Tuesday, September 10, 2002

-----a letter to a computer game list....
> I just let them attack me and it worked fine. You need to set your guys
> so they won't attack at all if I remember right. Or leave them way off
> toward the edge of the area perhaps? It's been a while.
> I think you goofed this part up, got frustrated, and waaaaaaay over-reacted.


this is a tendency that i have....being very ATTENTION-DEFICT and autistic!

in fact, i play games as part of "theraphy" for this!
----but alas, there are games that "WIN"! games that i have to throw in the towel over and go on to other games and lessons with!

oh yes...
---i went to deja and the boards, and read what to do with the surveyers.

went like this....again.
---i used a fate point to see if i could raise my charisma. did no good, i died.
---i then had my party stand way way off so that i alone stood near the lead
surveyer. rreal time, not turn based. i got them to attack me.
i stood there.
i died. i died first, FIRST, even before the surveyers! immediately.
i could not even get my character to move away, before i was killed.

---try turn based.
yes THEN i could run away. i did that and then i went into real time.
the spirit appeared IN ME and came out and i died real quick, even before the surveyers off in the distance did.
----again. turn based and then i ran real real far away so far away that i stood alone way out in the area off from the holy ground, where i could hear the crikets chirp.
did no good, spirit appeared and i still died real quick!
---aha! try to teleport scroll off.
did no good, still died.
by now i had seen that grave about what seems to be ten to fifteen times!
---try more ploys with the surveyers...try to stand off.
died, died, died...every time.
---bright idea...try to run off a bit then go into the world map and go off to another city before i was killed!
THAT crashed the game as i was killed EN-ROUTE!

read enough of my attempts?!
i HAD enough....i uninstalled, and removed every trace of this otherwise wonderfull game. me and my autism have to go elsewheres....
i gotta feeling that this will not be the LAST game that i will have to do this with!


this was a letter to write about how i had to give up on a certain computer game. my autism won and i lost, in this game.
interesting...like of life, life often "wins" and i "lose"! i cannot seem to play the game of life very well, according to the rules set before me. i am demanded to do six things at once and to strive for goals that have absolutely no meaning to me in any sense. and think in pictures in a world where most people think in words and abstractions!
-must i drive non-stop on the interstate for 20 hours, for any and all trips?
--must i eat my meal in six seconds, like most men do?
--must i be consumed in sports?
---on and on....
i think in image pictures only and i can hardly look at someone while i talk to them...i cannot even eat with anyone very well as it is food OR talking, but not both!

ah.i have had maybe 100 dream experiences of heaven, over my lifetime....WORTHLESS, in our society!! i do not think that i really have told anyone my dreams where they got excited and enthused, over what i experienced: their problem....but tis a bit amzing how no one seems to care or be interested in them!

then i am told,by spirit, that i have less than a year to live. who can i tell that to?!

so. in the end, my life was well worth it to me. i would not want to change a bit of it, if i had to do it over again. not make any different choices at all...
and THAT, i have discovered, is not what most people want to hear! most people are very very unhappy with their choices and they cannot see how i could be so happy
as i have had 40+ years of..."no wife, job, home, career, family"!!!