Thursday, May 23, 2002

the "perfume" lady came into my 7am cafe yesterday!

two years ago, i would see her at the mall, she worked there. She looked Intelligent and intriging, but i found out real quick that she was "shizo"!
none of her sentences made any sense and anything that i told her she did not understand. she then began to appear in my coffee shop and i knew it was because of me! she wanted a relationship! she looked 35 or so...i am 60. the owner of the cafe told me that "i am probably the ONLY man she knew that did not treat her as a sexual object: i treated her as a person"!
at the mall she stunk of strong perfume and i had to tell her over and over and over that i was allergic to it!
One day she came to the cafe to give to me a going away present, her train left that day.
i opend it, a bottle of very expensive strong smelling cologne!! lung damage level if i wore it. when i was shocked and she knew that i was not pleased, she broke out in sobbing tears and ran out of the cafe!

so yesterday she was in the cafe!
she told me that she had been at the mall for months now, returned back. [i had stopped going out there a year ago.]
she told me she is leaving again in a week. she also was not understandable at all. nor could she understand me!
she was depressed. though her word salad, i could hear her LAMENTS that she did not have a man to help her in life!

i read the lines....
that she is getting older and soon NO man would have her and thus she came to the cafe JUST to try to woo me into a Relationship.
she then began to cry...the handkerchief came out, the tears rolled out. but there was nothing that i could tell her. i left real quick!

oh the agony! shizo for life from birth maybe. and untill she dies.
no wonder she REALLY needs that man beside her...more than any woman might. to help her through life, a life that is utterly alien to her!
trouble is...that man would have to devote every bit of his life, from daybreak to bedtime, to her and to her alone. for all of her life.

then i see the HORROR and the HELL of it all. as she cannot understand a single sentence that i utter or i understand her words...just what could a man find in common with her?
sex is all there is and the only way to touch her soul. sex alone is the way.
i am impotent.
---and.....just Where has she been? what man has dicked her and given who knows what to her...Clyimidia...aids??

so the only way TO have a relationship with her is to make her a sexual object!!
that is the only way that she has to be touched. I have to not care when i see her kleenix come out.
she was not there at the cafe this morning, as THAT door is closed for her in her own mind...

sorta reminds me of that duplex i lived in, in my hometown in 1997. a young lady moved in next door about 20 years old, her mother helping her move in. she ended up, in a month, really ANGRY at me for some reason, even as i hardly ever saw her!!
one day, a month after she moved in, she carried her stuff down the stairs to her mother's car and she says to me in anger...
"i am moving back with mother where I AM LOVED!
suddenly i knew.....!!
i knew what she meant...she was angry because i did not do, that beginning of the month, what I WAS SUPPOSED TO HAVE DONE! gone up to her apt and go to bed with her and have that relationship start! i did not do it: nothing like a woman scorned!!