Saturday, March 30, 2002


yesterday at Piccidily's caferteria, a strange strange food experience. here i was, sitting down to enjoy my early supper, almost alone. I sit at a table alone: tis quiet at 3 pm, hardly anyone here, i can actually enjoy my food.
salt. pepper. sugar. butter. cut.
i lean over to cut a slice of my very first bite-to-be, of liver, and stab it with my fork and lift it to my mouth
while looking down at the plate. Put bite in mouth.
*AT* the very instant the very very first moment of taste counsciousness of the liver arrives, AT the very same nano-second, three men rush over to my table and embrace each other in a "Been years since i have seen you"...embrace...handshake...and LOTS of motion about one foot from my head.

I might *as* well have jumped up and embraced them all, liver in mouth and BE part of the reunion, AS i WAS part of that reuinion!!

taste of food = reunion.
both are the same.
thus....the three men ATE my liver, ATE my counsciousness of the liver-taste.

want more?!!
the day before, AT the very instant the first bite was tasted, the next table over, with baby carrage and four mothers with many many packages from shopping, why they all got up, and with food in mouth, i had to writh up against the wall to let them all pass by, they thanking me profusely as i talked to all four of them in an animated conversation!!

in 1974, when i stayed with my mother for part of a year as she broke her foot with that 90 cat cat kennel that needed me to care for them, the Grand Champions with walls of blue ribbons, in the pens...
there was a Dawning of this process of "food bites"! my father worked in his auto shop that he owned, behind the barn, and he came up for lunch everyday around 11 am to noon. same time i had my lunch.
as i lifted my fork to my mouth for that very first bite, he would sit down and begin conversation!
bite=father! there was NO WAY that he could tell that i would be ready to eat as he sat down to eat his own meal: this instantaniousness of my first taste=his engaging a conversation....thing seemed to occur about

19 times out of 20 meals!!!
this went on for four months!! he had no way to tell time and it took him ten minutes to arrive from his shop and i could not see him walk up.

LESSON i have learned, folks: the Very First Bite of Food Belongs To Others!
always. every meal.

THEORY: for 100,000 + years, when the family sits down to eat, the first helping of food would be placed upon the family ALTER, the Ancestors alter, for their ancestors to eat, vicariously!
Steiner writes about how, before modern times, the only way for a soul to have a counsciousness after death, unless Inituated, was to live through their living family upon the earth! they would obtain a kind of Subtle Nurishment through the food, the "essence aura" of the food, the Vital aura of the food.
these ancestors would only be awake, in heaven, when near their families. soon they would re-incarnate as one of the family members.
One of the modern ancestor-worship new religions, of Japan, of Shinto type...????malichi?? i cannot recall its name.....
one member of this religion noted how any food that is place upon this family alter will in 20 minutes be utterly TASTELESS as all of its essence is eaten by the Spirits! back then, 10,000 to 100,000 years ago, the only way a person could be awake, in the afterlife, would be for him to "hover" near the family alter, in the home, and live THROUGH the living family.

THIS was why it was considered, for a person, the very *WORST* fate that could befall a person would be to die alone in the wilderness and not be able to find their family alter!! they would "die" truly: be asleep until somehow they reincarnated! not have *any* afterlife at all!

the first bite, for me anyway...of my meals, is for humanity, i guess!! for the living and the dead. i could give a hundred examples of this in my own life: fill blogger journal of it! when ever i eat that very first bite, almost always i NEED to DEEPLY engage and to bond with someone near me, near my table!
my taste awareness = encounter.
one counsciousness, of several people.
they eat my food. humanity is served.

the first fruits go to the Gods[God].....the Bible says....

Friday, March 29, 2002

Yes, the things that this Journal is for....

I realized yesterday, pondering a bit about my weblog, how my styles of writings gives to me some lament! from writing in this journal, i see more clearly now how my comminication is of a STORYTELLER!
this is against the grain of the styles of today. i find that i do NOT do well writing about "politics"
or opinons. seems what happens is that i end up writng somewhat "schizoprenicly" as i cut up the ideas too too much, tearing the life out of what i write.
I find that i do better describing an image, a place...there are no images in politics or rants!!

take my hometown diner called "Norms"! if i were to describe Norm's diner, i would be very though and detailed. i note that each and every particular thing that i describe...the bulliton board, what is on it, the particular piece of paper in the left hand corner, the age of the sheet of paper, the newspaper that it was cut out of, the article itself----each and every detail reveals so so so much about my hometown: all of one peice where if i were to just describe one bit of it: be like i give to you a living frog but i wrench off its head and keep the head but hand to you the rest of that living[now dead] frog!

see, in that diner, if i choose *this* item over *that* item, why it changes utterly the whole flavor on my story! why if i choose to describe one man's meal, in great hour-long detail....why that man's whole life in that town is revealed!

---but alas...this is more of a verbal art, and no one has the time for to listen to it nowadays!
there is no one that i have TOLD my dreams to, in the way that i would like! i leave out MOST of it, no time. even my writngs of any one dream, leaves out 80% of what i expereinced.

it would indeed be this folks.....that the listener would INDEED sit before me for two hours and i do *every* bit of the talkings: you sit there and absorb and listen to my story...then i would ask you 59 questions and getr feedback.
all day, perhaps, it would take.......

so i am going to write descriptively, in my weblog future, much the more politics and rants!!

Thursday, March 28, 2002

I met an aquaintance at the city bus station yesterday...oh WOE!

"woe" indeed, as this guy seems to have the same soul vibe everytime that i see him, a vibe that i find too too common!
Here is a man who has a very high IQ and hates the idea of any religion telling ya what to do.

put down and cynical: that is the vibe i get. very very hard NOT to reply in kind as "it is the real human need to bond in sympathy"
[there are actually people that i know that it is more important to bond with them in this kind of "negativity, in AGREEMENT with it, as the Sharings is vastly more important to them, then any sort of "enlightenmental uplifting criticism of their negativity....would be!!]

tis seems to be the "Occupational Disease" of the be cynical and putdowning to everything. i can well see why! after all, when the Heat Death of the Universe is obvious and Every Nice Apple Will ROT, what uplifting thing can they ever see?!
do not try to talk of "religion" or "spirit' to them.....I have found! some of them have been royally BURNED, over the years, by organized religion....[fondled by their minister?!]

I guess they will have to COOK in their own juice! to live a life where everything decays and rots, sooner or later, and nothing lasts!

Wednesday, March 27, 2002

a grey sky morning this am as i entered the green in front of the Strozier library to begin my computerings. there was a group of tents on the green, a small group of students by them with tables
and posters----they were going to have a small demonstration about something.
i went over...
"students against migrant worker expoitation"

I talked to the lady by the table with all of the many many handouts and leaflets.
i said....
do you all know that the major city recycling companies send all of the plastic over to India and 5 years old children melt it down, working 12 hours a day: recyclers ENABLE child labor!
putting out your recycle-stuff, in the bin, in most big cities, IS an agreement FOR child labor!"
i betcha", i told her and the other students..."that each and every object here...the tents...tables..all of the handouts..and even the clothes on your backs and the food that fed your bodies....was made by expoited labor, somewheres in the IRONIC: all of these laborors made it possible for you all to demonstate
and to wave your liberal-left causes, here on campus----let alone make it possible for you all to attend college!!"

---top of the food chain, they are......

Tuesday, March 26, 2002

yes folks, those two dreams really got me to think.....
[see the last post, to read them!]

think about how maybe i may not live long after all!
think about the symbols of the I have traveled maybe 50 times back and forth from new york to north florida, over the years.

some things are now more obvious.
---as i live Right next to the georgia border, i consider georgia to be the first state. york is the 7th state. the 7th state between geaorgia and new york state, traveling up the eastern coast!
---"june first".....that day is 27 days from my birthday. "27" means to me, to be where one comes around to the same place ONE LEVEL UP in octave...thus it is "birth" one level up!
[in some spirit books, the souls in heaven celebrate their heavenly birthdays to be the day that they died and came to heaven!]

thus this Journey dream is the great archtype-ical dream messege of...."the last stage on the road of life, dying and going to heaven...of COURSE one enters heaven alone, facing the great expanses of heaven, and of course one is not really really alone at all, all of spirit and spirits are there! the "aloneness' refers to how only "I" enter heaven...none of my friends, possessions, things...of the earth...come with me!

I had this dream on the 22 of march. that is 98 days from my birthday. I have lived here, on and off, in Tallahassee, fl...since 1960. that is 41 years, 1960 to fall of 2001. i left my hometown, probably for the last time, in the fall of 1998, at 57 years old.
I have always considered that "i have lived two lives"! one here in florida and the other in my new york hometown.
41 + 57 = 98!

so this "41" will turn over to "42" in september of this year. IF i am alive then, then these two dreams are not "prophetic" as to "right now"...i may live to the OTHER big date, the date that my friend sam tells me as he spoke to me from heaven to tell me...."2005 DF" over and over and over. too, i have heard the Inner Voice tell me..."three years to get ready"! maybe MASSIVE earthchanges then, the spring of 2005.

I face the real possibility of going "HOME" before these earthchanges, before september of this year...or...maybe waiting until then. Be interesting IF i die now, what will be my Role, in heaven, in regards to these changes that may occur. will it be a matter of a million people or 40 billion people dying?
surely there will be many healing centers readied, for the great influx of souls, before 2005: maybe i will try to be of service there!

keep tuned.

Friday, March 22, 2002


In the last two nights, there were two dreams, dreams that I have to "bite the bullet" on and accept the "awfull" Dharma that goes with them!

---first one
two nights ago, I was out of body standing in a field with hundreds and hundreds of people! probably thousands. a vast field, i arrived in a train with many others...i suspect that these people were
other out of body people, gathered for some unknown purpose, by a "someone or something".
I do not know....but it was the feeling that This Was Important. then i saw something strange. several people floated up into the air and away! or rather.....i could see that they were TAKEN! a large rod of light was besides each....some High Spirit Guide from a deminsion far far above this one in vibration, apparently each chooses one person to take away for some unknown purpose. one guide per person.
only a handfull out of hundreds...thousands?.....
Suddenly a rod of light appeared besides of me, a rod about six feet high...and i floated away.
I was taken across an open field. into a tree trunk, though this tree trunk...i heard in my head..."you can go through this, it is nothing". then a larger tree was before me, i went through it slowly, there was resistance as if the mass of astral matter my body could detect. "this large tree offers resistance", my Taker says...
then there was a church before me with a HUGE dead tree next to it, right only a foot from the back of the building. Guide says..."you must go through will not be easy". I could only *just* do it, the resistance was so great, the guide had to give to me extra energy to recharge me, afterwards!

WHAT THIS MEANS.....that huge dead tree means the dead dogma of the Christian church...or of *ANY* religious system: i am supposed to deny and to "go through" all of it! I am Told, apparently, that all such holding to dogma...must GO!
[ah..i can hear the handclappings, from the Wicca/satanists...New Agers.. etc..etc, now! yes, that deadness that is in the church...]
ah! but this means that the dogmas of the new agers and the wicca and the of Sai baba...
Love truth formless and churchless. no pictures, no adherence to forms. adherence to any "church" in any "isms"....MUST GO!!

---second dream...last night!
the long journey Home...i walked with my friends from my tallahassee city, to my place of birth in upstate new york! walked!!
my what a long long dream, people!! hours and hours of dreamtime. but i noted how i walked with each and every person that i ever knew, as a close spiritual-connected friend. usually these people were close to me in matters of spirit also. People that i could talk to and Share my experiences with and I give to them feedback on their own spirit experiences. there were not many of these people, only two or three.
each of the two or three, walked with me for maybe hours, of maybe a whole state, as i walked northwards.
However...there came a time when they each "failed" to keep up with of the book PILGRAM'S PRGRESS, each person fell to a temptation and remained behind to enjoy a wonderfull experience of sharing that i was not permitted to of one close friend who was offered a wonderfull mixing with a group of people over wine and beer and a kind of a "party", a party that would last for a long LONG time....a had to walk away ALONE.
there was a guide with me, for this trip.{same guide as for the other dream???]
he told me at the end of the dream....."it is now june first, and you are in new york state, just crossing the pensylavannia are alone and for the rest of the journey you will be, and MUST be, ALONE!"
"alone" was said with Authority and Power.....
I suspect that when i "arrive" in my hometown, it will then be time for me to die. the rest of my life will be, suppossed to be
ALONE. no friends, no sharings...
26 days between june 1st and my birthday...since i live in "two places" at the same time...maybe 13 more years, and die at 73 years, like my father and my grandfather, his father, before me! [each year is two years!]
or maybe it is jouney directed...tis about 900 miles as the crow flies, from tallahassee to upstate new york, my home town of Interlaken...the ratio of distance covered to distance yet to be covered...

as all of my friends have died or gone their way, in my life time of 60 years....
my Next Assignment is beofre me.

Wednesday, March 20, 2002

an Interesting small dream last night.

----Interesting how I look at my dreams very very differently, after i began to have astral travel experiences and visions of afterlife places where i would go to out of body!
i look at my dreams very differently as now i see that inbetween the colorings, of an "ordinary dream", there are often bits and picies of Real Stuff, stuff of other worlds and places here on this earth.

I wonder if i am actually seeing other places on this earth, or am i really seeing images in first person, images from other people's lives. If, say, i were to see, in a dream, a picture-scene from the rim of the grand i astrally there or am i using an image from someone's memory, someone else, who months ago visited that canyon, and now i see through his eyes, so to speak. i can not tell the differences in my dreams.

so last night, it was apparent that i was walking on a dusty street in a city of ruined mud buildings where there was nothing outside of the city market area but arid rocky desert. a bleak scene except for the fact that the people of this small city were all very very happy over something; they bustled about in happyness.
the walls of many of the buildings had posters on them, in various stages of decay. there was a bright new large one, i looked very closely at it, but it was written in AREBIC. the arabian characters...

I reached out to touch tis poster, as i knew that in my dream that i was in AFGANISTAN, and i wanted to make some sort of contact with something there, in this i was amazed, in my dream, in self-awareness, that i WAS in Afgan!!

Saturday, March 16, 2002

In the tallahassee Democrat on sat mar 16.....

there was an article about puritaism, where the phrase was used, a phrase that tickles me.

"a Puritan is someone who has a fear that somewheres, someplace, there is a person who is happy"!

Friday, March 15, 2002

a small talk with an old aquaintance an hour ago. he sits at a REAL big desk, surrounded by shelves of books and filefolders by the hundreds.
the desktop on his computer must have one hundred icons on it, each a shortcut to something.
"director of archeology"....i think is his title....
for the whole state, that is.

we talked a bit about our personal lives and then we talked shop a bit about his experiences.
he told me how often a person would bring an arrowhead into the office, for indentication, and this person would hand the arrowhead to him to expect him to grab it. my friend found that BONDED the person's "trip" to him! he stopped touching people's things from then on...
the visitor would always have a personal identifacation with this object and if touched, then you would be in bond-league with that person.

like; someone mailed to me a hat, his hat, or rather, a store hat that had his company logo on it. he is undergoing a bad divorce and is emotionally in need of bonding to his position over his feelings: if i were to wear his hat then i would wear his hat!! i have a feeling that he EXPECTS me to wear it! be a slight to him if i did a slight to him if i did not bond with his position 101%!!

then we talked about how people often only have a bit of the truth and when they latch onto a "truth", they become a NAZI over it!
like: 'the Indian lovers" who do not even imagine how there are 10,794 tribes of indians, each with a whole different symbol system of cosmology and ways of life!
like: the "fruitiarians" who latch onto ruit as the One true Way, not even having a clue that most of the fruit today is sugar!
IS sugar, as all of that man manipulation of the genes over time has increased the sugar content of most fruits. the original apple was like a crabapple, bitter and full of fiber and not very sweet.

thus we each latch onto one section of reality and call it "all of reality"!

Wednesday, March 13, 2002

it is working, Blogger!
i guess everything is being upgraded, in galaxy!

been busy spending my net-time trying to sorta counsel someone about their "bad divorce"!
"she says...he says"
a bottomless pit of unknowns and i have wrote him to tell him that i am 1200 miles away in more ways than one!! no way i can see or help him.

but i feel he did have some trouble dealing with a suggestion that i made!
he is taking it on his chin...he says that he cannot live without her and that she has turned against him...unrelinquished love. all of his emotional eggs are in HER basket
and he feels "suicidal"...what is life worth without her.

but my suggestion was...that she is holding him hostage and he, himself, is holding us all, the relatives, hostage!
this is so because he "needs" all of us to assuge and to heal him of his pain!

I try to now tell him that he should take charge of his own healings! to change himself rather than to change her! to become a kind of MAGE, a Magik-ian, where
he gets away from...where he is now---letting the envirnment act upon him. he reacts, now, to anything that she says or does. but if he could act, awakedly independant of this external emotional-driven storm, then he could change HOW he reacts to this external lady's emotions.
now it seems as if his boat is blown about by any wind that blows: what if he could sorta install an extra sail on his boat where he could now sail against the wind and to define his own directions, not always in tune with the wind's urgings. to choose his own port.

"it is not what happens to ya, but how you react to what happens to ya"....i have read. i hope to apply this to MY own life, more, too!!

Saturday, March 09, 2002

Yesterday was *quite* the insight day!!

---that dream where i foresaw my cabin in the "afterlife appalchian land", where there was my name...FREESTONE...
and another signboard that says....120 420.....

again: I saw what these numbers mean to me, what they symbolized.
I had this dream on december 4th of 2000 12/ 4/ 2000 "12" "4" "20", as in "120 420!!
It is clear to me, yet again yeaterday, that my life was to have ended in that fall of 1998!!

THIS insight reminded me of ANOTHER dream, a dream i had back around 1980.
in that dream a guide showed to me the road of my life, from birth to 1980 and then beyond until my death....but with no dates. just symbolic events, which i see DID happen!
This Guide showed to me how my LIFE FORCE would run out BEFORE my time of death and that then the guide actually showed to me an image of me standing along the road all utterly tired. a ways before the end of my road and when a person came along with a long long coat, on...i got onto his coattails and rode along with him, being pulled by his coatails, as i sat *on* his coatails!
what an Image!
"riding on someone's coatails"!
THEN the guide told me how my life energy would be gone before my death date and that i would have to be utterly DEPENDANT upon everyone else around me, to sustain me and give energy to me, so that i could make it until my end!!
need everyone to give to me everything and no giving back in return... a "Parasite" who is given the Mission to be Parasitic, so that i can LIVE!! by Spirit's Orders!!

in the fall of 1998, there was that dream where this authoritiveness voice told me..."freestone, your life force has run out". i awoke.
then i got sick. then pnemonia. then other events that warned me of my end...

THEN there was a final dream in that series..."that i would have an extension!! that i would live for awhile.

sigh....I now have a veteran's pension that is just enough to live on...i eat out most of my meals: mixed feelings there as it co$t$ money for this...but NOW
i see that i am eating more than food!! i need the mall, need the other people and the vibes and
need all sorts of "aid" from everyone for everything!
---for somehow, FORESEEN by spirit, i would have had *such* an intense Mission, in my life, that i would have to had burn up my alloted life-force BEFORE my Fixed death date!!

like a man who was given a car with ten gallons of gas, but told that he needed to take a trip so long that fifteen gallons is needed!

so maybe i have till that solar june 10th eclipse on my ascendant...or maybe another year...or maybe ten more years...
guess i will be a ten year old boy until then....!
life and the world will be my "Mama" everyone around me will be my "life-providors"!

Vampires are Real

and i am One, by Spiritual Decree!!
untill i die at my Appointed Time.

---now i wonder what i can do with what is left...find some creative ways to take from people i guess!

Wednesday, March 06, 2002

here i sit at the computer, mind a blank. 100 things to say as i walk around, in my day, but when i sit here???
i note something...this is why i read few few books!
for me to think *IS* to move! why i can recall how once i begun a real real good book, opened the book and begun on page one and that very first paragrapth, oh it was SO profound, so profound that i had to get right up and take a mile long walk in order to digest what i read and then spend all day on it.

never opened the book again.....

if i sit still the meditate, why i just sit there and space out!
gotta MOVE!! then i can think.
and read a book?? why i have to read ALL of that book in one sitting! if i read part of it and set the book down, why POOF what i read is gone gone gone..
[do ya remember what you had for lunch on july 23rd of 1992? why dont ya remember?
*that* is what it is for me to come back to a book after i put it down!]
if someone were to ask me my philsopophy of life and somehow i were to tell them, and someone else asks me that question an hour later, i would have to do it all over again from sratch as POOF it is gone, what i had gotten together.....

after a while, i stopped buying books! i tossed out the ten books that i had with me the other week, after all, i had moved them through four moves and each was half-read, or less, never never to be opened again!
computer games too! i play them a lot, and i have trouble keeping my place in the games from day to day! i have to park my character somewheres that i can immedieately recall or i spend ten minutes re-calling where i was.
-----yes, rumminations as what it is like to be AUTISTIC!

Tuesday, March 05, 2002

there was an interesting article in the Sunday Times about the weather channel/!!

article says that people are spending far more time looking at weather, weather all over the world, to re-assure themselves that there is such a thing as "normal weather"! the writers says that there has been no normal weather for years, and that it is getting worse, roses in january and storms beyond belief.

yes here in Tallahassee this morning the temp may have been 18 degrees, the radio announcer says that tallahassee was colder then new York City, this morning. this is after EIGHT INCHES of rain!

the writer says that we all are full of guilt for altering the earth's weather..."oh my God, what have we all done?!"

my take on this is that....
1---the weather we see is a projection reflection of our own lives---just WHEN have our lives been normal, of late?!
2---we all have now observed weather that we never have seen before just because that we have not seen it before!! better reporting and better observations reveal wether analomies that have always occurred, but never noticed!
3---yes the weather HAS changed!

there is yet more, to my obsevations!
our own lives? those words "counsciouness raisings" or "increase of spiritual awareness": the words sound so
abstract and so unconnected to what such a elevated, increased, counsciousness would be like.
...w-e-l-l...THIS is some of the effects, we all notice things that never have been noticed before!
we have all lost our INNOCENCE...the word "wholesome" makes us grit out teeth, a bit.
I agree...."innocence' is another word for "uncounscious"!! take those catholic priests, there, in the Boston area...what was it i read...over 80 priests have allegations of child sex abuse levied against them: but this has always gone on,, the church represses, yes, but we did not want to know and did not care to know...
now we cannot hide anymore.
And "wholesome"? everyone has feet of clay and as the song goes..."we gotta do a bit of hell before we all do heaven"...none of us is pure and clean and would you WANT to be?? some of that "dirtyness' is valuable life experiences that the pre 1960 generations would just want to deny the existance of!!

our weather will never be "normal" ever again!
like our lives too!!

Monday, March 04, 2002

Someone showed to me an interesting link!

this is a site just for bloggers. here one can make a link where readers of the journal/weblog can actually sign up to read each and every post, that i make, here, in this get this post *as* an e-mail, in their mailbox! Thus each and every posting entry that i will make, in the future, will automaticly go out to each subscriber who subscribes.
the link is on the left sidebar, way way down at the bottom of the entries, under the sitemeter... with the signup box.

Friday, March 01, 2002


what a small shock i had yeasterday!!

there was some small Insight that a key that unlocks most of my dream questions about my "coming death"!!

[i will not go through all the intermediate details with it here...]

oh boy!
that angel visit back six months before i was to have died but dream said that i am to have a repreve....

that was it!
that was the time that i was sopposed to have died!
my lifework was done and My Time to enter heaven was at hand.
angel told me.
----I am Unreteiveable! spirit cannot fetch me back to heaven, like of a time machine traveler to the past and then when he enters his machine at the end of a day, he finds that it does not work: he is stranded for life in the age of Dinasours[like in the sf book!]
---my True self of spirit has already withdrawn and most of that is now in Spirit.
---end of 1998, that was the Time of leaving! at 57 years of age and 63 years of Service, counting up the years taken together of the two major places that i have lived in!

total: 120.
like that signpost in the dream of the Mountain land!!

so this may take me moths to deal with. the First thing, i did, today, was to pray to spirit not to hold that mountain cabin for me anymore: give it to someone else. then i prayed to give my calling and my heavenly life to Souls who deserve, to fill my shoes there.

there. no place or calling is there anymore for me when i get there.
now i guess i can do anything.

for i have lived beyond my endtime!
now i know why that old man told me his age of 63 when he looked at least 85 years old and that psychic saw him as an angel come to give to me a messege!
now i know why that other psychic friend of mine told me that this man can not die, that he has lived beyond his end, but he cannot die!
that man is a reflection OF ME!
i have acted upon the stage after the last act; all the audience has gone home, the janitors are at work and the security man is locking up the doors: i am still on the stage with NO lines left and no way to get off!

so i sorta look forwards to walking around in the china shop, me a bull! see what breaks! see what Interseting karma i can do...

goona be awhile on this one!!----to think this the "what next"!!