Saturday, June 22, 2002

well here I sit with a small "problem"! I got a letter from a nephew(?) of mine, and a small friend.
He told me what he had been doing the last year in a large college city.
months in a mental institution! "maniac-depressive"! badly badly so.
genes and a astrological chart that You Might Not Want---With Transits!----he has.

he also invites me to rent his upstairs apartment in the country, in his country house. about four miles from the nearest town and i have no car!

so How Much do i "help" someone? I may not help at all....Oh there are *so* many things to consider in
anything, any choices!
[why some people actually invited me last month to MOVE out with them just north of Phoenix, in the country, in the Mongollen rim near sedona!! fire away folks, ye invitors....I would be having "fire smoke or worse", now, if i had gone!!]
yes, i can imagine that i would *cook* and stew-slowly in the DE-pression that must sit in that house,
of my friend's! me alone with depression.... and upstate has 200+ cloudy days a year!

so why do i even consider this?!! i often have found that i am the last to know my assignments and i have only a minute to Choose: mostly "yes" , during my entire lifetime!
but some offers are only destractions!

this is where DREAMS and visions can be of the *most* help! what do my dreams tell me, my dreams of the last four months or so....??
---walk alone, from now on....
---one year to live....
I feel a bit like that RPG game,GOTHIC, that i am now playing! the Role demands that i am in a prison camp, and as of yet i have not really been doing the Role that is demanded of me if i were to play the role right: to steal and to beat people up for their stuff!! The "currant demands", infered by my dreams....seem to infer that "i can no longer feel sympathy for, or to "help" someone in "NEED"!
perhaps i must actually now be SELFISH and use my year *only* for myself!
what good would my arrival in heaven be, to consul/console others, if I...I...were not ready and "up to speed" when i arrive there?!

I wonder, sports fans....what would I have Done, about his offer, if i had NOT had that "one year to live dream"? I could well have moved up there! i HAD often, over the years, wanted to!
nice and quiet...pretty countrysides...relatives. lots of good things there.
So now I have that Dream: now tis less than one year, from may 13th!! This Dream, see, will probably be the "occram's razor" that will "decide for me", my future life-choices with! everything must be centered around this dream: every choice, every action that i will do, in the coming year.

thus my dream is *more* "threatening" than an X-ray-with-doctor, that shows to me a Tumor in my brain!
with health-conditions, there is the Possibility for "remissions" or cures!
---but a Revealing to me of my life-plan?! *would* i change this if i could?!! suppose, by prayer, or supplications, i could get Spirit to overwrite the date with a future date. but would i *want* to?!
I set it up, probably for a *very* good reason, a reason that only my higher self and Spirit may know, as that info is hidden in the spirit-world. so i Infer that I Know Best, in the spirit-world; i will NOT try to overwrite this date, by my ego-actions and choices! Tis there for a Good reason ,i infer: accept accept!
stay tuned!