our we age!

there. my metaphor for Anorexia! we all are Anorexic, and are clueless! it sometimes takes a death of one's loved one[s], or a Near death hospital experience, in Intensive care, where "mr death sits there and looks through his rolledex/notebook" to see if it is *your* Appointed Time, awaken one to Things of Soul/Spirit!


Wednesday, September 18, 2002

---the "ana" sites that I saw! that link, there, yesterday, the "futurebird link....a door to the ANA sites.
links and links and journals, diries, homepages.

gotta think about this one for a bit........

Tuesday, September 17, 2002

---a comment that i made on the "thin page"

this is mastersite of "ana" people. list. note the Sunday new york times article
in the sunday mag, about a week ago. people who choose, mostly teenagers...people who choose to be thin and anorexic as a way of life.

its about control. self-control. not only is the teen-ager's family pushing their way of life upon the kid; the whole of society is too!
listen to the ADS! buy buy buy and consume. be manipulated to buy!
in fact, perhaps our schools CANNOT teach a kid to think for themselves, as no one would buy anything, with that mentality and we WOULD have a great depression, ala 1930, for sure!
thus we are taught to be emotional and hyper so that we each can be Manipulated to consume, whether the thing-consumed is even truly wanted
by us or not!
so many little girls, for instance, are made to be sex objects, at 10...8...even five years old! our society, thusly, lives THROUGH our kids!!
thus our lives, the "kids" and teens, do not belong to us at all, we teens. our lives belong to the adults who run their lives through us.

i can thus see why "denial" is one very good way to say..."NO", to this manipulation!
to claim and reclaim
a space of "I AM"!
I am individual.

"when the food is poisoned, fasting is the only healthy way"...anon.

would i be thin and "unhealthy"...but have MY space, independant of the
great flood of manipulative
stuff that comes from family, relatives, society?
or would I food, thoughts, ways of life, feelings...from our culture
and family, and be "healthy" but not have "ownership" of my own life, my own way of individual being, as a Soul Incarnate----I would be made up of "them", belong to "them"?!!

"beware and be aware of your thoughts
and fellings: often they are not your own....they come from the people and the society around you, and you ate them without
chewing or digestings!"...anon.
My friend who has five kids, why I saw him at the barnes noble coffee shop yesterday, we had a nice talk.
He mentioned how he took his very attentive, focused, Gifted, a birthday party the other day. This party was at one of these "hosting places" in the mall, a place that hosts all of the Trappings for a party, the parents do none of the work: the party-place does it all. All the parents have to do is to take the kids to this place at the appointed time.

"Day care".....the kids should feel right at home there!!

Jeff noted, upon his arrival, there, that ALL 15 of the other kids were hyperactive to the Extreme! they had no focus, no attention, no direction: they all were energy filled and little disipline.

This morning i had my 7 am coffee at Fred's. the morning crew of college kids had the radio on, an OBNOXIOUS country music station...*when* they had music! it was mostly chatting, mostly very very excited Promo for a diet drug, then the ad was a hyper hyper car ad. then a country song was played: it was hyper too! then the chatting went on, it sounded like hyper Monkeys sound-biting away.

it dawned on me, on my after-coffee quiet walk to the campus where now i sit, something!
jeff's son was the "dysfunctional" kid: the other 15 kids were NORMAL!! "normal" in how society
NOW defines how one should act! e-v-e-r-y-o-n-e now is ADD, is now hyperactive and multi-tasking
and very very impulsive and emotional!

Writers, mostly science fiction, and Imaginational, have speculated for years, now, about how a whole society could become "insane", where this insanity would then be seen *as* "being Normal"! anyone who is not of this new mindset, would then be seen as "insane", and that person would then be sent to a Center
to Cure him of his affliction!

Monday, September 16, 2002

middle of september now.
My best, and near-only, friend had anice long talk yesterday. he always asks me..."what's new freestone"?!
do i ever ever Tell him about my dreams and visions concerning my one-year to live?
gotta give to even a friend the whole watermelon! not one hunk of it! *not* the thing to toss out over coffee
at barnes and Noble, on a saturday afternoon!
best place?
----a lakeside cabin about 2 or 3 am, after lots of "Jack Daniels" or some Vintage Grass smoked! the full moon would be out and only then could such a tale be told!
or i tell it to stangers on the internet!! never never to relatives or friends as they have to live with it WITH YOU!
they either will not believe you and are then concerned about your Sanity!
they will still not believe you, then they will never trust what you say ever again!
they WILL believe you and they live right next to you so that they will have to deal with it, with you....the death!!
my friend has A life: five kids and a life...wife...home...not something to tell a friend or relative lightly, such things.
I may never never tell him!!

Saturday, September 14, 2002

Indonesia's Forests Go Under the Ax for Flooring
September 13, 2002
the New York Times
----an article about the forests of excerpt

EKANBARU, Indonesia — On a verdant two-acre plot, where space has hastily been cleared for a few simple buildings, three heavy-duty band saws whine 24 hours a day, slicing huge logs into boards of varying lengths and widths.

Down the road another sawmill, with eight band saws and more than 200 workers, also cuts up logs 24 hours a day. The owners said they cannot keep up with the demand, a claim that's easily believed — along a four-mile stretch of road, there are an estimated 50 sawmills.

After being cut into long planks, most of this wood is bought by traders in Malaysia and Singapore, and then, after being further cut, sanded, molded and grooved, sold around the world — as flooring in China and Japan, office stationery in Europe and furniture in the United States.

Indonesia's timber industry is booming, good news for a country suffering widespread unemployment and mired in economic stagnation. There is a dark side, however: nearly all of these sawmills operate without a license, and overall, according to government figures, 80 percent of Indonesia's timber trade is illegal, which means that the trees are felled without a license or under a concession that had been secured with a bribe.

The corruption is rampant. Senior government officials insist on payoffs, from companies and big-time traders, in exchange for concessions. Military commanders take a cut or even have their own operations. The local policeman demands a payment to allow the trucks, laden with illegally cut logs, on the way to illegal sawmills, to proceed along the road...............
for more...........

ya know...I find this DEPRESSING! *not* because of "forest ruin rampart due to corruption and eco-damge to the earth...but to this!!
---note that sentence,
"After being cut into long planks, most of this wood is bought by traders in Malaysia and Singapore, and then, after being further cut, sanded, molded and grooved, sold around the world — as flooring in China and Japan, office stationery in Europe and furniture in the United States."!!
you! yes YOU!
how many objects, in your home, office, school, library...etc...etc...have some of this wood in it?! just think: the local chapter of the "save the earth" foundation, in their office, why nearly every single OBJECT in that office may either have something in it that comes from endangered plants/animals, or be made using endangered things, like of having the product shipped to the office, in a box made with paper from those trees!
Each of us, nibbles away.

the school of the earth has a huge box of crayons, for the Creative Arts classes. the crayons are to be used, by the kids. the more Art that is done, the more use there is, of the crayons! soon they will all be used up and gone! the kids Graduate and class is over and school is done, for THIS year's class. school closes for the summer as 50 volcanoes erupt, and the earth renews....for the NEXT class-to-come!

----I guess if the earthclass is still here, 50 years from now, all the worlds forests will be Managed Forests, harvested clear-cuttedly, every 9 to 15 years!

Friday, September 13, 2002

I re-read some of my dream journal, the other day.

Impressive dreams, there!!
---like that one where i was given a tarot reading, by a psychic.

[whenever a psychic gives to me counsel, in my dreams, that infers some very very "from spirit" stuff!
I do not have them very often, these Readings: of the last few years, though, i have had many!]

she tells me that the Name of this year, if each year has a Name, like of a vintageyear of wine!...
"the year of the Annoucement"! [the "A" is capitalized, i could tell by her Tone of voice!]

then she tells me that "the Annoucement" refers to "my being taken from the physical plane NEXT year"!

"Departure"...the name of next year, i guess!!

Thursday, September 12, 2002

---letter to some people about the hidden meaning of "9-11...and its reversal...11-9"!

hi everyone!

I went to the Almanac to look up something today.

In 1965, i was in New York city when the great blackout occurred! This was when the lights went out all over the northest and for hours and hours.
The cold war was on, and everyone made a big deal over it! the whole of manhatten was blackout city!

So i read that this occurred on November 9th of 1965.
11-9....thank you!

the OPPOSITE of 9-11 !!


I recall reading in the Democrat newspaper, the tallahassee democrat, that the daily lotto three-number-pick, for new york, for the evening of september 11th....was

everything is connected.
I FEEL that there is some connection between the blackout and the trade center, a connection that has nothing to do with terrorists!
---probably has to do with the karma of America, somehow!
i recall that the cause of the blackout was due to "natural causes"...too too much demand on least there waere not found to be any "human" causes, like terrorists!

I wonder what this is...., the connection?

perhaps the "10" in the middle, may be a direction of meaning. Hindu religion speaks of the "10th Avatar" called "kalki"...the rider wearing red robe, on the white horse. he is suppossed to end the age and begin the new. "end times"!! this character is also the One that is in the book of revelations.

Either get *real* nervious, i guess...or be thankfull that the age is soon to be done with, perhaps....!!


Wednesday, September 11, 2002

well it is the 11th:mandatory writings about 9-11!

betcha someone, by next year, will try to get this date to be a Federal/National Holiday!

i suppose it was inevitable, 9-11! They do not like us too well. there is room only for one civilization, perhaps, on this planet! One of them, the Arabian/muslim civ.
is not set up for Tolerance!
how many movies, books, musics, plays, mags....have ya read-seen-heard lately from the arab world. of late?!
NONE, probably!!
"Creative arts" are *not* part of their way of life! one is to obey, one is to follow the muslim Authority, there.
no art. no movies, no minority groups. no gays. no hispanics. no autism, no Differences between people. everyone has their place and do not question.
We are seen as the "evil ones"! they would convert us.

yes, they saw the trade center as the very teeth of the monster that is rushing towards their juggler vein, to do their way of life In! make women equal to men, have Rights?! protect children?! undo their way of Fundamentalism of religion?!
In a Clan culture where the outside world, like the desert, is seen as THREATENING, the walled compound of the Clan is The One Sure way!
---and WE would put a macdonalds into their neighboorhood and a internet connection into every home and teach the women how to read and to think for themselves!

two roosters in a small henhouse: only room for One....good thing they do not have 10,000 nukes, like old Russia did....or else there Would be war!

Tuesday, September 10, 2002

-----a letter to a computer game list....
> I just let them attack me and it worked fine. You need to set your guys
> so they won't attack at all if I remember right. Or leave them way off
> toward the edge of the area perhaps? It's been a while.
> I think you goofed this part up, got frustrated, and waaaaaaay over-reacted.


this is a tendency that i have....being very ATTENTION-DEFICT and autistic!

in fact, i play games as part of "theraphy" for this!
----but alas, there are games that "WIN"! games that i have to throw in the towel over and go on to other games and lessons with!

oh yes...
---i went to deja and the boards, and read what to do with the surveyers.

went like this....again.
---i used a fate point to see if i could raise my charisma. did no good, i died.
---i then had my party stand way way off so that i alone stood near the lead
surveyer. rreal time, not turn based. i got them to attack me.
i stood there.
i died. i died first, FIRST, even before the surveyers! immediately.
i could not even get my character to move away, before i was killed.

---try turn based.
yes THEN i could run away. i did that and then i went into real time.
the spirit appeared IN ME and came out and i died real quick, even before the surveyers off in the distance did.
----again. turn based and then i ran real real far away so far away that i stood alone way out in the area off from the holy ground, where i could hear the crikets chirp.
did no good, spirit appeared and i still died real quick!
---aha! try to teleport scroll off.
did no good, still died.
by now i had seen that grave about what seems to be ten to fifteen times!
---try more ploys with the surveyers...try to stand off.
died, died, died...every time.
---bright idea...try to run off a bit then go into the world map and go off to another city before i was killed!
THAT crashed the game as i was killed EN-ROUTE!

read enough of my attempts?!
i HAD enough....i uninstalled, and removed every trace of this otherwise wonderfull game. me and my autism have to go elsewheres....
i gotta feeling that this will not be the LAST game that i will have to do this with!


this was a letter to write about how i had to give up on a certain computer game. my autism won and i lost, in this game. of life, life often "wins" and i "lose"! i cannot seem to play the game of life very well, according to the rules set before me. i am demanded to do six things at once and to strive for goals that have absolutely no meaning to me in any sense. and think in pictures in a world where most people think in words and abstractions!
-must i drive non-stop on the interstate for 20 hours, for any and all trips?
--must i eat my meal in six seconds, like most men do?
--must i be consumed in sports?
---on and on....
i think in image pictures only and i can hardly look at someone while i talk to them...i cannot even eat with anyone very well as it is food OR talking, but not both!

ah.i have had maybe 100 dream experiences of heaven, over my lifetime....WORTHLESS, in our society!! i do not think that i really have told anyone my dreams where they got excited and enthused, over what i experienced: their problem....but tis a bit amzing how no one seems to care or be interested in them!

then i am told,by spirit, that i have less than a year to live. who can i tell that to?!

so. in the end, my life was well worth it to me. i would not want to change a bit of it, if i had to do it over again. not make any different choices at all...
and THAT, i have discovered, is not what most people want to hear! most people are very very unhappy with their choices and they cannot see how i could be so happy
as i have had 40+ years of..."no wife, job, home, career, family"!!!

Monday, September 09, 2002 other news weblog....

>>>>And now there's pro-ana, in many ways an almost too lucid clarification of what it really feels like to be eating
disordered. ''Pain of mind is worse than pain of body'' reads the legend on one Web site's live-journal page, above a
picture of the Web mistress's arm, so heavily scored with what look like razor cuts that there is more open wound than
flesh. ''I'm already disturbed,'' reads the home page of another. ''Please don't come in.'' The wish to conform to a certain
external ideal for the external ideal's sake is certainly a component of anorexia and bulimia. But as they are experienced
by the people who suffer from them, it is just that: a component, a stepping-off point into the abyss.

As the girls (and in smaller numbers, boys) who frequent the pro-E.D. sites know, being an ana is a state of mind -- part...

---a whole society of anorexic kids, having weblogs and reinforcing their "ana", as they call it.
i think that i see the Soul of Anorexia! Our culture is *so* obsessed with "independence"..."self-control"
....etc...etc! Depending upon food, to live, is admitting that one IS dependant! dependant like a baby or a child, upon others to live. how many of us will grow OLD, old, depending upon everyone around us...for Everything?! or those "handicapped" adults: Dependant upon people just to live.
If you think that you are free...try holding your breath for ten minutes:SEE how independant you are, from Oxygen!

Saturday, September 07, 2002

Lycos health---with webmed

Feb. 21, 2000 (Washington) -- It's the drug that hooks cigarette smokers,
sending many of them to an early grave. But it may actually help patients
with Parkinson's disease, Alzheimer's, Tourette's syndrome, and several
other neurological disorders. The drug is nicotine, and it and other related
compounds have shown promise in several recent clinical trials, according
to results presented here Monday at the annual meeting of the American
Association for the Advancement of Science.

The use of nicotine as a drug is nothing new, says Paul Sanberg, PhD,
DSc, a professor of neuroscience at the University of South Florida. People
in South America were using tobacco in the time of Columbus, and early
explorers imported the plant to Europe. "I doubt there is a much older drug,"
says Sanberg, who is also chief scientific officer at Layton BioScience Inc.

Over the years, there have been hints of possible beneficial effects of
nicotine, says another researcher, Paul Newhouse, a professor of
psychiatry at the University of Vermont College of Medicine.

As early as the 1920s, researchers were testing it to treat Parkinson's
disease, a debilitating neurological disorder that affects about 1% of the
population, causing rigidity, slow movement, tremors, and in many cases,
dementia. And over the years, 34 studies of large populations have found
that smokers are less likely than nonsmokers to contract Parkinson's
disease, Newhouse tells WebMD.

maybe Woody Allen, the SLEEPER, is about to wake up!! when he did, they told him that cigarretes were life-supporting!
---I even read, months ago, about this Finding....there was an insinuation that any young person, who was in a family where there was a strong genetic tendency for parkinsons...that they be sure to take up smoking!! researchers noted that there are very very few cig smokers who develop parkinsons, even in families that have this in their histoy!!
puff away!!

Friday, September 06, 2002

here is an INTERESTING article!!

global warming will cause an "ice Age"....Deep freeze for Europe and north America...the glaciers
Advance, the passess in the Alps close!
Real Science, a real real warning!!

A perspective on potential climate changes
presented by Dr. Robert B. Gagosian, President and
Director of Woods Hole Oceanographic Institution

Over the past two decades, we have heard about
greenhouse gases and the idea that our planet is
gradually warming. I’d like to throw a curveball into
that thinking—specifically the “gradually warming” part.

This new thinking is little known and scarcely appreciated by
policymakers and world and business leaders—and even by the wider
community of natural and social scientists. But evidence from several
sources has amassed and coalesced over the past 10 to 15 years. It
points to a completely different—almost counterintuitive—scenario.

Global warming could actually lead to a big chill in some parts of the
world. If the atmosphere continues to warm, it could soon trigger a
dramatic and abrupt cooling throughout the North Atlantic
region—where, not incidentally, some 60 percent of the world’s
economy is based.

When I say “dramatic,” I mean: Average winter temperatures could
drop by 5 degrees Fahrenheit over much of the United States, and by
10 degrees in the northeastern United States and in Europe. That’s
enough to send mountain glaciers advancing down from the Alps. To
freeze rivers and harbors and bind North Atlantic shipping lanes in ice.
To disrupt the operation of ground and air transportation. To cause
energy needs to soar exponentially. To force wholesale changes in
agricultural practices and fisheries. To change the way we feed our
populations. In short, the world, and the world economy, would be
drastically different.

And when I say “abrupt,” I mean: These changes could happen within
a decade, and they could persist for hundreds of years. You could see
the changes in your lifetime, and your grandchildren’s grandchildren
will still be confronting them.
----full story at

Thursday, September 05, 2002

well, i finished my "project"! this here site has a real good deal, for someone who cannot download files....they will burn REFERENCED download urls to a cd and mail it to me!
thus I found those ftp sites with all of those shareware rpgs and for $6.00 per 600 megs, why i 'went to town"!!
i musta got three cds with 20 to 40 games per--------
even if i only got maybe 30 games per cd, that would be at least 80 games in all.
If i were to successfully install 70 of these, and if only ten of these were so "bad" that i trashcanned
them immediately.....that gives 60 games.
If i were to count three weeks per game, lets see....that will be 180 weeks.

---this does NOT include the 40+ commercial games awaiting, in my closet, the games like Baldur's gate II, and Daggerfall....100+ hours for each of just those two!

I hear the wistfull sad sound of "Tinkling bells", in my Imagination, folks! anyone who has followed my journals, over the months, might see what my lament is Leading To!!
May 13 2002. "In One year, freestone, you will begin your Spirit life"!
I will Soon be entering a New World, a rather rather large world, a new RPG....

so i guess there is about 8 months left, maybe 10 months.

Tuesday, September 03, 2002

not much posting lately: i have been consumed with my latest goodie-project!!

i cannot download files over a floppysize as i have no phone. i love computer games.

while there are sites that will burn a cd from their files, i found a site that will burn a 600 meg cd for about
$6.00 that links to *ANY* file that is on any site. music files....though.

now i can get games and shareware and stuff anywheres on the net....