Friday, May 31, 2002

I did an interesting blog thing just now!
note that i have a zillion links to this site and all of them are to "49 weblogs" or"master spirit sites"!

there is nothing for my own personal site finds and the room is running out, on my page!

so i made a weblog JUST for my links!!

there are only about four links on it now, but oh they are Incredible weblogs, weblogs that i have found...over time.

too, i "review" each link, just a bit, in the posting page and place the link on the sidebar so that you can click on it.
better not tell Ev, at, about this or he may find another 40,890 weblogs are created by everyone, to make master links logs.....!

Thursday, May 30, 2002

ah, the mysteries of Fate and Time! I can sense, now, how some lives are set up, in the pre-birth life plan, really well and utterly! i guess mine was.
I went back to my dream, back in December of 2000, to see how it stood, in the light of my may 13th
vision of my one year to live.

[quickly again...on dec 4th of 2000, i had this Vision. seems all of my life, i would get clairvouyant, precognitive, visions...of anyplace that i will live in, months from now. in 1965, the U S Air force was to send me to japan three months from when i had the orders in my hands. a week later, i had a vision where i saw all the places that i would work at, live in, walk around, on my airbase-to-be, three months from "now"!!
so why not heaven?! tis a place i will go to some day, why not have this "karma" hold for there too?!
Dream begins: I have just arrived at the edge of heaven, in my appalachian mountain heaven that i have often visited in my astral travels. i had died and now i was awakened and Greeted by some Greeter.
I stood at the very edge of this land, so green and welcomer Guide told me that my sister Suanna had gone on to higher lands, higher heavens (she died 25 years earlier!). yes she had her COPY of her earthly mountain house, there, in this land, but as the custom is here...when she left it to go onwards, she gave it to another incoming soul. Suanna is now in the "Angelic" realms, he tells me.
i can not live in her house, but he tells me that there is a Cabin right at the edge of heaven, near the earth-boundry, where i am suppossed to live in, a cabin that has its location to be right at the entrnce to this heaven-land.
He walks me to this cabin, and he tells me that when i go upwards to the "angel lands", i, too, will leave this cabin to another incoming soul. but right now it is my home.
in front of the cabin is the path up to it. on one side of the path is a signboard with my name on it..."Freestone Wilson". on the other side of the path is another signboard with two numbers on it.
120 420. the guide leaves and the dream ends.
the numbers?! ??????? i suppose they symbolize something about my earthly life!]

yes folks, i have sometimes pondered and meditated upon these numbers!! on the face of it, there is no hope of ever finding out what they mean.
there IS one major clue! 120 420 can be written "12 4 2000" as in..."12th month december, 4th day of december, year 2000"!! yes, that's right, the numbers *are* the date-that-I-dreamed-this-dream, for my dream!! 4th of dec. 2000!
whenever there is such a snycronism like of this, that means to me that there is a spiritual meaning of that relationship: dig further!!
dec 4..2000. that is the 338th day of the year.
NOW i have THREE numbers!! 120 338 82 ["82" is 420-338=82]

I am 60 now...seems "obvious" that two times 60 = 120.
fiddle...fiddle with numbers.
there is also the number "79' that has appeared in SO many of my dreams and i am TOLD that this number is the number of years that i lived in a past life that DIRECTLY affects this one!
NOW this all becomes clearer....
338...present life

if i use 79 in the 120.....i get 79 + 41 + 120. AHA!! i was born in 1941.
thus the first number is now known: the 120 reflects my birthday year.

the 338? i have lived in several places and often the times overlapped by many years, and yes yes yes, all those years DO add up to 338 years!! especially if one of those periods of life is the 61 years
that i am SUPPOSSED to live if my "die in one year' vision is true! that i would die in 2003, probably near my 62nd birthday as may 13th of 2002 is only a month from my june 28th birhtday! one year to live as of may 13 of 2002. i am 60 now. die at 61, near my 62 birthday.
---and the 82? which is to say...the 420. I have the Intuition that as the 41 reflects my birth, in the 120; there would have to be THE YEAR of my death, in that 420, also. these two numbers....120 and 420
show my life...and my deathdate.
thus that "year' is in the 82.
simple to find! in two ways! [this is my Today's great discovery, folks!]
one...that past life of 79 years...
79 + 3 =82 2003
61 (my age when i die) + 21 = 82 "21"? 2 + 1 = 3 2003
thus i will not have "62" as a death age...i do NOT have "one and a half years"!

IF this is right! IF spirit does not change this!

Wednesday, May 29, 2002

I can well see how "sensitive" people have a "bad self image"!

I needed an air conditioner filter: I went yesterday to the supermarket with intents to buy one.
i found the row of goods, there they were , of various shapes and sizes. i quickly grabbed my needed size and went up to pay for it and then walked out of the store.
wait a minute!
---i stopped outside of the store and smelled the filter to make very sure that it smelled OK, with my lung disibility, it better smell ok!
big time not!!
smelled of perfume fragerances and soap.

right back to get my money back. i then took the manager back to the row of filters and low and behold these filters were RIGHT next to the section of those scented candles that are found in gift shoppes!!
500 of them! the BIG ones, the candles that are in jars and glassess and just one of them 300 feet away is too too much for me!
every single filter smelled utterly of perfumed incense.

of COURSE i was the only one to complain, the only one to even notice!
---i get tired of "soccer coach mentalities" telling me that it is MY problem and it is my!!

Tuesday, May 28, 2002

memorial day wekend.

a nice quiet tallahassee longweekend! a GOOD time to confront my "one year to live" Vision!!

On many levels, confront!
---is it REAL, TRUE?
---what am i gonna do about it if it is?
stuff like that!

yes, I hear the Peanut gallery of Critics now....I hear them say..."it is symbolic of change, the need to change, a psychological dream" Or, perhaps, "a decieving spirit, or a mis-led helper guide, is telling you wrong news"!

I can Begin with what appears to be the "family Karma"! My mother had this Vision ten years before her death, telling her that she will die in ten years but that her husband will live till he is 72. she dies at the time of ten years but that Spirit gave to my father an extra year, as he forgives me and has a reunion with me.
I note that i lived with my mother for her last year, she broke her foot exactly one year before her death and i lived with or near her then. I lived with my sister for sevreral years before her death: no warnings there, though...EXCEPT that a painting done of her house showed that there were 42 boards on the side of her house: she died at 42! I lived near my father for that last year.
too...I had a next door childhood friend who was apparently an Indian Shaman in his past life, i had actually seen him in my dreams where i once saw him fly with a hawk headress on his head...a hawk *as* as hat! [i read that this IS the big sign that the person is a shaman!!] he fell off of his farm tractor about a week before i left my hometown, 1998, and died about a year later.

for me, there IS a way that i can poke around to "reality check" a bit, on my vision of one year to live! math! the number of days between certain events of the calander year!!
first place to go my mother! she died on october 5 of 1975. between oct 5 and may 13th[my vision] is 145 days.
72 + 73 =145 aha!! she saw that father would live till he was 72, but he lived an extra year of grace until he was 73!
yes indeed, math Gives Insight!
next place to check, then is my father! he died on Christmas day, dec 25th, one year and two months after i moved near him, his one year of grace. there are 140 days between xmas and may 13.
Spirit showed to me, in about a dozen dreams, that in my pst life i lived 79 years! I belive that. been shown to me, utterly.
79 + 61 =140! oops!
my friend sam, the Shaman! since he had his accident a week after i moved away, and died a year later, one week BEFORE that moving date[!]...there is some kind of karma relationship there between us two!
he died sept 24th.
from may 13 to sep 134 days.
73 + 61 = 134!

conclusion: THIS year, may 13 2002 to may 13 2003, will be my year of grace and i will die at 61 years of age!! i am 60 now and will turn 61 the 28th of June. i will be 62 on june 28th of 2003! yes, "one year"......NOT, probably, 13 or 19 months!

so i can now SEE that all the members of my family and my friend are inter-connected in Karma and their deaths and mine are also interconnected.

in this year ahead, i will write and ruminate here, i hope, a lot! I will copy my "purely one year to live ruminations" also over to my other weblog "" [ one year to live ].

Saturday, May 25, 2002

well i have set up a new weblog. i tried even to look at the journal sites, as this is a diary, a journal...but i found that i liked blooger the best. this new journal will be ONLY about how i deal with my death in a year or so!! it will be copies of what i put here, minus the rants on politics and outer world stuff, so that this journal will be "ONLY THAT"...the introspections of freestone.
"one year to live.

there too, you can sign up for my mailing list/discussion group in yahoogroups!
DREAM OF GOING TO HEAVEN....may 25, 2002.

well folks, another very very interesting dream last night. powerfull, but simple, and as usual i can only recall some of it.
The dream begins where i had died! But it was as if it were someone else's death and i was just using his mind-memories! I am now in a city surrounded by people. the people of the city.
it actually seems, in this dream, that it is as if everyone in the city had died and they all were with me in the low-heaven copy of this city! NOT like some great disaster, but in some symbolic turn of events to make it as if there were hundreds and hundreds of people near me.
I noticed right away that they all were "low vibration" souls! In a sense, as i am an old soul, these people are "everyone else" as i feel, all of my life, that "i am a 5th grader in 2nd grade"!

the great mass of Humanity, the "common man/lady"!

they all gathered near me with their angers and their rages and depressions and their little perceptions as to What Is Real, about heaven, about life.
I managed to pull away and i managed to float up into the air and then i went off upwards to suddenly another place far removed from this city and its people.
---and WHAT a place! a rich deep green field and was like of Dawn, the sun is about to rise, to rise upon my heavenly life-to-come. what struck me as the MOST interesting about this heavenplace is that i could see about 30 RAINBOWS!. at least 30 rainbows. the sky was full of rainbows!

then i heard a voice speak. a quick saying, in an accent that was a bit foreign. it was directed to me, even though it sounded far off. a voice of authority and Knowing....


then the dream was over.

Yes, i feel that this Guide was telling me what that dream of the 13th was telling me...."You will begin your Spirit life in one year"!

from THIS dream, i now have a much better feeling as to what i will do for that year: what i OUGHT to do for that year!
those city people!
I live in such a city, i go to the mall, ride the city bus a lot, and mix with the 200,000 people here in Tallahassee.
these "2nd graders" would be MIRRORS to me of MY OWN "immature", "negative", or "non-spiritual"
nature, a nature that must not go to heaven with me....Luggage that best be left behind when i die in that year. if i were to live my year out in the hills or up in the mountains, alone, meditating or just hanging out with old souls, there would be no mirrors around me to reflect back to me my inner natures that should be weeded out! there would be nothing for them to project onto, if i were to live in some Ashram/monestary!
Thus i should continue to live with the masses, live with the beer drinking 18-year old FSU students and the Ghetto high school kids, on the bus. live with the depressed and the angry where i go to malls and fast food places to eat and eat out OFTEN! every time that i "catch myself' falling into a "negative state' that was "induced" by someone who is a "2nd grader", of the people who are around me on the bus, in the mall, in the cafeteria; i should be aware of it and change that feeling in me to something that can go to the "Rainbow-land" with me! One can only weed the garden by being IN the garden!

Friday, May 24, 2002

NOW I know what my mother's number meant!!

Tis not often that one has a visit from heaven from his deceased mother!
I did!
on may 2 of 1999, i dreamed that i was standing in the driveway of my childhood home. i was looking at the setting sun, just setting, on the western horizen. the land is flat and open, i could see for miles, as a child. Just as the sun sets and darkness arrives, suddenly the western sky re-lightens, and relightens with a rainbow-like arch where that sun had set! an arch of light.
IN this arch was my mother, my mother who died on october 5th of 1975. Thus my mother hovered in the western sky, far far off.
She drew nearer to me and i heard her speak, she sounded like she was far away too.
she said.....
"3 39 99 those numbers are in the Bible".
then she vanished, the dream was over.
This was about six months from october 2 of 1998, when Spirit gave to me a dream telling me that i was SUPPOSSED to die THEN but was given an extension! [note the "2nd"...same "2nd" for both events!]

now i know what these numbers meant....
"the Bible"...means that they are TRUE. and literal. just as "99" means..."the one sheep that Jesus goes to save, leaving the 99 sheep back in the safe fold".
3 and 39....refer to the Mission of jesus after he died. "on the 3rd day"...and the days on earth after his death.

So NOW, on the 13th of may 2002, i have been told..."In one year you, freestone, will begin your Spirit journey", where i was standing AT the very same spot on the driveway that i saw and heard my mother speak.

I moved here to tallahassee to attend college around the first of september of 1960. I sometimes would move away but always came back here. in september of 2003, i will have lived here 43 years.
In a sense, i have lived TWO LIVES. two lives in parellel. one in new york state and one here in tallahassee.
In a REAL sense i DID die back on october 2 of 1998! ONE of my two lives had ended, i might visit again my home twon but not to live there again.
that was 57 years. then ya take 1960 to 2003.
that is
3 + 39 + 1 = 43 "1" for that "one sheep"!
and add 57
57 + 43 = 100 one hundred sheep: BOTH life missions are over and my spirit journey begins!
thus the total of the two lives equal 100 just as the total of my mother's count equals 100.

THAT was her messege. after all, she had her own death premonition dream and one for my father. OUGHTA be one for me too!
and there it is....

perfume lady came AGAIN today. i listened to her talk for half an hour, understanding nothing. Nor could i talk to her. I would do better listening to someone recite the alphabet for half an hour!!

I wonder what her life was like?
i wonder what her past life was like: why did she choose, in spirit, to come here with this condition? Not always "repentence' either...for any past life condition!
I Guide, i read, wrote about how some spirits from other planets try to become a human being, in the earthly incarnations and that they often fail miserably as the vast vast differences between an alien culture and ours is to to much for the soul to handle!

i do not know.
she says she will leave by train in a day or two. i lament that i cannot talk to her OR read the paper, her need to talk fills all.
and that i cannot enter her world, cannot send out a rope to have her pull herself into my room or to into anyone's room!

there are 10,000+ more just like her...out there! i know of one or two right now, here in Tallahassee, nearly TWINS in body and in talk! scrambled eggs for a thought process.

Thursday, May 23, 2002

the "perfume" lady came into my 7am cafe yesterday!

two years ago, i would see her at the mall, she worked there. She looked Intelligent and intriging, but i found out real quick that she was "shizo"!
none of her sentences made any sense and anything that i told her she did not understand. she then began to appear in my coffee shop and i knew it was because of me! she wanted a relationship! she looked 35 or so...i am 60. the owner of the cafe told me that "i am probably the ONLY man she knew that did not treat her as a sexual object: i treated her as a person"!
at the mall she stunk of strong perfume and i had to tell her over and over and over that i was allergic to it!
One day she came to the cafe to give to me a going away present, her train left that day.
i opend it, a bottle of very expensive strong smelling cologne!! lung damage level if i wore it. when i was shocked and she knew that i was not pleased, she broke out in sobbing tears and ran out of the cafe!

so yesterday she was in the cafe!
she told me that she had been at the mall for months now, returned back. [i had stopped going out there a year ago.]
she told me she is leaving again in a week. she also was not understandable at all. nor could she understand me!
she was depressed. though her word salad, i could hear her LAMENTS that she did not have a man to help her in life!

i read the lines....
that she is getting older and soon NO man would have her and thus she came to the cafe JUST to try to woo me into a Relationship.
she then began to cry...the handkerchief came out, the tears rolled out. but there was nothing that i could tell her. i left real quick!

oh the agony! shizo for life from birth maybe. and untill she dies.
no wonder she REALLY needs that man beside her...more than any woman might. to help her through life, a life that is utterly alien to her!
trouble is...that man would have to devote every bit of his life, from daybreak to bedtime, to her and to her alone. for all of her life.

then i see the HORROR and the HELL of it all. as she cannot understand a single sentence that i utter or i understand her words...just what could a man find in common with her?
sex is all there is and the only way to touch her soul. sex alone is the way.
i am impotent.
---and.....just Where has she been? what man has dicked her and given who knows what to her...Clyimidia...aids??

so the only way TO have a relationship with her is to make her a sexual object!!
that is the only way that she has to be touched. I have to not care when i see her kleenix come out.
she was not there at the cafe this morning, as THAT door is closed for her in her own mind...

sorta reminds me of that duplex i lived in, in my hometown in 1997. a young lady moved in next door about 20 years old, her mother helping her move in. she ended up, in a month, really ANGRY at me for some reason, even as i hardly ever saw her!!
one day, a month after she moved in, she carried her stuff down the stairs to her mother's car and she says to me in anger...
"i am moving back with mother where I AM LOVED!
suddenly i knew.....!!
i knew what she meant...she was angry because i did not do, that beginning of the month, what I WAS SUPPOSED TO HAVE DONE! gone up to her apt and go to bed with her and have that relationship start! i did not do it: nothing like a woman scorned!!

Wednesday, May 22, 2002

well, i am beginning to Face what all of this means, my Warning dream
I went back to my dream dirary to re-read what i wrote.

the phrase the Seer told me, as he, perhaps, read from the paper with my lifePlan on it, was...
"You, freestone, will begin your Spirit Journey, in one year"!

I have started a sorta copy of this weblog journal, but it is a YAHOO MAILING LIST!
a mailing list that you all can join and post to, and all of that...a messege board, a mailing list, where you all can write
up your experiences too, and comment directly upon mine! at my 5 word-per-minute typing speed, i may not be able to write back much, but this list will be about...
the name is...
"one year to live"

["what would you do if you had but a year or so to live?]
that is the topic header....

you can also sign up directly at the bottom of the weblog, just under the last entry. yahoo/egroups even has a subscription option where you can "not get mail in your mailbox: read it at the site"! thus you can just go to the URL and read the messeges if you do not want more mail coming into you box!

Tuesday, May 21, 2002

now I know a bit how my mother must have felt, back in 1965!!

In 1987, as I lived In my hometown for a year, with my father in the Nursing Home, after about five heart attacks and strokes, his friend told to me that story about my mother, a story that i never ever have heard before!
This friend told me that my mother had a Dream, a dream in about 1965, where she was told that she would DIE in ten years with a red sports car coming into her lane at dusk....but that my father would live until he was 72 years old.

I always wondered why my mother was so afraid to drive at dusk!!!

I then knew, as my mother died on october 5th of 1975, ten years after her dream. she died when a red sports car came into her lane at 120 mph, at about 7:30....dusk!
yes, dusk....her dream was fullfilled. my father was now 72, he went into the intensive care a month after his 72nd birthday.
Father lived till another year, only because Spirit let him live an extra year, as he Made amends with his!

I now ponder a bit what my mother had to face, I never knew WHAT this dreamvision consisted of...was it something she was shown, or saw, or read? was it a "huge" dream, or just some small dream?
NOW i have an idea as to why she took the yearly predictions from the "top ten psychics" from the National Inquierer magizine and posted thm on the inside of a kitchen closet, in january of each year, and in june or november, she would Announce how that they all were WRONG! usually they were wrong, all of them, utterly so!
See, if she could convince herself that all psychic predictions were wrong, then hers would be also wrong!


her Source must have come from a higher place! ta ta......

so on May 13th, i had a Dream. I wrote it up already, before....but in essence, again.....I went to INDIA, in my dream, and a Seer showed to me a sheet of paper that he wrote up a few years before i was born, a sheet with the events of my life on it, and my Name, of course, too. was not for someone else! I listened, not read: this seer told me what was on this sheet of paper.
then he more or less infered that there was no more life events to come: i had done it all, all of what was to be...of my life'w Work.
THEN he says....
"You will, in a year, begin your life of Spirit".
AT that moment, instead of the seer, in front of me, the dreamscene changes to where i am standing upon my childhood home driveway next to the Oak tree that in other dreams has always meant to me..."the place i am born at"
on the driveway was what looked to be a larva-like worm...representing, i guess, my soul-body!
---end of dream!

a year!
he did NOT say..."your spiritual life" he says the "life of spirit". there is a VAST difference between the two.
he did NOT say..."you, freestone, will die in a year"!!
for there is no death, how could he say that?! if he says..."die in a year", it would be symbolic of "ego-death", a CHANGE...a transformation, here in my life. what he says, is that i will begin my life OF and IN spirit, then.
In a world of spirit, in my spirit body.

Die in a year.

12 months...maybe 18 months, probably no more than 18 months, max!

there are TWO "extra" twists to this dream!!
----I was standing AT the very spot, near that oak tree, where i had the 1999 Dream of seeing my mother come from spirit to tell me those three numbers: 3 39 99. the very spot on the driveway.
----the dream date was the 13th of may. my mother was born the 23rd of may. ten days between the dates JUST like my mother had ten years!
"number anayisis" bears dividends!!
those "3 39 99" numbers, i have found, did not refer to my death, they refered to what my life consisted of! refering to my life-missions, evidently, from what i could tell.

So now what will i DO for my year to year and a half?!
stay tuned!

Friday, May 17, 2002

I added an article at my "article weblog"

tis about computer games, rpgs...role playing games. It is about a game called MORROWIND, another person's review of this game..
In this review, he criticizes how many computer gamers go to the game with their own preconceptions of how the game should be, usually adding their urges to Dominate powerfully the fighting and the winning instead of experiencing the game as the designers had intended...a world, a world with its own reality, its own rules.
They would want to get through the game in ten hours, with all cheat codes and God-like powers, instead of becoming enthralled with the new World that the game offers, playing it on its terms so that it is a kind of dialogue between player and game where, within
the context of the rules of this game, the player role plays his character to whatever he/she wants it to be.

Wednesday, May 15, 2002

another the 15th. takes lots of meditatation this...perhaps a year to live, eh?

I wonder about my mother, where she came to me in a dream, came down from heaven to tell me those numbers.
3 39 99
she, herself, had a visiondream before she died, ten years before she died, she foretold both her and my father's death.

I was 'supposed to have died at 57 years old, in my hometown...1998.

NOW i see that this was the end of my living in new york. i have lived now in tallahassee on and off since 1960. 41 years.

3 + 39 = 42
42 + 57 =99
she ALSO said...'these numbers are in the Bible"! which makes them TRUE!...a true dream

jesus left the 99 shepp to go out to find the one lost sheep. thus i will live in tallahassee for one more year
beyond that 42 years...
43[2003] + 57=100

viloa....that must have been her messege to me.

keep tuned.

Tuesday, May 14, 2002

weblog entry....

tis tuesday, the 13th, of May, now. Tis the day after my DreamVisit to India, the astral place in India where the SEERER foretells that i have a year to live!

I slowly slowly get a feel for even the very Questions to ask of my self and my Self and of Spirit, about this!
Will take days and even weeks to feel out these questions!!
for what i will do in the next year, may not only be Important for me and others, in my "goodbye finale", on earth; but for my life-to-come, in the Spiritworld, after i die! probably MUCH more important for me in the spirit, afterdeath, world!

AT the same day, after my dream, there were several replies in my mailbox from a List that i belong to , in response to a post that i put there the day before my Dream: this post of my weblog journal was of my Lament about how all of my friends Have Parted from me, and what i know and SEE [afterlife visions] , they have no idea, thus they tend to Mock me
or criticize me....makes for a alone road, for me!

the replies in my mailbox from this that
some people invite me to essentually come join with them and live with their community! they are all older souls who Understand my "Pain"!
---QUITE an offer to "put under my hat", to pray and ponder upon...shall i or shall i not?!!

Last night, as i rode back to my trailer on the city bus, i watched the people on the bus and i had sort of a Messege from spirit, an Intuition that was more of a REMINDER than of an actual messege: but a messege never the less. this "reminder" was partly to recall what i once wrote, as one of my "Experiences" years ago, and have put it on file. I was reminded of the MEANING, for me, of this article that i wrote.
before i can continue on, in my journal letter, i MUST requote the entire article and i do so below. then i will continue writing this letter.

the letter continues after this article!
kids draw

I live in a very small Upstate New York town. Very
The Grade school playground looks out onto the corn
fields...pine trees
flank one side of it.
I often walk out to this playground, after supper;
there, i can see the
open sky and smell
the fresh air.

Here it was had been in session
only a week or so.
The tennis court had just been paved with nice fresh
tar only a week ago,
and none of the lines or
netting had been replaced yet. I walked over to
it...i could see how nice
and pure black it was.

But on this evening's walk, i could see some markings
upon the tar.
I could see, as i came near ...chaulk drawings on it.
I took a closer look..
Yes------some very creative second grade teacher had
just that afternoon,
taken her class
outdoors, on this nice day----and she marked off
six-foot squares, in
chaulk. Then she gave
each kid a handfull of colored chaulk....and then
assigned them all to the
fresh black pavement.
One square per kid; to draw a drawing and sign their

Now, here, i came across the 7 pm result, of this
Drawings.i could see---- maybe thirty colored
drawings. One per student.

MY!...what a difference between them! Some were drawn

with great care
and of great talent...some were done in haste...and
some drawings were only
of a cuss-word or two, and maybe some sharp angry
jagged lines. A social
might call these angry kids "dysfunctional"!

And----i recognized most of the last names. These
were the Children of
all the
townspeople...people that i grew up with.

As i stood admiring a couple of Very talented
drawings...done by some
of my relative's children....
---A Spiritual inspiration came to me!!

---As if these children were the SOULS of the
townspeople, and what was
drawn out, was an
expression of the Quality of these Souls! ---as if
the whole of their years
of living their lives,
were summerized, somehow, in these drawings!
I took this analogy further....

In second grade, one is learning how to draw...after

all, kids are
kids!----half-ripe fruit can only
HINT at the fullness of the taste, of its
ripeness-to-come, in time.
They WILL make mistakes!
Ya learn art..or doing.
One earns how to the very act of drawing.

Same as with life!
No one will "go to Hell'..for their sins or mistakes.

We are Artists....on
the lower levels of
spirit..Learning How To Draw. Someday..we all will
to becoming , I guess..what the Bible says..."to
become Co-creators, with his
heaven celestial, with Him"!!

But right now....we are just beginning.
We must be free to try anything!
Do anything!
It is "OK"!! It is ok to make mistakes and to "mess
up" the drawings! If
feedback-from-life, is
needed---life will, in due time, supply this------as
Soul reality
follows laws and rules--Spiritual laws and rules.
Many call these rules..."KARMA"!....or, "dharma.
Thus, if mistakes are, itself, will give
to us some feedback.

So---we all ought to become as creative as
must be the very at the very heart of what constitutes

"one's Soul"!

so there. that is what i wrote, back in the early 90s.
The "bus-reminder" refers to this article. I consider myself an old old soul. been told so by spirit, over and over. As i sat on the bus, i could see that all of the people on it were very young in soul, like as if i were a "5th grader" in the 2nd grade of the school of earthly life! good grief! here i am "into" Calculus math, and the kids around me are only barely able to "add and subtract" let alone do "algebra", the prerequsite to Calculus!! THIS is why all my friends cannot Know and understand me or my Ideas! they, while older than the young souls, probably are only in "3rd" grade!

Spirit has often told me that after i die, i will be working with the people of the younger soul-age, in the spirit worlds. meaning: MOST of us, most of humanity!
most of the people on the earth, at this time, are young to middle age souls!
THIS is why, i was told, on the bus, that during my last year here on earth, i would be very very good if i remove, within myself, all traces of "bias" and "predujice" and resentments against those people around me who are "dumber" or more immature, or more "redneck-like" than myself! all of the people on that bus will become old souls some incarnational day, in other lives. right now, they are Learning How To Live, by Doing, by making many many mistakes, some of them bad ones!
thus, i probably WILL continue to live amoungst them
and to make sure that i forgive them all for doing things that i might not approve of! I am supposed to, spirit tells me, to become one of the angelic helpers that aid and help heal....these younger souls, when they die and come to heaven and enter the Centers
of healings and Soul-advancements.
i BEST not have any "judgemental bias", as i counsul/console these all that they did on earth was just beginning lessons, lessons that I once had, when i was once a young soul like they!
---and some day, each of them could become a "5th grader"!
a father sends his kids off to a Private Boarding high school, the kids learn lessons that the father may not Approve of, but he Loves them all just the same: he knows that they need to try *anything* that they desire [even THAT!!], as that is the only way that lessons are learned, by doing.

thus what i might better do, is to continue to live
amoungst the younger souls, in this city of 300,000.
to NOT "go up into the mountains with like-kindred
[an archtype here, folks...during one's last year on earth, one is "supposed" to retire to the monestary in the mountains, in order to "get up to speed", in the preparation for heaven: to saturate onself in the vibrations of the oldest souls possible, around him, that he can be near! to Share, and to recieve, Wisdom and teachings...]
---to not accept this offer, to "do the exact opposite"
of what i "am supposed to do", in order to follow
the Path that spirit laid out for me, BEFORE i was born!

for i will Work in the Office [one of the workers]
of Jesus. Jesus went to talk to the Woman
prostitute at the well of Samarera: he got flack from that, from his friends as they thought this lady was well beneath Jesus, an unsalvageable sinner.

so i ask of you all....if Manderville is right and 20% to 80% of the earth's population may die in some great earthchange, within the next few years and
tens of millions of souls all arrive in heaven at once,
WHO is going to aid, console, direct, the POOR and the HOMELESS, there, in heaven?!
i do NOT mean the earthly poor and the earthly homeless, here, what i mean are those people who arrive in heaven with NO or LITTLE spiritual life, little soul development! they spent all of their lives in material persuits and gave not a thought to the afterlife and the Implications of it!
---that Lawyer who takes advantage of his clients.
---the manager of a fast food resturant who works 120 hours a week at it.
---the lady who gets her divorce and ruins her "ex's"
life over the Settlement, making bitter enimies of his family in doing so.
---the mentality behind everyone who SPAMS all those
e-mail ads that you get!

you Know them: young souls. may have an IQ of 140 and a college professor, but know nothing of heaven at all.

WHO is gonna hold their hands when they come to heaven?! Jesus and the Masters will need all the help that they can get, If Edgar cayce/Manderville is right!!

the cadre of angelic helpers, that is who!

---so i might very well just live out my final year
with the "masses" of the young souls, with NO ONE to share my experiences with, as I Am In Training to become one of the healers for these younger-than-me, souls, after they arrive into the heavens. To forgive them, accept them, understand them in terms of THEIR understandings, their way, so to KNOW their lives after death.
---for all these "rednecks" will become old souls one day, just as i was once a redneck just like them, in lives lived long ago!

Monday, May 13, 2002


well, folks, i have, on this Monday morning, the 13th of May, the Memory and the Experience of One Shocking, eye-opening, dream....from last night! the kind of dream that *really* can change my life!!!

[I am going to have to pray and meditate a bit over THIS one!]

Like many of my OBE dreams, it begins while i am only half-aware, and ends likewise, so that as i make my morning prep and walk the half mile from the coffee shop to the University library: my dream is only partly recalled, with only the highlights of it in my memory.

---I am IN India. it is obviously India, from the people along the road, and the buildings. I walk along a road, in the countryside, walking past farmhouses of the indian style.
I meet, now, an older man who i sense, in the dream that his is NO ordinary farmer man!
He eventually shows to me a pile of papers, like of a pile of documents. he extracts one of them and lays this sheet of paper, with writting on it, on the table.
"you are freestone, you say....... freestone Wilson. here."
--he points to the paper.
I see that my name is at the top of the paper, under my name is a date....1938.
[I was born in june of 1941!]
This man now says to me..."In the late 1930s, I wrote out these sheets of paper, one sheet per person.
Each sheet tells of a person's life to come, the incarnation upon the earth, of people who were not yet born: this sheet is yours, freestone...lets see what it says"!
! ! !

yes he talks of my life and unfortunately i cannot recall all of what he says; mostly he talked of things that had already occured, in my past...i being near 61 years old, now, i would suppose that most of my life-missions have already been done with, from just that "61" years of age, alone, mechanicly!
i dimly recall that most of what he says, of my 61 years that i have lived, is true!

He then tells me this: that in a year from "now" [may 13th, 2002],
I will begin a whole new path, a path of Spirit, of a geat spiritual Way. [ this is in spite of other dreams telling me that all of my life-missions are now done with...a dream that i utterly belive comes from my High Self-Source!] As he spoke this, i suddenly saw before my dream-eyes, a scene, a picture. it was of the huge Oak tree that grows in front of my childhood 1941 home, a tree that has appeared in other dreams of mine and it always MEANS..".My incarnation upon the earth", as a child. [as if i fell out of that tree, upon the ground, to begin my life!].
next to this tree, there was a picture of what looked to be a worm with a human head, a "larvae", as it were...THIS represented the "new spiritual beginnings"!
---then the dream ended!
[yes a new spiritual mission, whereas there are to be NO more, in my EARTHLY LIFE!
a contradiction?!!

ah...but there are *other* places than of the earth, to do "missions of spiritual service and growth, upon!
like: heaven!

boy! i got up and sat up on the bed a few minutes to ponder THIS one! that larva-like worm; i have seen drawings in books of something like this before!! if i recall aright, it refers to
"the soul just after death, just *as* it gets ready to ascend to heaven, the very beginnings of its heavenly journey".
---then i lay back on the bed, still pondering, and *just* as i went to sleep, i heard a voice speak...
the voice said a sentence i could not understand, but it ended the sentence with a word that was pronounced VERY slowly and loudly, as IF that word was the key to something....
thus the sentence was like this, with that word at the end---
"vbderk iissevf ksnes gt tpe kmmdewzay HEMORRHAGE."


that was the last word.
I recalled the writings on "marfan's syndrome"........"marfan's people often die in their later years where the arota burst in a hemorrhage, in an anuerism; or often there is a hemorrhage in one of the brain arteries. [there is a tendency in my body for this reason why my mucus membrenes
are so sensitive!]

My sister Suanna had some Experience seven years two months before she died. same with my mother. while with my sister it was buying a house of her dreams and hopes, a house that she worked 100 hours a week for for years: for my mother the experience was a "one moment thing" of great great intensity, in the fall of 1968. she died about 7 years and two months later.
my father drove all the way from new york state to see my sister, in North carolina, AT her dream house!
seven years and about five months later, he died!!
Sepember of 1996....During the day, on a certain day, i happened to peer at my arm. the underside of my fore-arm, just below the wrist, my right arm. In the middle of the arm, half-way between the wrist and the
elbow, there was a very clear scratch, a wound, in red! No idea how it got there.
this wound, folks, was a *PERFECT* number "7"!!!
a "7" that was about two or three inches long: a "7" so perfectly drawn....a Mechanical engineer Drafter, could not do a better job of drawing it!
'september 2003" is seven years from 1996. that is a year and four months from now...
a prophecy was given to for the family members...literally written upon my flesh!

so what shall i do for my 10 months to 16 months?? surely this is my "death notice"!
I probably will live till i am at least 62...since MOST of my changes occur in october/november...i would have a guess.

so what will i do until then? IF the dream is interpeted aright. that "7" burned upon my wrist and in my memory...burned right into the physical flesh...telling me that i have seven more years, only....NOW i read that sign right---i always wondered what it meant: surely something very very profound, to me, for my future...but nothing occurred, at, during, or immediately after this wound-event. thus i nearly have forgotten about it. for a while i kept a XEROX copy photo, of my arm; the wound was THAT clear and obvious, that a xerox machine could get a very clear picture of it!!
well now i have to walk and meditate:
i am "told" that all of my missions are now done with, my life in Missions is already beyond its end: WHAT shall i do for my remaining year?

"three years to get ready"....fall of 2001, the clairaudient voice says...
my friend Sam comes from heaven to dream-tell me "2005 DF" over and over, about 30 times, to burn that messege into my memory.
not MY death, then! three years is not one year. Sam always WAS interested in the endtimes, while alive!

Thus i will, in my prayers, pray to become one of the helpers, helping all of the MASSES of incoming souls, to heaven, as maybe millions and millions of souls all come up at once, during some Earthchanges Supreme!
I even, now, intend to see in heaven the souls of Computer game designers and ask if they can create worlds, like the worlds in computer games, for many of these one to 200 million souls all coming at once is a lot! they need worlds created for them!
thus[in only the context of my dreams] i have a year, then many of YOU ALL will have a year after MY leaving! september 2003 to september one more year: i look to winter/spring of 2005 for this event to happen, or to begin to happen!
[father dudley comes from heaven, a year or so ago, to say to me...'the world will end on january 15". that is all he says!

maybe THAT is when the Edgar cayce ARE people will find that Manderville interpets cayce aright!!!
[his theroy: that cayce predicts massive earth changes between 2000 and 2002, or so....]
manderville's site:

well, i hope to continue to post here in my journal site, for one!!
and to continue to play computer role playing games!

my e-mail box, this morning, has an offer from two people from a "pyschic list" to come visit/live with them.
be very good. or a distraction. I will have to pray a bit on this one.

stay tuned, oh blogger devotees!

Saturday, May 11, 2002

the guy crossed the street to avoid me!

There was someone who i got to know a bit, over the last year. An Intelligent, intense, man....who is really really "into" the Isreal/middle east crisis. I would see him about once a week, for a few minutes.
I almost knew him enough to begin to make friends with him.
but i DREADED the Confrontation-to-come! I never told him my views on the middle east, i knew if i told him, i "would lose him in a hearbeat"!
this guy is a "christian fundamentalist" to the max, and he is consumed over the Isreal/palistine thing...he awaits the coming of the Lord in Rightious Judgement upon us all...

well, the other day, i replyed to one one his questions, where i told my philosphy, basicly "moderation"!
I Will Never be Able To speak to him again!

then there is another old friend who is now consumed in ..."the rocefellers/mellions, and the families around them, control the world, in Iluminetti Conspiricies"! consumed. a three hour do not interupt, talk, is what he has now to give to me each and everytime that i care to see him!...hundreds of statements that there is no way to reality-check on!!

I do not have friends, i guess....
many of them have kids and family, they see me as "not paying my dues of suffering" like they do: they do not see what kind of sufferings that i go through, in MY life!
I had my childhood friend slowly get consumed by his farm! his 200 acre farm grew to 900 acres and every single monent of his life went into it. me? why i would walk around the square mile, passing his farm, i would wave to him, on his tractor in the field.
last image i have of him was him giving to me a royal fuck-finger, along with his friend who stood beside him, who jumped on me for ruining a $1200 sale, he said, in his antique shop as i came in for a social chit chat, interrupting his sale!
my farm friend died. i wrote my other antique shop friend, telling him of how my farm friend came to me in a vision telling me how wonderfull heaven was! [he became a christian just before he died!]
my antique shop friend wrote back a TERSE email, unsigned: it merely said..."freestone: BOTH of us know that you, freestone, do not know what you are talking about!"
[ i have to , in this way, forgive my antique shop friend as he works SO hard at his antique shop and it gives to him a very very rich life and basicly it saved him from ALCOHOLISM!....he nearly succumbed to it. he HAS to put me down, as if he were to stop the wheel and "do nothing but meditate", he would go back to drinking again!! thus i see his putdown of freestone as a good thing as he does not like anyone who does not work 100 hours a week, i guess...gotta keep busy.

thus the only problem that i might have, as if i NEED friends! feel i need them for my own feeling of self-worth.
thus, here, there is a warning a WARNING, for those who would seek the path of the Different and the Spirit: very very few can ever follow you! you will walk very alone. your wife/husband could seek that divorce: their very existance may feel threatened by your interests. you will be laughed at, not only by the "masses", but by many many people who are on spiritual paths!! in fact they will be even your bitterest enimies as they DEMAND utter alleigence to their one narrow way!
I, myself, seem to have much much more affinity with"teenagers who play computer games" or
"homeless dysfuntionals"...than with most people who are on any spiritual paths: see, folks, one can only climb ONE rope at a time, all other ropes fall away! thus when one joins a path, all other paths must go away!
only the oldest soul can synthethize the many paths, i guess: there are *VERY* few of these incarnate!

so....I will end up hanging out with the angry homeless or thejocks or the frat boys or the clerks at Hardees, rather than with anyone who has DIFFERENTIATED into one "path" or another!!
---the vege people are on me when i eat meat.
---my friend into Gardejeif sees me as "lacking" as i do not have a family [they say..."in order to become on the Path and join the School, one must do ALL the archtypes of Humanity, in order to become complete: any missed, means one is unbalanced and thus unworthey to become spiritual" this I Am Lacking!!]
---most people into a path: they INSIST that i gotta hate this or that, or deny it in my life: become polerized!

I often walked, outside of my 600 people hometown, a road, a road that i called "the stony alonesome road" all of the trees, the barns, the fenceposts...everything...leaned over to the east at about four degrees: the wind NEVER stops blowing....i enjoyed peering into the darkness in the NorthEast, in the Vikingland that is of ruaral upstate new york, in the 1990s, before i moved back here. i may move there again some day!
so what OTHER religion do i need?
---i have seen heaven and heaven IS and i will go there some day: i try to live my life with this in mind, trying to live like i am in heaven now so that i will vibrate that way even the more when i get there. i confess i fail often, daily!!
but that is too too much for people, people , like, who need hell to be there so that they can send their enimies there RIGHTIOUSLY for ever!!!!!
but it is SO simple! heaven IS and you will go there no matter how you live or what you belive in! you will live there even the MORE of what you are doing now...thus pick carefully what you do now as when you get there into heaven you will MAXIMIZE even the more, of what you do now!
so simple.

Friday, May 10, 2002

well i am done, hopefully with saying the same thing over and over again...about how i will now live, after Passing Some Bar of Time: not dying in 1998!

though strange and even humbling.....from a dream way way back in the 1970s!!
this dreamed WARNED ME that i would run out of life force BEFORE my time of death and that the only way that i could be kept alive on earth until My Appointed Time, was...IS to...
depend upon others to provide this life force!
[dream image was where i sat all very VERY tired by the side of the road, far from my birth/death "car" that i came here in, and someone walked by and i "hitchhiked" back to my car by
my seeing that this guy had a long coat-tail behind him on the ground and that i rode to the end of my life by literally "riding his coattails"!!!

Vampires Are Real

Vampires can actually be a good thing!
I have to keep living, apparently, by supping the life force of others....until My Appointed Time to Die!
shopping malls will be life! eating out...will not be an option, for most of my meals...

Thursday, May 09, 2002

Today I went back to my dream that i had about a week ago.

[recap: dream began in my work computer room in my high school: suddenly all of the office computers and desks and everything else VANISHED! I ran into the hall and noted the clock says BOTH "7:20" and "7:30"! I told myself that..."I work till 9 pm, i will go upstairs to the Real Good Quality computer room, now, and leave the office"]

72 and 73....the timenumbers....
90, also.
Oh what an ART it is to interpet number dreams!

after a long reflection upon What these numbers Mean....again, there is this conclusion, based upon my life, private to all readers of this Journal!
between 72 to 90 is 18
between 73 to 90 is 17 added together, they are EXACTLY the amount of years between my childhood and when my life of Soul/Spirit life began, plus the time between when i nearly died in the 1993 Hospital to the 1998 time when i was supposed to have died. My life of Spirit had "not yet come down" into life-expression yet, when i was a boy of, say 12. it all was "up" in spirit: i was just only a kid. 20 5 .
that is what the "going upstairs" means! my "center of Spirit" gravity is upstairs, not manifest upon the earth, when i was a child.

so what about AFTER 1998?! as i have been told often...all of my Spiritual life, the "center of gravity" of my soul-spirit life expression is "upstairs"! a somewhat abstract saying: what does it mean for ME...NOW?!

it would mean that i am maybe "12 years old", and will be until i die, my Spirit path is now over.
[oh that Omenious mother experience just before i went off to college, just before i left to begin my spiritual life, two months before...
This experiece, taken symbolicly...says all!!---as a kind of PROPHECY!
Seems i went on a Baptist church canoe trip the summer before to CANADA and the beloved Minister now wanted me to go
this summer, not *as* just a camper, but to be a co-leader with him "to help lead the boys".
Mother told me i could not go; too many dentist appointments. i got Rev. Black to come down to try to talk my mother into letting me go. mom would not budge an inch!! I had lots of dental work done, that summer, instead....I told people that
"God himself could not get my mother to let me go to Canada to help lead the younger boys"!
CANADA=death Minister=God]

thus even God cannot bring me Home, at my 1998 life-end, my Spirit work is now completed and all of my Soul/Spirit Properties have now been "UPLOADED" into heaven: but Mom wins!
! !
"mom" wins out over God! the earth and body and the matters of what is meant by that term "mother"---------
I now Might live until my Genes run down, at old age, if Earthchanges do not get to me first!
I am 60 now...i could live until i am 70...80...or more......
But with no Spiritual missions or properties or of that!!
w-e-i-r-d! if the whole office moved upstairs leaving only a "Robo-cam", a remote camera, in that empty office that is of my life!!
Guess i will be 12 years old for awhile!

the play may be over and the other actors and the audience has Left the audtorium. I am ALONE upon my stage, alone with the empty props, the lights dim a bit, but they will stay on as long as i am on the stage. All people who try to come down from the upstairs offices to fetch me off of the stage, they find that they cannot get to me!
I could be on that stage for *quite* a while!

maybe i can do anything! even "that"! or nothing. There is now no need to please anyone who demands my time.
no family, no career, a disibilty pension.
? ? ?
I will try to be always AWAKE, always trying to express my Self, in anything that i do...
stay long as the Libraries let me into their computer areas, i can still keep this journal.

Wednesday, May 08, 2002


Interesting thing occurred on my Sunday "prayer walk"!
---this is where i often take a four mile hike, on Sunday, out to the coffee shop, and i use this to pray and to meditate with.

One of the Topics, in my prayer, was on my
"psychic sensitivity"

every once in a awhile i really notice how sensitive i am to other people's vibes. like the day before. a new passengar began to ride the bus, a blind lady about 20 years old. she seems to ride the bus every day and the other day i sat directly across from her.
She made me feel very very UNEASY!! bothered me for some vague disturbing reason.
then i knew why!
I could tell that she was blind from birth, my new york state blind friend was NOT blind from birth: i never had this feeling from him.
what bothered me about her was that whenever i was near her, i picked up that her world was a world of TOUCH AND TOUCHINGS!
i FELT 20 years of body felt like 500 mice ran all over it, whenever i was near her!
[how would YOU like the feeling of 30 people around you, in a circle, touching and foundling you with their fingers every single second, all 30 of them, for hours and hours?!! all over your face, your chest, your arms, your "you know what"?!]

THAT is what i feel in her presence!

"touchings" is her world of sensation, her world-boundry, having never seen the world, she touches and is touched.

and THAT was what the prayer was about...such sensitivities.............

right at that moment, a squirrel ran out in the road just as a large SUV came up to this squirrel. it actually ran up over the squirrel, but the front end came up overtop the squirrel where it was under the driveshaft. IF the squirrel had not moved any further, that large truck would have passed overtop of of a person on a railroad track on a bridge where the only way they could get away from an oncoming train was to lie down on the tracks BETWEEN the tracks so that the train would pass overtop of them!
but the squirrel freaked!
it ran out into the line-of-tires, between the first and last tire, and of couse it got instantly smushed into squirrel-burger!!

suddenly i saw how this event had a Messege for me from Spirit!!
messege was....
"whenever you, freestone, are over-ridden by a person near you with a negative vibe, do NOT react to it! let it come and go; the damage not in the vibe itself, but in your reaction to it"!
if i react to some 'bad aura presence" of some person near me, that reaction will jangle my nervious system far more than the actual
vibration that is there.
detachments. let the vibe come and go. I could do far more damage to myself, in that reaction, than whatever that Presence could do to me.
----the lesson of the smushed squirrel.

Saturday, May 04, 2002


Yes, i wonder...
I was sitting in barnes and Noble, the coffee shop, cup in hand...I reached for the saturday, the 3rd of may, NEW YORK TMES, and an article on the front page caught my attention!
There was a photo of a large farmer's plow in a huge field of SAND! Desert, that was once a field. the article wrote about the "New Dust Bowl", how drought conditions in the western plain states were actually much much MORE dry than in the 1936 dust bowl!!
only the conservation efforts, of the last 30 years, were responsible for keeping the soil from turning to dust. some places had only half an inch of rain since last summer!

SUDDENLY i was nearly "possessed" by a very strange feeling, almost as if i were a radio station playing on the dial and another station came into my frequency, intruding into my "music"!! My father!!
father Dudley, died in 1987. His presence was there.

[[ Dudley was a man who was about 20 during the Great Depression, of the 1930 period. he was a farmer, amoungst other things...
He had a very very great interest in natural cycles and he had many books on this.
how foxes and rabbits go through 7 year cycles of population growth and crashes. economy too. from civilizations to wars to stock market fluctuations to rabbits...the thesis of all these books was that everything happens in cycles of so many years and REPEATS these cycles over and over.]]

The feeling of my father being present! only for a second. but oh the intensity.
a Knowing. a knowing that this "dust bowl of the early 2001-2 period" is part of a larger Cycle, involving other things!
comes around again.
WARNING....."1940 to 1946" will come again in about three to four years!!!
either a major major war..."WWIII", or maybe some great earthchange, like of what Cayce or Manderville foresees....
Millions die and the survivors?? the survivors will have this event as the focus of their lives for the rest of their lives!

Tis kinda hard for me, folks, to actually describe that feeling that came over me!
i will try again with a few more words, MY words, to try to give to you all that feeling that came from my father, in spirit.
---signpost, the dust bowl; no one SEES or reads the signs.
...markpost, a marking of the stages on the way...a sign that "IT" will occur....the early 1940s, again., peering into a room of Wise, Intense, bearded, men, in Conference. Topic: the fate of the world/civilization!!
...a REMEMBERING, like a "wake up call" of some memory-to-become, seen before my birth, while i was still yet in spiritland!

This is the same father who came to me in a dream on August 3rd of 2000, to tell me
"the world will end on January 15th"! [note the 3rd, the same day of the month as the visitation!]

I did a small number-trip, on this. the number of days between august 3rd and may 92.
one half of 92, is 46.
Dudley was 46, when he and Mom brought me here to tallahassee, for college: i began my adult life.
I was 46 years old when Dudley died!!
between january 15 and may 3rd...counting febuary to end at "feb 28th"...there are 108 days between those two dates: *THE*
number of spirit....108!!
-----thus i can say that there is GREAT number sycnhronism going on here: by numbers alone...the visitation is reall!!

then there is my friend SAM who was a Shaman past life person who always was interested in "the end times" and he died about three years ago...he came to me about a year ago, saying over and over.
and over..."2005DF...2005DF...2005DF...about ten or twenty times!

then there was my OWN "voice" that i heard as i was crossing the mall parking lot, last fall..."three years to get ready"!

Something is getting ready to happen soon. cycles repeat. the depression is real..ask japan and Argintina! been real for three years now. In 1930, or so, the Players were already on the stage and stuttin thier stuff...Germany/nazis.
Muslin vs only for one, ya cannot have two chairs or coffee cups in the same *exact* spot!
maybe not them...but the players are already Indentify-able, by cycles! who are they?

maybe we all can Work this out: no major war or earthchanges. maybe NOT. maybe it is YOU and I who need to "get ready", get ready to live forever or to be a survivor! or maybe just to finish up our SCHOOL ASSIGNMENTS as the End of the School Year may be coming very *very* soon!

Friday, May 03, 2002

I found a New Guestbook! this is from, the lycos people. yes there are ads, but compared to the "other one" that i had,
i like this "html gear" one, better!

now you all can comment back to much as you like to!!

Thursday, May 02, 2002

that guy again!

once in a while at the church luncheon, i run into him when he Volenteers! his neck must be 10 inches thick...a massive guy who is "into" volenteering, and almost makes ya feel guilty for not doing as he does...lots of volenteer work!
today he tells me "you must go use that branch library for your internet", in the tone of "you WILL use that branch library"!!
all of what he says anytime he says it has that tone. i always end up immediately taking the opposite stance from his position!

I was tempted to tell him this, to deflate his "one size fits all" mentality.
"ok, i will use it every day. did you say it was on 45,934 south farout ave?! yes, i need to go at one PM everyday for an hour:
i will stand by the bus station drop off and you will pick me up in your car and we ride down there and then at 2 you drive me back--- everday, mind you"

"huuh?", he will ask.

"yes, since you TELL me to go and it IS the very best branch library in the city and you feel that my going is SO important, YOU drive me there every day and bring me back

one size fits all, the soccer coach mentality! for ME, the downtown library is the very best....
this bulldozer of a guy says *everything* like that, i find. 99% in full volume, pushing this or that: the reality-set, of his lstener, does not count or be noticed.

Wednesday, May 01, 2002

well here is a tale or two more about
"what it must surely be like to live in the world that has moved into the 5th demension"!!

[these really happened!]

--tale one.
Tallahassee, a few years ago.
I was walking along the street and then entered the campus of FSU. about 60 feet into campus, i turned to see some scene.
there was a freshmany girl sitting on a bench reading her schoolbooks, in the nice warm afternoon sun.
she looked up, not at me but back out to the street. There was a man walking along the sidewalk and he looked very very strange: first off, he wore a suit but it was in tattered RAGS! utterly. like he slept in it for a month!
he himself looked like he slept in it too, a raggy raggy man; but a powerfull, intense, man!
this girl saw him and he saw her. their eyes met, there was a simultainious Recognition that each existed.
Normally they would have parted eyes and parted attention and Gone On....but not today!!
*at* the very microsecond of "look", the girl jolted upright! she leaped up from her bench and leaped around and begun to futilly swat
at something on the bench, with her papers!
I walked over to look. that bench was a slotted wood bench: the slots were about near an inch wide. a HUGE bug had come up
between the slots and had tried to enter her butt, enter her "you know what"--- AT the very moment of Mutual attention between that man and herself!! "bug' all right! a tropic big bug about three inches long and mandibles so powerfull that you could use this bug to staple papers together with!! took all i had just to pick it up! better to use a pair of pliers for this puppy!!
Impregnated by this bug *at* the moment of attention!

...tale two.
at the tallahassee pizza place across the street from FSU, i was eating my afternoon pizza, they sell it by the single-slice.
someone came in, a law student and he Had Problems! all his law friends were trying to help him through school; he was
NEUORITIC to the max! barely function, in fact. he took about ten minutes to order his pizza. he told the lady about how unhungry he was but it was time to eat so that, not a bit hungry, he wants a slice. on and on he went.
lady server goes to place her order for him. soon she returns.
[now i assume that she places the order and then the cook sets out on the counter the cooked pizza order, he sees not the customer and hears not the dialogue. thus that pizza is a random thing]
she comes out with a HUGE HUGE HUGE HUGE HUGE HUGE HUGE HUGE HUGE HUGE HUGE HUGE slice of pizza!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
[all the caps and repeats and exclaimation points just BARELY depict how huge this slice is!]
this here slice musta had an edge crust about five inches high and the pizza was about three inches thick at least and ten times the size of a regular order! i could have put it in the fridge after being full, and eat from it for a WEEK!
--looked like one of these 3-D topo maps of the appalachian mountains, even from 20 feet away!
HE ATE EVERY BITE!!! i watched him.