Friday, February 15, 2002

part of a letter to the Phoenix-list!

-----Yes, A Seer wrote to me about the Dream where my friend Sam came to me to tell me that..."2005 DF", over and over and over...tis He came to me in dream to tell me that i will die then. I saw him in dream, years ago, with a hawk headdress on top of his head...Indian Shaman in a past life!
Also the Angel Inspiration through the old man..."63". i will live till i am 63, in 2005.

I had an Inspiration on the way over to the library, a inspiration that answers many questions, for me...Important questions!
like: why do i "seem to be told that i could die, at any time, before i am 63 years of age: even though i am ALSO told that i will live to be 63?!"

---there was a very important dream back in the 80s where i was shown that what i did for Spirit, in my soul, so exhausted my life force, that it was "as if", in the dream image shown to me, that i had to sit for the rest of my life in my room looking out the window with a cup of coffee in my hand, in a wheelchair, crippled! [a symbol only!]
---then there was another dream, a few years later, that showed to me how i "had to ride the coat tails of other people" [litteraly shown that as an image!]
as i did not have enough life force left to make it to the End of my alloted life: that i would run out before the end!!
---then in my hometown in 1998, i began to have real SERIOUS dreams that began to prepare me to die!!
the last one in the series, the dream series, told me in words spoken..."freestone, your life force has run out"!!
then a friend invited me to move to my old city of tallahassee where i live now, next door to him, he is my landlord: at the same time there was one more dream telling me that my life was extended a few more years!

my intuition just now is this: that i had expended most of my Alloted Life Force, the life force that is given at birth...then you die when it is gone....BEFORE my fated, Spirit-set, time of death! My Work for spirit appears to have Used it up, the Intensity of the work-need, was so much! thus i have a few more years of life left: but not enough life-force to make it that far!
which means....
means that i am now "on the edge" of an empty tank!
my moving back here gave to me a bit more, and basicly i am now DEPENDANT upon everyone and everything, for my sustainance until my Appointed end, at 63 years! even so, i may not make it! the veterans pension people pay me some disibility money. everyone treats me like a Guest, paying some of my needs.
Deeper yet, it is as if every little thing around me must add to my "life force tank" in order for me to keep going! the beautifull skies of Tallahassee, the soft humid air, the chuch people who i go to for lunch, my friend the landlord....etc...etc...etc
I gotta meditate on THIS ONE a bit, i sense that i am now always in danger of Death, like of that role playing character in DOOM or DAGGERFALL[computer games] who has Faught the Good Fight, in the dungeon caves but the monsters have hit him hard. in fact there is only 3 out of 100 "life points" left in his life bar, and there are no more Potions in his rucksack! he slowly walks back to the healing temple, even one encounter with a "level-one" rat, could kill him: even stubbing his toe on a rock could kill him, his life force is so close to being "zero"!

that is me, my intuition tells me! I may not make it to my end, unless Spirit is vigilent, and protects!
I see that now i am "dependant' upon everyone and everything...around me ...for "everything"!!
more in soul....than perhaps in litteralness.
but i see that now i have to be a BENEFICENT VAMPIRE!
a kind of vampire that takes life force from everyone and everything, in order to keep me going until....until my 63rd year, apparently! sorta hard for me to explain, folks, this...please bear with me in my ramblings!
thus my soul takes a bit of the etheric life force from the people and the envirnment around me. probably i should NEVER go back to my upstate new york, not even to visit! stay in tallahassee where apparently i can get some Force from the air, the plants, the land!
---and the people!
be a "psychic vampire" taking now, instead of Giving to others...though if i "help" others...there is often a reciprical giving of lifeforce, in return...the person i help smiles and laughs and their happyness give to me the Energy i need!

I may NOT make it to my end! perhaps that is why the dreams of this mountain land...the one that i got in december of last year where "i was given a cabin ON THE VERY VERY OUTER EDGE of the mountain land, where the entrance back to earth is"!! the hidden messege is, i NOW read, in this if my life force were to end before my Time to Die, i would have to live right *at* the very outer edge of heaven as I would have come "early", too early to be able to be in the Celestial, as "it is not time yet"! thus i would have to live at the very edge, close to earth-vibrations; at least Spirit shows to me that I am provided for, in the event that i do run out of force: be like coming to the Train station three hours before the train is due to depart, so i have to find a comfortable bench to sit on, to wait at the station until "it is time" for the Train to arrive, to Take me Home!
there is some similar deal going with some of the suicide people, who kill themselves, before their fated Moment of death, years before their Moment of death...they, i am shown and i read...that they have to live in a special heaven-place of Waiting: not of heaven, not of eath, a LIMBO, no matter how benificently made...a waiting area.

since i am TOLD by spirit, in a number of dreams..."that my lifework is done with, no more to do for spirit"...i either will wait HERE, or there, in the mountain land!
In summation: i have lived beyond my time, ETHERICLY
considered: but "not yet", as far as Spirit Celestial is concerned.
"beyond my end" for Soul..."not yet" for spirit...tis a strange strange place for me to be in!!
ONE thing i see...that i will have to accept: be dependant, accept dependantcy, and "retirement"...accept TAKING, from everyone and everything....or else snuff out, the last 2 lifepoints out of 100 lifepoints...GONE: then on to wait in my Appalachian mountain land!!