Thursday, November 07, 2002


this 7 am coffeeshop entrance, proved to be a surprise. on the way to the shop, i passed the niche where the homeless guy LIVES! a small 4 x 4 corner, sheltered overnight, then he wanders the streets all day Bumming cigs and change and just sits on the benches. been doing that for near a year. he was gone from the niche today.
where i usually sit, in the coffeeshop, there he was!
I sat near him and he turned to me and asks me to buy him a cup of coffee, in a certain tone of voice, a tone that sounded like a "warm lost puppy a-looking for a home..w-o-n-t you take me in and CARE for me for life?"!!

I told him to ask the counterlady and when she told him "no", he walked out.

for a moment i had Remorse. was 40 degrees out there and surely that niche brick wall was NOT warm!
[what is he gonna do when the 7 am temp is 28?!]
but I just Knew: that if i touched him, i would have him for life! i would have him there every single morning and i would buy his coffee, never reading the paper even.
probably "should" invite him to live with me, eventually"

[a liberal once wrote..."see the homeless? you have an extra room in your house do you not: have the person live with you"]

---and i would then have him *as* a pupil-of-life! i would then be responsible for him, and all his choices will depend upon me and if any of them are wrong, then he is NOT to blame for it, tis my fault.
he has a soft voice, a softness of "no backbone"
he even looks like that young kid who became the Disciple of the Sniper! *this* is how this kid followed him, a soft puppy-of-a-kid, who feels that it is up to everyone else to Care for him and if he freezes or is everyone's fault for Ignoring him!
I saw it then...that this 18-year old man would then follow me around the city....i would have a "shadow".

ah...counselors-who-read this journal entry...i ask you: *would* such a thing work?! only if he can internally build a inner backbone of inner will, from being with me for a couple of years where i devote MOST of my time to just him! as i see it, right now, he feels that the Place for this "backbone" is in the actions and lives of others....not upon him. some would call him "a slacker...lazy"!
right now, he is "putty", putty to be shaped by whomever he lives with and Believes.
----goes much much deeper than that! goes to the very soul, a soul that could feel that he has no inner will of his own and that it really does depend upon others!!
"no good family" probably. no good childhood.
*like* that sniper "boy"!

once, i was walking to the post office and i passed a row of houses. suddenly a NEW-taken-home puppy bounded out to me, from the open door of a house! followed by the owner in slippers! that puppy just loved to be near my leather boots. i told the lady, as she picked up this puppy,
"that i will NOT touch it as if i DID, it would
bind to me, as it is a very young puppy, it would imprint that I was its master!" i told this lady "that if i petted it, now--- in ten years i could come down this street again and that dog would bound out to greet me! it would do so as it IS my dog, much much more than it is yours as it imprinted itself to me back then!"!

---I do not have the Time or the Inclimation to be responsible for a kid's life!