Saturday, May 11, 2002

the guy crossed the street to avoid me!

There was someone who i got to know a bit, over the last year. An Intelligent, intense, man....who is really really "into" the Isreal/middle east crisis. I would see him about once a week, for a few minutes.
I almost knew him enough to begin to make friends with him.
but i DREADED the Confrontation-to-come! I never told him my views on the middle east, i knew if i told him, i "would lose him in a hearbeat"!
this guy is a "christian fundamentalist" to the max, and he is consumed over the Isreal/palistine thing...he awaits the coming of the Lord in Rightious Judgement upon us all...

well, the other day, i replyed to one one his questions, where i told my philosphy, basicly "moderation"!
I Will Never be Able To speak to him again!

then there is another old friend who is now consumed in ..."the rocefellers/mellions, and the families around them, control the world, in Iluminetti Conspiricies"! consumed. a three hour do not interupt, talk, is what he has now to give to me each and everytime that i care to see him!...hundreds of statements that there is no way to reality-check on!!

I do not have friends, i guess....
many of them have kids and family, they see me as "not paying my dues of suffering" like they do: they do not see what kind of sufferings that i go through, in MY life!
I had my childhood friend slowly get consumed by his farm! his 200 acre farm grew to 900 acres and every single monent of his life went into it. me? why i would walk around the square mile, passing his farm, i would wave to him, on his tractor in the field.
last image i have of him was him giving to me a royal fuck-finger, along with his friend who stood beside him, who jumped on me for ruining a $1200 sale, he said, in his antique shop as i came in for a social chit chat, interrupting his sale!
my farm friend died. i wrote my other antique shop friend, telling him of how my farm friend came to me in a vision telling me how wonderfull heaven was! [he became a christian just before he died!]
my antique shop friend wrote back a TERSE email, unsigned: it merely said..."freestone: BOTH of us know that you, freestone, do not know what you are talking about!"
[ i have to , in this way, forgive my antique shop friend as he works SO hard at his antique shop and it gives to him a very very rich life and basicly it saved him from ALCOHOLISM!....he nearly succumbed to it. he HAS to put me down, as if he were to stop the wheel and "do nothing but meditate", he would go back to drinking again!! thus i see his putdown of freestone as a good thing as he does not like anyone who does not work 100 hours a week, i guess...gotta keep busy.

thus the only problem that i might have, as if i NEED friends! feel i need them for my own feeling of self-worth.
thus, here, there is a warning a WARNING, for those who would seek the path of the Different and the Spirit: very very few can ever follow you! you will walk very alone. your wife/husband could seek that divorce: their very existance may feel threatened by your interests. you will be laughed at, not only by the "masses", but by many many people who are on spiritual paths!! in fact they will be even your bitterest enimies as they DEMAND utter alleigence to their one narrow way!
I, myself, seem to have much much more affinity with"teenagers who play computer games" or
"homeless dysfuntionals"...than with most people who are on any spiritual paths: see, folks, one can only climb ONE rope at a time, all other ropes fall away! thus when one joins a path, all other paths must go away!
only the oldest soul can synthethize the many paths, i guess: there are *VERY* few of these incarnate!

so....I will end up hanging out with the angry homeless or thejocks or the frat boys or the clerks at Hardees, rather than with anyone who has DIFFERENTIATED into one "path" or another!!
---the vege people are on me when i eat meat.
---my friend into Gardejeif sees me as "lacking" as i do not have a family [they say..."in order to become on the Path and join the School, one must do ALL the archtypes of Humanity, in order to become complete: any missed, means one is unbalanced and thus unworthey to become spiritual" this I Am Lacking!!]
---most people into a path: they INSIST that i gotta hate this or that, or deny it in my life: become polerized!

I often walked, outside of my 600 people hometown, a road, a road that i called "the stony alonesome road" all of the trees, the barns, the fenceposts...everything...leaned over to the east at about four degrees: the wind NEVER stops blowing....i enjoyed peering into the darkness in the NorthEast, in the Vikingland that is of ruaral upstate new york, in the 1990s, before i moved back here. i may move there again some day!
so what OTHER religion do i need?
---i have seen heaven and heaven IS and i will go there some day: i try to live my life with this in mind, trying to live like i am in heaven now so that i will vibrate that way even the more when i get there. i confess i fail often, daily!!
but that is too too much for people, people , like, who need hell to be there so that they can send their enimies there RIGHTIOUSLY for ever!!!!!
but it is SO simple! heaven IS and you will go there no matter how you live or what you belive in! you will live there even the MORE of what you are doing now...thus pick carefully what you do now as when you get there into heaven you will MAXIMIZE even the more, of what you do now!
so simple.