Wednesday, January 23, 2002


yesterday Spirit showed to me something that scares me greatly!
no...not death or dying, but here it is........

yesterday i wrote here about my Sai baba dream. [see last entry on the 22nd].
while there was not any sense, in this Meeting with Baba, any sense of "inituation" or such....I had a feeling that this long long talk was vey signifigent to me in some way.
I thought about it all day long, on and off.
---seems that now for several days, ever since last week, i have had some Great Revelations about my life, about what i had done for the last 40-odd years.

In computer role playing games, as well as in first person shooters, there is a place in the game where one achieves some level-up, after defeating some great enemy or doing some Quest: the character is then taken to a game-sceen where points can be added to his skills. thus i could, say, add 10 points to "strength" and 8 points to "health"....

Somehow, i had the distinct feeling that there was such a "level-up" in my life at this point in time.

at noon, when i went to the cafe at the church, the old lady who greets everyone came over for a long long talk. she rarely does so: she flits like a bee from person-flower to person-flower, and sometimes says hello to me and goes on.
not yeasterday! she came over to sit down and we spent an hour and i ended up not eating at all as i chose to give to her ALL of my attention, instead of the distraction to a good conversation:FOOD!
---that was a real good brownie...too too bad i had to wait till i got home to eat it, even though my talk was good!

later, at the mall, i had a strong Intuition that this lady-talk and my level-up....were somehow connected!
I thought to myself that my CHARISMA- quotient must have increased: how could i tell this?!!
just how would i know except for the fact that i might attract more people in my future to talk with me!

there WAS a way to find out!
ask Baba!!
so i did...just as i began to eat my slice of pizza that i ordered, i asked him in a prayer..."if my feelings are true, and i am right...then please give to me some sign right right now, please baba"!

[this could be a topic of a journal entry alone: the results of asking of such a prayer--- as if asked, Spirit may direct some experience to you that may not be so "pleasent' in order to fullfill the prayer request!!]
yes, i dared to ask....the only way to find out.

i began to tear apart my pizza as i cannot bite into it...for dental reasons, i must eat it with a fork or else tear off small sections of it to eat....Just me at a table alone, at the mall.
As i had a section in hand and got ready to move it towards my mouth, i noted something...I saw
that this section was *EXACTLY* in the shape of INDIA! More in the shape of India than i could have made up myself with a pen and a pair of scissors! In fact there was Pakistan next to India, *as* cheese, while the India section of the piece, was cheeseless: i could even see clearly that the Sai Baba/guides/angels considered that Kasmir and the northern mountains up to north Tibet was part of India, NOT Pakistan...India's original claim that is disputed by Pakistan and China!! that india owns all of that land. THIS was how clear the section resembled India...right down to the bays and indentations of the rivers!
*exactly*, as i say....India!

Now i sit a bit nervoius! tis not always nice to know that one's CHARISMA level is much higher!
there now will be *much* more responsibility for me to undertake as now WHAT i say to people will carry that much more weight and importance: they will believe me more, even if i turn out to be later wrong!
and that they will act upon my advice even if it does turn out to be wrong! i will influence people to belive, to do, to make changes...
i will attract to me, in the malls, in the cafes...more and more of the "alone needy people"
ya dont expect to go outdoors at night in the warm summertime with a flashlight without that light attracting a few bugs and moths: noe suppose that light is increased about ten-fold?!!
I may not be able to eat alone ever again!