Thursday, February 28, 2002

the NEW York Times!

yesterday i found a very interesting article there. i had thought that the Quebec gov. had finally given up on that huge hydro-electric development in northern Quesbec that would have flooded out most of the Indians there.
they had not and it will soon occur: most of the article was about how most of the Indians will be dragged into 2002, whether they like it or more Old more rivers and traditions...white man gets them all to become Urban City dwellers with computers and SUVs and snowmobiles!

---then i read ANOTHER article in the same paper!
I always have thought that i am a "Indian" in a "white man's world"...not racially, but in a sense that the modern ways will overtake me and everyone else...
like: this article that said...
"research has found that over 90% of older people have too too high a blood pressure and that over 75% of them could be greatly helped with PROPER MEDICATION"
! ! !
read the signs folks?
soon very soon, we all will be "asked' to swallow 5 to 10 pills a day, hang the side effects, as these pills will keep us all healthy until we are 90 to 100! if you do NOT take these pills, why you die of old age and sufferings at 60 or 70!
---us "indians" on our lands of "no medications", being confronted with the White man's wants of our take the meds..."for our own good"!

Wednesday, February 27, 2002


on my way to the 7 am cafe today, on the bus, i was rumminating about the finger lakes region of new York state, where i grew up and have often lived.

theSeneca/cayuga Indians called the finger lakes...."where the great White Spirit placed his hand down upon the earth, the fingerprints filled with water"

i lived between two of these lakes, each lake, Cayuga and Seneca, is about 500 feet deep and each lake is about 60 miles long. the deepest spot might actually be 600 feet.

i pondered the years and the summers at my summer cottage. there were often heavy summer storms that sent flood waters cascading down the creeks from the fields the water filled with the mud from the fields.
I once read that they had found that under the 500 foot bottom there was yet more mud....down until the real bedrock 500 more feet of mud, in fact. the glaciers made these lakes 100,000 years ago by scaping
the rock, the Melt was about 10,000 to 15,000 years ago. thick forest covered the land until white man cleared, then there was no more protection from the rains and now the creeks are more muddy!
then it hit me...if the rains deposited an inch of sedement per year, in the very bottom of the deepest lake...just how long would it take before the sedement mud filled the lake?!
not very long!
in about 3000 to 5000 years, the six to ten finger lakes will be no more! all filled up!

this gave to me a Moment of Understanding how EVERYTHING is ephemeral!!
even the very rocky mountains will soon be ground down to hills! 5000 years is but a second in the march of geological time. thus these grand lakes are but a phonominium, a blip of an event, soon gone.

I would imagine that some early indian settler upon that great lake Bonnerville, in the american west...that shrunk WAY down to Salt lake, in Utah...why he would have thought that this lake was there forever and WILL be there forever, as this lake was there all of the glacier period of ???30,000 to 100,000 years!
he arrived just at the end of it, crossing from Asia, after the melt...perhaps the lake would have "only" been there for another 500 years before it began to shrink!

yes, just as your childhood home is replaced in a month by a shoppinf center, a flat rich-soil plain will replace Cayuga lake!

Tuesday, February 26, 2002

I seem to draw a blank today!

full moom, i need to do other things today, other interests.....

Saturday, February 23, 2002

well i have begun another weblog!

this one is just for a place to put Interesting articles that i copy from what i read on the Internet.
sort of a kind of "general dump" of copied stuff that i find incredible!

[the link is also on the left sidebar]

"New Energy Field Photography Reveals Life Force Secrets"
---a computer generated photoanaltysis that is "kirilian aura photo" in type, so that the auras of living things can now be photographed.
......this is my first "copied article"!

Friday, February 22, 2002

Now that the sun has gone into a water sign, I feel ever the more unable to articulate, to people!

I tok a long walk yesterday, in the somewhat balmy air of 70 degrees tallahassee, trying to get a feel
for my condition and how it affects my life.
i suppose a clinical psychologist might diagnose me as..."somewhat autistic, ---high level functioning---
---6 out of 10, on a rating scale".

Tis interrtrestingh [see how huge huge fingers press two keys at once: oh i feel the pain of those poor souls who have those TINY keyboard calandar appoinment pads!!---"clumseyness' is a trait of Aspers/Autism, i read]
tis interesting how Normal people can talk back and forth at a hugely fast rate. i can not. in fact most of what i say is really just other people's "building blocks" of what is said. i can repeat back to some one my thoughts on, say, Race or politics...and they will not be mine: thus i am kinda LIVING A LIE!
not counsciously a lie....but what i say to people is mostly thoughts that i pick up from echo back to them their own feelings!
and MY feelings?!
would take hours and hours of some REALLY introvoluted metaphors, just to get my feelings out into words, any feelings, and they, these feelings, will often be so so "out of sync" with the accepted norm, that most of what i DO get out, will offend everyone DEEPLY!!

mostly, i see, i am about 13 years old....and will stay that way until i die of death...and then on into heaven that way too.
i am NOT being "self-put down" here, i see great great advantages as to being 13!!

if self-note, that as i eat my dinner, in the caferteria, i never do "proper table manners" and always act sorta out of it, i touch my food and spill it all over my shirt, takes me an hour to eat anything, i will eat three lemon slices and cut up each HUGE vegie hunk into bite size sections....

too...even if i am 60, i see that i treat any man over 35 *as* my if i were the only Enlisted man in a room full of high-brass Officers, in the Army! after all, most men over 35
HAVE GROWN UP! I have not! even my great interest in computer games is a kind of "high tech"
13 year old playing childhood games.

as my sister said to me a couple of years ago before she died, as I was living with her in her beautifull mountain home in the Asheville mountains and she was carriying a huge stressfull debt load and was all stress out over her committments to work and 43 other things...she tells me one day at supper: "freestone, you are the only one who enjoys the mountains and you enjoy them FOR me as i have no time for that"!!
yes, being 13 has great gifts: i am not part of that treadmill ever-faster-going rat race!

Thursday, February 21, 2002


managing the log is quite a job: every time that blogger changes something in the servers, i have to diddle with the ringlinks!

like life!
everything that is good to accomplish, and to worth doing at least ten times!!

---what i mean is.....
anything here in this physical world that one does, is not permanent, it must constaintly be diddled with, in order to keep it in the same form that you set up it for!
---fix your car's transmission? why do it again. and again! and then yet another time, for the very same problem!
---tape a picture on the wall, SO simple an act?...but the next day the tape sags and ya tape it again. the next day you tape it even better, as it fell down. the NEXT day, you glue the durn thing onto the wall, as it fell yet again! and the day after THAT, you finally NAIL the thing to the wall!! then you move to another house.

yes people say..."the stable physical world" huh?? every single thing rots, moves, comes apart.

---from what i see from my dreams and what i have read from heaven, whatever you set up, will remain until you decide to change it! so if you spend a heavenly "hour" arranging a flower arrangement on your table, this arrangement will sit there unaltered for days...weeks...years, until you, yourself, change it. thus heaven is the stable place, not earth. here, why your cat will tip over that arrangement just when you turn your back! after you do it again and put the cat outdoors, then WILT sts in and even if there is water in the flower vase, some of the flower heads bend over and droop from wilt. a day later the water begins to stink. two days later, you toss it out!

Wednesday, February 20, 2002

the other day I had a great learning lesson about SYNCHRONISMS!

from the "old man who told me he was 63 years old"...and other events, i had a small revelation.
One of these other events....was my next door friend telling me that ...."some lady does not like to see me and talk to me so much as i am too too negative"!! he did not mention her name and i did not ask.
the next day, i did some small detective work, i called one of the few lady-friends that i now know, and one of the closest wonderfull friends. she laughed! she says that " you freestone, are one of the most UN-negative people that i know: was not ME he was telling you about!"

I finally saw that it was his wife.
? ? ?
so why is my friend so now "down' on any negativity that i seem to show to him: he got onto me a few days later, on this, again!...seems *any* down-news is a "no no, for me to ever tell him!"

at first i just thoight that he was undergong some personal life-snit, of his own, that i am not aware of...
then i got the e-mail messege about the "old man being an ANGEL sent to help ME"!
[well i can sure see how the old man was Inspired to give to me a messege: he was flesh and bones, though...just WHAT did this psychic lady infer?!]

now i see....
my friend and the old man were being acted upon by the same Spirit forces! they each were inspired to say and to act, the way that they did, to me!
my image for the old high school science lab demonstration where there is a magnet placed under a sheet of paper and iron filings are sprinkled upon the paper and thus the magnetic field is outlined in the patterns of the filings. the filings manifest the intangible pattern, need the filings to show it.
thus a sycncronism or events like that old man/my friend and his wife....are like "iron filings" that constallate around a pattern of spirit. that "63" number is a very very meaningfull number to me, having to do with my birthdate and something of my inner life...thus he was inspired to give it to me!
and my friend?
he probably was inspired to "get on me" as in my future there may be a place and time where it is important for me to be free of much as can be, thus any 'cleansings" of negativity, now, would be of help for this! for this future, as of now, unknown event.

so i would thus suppose that in ANYONE'S daily life, there are always hidden messeges delivered by Spirit..Angels..spirits...Guides, through other people and events.
people say and do things, spirit-guided, unknownst to order to give to!
look for them!

Saturday, February 16, 2002


been one rollor coaster ride with my dreams about my dying soon!!

TODAY---I had about as much of a "wakeup shock" as EV must have had when he came into his office and saw What His Machines Did to Him behind His back, the night before!!

In the summer of 1981, i moved to my sister's for a year. she lived in her Mountain Home in the mountain land just outside of Asheville, north carolina...the only way in or out of the valley was over three 3500 foot passes or else up the 1500 foot canyon! Tis was a "appalalchian heaven and my dreams, even then, indicated that it was *like* i had died and went to heaven! this is what the area symbolized, for both of us.
about three months into the 15-odd months there, i had this here Dream!
---------I awoke to the dream where i saw before me a Map table, with a large diagram upon it. i came closer and i saw that it was a copy of some sort of form, with writting on it and writing that was in some language that i never saw before! a Person off to my side that i never did ever see, told me that this was a copy of my
"Life Incarnational Intent" form!!
there were SOME things that i could read.
"date of birth....1922 Cornell" [i was born in mother went to Cornell U. then!]
"born a man...NOT a woman"
"date of death...1964"
In the dream i said to the Guide that now it was 1981 and i had not died!!
he pulled off the map and replaced it with yet another map, the same form, the same info about me except that the death date now read....
"date of death...1981" [!!!!] i looked at this date, the print began to shift, right before my eyes, and the date changed....
"date of death...1982"

It was now about November of 1981!
i was a bit nervious: but HEY...I was already *in* a symbolic heaven and my birth date was symbolic, thus this would be too!!

In about another year...october of 1982, we both moved to Dallas, texas. there i had another dream.
In this dream, i was told that the Mountain land represented the Place where one arrived after death, but needed to "prepare" in order to go to the REAL heaven, which texas represented.
thus that mountain land would be, in its heaven true counterpart, a kind of benevolent "purgatory" in order for one to 'get up to speed' for the real higher heaven that is above it, the "texas" land!
[anyone here who is "really" interested in this: go read in my files-link, the vision experiences about the "appalachian lands"!]
so yes, i did "die" in 1981 AND in 1982...symbolicly: thus the changing numbers before my eyes.

As the years passed by, i noted how i really lived TWO lives: my life of the body...the whole 60 years that i am now...and...another life where i expressed my Soul into the world...Tallahassee, florida. i came here in early september of 1960 and now have been here for 41 years, on and off.
if i ADD the two lives together, i get that i have lived a total of 101 years. 101 years in both places: body life and soul life.

Now for the Kicker!!
if i add the two lives at any one point, i get a sum-total. if i came to tallahassee in september of 1960 and i was born in June of 1941: take the fall of 1971. Body + Tallahassee, that is...30 plus 11 = 41
that is...on the 1st of september of 1971, my life-total is 41 years, as i have been in tallahassee 11 years and been living since birth 30 years.

let me see what june of 1981 says...on june of 1981, i was 40 years old. I moved to my sister's in the mountains in July, a few weeks later. I have been living in tallahassee 20 years, since september of 1980.
total....60 years!

Both of us left for texas in october of 1982. that is....41 years plus 21 years = 63 years!

Big Time!!
THIS means that i well may INDEED run out of "life energy" before the end of my 60th year and spend the three years in the appalachian mountian heaven-land counterpart, and prepare to Go On...until i am 63!!!
this VALIDATES the suspician that my 63 years includes two or three "appalachian years"!!
---and that is why i "died" in 1981-1982, as per that map!

why did that map also say "1964"??! if i have Jesus in my heart, he is with me....thus his 33 years is with me too!
thus on september 1st of 1964, my tallahassee years are 4 and my earthly years are 23.
add them to 33!
4 + 23+ 33 =60
---and three years afterwards i went to JAPAN! In Japan, i had a dream that Japan represented the "higher heaven"! i was 63, if you add that "33"!
THAT is why i "died" in 1964!!

I Do Think that i better Get This Final Preparation Under way...anything that i need to reach out for or to let go of!! i might very well "run out" of life-force, before 2005!
stay tuned folks.....oughta an *interesting* Journal, in the months ahead: i watch those June Eclipese like a chicken in the field watches the hawk that circles overhead! moon eclipse on my Rising planet, the solar eclipse on my ascendant, the other moon eclipse on my sun!!!
---though i should not have to constantly dwell on this topic again, in my future writings!!
its working now: betcha ev had a monumental headache as he shambeled into the office at 9 am pacific time, to discover this mess!!

Friday, February 15, 2002

part of a letter to the Phoenix-list!

-----Yes, A Seer wrote to me about the Dream where my friend Sam came to me to tell me that..."2005 DF", over and over and over...tis He came to me in dream to tell me that i will die then. I saw him in dream, years ago, with a hawk headdress on top of his head...Indian Shaman in a past life!
Also the Angel Inspiration through the old man..."63". i will live till i am 63, in 2005.

I had an Inspiration on the way over to the library, a inspiration that answers many questions, for me...Important questions!
like: why do i "seem to be told that i could die, at any time, before i am 63 years of age: even though i am ALSO told that i will live to be 63?!"

---there was a very important dream back in the 80s where i was shown that what i did for Spirit, in my soul, so exhausted my life force, that it was "as if", in the dream image shown to me, that i had to sit for the rest of my life in my room looking out the window with a cup of coffee in my hand, in a wheelchair, crippled! [a symbol only!]
---then there was another dream, a few years later, that showed to me how i "had to ride the coat tails of other people" [litteraly shown that as an image!]
as i did not have enough life force left to make it to the End of my alloted life: that i would run out before the end!!
---then in my hometown in 1998, i began to have real SERIOUS dreams that began to prepare me to die!!
the last one in the series, the dream series, told me in words spoken..."freestone, your life force has run out"!!
then a friend invited me to move to my old city of tallahassee where i live now, next door to him, he is my landlord: at the same time there was one more dream telling me that my life was extended a few more years!

my intuition just now is this: that i had expended most of my Alloted Life Force, the life force that is given at birth...then you die when it is gone....BEFORE my fated, Spirit-set, time of death! My Work for spirit appears to have Used it up, the Intensity of the work-need, was so much! thus i have a few more years of life left: but not enough life-force to make it that far!
which means....
means that i am now "on the edge" of an empty tank!
my moving back here gave to me a bit more, and basicly i am now DEPENDANT upon everyone and everything, for my sustainance until my Appointed end, at 63 years! even so, i may not make it! the veterans pension people pay me some disibility money. everyone treats me like a Guest, paying some of my needs.
Deeper yet, it is as if every little thing around me must add to my "life force tank" in order for me to keep going! the beautifull skies of Tallahassee, the soft humid air, the chuch people who i go to for lunch, my friend the landlord....etc...etc...etc
I gotta meditate on THIS ONE a bit, i sense that i am now always in danger of Death, like of that role playing character in DOOM or DAGGERFALL[computer games] who has Faught the Good Fight, in the dungeon caves but the monsters have hit him hard. in fact there is only 3 out of 100 "life points" left in his life bar, and there are no more Potions in his rucksack! he slowly walks back to the healing temple, even one encounter with a "level-one" rat, could kill him: even stubbing his toe on a rock could kill him, his life force is so close to being "zero"!

that is me, my intuition tells me! I may not make it to my end, unless Spirit is vigilent, and protects!
I see that now i am "dependant' upon everyone and everything...around me ...for "everything"!!
more in soul....than perhaps in litteralness.
but i see that now i have to be a BENEFICENT VAMPIRE!
a kind of vampire that takes life force from everyone and everything, in order to keep me going until....until my 63rd year, apparently! sorta hard for me to explain, folks, this...please bear with me in my ramblings!
thus my soul takes a bit of the etheric life force from the people and the envirnment around me. probably i should NEVER go back to my upstate new york, not even to visit! stay in tallahassee where apparently i can get some Force from the air, the plants, the land!
---and the people!
be a "psychic vampire" taking now, instead of Giving to others...though if i "help" others...there is often a reciprical giving of lifeforce, in return...the person i help smiles and laughs and their happyness give to me the Energy i need!

I may NOT make it to my end! perhaps that is why the dreams of this mountain land...the one that i got in december of last year where "i was given a cabin ON THE VERY VERY OUTER EDGE of the mountain land, where the entrance back to earth is"!! the hidden messege is, i NOW read, in this if my life force were to end before my Time to Die, i would have to live right *at* the very outer edge of heaven as I would have come "early", too early to be able to be in the Celestial, as "it is not time yet"! thus i would have to live at the very edge, close to earth-vibrations; at least Spirit shows to me that I am provided for, in the event that i do run out of force: be like coming to the Train station three hours before the train is due to depart, so i have to find a comfortable bench to sit on, to wait at the station until "it is time" for the Train to arrive, to Take me Home!
there is some similar deal going with some of the suicide people, who kill themselves, before their fated Moment of death, years before their Moment of death...they, i am shown and i read...that they have to live in a special heaven-place of Waiting: not of heaven, not of eath, a LIMBO, no matter how benificently made...a waiting area.

since i am TOLD by spirit, in a number of dreams..."that my lifework is done with, no more to do for spirit"...i either will wait HERE, or there, in the mountain land!
In summation: i have lived beyond my time, ETHERICLY
considered: but "not yet", as far as Spirit Celestial is concerned.
"beyond my end" for Soul..."not yet" for spirit...tis a strange strange place for me to be in!!
ONE thing i see...that i will have to accept: be dependant, accept dependantcy, and "retirement"...accept TAKING, from everyone and everything....or else snuff out, the last 2 lifepoints out of 100 lifepoints...GONE: then on to wait in my Appalachian mountain land!!

Wednesday, February 13, 2002

I got to thinking about that book on RAW FOOD...again! i talked to my gardejeiff friend about this as this book, for me, is a "classic' of something.
---here a man, literally riding on the Subway one day, really SEES how asleep everyone is, on the car around him... how much everyone around him is absorbed into their culture and media-driven ways of the modern life.
He saw that he needed NOW to get free and to become a "champion" to stand for himself, free of all of this! i cannot write the way this guy put it: but he wrote it so well, so declaritive on the need to AWAKEN
from soul awaken from the HERD-MIND that is of most people today.

however....this led him to become a raw food devotee. utterly utterly.
nothing cooked at ALL. period.
he says..."i take in mostly mono meals[one food till full], mostly fruit, until i feel satisfied. nuts are too rich and undigestible. greens fill the rest."
"hospitals ARE death: do NOT go to one ever"!

there is a picture of a close friend..."before" and "after"...becoming raw food. he looks very very ANOREXIC!

suddenly i see how this anorexic friend, to this writer, is *the* picture of health, as this utterly thin man is showing us all that he is not made up, in body fat, of all of what this culture has to offer! he will not eat this culture. he starves himself from the "20th centurary"!! "thin" as symbol. but not seen *as* a symbol, though, by this thin man!

---i remember the story of how a WW II prisoner, behind the lines, in germany, in a cell, was slipped a CROWBAR one night. the next night, the shot-down airman pried open the window to his cell and escaped. of course he took the crowbar with him....needed it to pry open more doors and fences as he walked across germany...makes a good weapon too! when he made it back to the states, he kept that crowbar for the rest of his life, as a momento, after its work was done!
----I rember the tale of the lady who, on a trip to Africa, on a Safari, she had a "spiritual experience" on a safari jeep trip, near a herd of garaffs. for the rest of her life she collected garraffs!! pictures on the wall, almost obsessive, by the dozens...garraffs on her desk...on her tables...on her walls.
for her..."garaff =spiritual experience" just like many LSD/acid takers feel it is the drug, not the experience that the drug led them to...thus they feel that the drug *is* the spritual experience and that they cannot achieve the Spiritual experience by other means!

so this raw food devotee. he sees 'freedom from the modern age" as something PHYSICAL only, like of Macrioboyoic eaters getting off on the DIET insted of the Zen teachings...not realizing that this "macriobotic food" is the food of the area of japan that the monks lived in! if Zen were invented in Norway, why the "Macriobotic eaters" would be eating dried kipper/anchovies fish, instead!

this raw food person is a "faster" of anything beyond the beginning of the industrial age, or before!
why the AMISH people have been there done that....long long before him...ever see a Amish/Menninite food store?
i have!
you would not believe the amount of sugar candy that they eat...200 feet of candy and probably 500 kinds of chocolate stuff, stuff coated with chocolate that you would not ever belive could be coated with chocolate!! next to the almighty candy, is the cooler full of SAUSUGE and cheeses!
many of the Amish/mennenites are FAT!!
their "cultural fasting" is more profound! and more real.
near the Amish families, in my hometown in upstate new york, are some other people who are "neo-amish". these are people who wear plain clothes and use computers and listen to Rock on the radio, but USE this culture, instead of being IDENTIFIED with this culture! closer yet. in my opinion!

so this raw food man is identified with his "crowbar", i feel...
how do ya get free from the thing that got you free?

Monday, February 11, 2002

quiet monday.

there was another small inspiration came to me in the Mall as i sat eating pizza!
[yes often such inspirations come when i am thinking and doing other things as then only is the window open!]

my Inspiration was very very pecular!

it was: "yes i will live as freestone till i am 63 years old, then i will go Onwards to become My True Self-Form! But----- "
[There is a Place in spirit that is partway between the earth level and the Celestial level
where i become that true-self-form. when i die to earth, i would still look and act like freestone, in that
"half-way house" of a heaven!]

"but", the inspiration says...." but freestone may still die this year, IF that next three years requires this middle zone of a place to be in that is non physical"!!
read: 'appalachian heaven land" and NOT in three more years as i am 60 now!!

stay tuned; surely there is kore to this as ther old man says "63' but there seems to be more....

Saturday, February 09, 2002

well folks!

this here "old man" turning out to be NOT so simple, as i say.....
[LESSON]....when walking in the Spirit, and living a life of Spirit...there are few accidents and few ordinary events, as there is always that overlay of spirit at work!]

so an Angel had this man tell me that i will live to be 63 eh?
I did some Reality Checking, today!
there IS a way to see, for me, if this here airplane will fly?!
[LESSON]...always check your information against Something true, a touchstone: think about what you got from spirit: but not too MUCH! could mind-pick the Inspiration apart if you are not carefull!]

Sathya sai baba!
i would call him "my Guru" if i had such a person.
should i Ask Him?
i do not need to!!
I was told this information about my age of death, on feb 6th. Baba was born on nov 23 but really the 22nd as there is 10 hours of timedifference between India and the usa.
NOW baba is 76 years old, they count from a year before birth, in India! 76 on nov 22 of 2001

there are 76 days between nov 22 and feb 6 !!!!!

and second. there are about 142 days between feb 6 and my birthday of june 28th.
on november 22 of 2004, baba will be 79, and i will have turned 63, that summer-June.
79 + 63 = 142 !!!


If you were to go to the links there on the left of this page at
where my files are kept...and you went to the section of "my earthchange visions" and "other people's earthchange visions" would find some POWERFULL visions that we ALL have about 3 years to get ready for some Massive upheavals!!
---i wonder.....???
perhaps i will die of this. YOU could too!

keep tuned!

Friday, February 08, 2002

this old man thing is now getting very VERY Interesting indeed!

In my last post, an hour ago, i wrote about how a psychic wrote to me to tell me that "this old man is an angel that came to help ME!" I spent a little time out in the nice 60 degree sunny day tallahassee library park with my lunch, a-pondering all of this1

i have, or am coming to a conclusion here.
the reason my friend said that this man lied when he said that this old man's age age was 63, was that my friend, himself, was inspired to say that to me...., there is no "game" execpt for that! he said it, spirit had him say it, so to make me think, as there now is "dissonence" between what seems obvious...his apparent age...and what he says to me about his age.


this here number means MUCH to me in MY own life, it has appeared in certain places that seem to infer that THIS is the age that i will die at, amounsgt other meanings!! i am now 60 and there seems to be Important indicators that i will live till then.
DID the Angel that oversees this old man get him to say this?!
I am beginning to think so....the old man is "real" but an Angel Guide speaks through tell me that he is 63 years old: that age will be my age when i die.
i will live a few more years.


---my shaman friend who came from heaven to tell me that "2005 DF" phrase....over and over and over and over and over, maybe ten to fifteen times! burn it into my brain....that same day i read of "Hard Drive failure" in a magizine...
shaman Sam....he WOULD tell me something like this, my death date.
2005, say febuary or may of 2005....i will be 63 in june of 2004.

there is more
*MUCH* more!
Sam was very very interested in the "end of the world' in some great Biblic catastrophy! for years, in high school and afterwards for years....why when both of us were in the air force, stationed 2000 miles apart, we had a town courthouse steps where we would walk to meet at, halfway between our two air bases, IF the world were to have war/earthchanges while we were stationed at the two bases far apart!!!

one day i pondered this Sam saying on the walk to the mall, a month ago...i pondered sam's dream and i heard a silent voice in my head that said..."three years to get ready"!!
in that Phoenox mail-list[i think that list] there was a Seeing by another lady who really really struck me as she foresees great destruction for the earth about 2004...2005! 63 years of death may not be due to sickness or accident: the bells toll for thee ALL too!!
yes, the bells may toll for everyone, we all die at "63" as the earth does what cayce/manderville/423 prophets and Seerers say that
it does!

thus...folks...the Angel that spoke through the old man tells me that i will live till 2004-5 and die at 63, if what i read now is right!
And maybe we all will too!
the old man!
I went to the cafeteria yesterday, expecting him to appear: he did not come.


my rant of yesterday, i feel, was NOT over THIS particular person....was not over him as a person. the inner conflict that I feel, is really over.... "how much do i go out for another person Who Seems To be In Need"!

as if i could tell if someone needs some "help"!
[after all, look at how many other people have helped me out, over the years.]

I also recall a sobering messege given by some Spiritual Teacher..."be carefull how you help people, if you do their life-lessons FOR them, much like a father doing his son's high school homework for him, this person will not learn for himself, that lesson that he was studying. In fact if that lesson were important enough for this person that you solved it for him: you may have to incarnate WITH him, in the next
earthly incarnations, both of you together, as he must reincarnate in order for him to complete this lesson on his own, and you because you interrupted him"!!

---but i can hear it now...."in India, it is said that if you were to walk past a pond and see a kid drowning in it, you should let the kid drown as it was his kama to drown"!
---but it could also have been your karma to rescue him!!

So i have to choose, myself, how much i help him or anyone else.

I told my old friend who lives next door, about this Encounter....and this friend told me with Certainty..."he is lying about his age, he is NOT 63"!
this gives to this ANOTHER twist, folks! as autistic and *very* sun-sign-cancer, i Respond to anyone's story as IF it were true, i need, perhaps, to feel that people can lie! I tend to accept, thusly, that everyone tells to me the truth.
But this old man told me his age with a feeling conviction! even though he LOOKED like he was maybe 75 or 80! his health is SO terrible, that he could be 63!
so what Motive does my friend have for telling me that he lies?! not that he could lie, but that he told me in such *certain* tones of conviction, that this old man lies! Interesting too, that my friend is "into" the guardijif fourthway path, where "games" are not to be played, and "awakedness" is valued above all: Is this statement of such certainty that the old man lies...a "mindgame" on his part? why does my friend "need" to tell me this?!

I will now have to "dectective" the old man and find out about his real age, not only to see if he lies[my help to him will be colored by what i find out!]. Too, by finding out his real age, i will learn more about my friend's perception! if i find out that the old man is telling truth: there is a second level to this event....why did my friend make his statement to me?!

--and yet another small twist: i sent a copy of my yesterday's posting to a email list that i subscribe to, and i got a reply.....that a psychic saw that this old man was really an Angel sent TO HELP ME!!

Thursday, February 07, 2002

well, I had a *very* large Smallshock yesterday!

I went to eat my supper in Piccadily's cafeteria, yesterday, and as i just got ready to begin to eat, i sensed a flurry of activity near me....and "that" old man was coming to join me.
[the old man who seems so so hopeless and needed someone to light his stove for him!]

we talked about his bowels. his going to the bathroom only once per week or so, his medications, his eyweaknesses, his bowel exam, his shits and his eating habits.

I think he is about 85, though i know at least three 85 year olds who look more healthy than he does.

he then told me his age.


yes 63 years of age and he looks near death! I could hear him mutter to himself,m from time to time...
"oh poor poor me"..."that wont work"....."stupid me"....I am 60, he looks like death warmed over and LOOKS 85, at least!

I am Troubled. I love to "help people", but i sense that what i NEED to do with him, is something that i do not want to do! what i "need' to do is to tell him..."OK, i will try to get you going in your life, but you will have to do this: become what i say and think...get up when i do, eat what i eat and follow my instructions to the letter and DO NOT Question what i say! Become an extension of my arm, let go of your self and let yourself become ME!"

---tis is what you get when ya bond to a puppy! the *only* bright hope, in his depressing monologic-grey
speech, was when he asked me all excitiedly..."are you coming to dinner tomorrow at this time: i will join you"!
---retired stateworker.
---an alligator in the Okeefonokiee swamp knows more about computers than he does.
---take sedatives to sleep, as he cannot sleep.
---wears grey...talks grey...IS grey!

[a counselor friend told me that maybe he needs to die, that there is nothing to be done for him, that actually he should have died years before but medicine keeps him going beyond His Time: perhaps it is best just to let him be, until his physical clock runs down, as his soul has left already!...."
so i have a choice!
1---see him in the caferteria and tell him never to see me and never to sit with me ever again: that will hurt him REAL BAD! kill the only joy that is left for him.
2---become the very life for him: be GURU! let it be that i *become* his life and let me actually be like his externalized True Self where he gives up his ego to become my ego, then empower him with my Self, probably will need to actually, soon, LIVE with him in his house, to complete this!
3---stop going to eat there. period!
4---tell him, in the cafeteria, that my throat condition cannot have talking with my meals, so i must eat in silence and spend an hour with my meal, or more. that i must, from now on, eat alone.
[i DO have this Condition, i must cut up every bite into very very small piecies and chew chew chew]
this bothers me as i am using my condition *as* an excuse, *as* a means of escaping from him!
[nerousis bonding with Spirit]

i will probably do # 4. use my condition as an excuse!

----and there are 100 more of these guys behind him! the malls and caferterias and do-nut shops are full of these people!
my own assessment of this guy?
---chronic great Depression, life-long. so vast that it has now gotten to his nervious system and causes
actual physical symptons. it would do him no no good at all to have me take him to the senior center to show him What Is Possible, for retirees, as he is not interested in anything! it would not "take": any advice, any counsel...
[he tells me that what he does in the evenings is to turn out the lights and turn on his radio untill he finally goes to bed!] every night.
probably really needs a psychytrist.
he is beyond Spirit counsel!!

---and what does this event mean for ME, symbolicly??
maybe to see that my own time to "help" people is at an end.

Wednesday, February 06, 2002

and so i wonder, at all the people that i see around me. This here tallahassee city has grown a lot over the years. right down the street is a Development that promishes to have 600 to 800 units of 4 students per apt----2400 to 3200 people!
I sense a Terrible law operating here...."loving it to death"!
---every nice place, when it gets noticed, draws people who love it so, because of the peace and quiet, perhaps, and they bring everything with them and "Los Angeles" is the result!

I read how a most wonderfull Chilian South america Hippie community, in the Andes, a place that was THE center for all of the Hippie-new Age people, to move to and to be a community center in the southern it DIED!

the news article that i read a month ago had OTHER OPINIONS though about this here paradise!
Today there is filth and shit everywhere, there is no grass, all is mud and trash---too too too many people moved there and every system is utterly overwhelmed.

so i watch my tallahassee grow.

I recall my home town of Interlaken, ny that i lived in for a few years...1993--1998. a hometown lady moved back...she came from where she had spent twenty Los Angeles. she was utterly tired of all of the noise, people, congestion, traffic...etc..etc. she came back to get Peace and to be with her ailing mother. She soon got onto the town board and she joined with the group of business people to "promote Interlaken".
Interlaken has maybe 600 people and about once every ten years a new house is built...she told me that there were 425 families here. there are only about 30 to 40 stores and businesses here, and the post office at the end of the main street business section is 400 feet from a cornfield!
there are few jobs and lots of depressed people here, as well as good people and wonderfull countryside.
At this time Walmart was trying to get a store into ITHACA, about 20 miles away. there was much opposition there in this College town[cornell--Ithaca college]!
---and do ya know what this lady DID?!!
she actually WROTE walmart to suggest that they establish a regional supercenter on that 300 acres of land that was just outside of town[the cornfield 400 feet from post office!]. a supercenter that would be the focus of all the rest of the walmarts in western new york.
she then went on public forums in the town paper to suggest this..."the best thing that could happen to Interlaken is for this supercenter to be built...bring lots and lots of people to shop and stimulate everyone"!

I find that MOST small towns want a shopping center to move in.....

India now is mostly cities, i read.....

we ALL ust be really urban people now...the most creative of the people that i know BEGIN to function at 11 we all must really LOVE what we get...stimulus and sounds and all of that.
country=boredom.....for most people.

I know a five second TEST to see if you are a city person or a country person!
simple, this test.
---when you come back home after[whatever], do you turn anything on?
["on" in music or tv or something that is of sound or images]

if you DO turn on the stero or tv or are a city person: never mind if you live 30 miles out, you are Urban in soul.
If you do NOT turn anything are a country person: love that Silence and quiet!
[i never never turn anything on!!]

Tuesday, February 05, 2002

So here I sit.....moon in 6th house...pondering a bit What Seems To Be Going On....

Even as I stare mr death in the face, maybe maybe, I am still interested in the world.
I can hear the Howdy Doody peanut gallery shouting to me, now..."why Freestone, you should, as you cnfront the possibility of your death, before or on the middle of summer...why you really ought to
--join a monestary.
---meditate 15 hours a day.
---eat salads and sushine only.
---read about heaven and the afterlife 8 hours a day.
---join the baptist church and become saved.

In other words: leave the earth and Go Out Into The Countryside and Prepare.....


My own intuition tells me, at least for me, completely the otherwise! after all, i may not die at all, yet: only a symbol of this!

I know already that heaven exists. Feels right that i should BACK into heaven's door, facing backwards into the world, like the CRAB that walks backwards...[four planets in cancer including the sun and moon and mars in pices and most everything else in the 12th house!]
the cancer sign what i do here on earth TRANSFERS into heaven, as a spiritual harmonic, then i really ought
to be MORE physical, instead of less!
more putting stuff into my soul, gotta put it into my soul-basket to take with me!

more pizza. more roast beef. more new york times. more malls. more walks in nice neihborhoods.
more people. more trips. more $$$$.

when the destination-address is known, the Guidebooks are not now needed!

---so this is why, perhaps, you may not find great Spiritual writings, in this here Journal: tis only a journal of a man who lives the life that we all live.
warts are.
bitches is....
I only wish for me to critic Intelligently and to write positively my journal ahead!

Monday, February 04, 2002

A letter that i wrote to Blogger....

hi ev!

here is a copy of my reply to my own post that i posted to, in "troubleshooting", in the "discuss", in Blogger......where i asked the question,"why does the "bloggerpro FAQ link crash everytime that i try to click on it?"
---i answered the question by my own reply, after several others asked....
here it is:

hi this is freestone yet again, the guy who began this question about crashing!

---tis a GOOD GOOD thing that i asked this here question as someone replied that "Pro-Blogger cannot be used with NETSCAPE!!": as i use only public computers and most of the time it is the University computer with netscape the browser!! net 4.0, no less!
thus my OTHER REAL Question is also answered here..."is blogger pro a good deal for me?!
it is not, as i only do just a bit with explorer, when i am at the other public library. thus until Prya gets the alternate browswers ready, pro will not be usable for me and besides, the University will still be using the net-4.0 version! Pro may be off off limits for me for good!

looks like i saved...[sigh]...$35 and much much frustration!!
ah well, i approve of pro-blogger...but i will use this "half full cup" of the free version, just like i value very very greatly my "half full cup" of a Vet Disibility Pension, where i can *just* live on it IF i have no car or no phone...etc..etc..
----thus no internet connection either, thus no way to use Explorer!
but i need that half full cup of the pension and i am glad to be able to use blogger at all! "crumbs"
are a full meal, to a mouse!

i do value that half full cup of my pension, but i see that one really really needs about $30,000 a year in order to take advantage of what is offered today, in the technical and media and even in the whole of civilazation!
no trips by train, no car no phone...etc..etc...
why i read that in the 60 biggest cities, a janitor on min wage and living alone CANNOT rent an apartment in 56 of the 60 cities.
In tallahassee, there must be over 100 to 400 homeless that i can see, in effect they are about the only friends that i can make as they are always around...
If i stop using blogger, it may NOT be that i have died!
it may be that finally the university or library people may have KICKED ME OUT!!
all quiet on the Southern front, i guess: LOVE this weather, 60 by day and sunny!

you do not want to be in Buffalo, ny...a high of 60 degrees!

gotta go!!

Saturday, February 02, 2002

My experiences of going to heaven, in my dreams!

-----I saw yet again, the other day, how useless in this age it would be for me to tell anyone about them!

I recall my father, there in 1982 Interlaken, new york, a very very small farm town of about 600 people: the post office is about 400 feet from a cornfield, when i was there in 1998! In the one hometown diner, a man came to me and he told me about my father and how he could indeed tell tales! Father was a Master storyteller: he could spend hours and hours telling about Indian legends, indian mines, settler mines, the glaciers, the coal seams on Connecticuit Hill, the gold found, the silver...lead...copper mines, the geology of the fingerlakes...on and on and on....
One day father came into the diner and he talked for FOUR HOURS nonstop and he said every word and everyone of about ten men said not a single word! father had to eventually leave, and after he left, one man spoke up and he spoke, this guy said, for everyone there..."It is so sad to see Dudley leave: i wanted more"!!
---this town is sorta benevolently stuck in about 1950, or even maybe 1920! people had TIME, people did things slowly and the weather told ya what to do! people did things very very slowly, one could spend a whole day at something that many people do today in minutes! too, there is that chance where people talk of Depth, instead of just "surfaces".

so here is sit with about 20 or 40 tales of visiting heaven. One of them..."the Doopie Dolls" could
EASILY take me three hours to tell someone and you do NOT interrupt once! yes, one could indeed just go read it, in my writeup site, link is on the left of this page....but the writing of this story just about KILLS this story as only the *very* barest, sketchy, outlines, of the story, is written out!
---but who has the time and patience today for it: i would have to be the "elitist" and talk non-stop and be the very center of the group of people, like of a Master of in-old be able to do this.
Gotta git it out in ten seconds or less, better yet, tell it while the listener is also on the cell phone while talking to someone else at the table while reading the newspaper and thinking about the four appointments that must be taken care of just before this listener takes his son to soccer practice, while he gets his car-oil changed!
ya know....I do not believe i have EVER EVER told anyone, in any depth whatsoever, any of these tales of visiting heaven! not in the ten to fifteen years since i began to experience them!!

I am not bitter: on the contrary...i see that one must spend time doing the work of "first grade", before anything else. that means "". earth is the first grade. cannot do "calculus", before "algebra"....let alone "add and subract"! EARTH realm is..."just the
numbers...1..2..3..4..5..6..7..8..9..0", the numbers taken *as* individual numbers....your first grade standard math cirriculum!
gotta be *very* aquainted with "matter' and "form" as individual units, first!

ACTUALLY...what i feel is true, here, about the earth sphere is that it is useless to talk of heaven to someone, untill that "someone" is actually a SOMEONE!! gotta be someone there: gotta have a self can you become saved unless there is a "you" there first!
--that means..."ego-development" and "self-centeredness"! once you have a good ego, then YOU can
explore the Great Infiniteness of Spirit: otherwise that great Ocean just washes away that feeble sandcastle, of a poorly developed self, built on the low-tide line!
so this means...."money power control selfdisipline" NOT the words most "new-agers use!!!
so this is where, on this earth, where the "cup" is grown: the cup of self to someday contain the Spirit...many new agers reach for the Wine of Spirit BEFORE having made the cup for it!
Think: 'the holy grail!"

eventually, folks, i, myself, may just spend most of my internet time Taking surveys for $$$ and also i have found there are sites that will pay you $$$ for clicking on e-mail ads...[making money at home for real!]...not much $$$, mind you, but as i earn only a disibility pension where *any* part time job income is taken out of my pension...any little bit on the side helps, as these small amounts do not count! If i find a good site or three, i may post them here for you all to go to!

Friday, February 01, 2002

hey i see that bloggerpro is here!
well i see that i do indeed post over 100k, from time to time, per month....

Interesting anyone....
here i sit with my half full cup called a "Veteran's Disibility pension". half full it is, it allows me to live: i read that a single man who is a janitor who makes min wage, in 56 out of 60 of americas biggest cities, he cannot rent an apt on that wage!
so i have no phone.
no car.
only a 300 pentium computer.
"one of each" of anyclothes.
----and probably NO BLOGGER PRO!

and ya know, in this country it is ILLEGAL to be poor!
just try to build a shack on some land! see how the zoning laws will stop ya in a day!
just try to make a deal to live in a warehouse for free if you make a deal with the owner to security-guard the place at night: his insurance rules keep ya from doing that!

on and on i could go is not permitted for on to live cheaply here, like in some 3rd-world country...
cannot build a cheap house outside of code and even the people who try to help ya, have to abide by Insurance laws and the like...
I figure you need $25,000, at least, as a single person without kids or obligations or debts, to live in the country and to Play The Game of using all of the services here!