Tuesday, December 31, 2002


yesterday i sat down at the table in my trailer living room with a large, new, empty, journal. i began to write a bit in it...some of my dreams and a few comments about my "one year to live"

poignet actions. i live alone in a rented housetrailer that is owned by my good friend of some 20 years. If i were to die, he or my cousin "joe" would probably be the person[s] to have to come to my trailer to deal with my personal belongings.

he would find my dreamjournal, of course.

here are two friends that i might never never breath a single word to, about my "one year to live"!! i have not said anything...to my tallahassee friend as he has a life with five kids and an old father and all of that...

so he or joe or my aunt....

So i am a bit "forced' to write this journal With An Audience In Mind!!
he does not really belive in "fate". i have *tried8 to tell him that free will is the cornerstone of the universe but that for some people, their free action choices were made BEFORE they were born, by their
oversoul, and once incarnated, they cannot reach that "button" now, as it is in spirt...thus they see it as "fate"
why would i want to change my fate unless i knew *ALL*of the particulars about this choice and the ramifications of what i choose and much of the interwoven stuff about my death is probably IN spirit world so to "tinker" with an extension would not be wise!

the hanged man. living, i am, with my feet in heaven reality, not on the earth. thus i see earth utterly differently, after all of my psychic and Spirit experiences!! NO ONE would probably accept all that i have seen...

why...just that vision i had about how our
CONSUMERISM, our being obsessed with material consumptions...

IS MANDATED BY SPIRIT....set up by spirit...

would make all the new agers turn away from me!!
they are clueless, these new agers, that life is a school and *would*
these new agers want 5 colors of crayons...or 100 colors of crayons, in their "soul-art class 101", in the high school of life?!
each "object' that we buy is a potential for us to grow our souls with...IF we can use it to Imaginative purposes!

ramble...ramble...time to sign off!

Monday, December 30, 2002

well my autism more or less strikes yet again!

i have gotten some flack about what i wrote yesterday, about the South...bias and bigotry...and the hamburger! I seem to always be surprised when i get this flack, from the RACISTS! i define a "racist"
as someone who is obsessed with race *as* something to defend or is important! a race, as i see it, is only a group of people where souls from other races incarnate into! thus people who devote so much energy to hitting upon all "put-downers" of their race...why they are more interested in the classroom walls than they are of what is taught there!
the american indians...one spirit guide wrote....that currant race is largely made up, now, of souls from the white race, especially those who had some Relations, good or bad, with the Indians, while they were alive. thus they chose the Indians race, this time around, so to Use this race to Learn some lesson, in this lifetime.
many 1600s to 1900s Indians are now incarnated into the white race.....
....so this guide writes.

yes, i see people, who has become a "heat-seeking missile", looking at *everything* for some slight slight putdown of his race, going to "flame mode" back to the writer or speaker, to "raise the counsciousness" of that biased person....why i see these people as being "racist" as probably "race" is all that they think about all day, all year, long!
---they kicked the tar baby *real hard*!!

well there is about six months left, to my earthly life, assuming my Guru-vision giving of that "one year' is true and not to be Overwritten by Spirit.
In my weblog/journal future writings, i ponder a bit about how i shall write, in the next six or so months. My autism makes it hard to write clearly and i do best if i describe literal, physical things! objects and events and images.
alas.....each and every thing that i see is loaded oh so so loaded with bias and bigotry! must be......cannot be otherwise, thus i will step on someone's toes with each post, in the future.

just how, for instance, can i enter a donut shop and choose, or even LOOK, at a donut that is of one kind?! my liking of a cherry donut, is only a personal bias, and what about that chocolate donut next to it?!! i put it down, just by "denial" if i choose cherry, then i reject everything around it. life if choice and choice is bias! any choice. every choice. then the bigotry comes in.....if i say that the "cherry donut is a better donut and you better try it"!

maybe these liberal leftests see only "grey" in their visual seeings.
then they are blind! to see one thing...is to isolate that thing from its "surround"! all the colors together is "grey".
even if someone were to have *this* philosophy.....*that* philosophy would still, in and of itself, is a biased philosophy as it is set off against all the other philosophies that exist! if it exists....then what about all the others?! even the person with NO philosophy, HAS one...a philosophy of "no philosophy"!

probably in a certain egroups mailing list, i will CEASE to post anymore lettercopies of my Journal entries as this list always gives to me someone to reply that i am "biased"! i cannot help it, any thing that i see or think about is a "stereotype and a bias"! will be, must be....I cannot sit at *all* the tables at a coffee shop, at the same moment! I can only think one thought at a time. each thought infers a denial, a putdown, of all other possible thoughts.

welcome to the Dualistic world!

Saturday, December 28, 2002

"MSN "slate".......an article from David Gallagher...

he has a weblog

[GO TO THE MSN SITE TO SEE ALL OF THE LINKS TO ABOUT 20 PHOTOLOGS, that are buired in the article!!]

Picture Pages
Web sites for people who hate to read.
By David F. Gallagher
Posted Monday, November 18, 2002, at 9:00 AM PT

In the movie Smoke, Harvey Keitel's character takes a picture of his Brooklyn cigar store every morning, a routine he has followed for 11 years. The resulting albums, which he mostly keeps to himself, form a photographic record of small day-to-day differences over time. "It's just one little part of the world," he tells a friend, "but things happen there, too, just like everywhere else."

Harvey has lots of kindred souls on the Web. Across the Internet and around the world, people are working on similar never-ending photographic projects. They are making photologs, a kind of Web site that is a combination of photo gallery and visual diary. Photologs, also known as photoblogs, are similar in format to Weblogs, but they are built around regular photo updates instead of commentary and links. Unlike standard Weblogs, they have been largely ignored, perhaps because they make no claims to revolutionary status. But photologs are a powerful idea in their own right—they combine some of the best aspects of Weblogs, such as instantaneous self-publishing, with a big dose of visual stimuli. As the concept catches on and the tools for making photologs become easier to use, they might just become the standard format for presenting personal photos on the Web.

How is a photolog different from a plain old Web page? Many people who have digital cameras find themselves churning out a constant stream of images because it is fun, easy, and cheap to do. Photologs are built to handle that stream, with the newest photos right up front and older ones receding into the background. Traditional online photo galleries lack this chronological structure and can be harder to update. And like Weblogs, many photologs are updated every day, making individual photos less important than the regular flow of images.

Photologgers tend to take their cameras with them everywhere, and this pays off most often in New York City, arguably the photolog capital of the world. Many of the city's photologs carry on the tradition of street photography, chronicling small things noticed amid New York's constant visual flux. Quarlo.com, for example, documents lonely urban landscapes inhabited by shadowy figures. Todd Gross, the man behind Quarlo, is one of the few photologgers with the patience to shoot his pictures on film and then scan them. Sometimes he even adds soundtracks, but there are no captions. In a similarly minimalist New York vein are Rion.nu and Slower.net, which focus on the colors and textures of the city's streets.

Unlike Weblogs, photologs leap over language barriers, which is a helpful thing when global log-hopping. The Beijing teenager behind Ziboy.com doesn't put captions on his photos in any language, but the faces in his shots say plenty without them. Fotodiario is a simple site that offers enigmatic glimpses of one man's life in São Paulo, Brazil.

In contrast to these mostly wordless sites, there is plenty of writing on Hunkabutta.com, a photolog by a Canadian expatriate in Tokyo named Mike Clarke. He specializes in surreptitious portraits of city dwellers and explorations of Japanese cultural quirks in journal-style entries.

All of the sites mentioned here have a certain aesthetic self-consciousness about them, but there are plenty of less artsy photologs whose creators are not much interested in attracting a global following. College kids and parents, for example, use them as a place for friends and family to check out their latest doings or their newest baby photos. As is the case with Weblogs, most of these sites will be of interest to only a few people. They document a very small part of the world—but things happen there, too, just like everywhere else.

Related on the WebMaking a photolog is more complicated than setting up a standard Weblog, although a free service called Fotolog.net is a simple way to get started with a basic site. Finding photologs is largely a matter of following links from one site to another. Photoblogs.org makes a good jumping-off point.

GO TO THE MSN SITE TO SEE ALL OF THE LINKS TO ABOUT 20 PHOTOLOGS, that are buired in the article!!

I was in Publux supermarket yesterday and i heard something there that AMAZED me! there were two girls at the checkout line, the cashier and a friend of hers. they were talking....no one else was around being so quiet and slow, just after xmas. the two, maybe 20 year old, girls were laughing and talking about xmas and new years, and one of the girls was laughing about how she was going to do something on new years eve...THURSDAY! "maybe it is wednesday, not thursday...new year's eve...i just doooont keep track of days..i do not even know what day xmas is"!

a nearby "entire town school system" got a "D" rating, from a state that ranks....florida does...ranks, someone told me..."number 38" on the list for Quality of education!!
---this is a city, tallahassee, where i heard one man infer that he did not know his left from his right, hand! several years ago, i met a donut shop server that gave me a plain donut when i asked for "chocolate"...she told me afterwards that she did not know that chocolate was dark colored!!

the University Intellectuals, here at FSU, and "mind-driven northerners", who move here, constantly put down the "redneck stupid southerners"!

I noted that these two girls, in the grocery, were laughing and really really happy. They were filled with happyness and Love, love toward each other and to life in general.
which would i want if i had to choose between: a lady who is smart but has no feelings and no love for anything....or...a lady with a deep feeling for life and Love for me and for all of life?!!

My perception about "Bias and Bigotry" is that the most Biased of all people are the Mind-centered northern Intellectuals....as they consider the mind to be *THE* measure of what a person should strive for. mind only! no music...poetry...Kinetic motion movement
strengths [ read: "sports", like basketball!]...arts...Devotional singing...etc..etc.
they would turn the Hispanic and the blacks into "North European White-ies", without permitting the Strengths of the races and racial subgroup peoples to even BE, let alone to grow!!
talk about Bias!!

someone told me once about how the North and the South differ,
in America! he told a story.....

"Go into a hambuger stand, in the north, and walk up, during a busy time of day and order....order a *very* complicated hamburger, a hamburger that has to be made up special and have hardly *any* of your wanted ingredients on the normal menu. like, perhaps....a bit of lettuce with some ice-cream mix with double ketchup with cheese and a scrambled egg too! the server, a middleaged lady who looks like a old stern "schoolmarm"...gives to you a dirty look, as her
routines *is* interrupted...she scowls and gives the order to the kitchen. when the burger comes out, she hurls it onto the counter in fron of you, the dish clatters across the counter loudly loudly so that everyone can hear it and it is *if* the air has suddenly cooled to 38 degrees: she stares at you with a frowny stone cold silence frostedly.....

the south.
same hambergery type of place, same time of day. you explain the order to the two servers, young girls in their early 20s. your first get a "Duh" or a "say what?"...you try again. and again. they finally get it and they laugh and laugh..."we all never seee anything like *thaaat*!". laugh. smile...you just gotta smile and laugh too, as the order goes into the kitchen and you can see the cook laugh too.
when it finally comes out, maybe six employees will have had their day made, in laughter, by your order. you end up talking to several
people behind you in line too, maybe even sit down with one of them afterwards, to eat together and to continue an Interesting Conversation started during the long hamberger-making process!
Soon, the Hamburger comes out and is set before you, by a wonderfully happy smiling young lady.

But it will NOT be what you ordered! it will be "wrong" in some way!
As you accept what they tried to make for you, you may even find that their mistake made a BETTER BURGER than what you would have gotten if it were done right, to your specifications!!!"

which burgerplace do YOU want to go to?

Thursday, December 26, 2002


---the photo on the front page of the new York Times, showed about four soggy inches of trafficed snow, on times square[?]
the caption read....

"be carefull what you wish for"!!

I was a meteorology student in college at FSU....WEATHER!
On about a couple of days before xmas of 1974, the ground in my hometown, where i was, was bare. usually there is snow on the ground by then...all the kids in town were lamenting about the non-white xmas to come. i saw the weather map on tv, on xmas eve...no chance of snow, they said.
but I SAW...on the map, a strange little pertibation in the jet stream over Ohio! a little "kink" that sometimes bcomes a low pressure center.
about 8 pm, on this xmas eve...snow began to fall, and christmas morning saw about six inches of soft wet snow on the ground and all over the tree limbs in the very very BEST "new england fashion"!

I KNEW, then, that the collective thought forms of all of 20 million kids and adults INVOKED this snow!
Christmas would not be christmas without snow....everyone just knows that, especially if they are TUETONIC in background or of eastern european background! or from the northeast!

so i see that this storm brought up to 30 INCHES of snow to some places, and places that are the "heartland" of christmas...the northest and the middle atlantic states.
no matter how much trouble this snow caused...no matter how many flights were canceled...Christmas *must* be white and the weather Responded to the collective Will!!

---as my theroy goes....our weather is *not* independant of the people under and in it....we affect the weather by our thoughts and feelings, in addition to the usual culprits of global warmings...etc...etc.

be carefull what you wish for...Real Magik!!

Tuesday, December 24, 2002


I entered the University library sharply at 8 am, this day-before-Xmas morning. i just came from the Macdonalds across the street; morning coffee, and by now the library had just opened. In the lobby, i met an aquaintance of mine, he grumbled mightedly about how on Christmas day he will be bored and he will be down and depressed, everything closed and the "city TOO quiet"!
---I can see somewhat his point! he is an intelligent India man who is stuck on the bridge between two cultures and cannot claim "insider-ness" to either...and his tolerence for *any* way of life having to do with religion is ZERO!
...he is single at 45 years of age...in *any* culture on christmas time, single and family people are "severly" judged as "lacking"

but i thought of my hospital stay of about 20 days, back in 1993!
I nearly died, they took over 9 llbs of pus-crud out of the side of my chest! weighed about 118, at 6' 2" tall....when i got out.

On the first day or so, of these 20 days....I dimly remembered a phrase that i had read, jusr recently, before my sickness...a phrase about "healing", that i read in some medical writings.
This article wrote about the modern concept of the "healing team"
that is of modern medicine.....where there might be 30 or more people involved with a patient's stay in the hospital. There are the X-ray technicians and Interpeters...the nurses, the primary and secondary doctors....there are the cooks and food-servers....on and on....
This article then stressed that ONESELF must be part of this Team, too!! That you, yourself, must take an active part in your own healings!
So as i spent my 20 days there in the Ithaca hospital....i noted several things.....
----- On the second day, my new nurse came into the room and noted that the rising sun beamed into that east window and thus she went over to draw the blinds. i asked her not to, telling her that a bit of sun each and every day would be GOOD for my own healings: upstate new york gets so so little that i would need all the sun that i could get!
----I asked SPECIFICLY for "no flowers" I used to work selling Carnations and cut flowers and i knew the chemicals that were sprayed upon them! sure enough, that second day, a nurse brought in a huge bouqet of carnations, from my aunt. the nurse's
nose was running: she apologized for the running nose as she set the flowers down. i then told her..."NO!! take the flowers O-U-T!! maybe the front desk would love them; and your nose is running because you have the carnations with you"! she did so....not only did MY nose feel better, that nure's nose never ran again!
[and i had a lung condition....flowers?!]
yes *most* people would have suffered in silence as the gift, itself, would be so so honored that "in the name of socialness", the allergy reaction would have to be endured, for the Aunt's sake, as she Cared!! NO! I come first, not my aunt.. and in that very very small Isolation ward room, those flowers would have been Much More than "too much"...for my dangerious Empyma condition to bear! [ i got that condition from formydyhyde fumes!!]
Point is...I chose to make a difference, here.
---- one more example...one day, about the third day, my lunch came on the tray. food was faily good, at this hospital, but they often served a "cassarole" or a 'stew", as the main course, a serving of stuff with about one tiny hunk of meat in it. I wrote on the menu-preference-for-the-next-days-meal, sheet, that somthing must be done about this as i needed a very very high protein diet by doctor's orders!
so their dietician came up to see me and an understanding was made where the kitchen would substitute a large hamburger for me, anytime that they would be serving such a meal as "meatless"
stuff! yes, a two inch thick real real hamburger. i had it about once every three days, for lunch!

well, the point is, from all this, is that I took an active part in my own healings and welfare!
And, now, today...I like that phrase, and try to apply it to all of life....
"one should take an active part in one's own life"!

do not let the sauce of something like of "Television", pour over you as you just sit there before that tv! DO something: stand back in creative magic awakeness and "think out of that box" to create your own reality!!

thus this depressed guy could CREATE something for his Christmas. even if it is only a long walk, or maybe if it rains all day, he could write letters to people, listen to music, read something, or go visit with everyone that he knows that is home!
[he does not believe in computers!] In other words, he could "take charge" of Christmas day, and use it FOR something , instead of just letting the "reality" of...."I am alone and i am bored with everything closed"...be the Ruling condition that is the "given" for that day!

Monday, December 23, 2002

oh the city is quiet after all the students leave.

a good time to walk in peace and walk in Meditation, about how that Vision, last may, gives me that year to live!
---least that is what it was, a India master reads my liferecords *before* i was born, read them years ago, apparently!
these "records' must the be Intent of my incarnational plan....

probably this is what my mother also saw, as she, Dream tells me, she was my mother in my past life too.....in India!
same master or another master, as her master would have seen her records perhaps from 1900 or 1904.
but the same soul-group!

in THEORY, i might have the power to change this death-date! or at least pray about it....in theory as this date could have been set, back there in "1938", before i was born-----but NOW, today, there might have been changes, thus i could change it, through prayer.

but i would have to know WHY....why was it set up then?!!
better not to Tinker, even if i could...so my prayer *must* be..."do what is right Lord"...."do what benefits the most people in the most way...including myself"!!

Friday, December 20, 2002

there is a scientic article that *really really* impresses me!!

The article about "dark matter"!
the science people are finding that the Galaxies are receeding at ever a faster rate, than they thought, and that eventually the galaxies will expand apart from each other so that each will be alone, with all the stars burned out from old age.
Dark matter is ever increasing, causing the Mass that is accelerating all of the galaxies...no one knows what this matter is, as it is invisible and only-recently been Detectable and Proven to exist!

I was even the MORE impressed by what a Spirit guide or a Psychic wrote about this dark matter!
----"the Universe is transforming, from matter to dark matter, and this dark matter is the Spirit-world! soon, all of existance will be nothing BUT this dark matter, transformed via the counsciousness of all the entities of all the inhabited planets in all the galaxies!"

To me, the idea of the "heat death of the universe" is FALSE! this dark matter is made up of all the "material" of all the "physical scenery" of the heavenworlds! millions and billions of heavenrealms, created by the residents, who died, from the planets thoughout the Universe!

Tuesday, December 17, 2002

my profound insight gotten from Dicken's "Christmas Carols"!

yes from Dicken's tale of Scrooge and the Clerk and [?]Hackett, the crippled kid, that son of the clerk who had one leg and a wooden leg. As i recall from my childhood tv watchings, the ghost of Christmas future took scrooge to see the living room, in the near future, of this clerk and the Boy. Scrooge was shown an empty room with the wooden leg hung up on the mantle, the boy is not there. This was after scrooge was shown his own tombstone, in the graveyard: inference....is not good folks! Hackett is dead and dead because of the way that Scrooge treated his clerk father, probably the boy got sick and died!
Scrooge repented! he gave everyone around him a merry Christmas and gave the clerk a big pay bonus and a raise and brought a turkey and great cheer to the clerk and his family. As i recall, near the end of the film, Scrooge went to see that clerk's family again and to see that wooden leg on the mantle, hung up, as hackett was sent off to a special London school for crippled kids, for Apprentice Trainings and a better leg!

BUT IT WAS THE SAME SCENE!! the visual prophecy was utterly correct: leg on mantle, but the *reason* it was there was utterly different, due to Scrooge making a change. scrooge's raise made it possible for this boy to go off to school, but the leg was still hung up in the same position. Moral: a prophecy can be given showing a scene. but their might be four ways to GET to that scene, same end-scene for *each* path, but the meaning of the scene would reflect the path chosen. *that* is where the "free will" would enter into play!

from my own life's prophecy...
on december 4th of 2000, i had a visiondream where i was shown scenes from my Very First "hours" in heaven, after i die and arrive there!!
---the Greeter.
---the Welcome, by him.
--being told that my sister, who died in 1986, had gone on to a higher heaven and that her house, there, in this lower, first arrivee, heaven, was now occupied by another incoming spirit.
---being shown my OWN cabin, a cabin that a spirit left behind as it went higher, in Progressions. left to me, Assigned to me. There it was, a simple Mountain cabin with my name on a signboard...
..."freestone"! there were two numbers beside this sign.
120 420
*one* interpetation: 12 4 20 ....dec 4 2000

this Guide then told me....."this cabin is *right* on the very edge of heaven, *right* next to where the incoming souls enter, from the Earthsphere, after they die"!
[I had one other dream, weeks later, that showed to me that this entery point is only where good souls pass onwards up the hill, from the Gate, but that there are a *lot* of souls here that live right next to this gate, in a city-type of community: they are too "undelveloped or dysfuntional" to go higher. in life they were the "negative" people who had no spirit life. the air was dull grey, in perpetual fog...the "sun" only shines on the pleateu above! the people all were depressed and "grey". mostly they sat around and mopely hung thier heads in a depressed dull funk! or redlike bitter rage!

I did not "like" that "prophecy" that i would live literally *right* next to this gate, as close as possible to it and still be in the heaven!!
surely i was not *that* earthbound in thinkings, in 2000!!

but today i see this "edge of heaven" in another light!!
According to the "Teachings" of the Dicken's Carols, above,... this cabin and its nearness to the edge of heaven is like that wooden leg on the mantle. an "end-state' gotten to by several POSSIBLE means.

maybe it is up to me which Meaning i choose to put to this cabin!
Up to me which meaning that this cabin will have.

my Choice, right this minute??
well, i could be a Greeter, or a healer, to other incoming souls!
I could go to heavenschool, after i get there, and Learn How to do this. surely the POOR, in heaven, will need this "greetings"!
they will need all the help that they can get!
[the poor? they would be the people who spent all their lives focused on Materialism-as-an-end in itself, not as-a-means to grow their souls! thus they could well arrive with NO "spiritual soul-possessions: Poor!]
Thus i would "live" in that cabin and for a long long time, but as a healer/counselor/guider...much like that greeter who greeted me!
same cabin, same scene, same place, as foreseen in 2000.

I suppose this "lesson" of "Hackett-leg" could be applied to *any* prophecy: personal or earthchangely collective!
i e..."California breaking off the mainland and falling into the sea", foreseen by Cayce!
1.....California is Judged and a great earthquake tears it away from the mainland and it sinks.
2...California people Overcome some "condition" that leads to this "judgement" and thus GRACE is applied. Thus in a million years the Continental Drift tears the california away and it sinks beneath the ocean at 1/4 inch per century! but as time does not exist, from the vantagepoint of spirit, as it is seen from here, Cayce's Seeings would be TRUE, but arriving from a different path, than from a "sodom and Gorromorra" Judgemental process of spirit!

merry Christmas....freestone

Monday, December 16, 2002

tis amazing what stories lie just beneath a surface of an "ordinary" encounter!!
---one of the Lessons that i have learned from playing computer
role playing games!-----

In this same macdonalds where i overheard the jail talk[ previous post], i was standing in line to order my coffee.

This was Saturaday, the day after the last exam. there is a college Motel just across the street, and behind me, in line, were several people from that motel.
three of them.
all of one family.....father, mother, and son.
father was dressed up to the max, and even he muttered to me as i looked at him..."betcha you dont see ME in a suit but three times in a year"...or something like that.
Son was suited too.

Suddenly i realized that this saturday was graduation, for some of the Semester people, and the son was graduating.
father was a "working man", i guessed. mother was dressed up too. their accents placed them all in "south florida". tallahassee, the home of FSU, is hundreds of miles from their home.

I was struck, as i waited to order, as i listened and watched them....i was struck by the SULLENness of the son! i would niavely assume that the son was to be happy *at* his graduation....he even looked a bit "old", like it was for a Master's that he was getting, not his batchelor's.
never smiled....never laughed.

I pondered a moment at my table, paper and coffee in hand, before
reading...."why was he not overjoyed?"!!
probably some Family Dynamics that i could never solve....

I could visualize them all, the three of them, in a kind of "time demensional matrix" where there is a "depth" of time going backwards from "now".....in this "space" their would be Conflicts...sya like the father was a guarge mechanic and wanted son to become one himself, but the son wants to be a History professor instead!
---or maybe the son has a degree in business administation where he wants to manage a resturant....here son OVERSHADOWS the father, in Achievements!
---or maybe the son got his Degree through family pressure and they see "success" but he sees "failure" as he wanted to play music in a band but father wanted him to become a Degreed and Certified professional man! he had to bow to family pressure and the family has also hiw wife-to-be already picked out and Arranged for him!!
? ? ?

I read the paper and left the thoughts...as there were no way ever to reality-check!

but hey!
I realized, yet again, how even the most "mundane" of everyday
events have layers and layers of interwoven unknowns hidden away! neat, for me, to try to find some of them, *without* just projecting my own bias into what i see!
*that* is a Lesson
of learning in and of itself: trying to See without projecting
my bias-assumptions into what i observe!

Saturday, December 14, 2002

macdonalds at 7 am.
at the table drinking my coffee, there were two men sitting at another table nearby and i Listened.
I only heard some of the conversation, mostly from just one man telling the other about his life.

seems that he just got out of jail. not long ago. I Paid Attention, a bit!
I turned to look out of the corner of my eye, to see a older, maybe 35 year old man who looked "Intelligent"!
but what struck me was the "vibes" coming from his voice! everything that he said had the feeling of "jail" in it!
i do not mean that he talked about jail, so much ; i meant that there seemed to be a feeling about his soul that "jail" would be a natural outcome
of his livings!!
---a little like that Peanuts character "Pigpen" who radiated dirt where-ever he went.
thus this man radiated a life that probably he would BE jailed for, eventually!

---reminds me of other people who emit GOOD VIBES...a bit of "sun on a cloudy day"! people smile when these rare people come into the room, or into their lives!

a Spirit guide, speaking through a medium, said
once, i read....."the vibration of any one particular soul will be the Signiture of that soul throughout all the ascending heavens, as the soul Journies up to the Throne levels of the Celestial realms! And...that no two souls are alike; each soul has its own Vibrational Aura, and this Aura will remain for Eternity!"!

Friday, December 13, 2002


exams are nearly done with. at this university town....

peace perhaps.....Final Judgement is over, for the 35,000 students.

getting a new computer overhaul soon, *just* to play Morrowind!!
they tell me that this a huge huge game. 100 to 300 hours, they say. then there is the 40 hour expansion pak!
I very well could DIE before i finish!

ya know...i have maybe 30 unplayed games on the shelf, why do i play? spend mucho $$$$ for a new motherboard and vid card.
why why??

maybe it is something about the game, vivid graphics....but be anything you want to be...??

may be new years before i play though!

Thursday, December 12, 2002


---a next door aqaintance just came back to tallahassee from visiting his Mother, in St Luis, missurri. had not been there for two years. She is old. her health had gone down a lot in the two years and down a lot in just the last six months: that's why that visit.
while at the house, he opened the medicine cabenet door, over the bathroom sink, to shave one morning....and found to his SURPRISE about 60 bottles of medicine!
60 different KINDS of prescription drugs!
ooouch! wiiinch!

"--all Interacting with each other no doubt"...he thought!!
He was shocked that she took nearly all of them, in a week's time.

I thought about this, folks.....
I will have to tell him, when i see him the next time, that there is ANOTHER side of the situation!
....there is *always* another side of any situation, i find: that is what makes the difference between Pain and happyness, where *you* have to choose which side is the REAL side, of any situation!....

why...in, say, 1910, or even1961, she might be DEAD, if she did not have the pills. worse: she might be in *such* pain and sufferings, that life would be all of that and little else!
Too...these 60 kinds of pills could actually be what is keeping her from living in an "end-state" Nursing Home! now, with the "crutches" of these pills, she can live yet for awhile an independant life of her own and actually enjoy life. walk about...cook...eat...talk..think.
she could forgive one of her sons and learn to Love him.
she could grow her soul a bit more.
she could Accept death and Accept life, in her Life's
end's Reflections.....
....all due to 60 pills in a medicine cabinet!

Tuesday, December 10, 2002

---a post to a rpg computer game forum.

Hi xxxxx

I like your post reply to me! it is very very Intelligent and it helps this here newbie a LOT!! I have had a 333 pentium with a xentor 32 vid card and i SUPPOSE that i could have play MW but oh the slide show! do not even think of using mods or tribunal!
Finally...an upgrade to a 1.3 athlon with a gainward golden sample 450 vid card, is soon-to-be, *just* to play MW!

[i fear slightly the Shop will install the "very latest drivers", in spite of what i told them..."use the detonators 30.82". i read that the 40.72 was TERRIBLE! maybe if they end up installing the latest, it would be "41.xx" or later, and it might work, they being now certified! next week i might have this here new system!]

so i approach MW with a kind of awe and anticipation! and a slight fear of a letdown! i read how so many loved the game and yet others complained BITTERLY about the "empty npc dialogues" and the " graphics first, storyline last" mentality of bethsoft!!
---probably MW's review will reflect the character of the player
who reviews it: tells more about the player than the game!

I do not intend to use mods that add armor, add god-qualities to my character. i would want only mods that add yet more atmosphere to an already incredible-looking game!
----more npc dialogue
----maybe a house
----maybe the teleport ring
----maybe potions/scrolls.
----weathered or real signposts.

if tribunal is "only" 40 hours and MW is from 80 to 100 hours
and then i add yet more "quest mods" later, to add another 10 to 40 hours, and i play only 5 to 10 hours a week....lets see....that will be
I could DIE, at my 61 years of age, before i finish this here game!

lets NOT talk much about my VisionDream, where a Master told me that he read my life-records, in spirit, and he tells me that i have one year to live!!!! *that* was given to me on may 13th of 2002! less than six months away!
? ? ?
maybe MW is a warmup for the Ultimate Big Gameworld: HEAVEN!
when i arrive i intend to treat this here huge mod, to be lived like a first person RPG!!

and.....with my 1.3 system, there will be
ARX FATALIS.....DIVINE DIVINITY...GOTHIC 2....LORD OF THE RINGS [*if* they come out with a *good* version!!!]
and yet more...

yes, i am 61 and Play RPGs! i only use my computer for games...
never too too old for creative rpgs! never too too old for Imagination and Wonder. as long as an old tree spouts New Growth, it is alive and growing! i have seen very old men, they being only 50 years old!

If there are any more suggestions, from others, about how to play MW-TRIBUNAL....i will eagerly read.

but in the End, it must be MY game, played my way: not to choose a character *just* because some Guide says that this is "a super winner"!
a character i like.
probably a fighter at heart, but with a good mage ability, using maic mostly as a support backup, like of heal, teleport, levitate, cure...etc..etc...with maybe one or two "fireball-type" of spell, for those far off monsters!


Monday, December 09, 2002

I am now sitting in the University library: Judgement is soon very very soon!

oh yes..."caps" once caps is on, what can i do but leave caps on...i have a choice, a choice that AUTISM gives to me...pay attention to the keyboard, OR my ideas: not both at once!

a fulltime job just to keep track of my possessions as i walk about!
takes me up to ten minutes just to unstuff all my pockets when i get home, of the receits, the papers, the stuff stuff!

not bored!
i guess only boring people get bored!

a light insight!
"why do kids leave the lights on"?!!
yes kids and teens are yelled yelled at, all the time, as they go from room to room to garage, leaving the lights on, behind them: i have a threory about that! it is that they are just getting ready to LIVE and that turning out a light *is* equivilant to dying, of death, the symbol is...!! thus no light would be, ever SHOULD be, ever turned off!

i even go as far as this: that if you have a kid or a friend who begins to make a big deal about turning off not-used lights, he/she may be getting ready to die! either in the Timing where it IS His Time To Go, from spirit...or else..."suicidal or depressed"!!

Sunday, December 08, 2002


well well well.......a very interesting, if small, dream last night!

Seems that I had a long talk with a lady, and this dream had the definite feel of a Spirit place dream!
I sat in a room, talking to this lady, we talked about two things.

One: that the coming winter will be mild! she said that. she says it as if SHE KNEW! yes, as this was a Spirit dream, she did know!
[I am always interested in weather. I have felt that this here winter, in North America, would be very very severe. already, on the 8th of december, Baltimore had a low of 5 degrees!
But the New England people DO have a saying: "if a pond's ice can hold a man before xmas, it will not hold a mouse after"!
already winter is in full swing!]
so, as winter seems to be Here, in the eastern usa, she may be telling me otherwise, that the "real" winter will be mild! that, as "winter" is offically two weeks away, winter itself might be milder than things look now!

TWO: the second thing that she tells me that is to come is this....
That in the spring, people will be very very upset and agitated: there will be many many Demonstrations, maybe even riots!
she seemed to infer that the [?] american people will be very upset about something, or upset about their quality of life, after about the end of march; and thus before the middle of June! she did not say what this anger and agitation was about.
---end of dream. A talk with a Spirit guidelady who foresees the future.....

Thursday, December 05, 2002

"Evil" dream last night!

Oh these dreams, dreams where i go to places that may or may not be in the astral or lower heavens, or on earth. Here, in this dream, i followed the fate of one person through an Experience; perhaps to teach me something about life!

some nameless southern small city, i was "with" him for days. he was in the Thraos of finding that the city he was living in was EVIL! He spent much time wandering the streets all disturbed and i could see and sense NEGATIVITY springing up everywheres! he muttered over and over and over about how terrible it was to live here; he needed to move back North!
i could watch how he seemed to attract this negative people and terrible vibes to him. the angryer he got, the more disturbed he became, the more the evil seemed to increase. Soon, i could see shadowy forms of demons hover in the very air, attracted like of a moth to flames, *his* flames of negativity! A black hole sucking in matter and getting bigger and bigger so it sucked in even more badness, thus justifying his stance completely that "this city IS evil", and thus he got even more angry and thus even more of the
surroundings began to Come To Him, as "evil"!

feedback Loop...in music, the microphone vs the speakers...it goes till they HOWL!!
naturally he sees quite correctly in this, I could not doubt him a bit!
I wonder how this began?? i was not there to see that. probably just one small event started the "snowball rolling down the mountain" to cause this Avalance of evil!

he Probably had the mis-fortune to have had moved to a city that is "Psychic Amplifying" to *any* feeling or emotion: i have seen and i have lived in such cities myself! I live in one now: TALLAHASSEE! an exceedingly Dangerious place to live in, such a city, for many people; as *what* you feel, will draw to you, in everything around you, i have found...draw to you what you are...faster, quicker, and more powerfully.....than if you lived in a city or place where the vibes are "neutral"!
If one "had his/her act together: *what* a creative place this could be for one to live in!! why, to draw happiness and love and creatively joyfull people to you....why that would be like of a "heaven on earth", while living.....but you would have to Prime The Pump"! you would have to make the first effort, by sending out into the city, vibes of happyness and optimisms!

---yet another example of "True magik"!!

Saturday, November 30, 2002

A quiet thanksgiving....

ya know, i grit my teeth a bit every major holiday! especially thanksgiving and christmass!

"The Single Person is found to be wanting"...that is the Judgement that
i see sits, out there, on single older people, in America, during the holidays!! the WORST thing that a single person with no relatives and no firends in town to do, during these Holidays, in my opinion, is to go out to eat the Dinner at the one
chain resturant that is open, and end up sitting with all the OTHER singles, and end up Bonding in misery and pain, with them all!!
go to the "Homeless city meal program" that usually is offered to the city homeless people!

everything has its price, and living alone has its great benefits, but the Price is being alone some times of the year!
I betcha there are people who would rather go to a dysfunctional family thanksging dinner reunion, where a fistfight may actually occur, if not the bad vibes, of Strain and hatred, during the meal....better to go to one of these...than to BE Alone!!

same with a relationship: far far better to be battered, than to be ignored, if one cannot be loved...at least one is Being Touched, during the batterings!

I like Aloneness.....it is *not* the same as....."Aloneness"!!

Tuesday, November 26, 2002

----letter to blogger support!


hi all!

This is the same issue that i reported yesterday.

Your Current Issues
Report a New Issue >>
ID Created Subject Status Product
1951 11-25 08:46 AM unable to save template changes in Mozilla!

I have more info on this.

I have several weblogs...
one of them is

the university library NOW uses Mozilla as their browser. been so, now,
for about a week or so.

my templates for all my weblogs are now unusable!!

I can access the template info, OK, but the screen stops just
at the bottom of the page of HTML
codes, there is no longer a "save changes' button to be found
thus i cannot save any changes that i make to any weblog.

more info...
i found this yesterday.
looks like you all made some code changes to cause this as
this template change worked
well with mozilla a few days ago, and, yes, the html coding looks
like you all changed it.

It is NOT a template problem, actually! it is a problem with the rest
of the page below that template, where the rest of the page is not coded
to come up: thus no "save changes" button!

It works well with Explorer, i checked the other library,
so it is a Mozilla issue. i also checked with
the Lab to see if the problem was due to them, not you....they
told me it was "you all"!

so i have to use another computer, or else not use my templates!
thus no more links can ba added or changes made to my sites unless
i use other systems besides Mozilla!


Monday, November 25, 2002


well this cold tallahassee morning, on the walk over to Campus, i was reminded of something years ands years ago, a something that struck me as being Interesting!
On some trip from Upstate NY to Florida, i stopped into some nameless Hometown diner/cafe, and I sat down and prepared to order Lunch, from the menu. Yes my favorite kind of menu...the "daily special" is handwritten in, on a sheet of lined paper.
There was a older man, about 60, sitting near the front, and he was there first; the waitress took his order first. I was surprised at how
"SELF-EFFACING" he was! He seemed to apologize just for taking up space, for even being Counscious!! Hem and haw...
laugh nerviously...embarresed just to BE!!
Watress then came over to me and then took my order; then she turned to go to the kitchen....

she comes out with my food, a complicated order, but she did not yet bring a thing to this old man, even though he ordered first: this surprised me. Then, folks, this waitress did even a yet more Interesting thing....
She went over to that man and she whipped out her order book and began to take his order!! As if she had not done that before!
She had completely forgotton that he was there, completely forgotton that she had previously taken his order and she even forgot to turn it into the kitchen!!

yes, this man Succeded in his Magick! he was "not there", so self-effacing that he caused this lady to completely forget him!

One is *not*, i see, a "detacted observer" in life, with other people around one! One's "gravity well" colors all of the reality around and about! whether an "Inituate" or not!

Friday, November 22, 2002

hi all.
I feel inspired to copy my "best" Dreamvision of going to heaven, and put it here, in two parts, in two postings, in two letters.

I have about 10 to 15 more visions written up at


any newcomers who have not read my Visions and are interested, please go there to read some of them!


The Doopie Dolls
Where I encounter the "Doopie Dolls", and what they taught me, and their legacy keeps on giving
and giving...and giving!

On this nice summer 1982 day...I entered the Valley,
alone, in my sister's

Little did I know what lay just ahead...something
beyond all rational
experience and
something that even the twilight Zone...would have
difficulty dealing with!!

--all of what I am to write on...is TRUE! Let
the"chips fall where they

I drove alone, today; Usually, I went with my sister
to her College, where
taught Social Work.

{you may know her; she wrote textbooks...Suanna

I lived with her, at the time, in another valley...and

she taught the
courses several
days a week, and often I rode with her: today...I ran
an errand for
her....over to
Johnson City....alone.

This valley was a textbook case of an Appalachian
valley. enclosed from the
world...no outsiders lived in it...very
parochial....celestial...a virtual
you were one of them; all others keep out!! A lush
ten mile long
by 4000 foot mountains..closed at each end. In the
flats were farms,
everything essential.....somewheres north of Asheville, Norcth carolina.

I was now driving alone at 9
a.m.on this country
suddenly I knew that I was not alone!
THEY were with
me! I could SEE no
but I knew I was not alone.

It was as if I could imagine flying along, next to the pickup truck, like
birds...were doll-like
people! only, they
imagined themselves TO me! I could see them, in my
imagination: but they
absolutely there, even though they could not be seen with physical eyes!
They were the
size of
babies...maybe 18 inches tall..but with near-human
sized heads. they all
wore red
dress-like robes!

I called them, to myself..."Doopie Dolls" they did not

speak: I could not
talk to
them...they remained with me..until I came to the end
of the valley...then
they all
flew off, into the distance. Whew!!

My sister moved. I moved with her...now it was 1984.
On one day.... I walked
back to her office, from downtown...thinking about
this experience of
several years
ago, now.

Suddenly they were there. next to me! Years later and
400 miles away...there
were, the Doopie Dolls! and now I could here their
talk!! I listened, in

"Yes, we are here. the same people you call "dolls".
we look like dolls only
we visit your world. Up in our world, where we really
live; we look like
normal people. We look like we did when we lived on
earth, before we died;
younger! Yes, we lived in that valley, in our
lives...we died..and
eventually went to
live in our Mountain Home.....you would call it
"heaven"... we are close to
valley...and still love it so...not only do we keep
track of all the
visitors...we can see
the earthly valley better...THROUGH SOMEONE ELSE'S
EYES! thus we try to
get near everyone that we can!

But only a very very few people can see us! We all
have grown much more
and have a better way of life, now.....now that we are

in heaven.....we
often go to
hear the sings, in the valley churches; the
atmosphere, there, in these
churches is
more like up in our world.

AND.....we have your address!...we can come to visit
you at any time.
know that you separate from your body, at night...and
can go visit heavens;
not come visit US?!!!" ---then they were gone.

Then the Dreams began!!!!

{I have got to condense these dreams....to save space...the
grammar and all that
will not be

My first dreams were very soon beginning. they were
concerned with going to
mountain cabins..to listen to the dwellers tell their
life story and of the
of the arrival..into this land..that was at the outer
reaches of the Mountain
.{recuperating after death, the person rests..and
reflects upon his
life, before Going on...}

One man..lay in his bed..in his REPLICA of his earthly

mountain cabin. a
miner, in west virginia. died in his 50's..of a black
dusty lung. a hard; but
good life.
Now he rests, before going to Home. He told me of his
50 years of life.....

My Next Dream...had me being taken further up the
slopes...to a narrow pass,
the low hills....one of those passes that one could
miss..unless one had
to the people inside.

They took me into it......to see....a VAST land . on
earth..it would be as
if it were
maybe a 2000 foot Plateau...in the appalachian
mountains...but hundreds and
hundreds of miles across. Perpetual summer. sky soft
and blue...with a very
luminescence to the light..as if no shadows are ever

cast! Farmlands and
hills..way off into the distance...all around..I could

see higher mountains.
I could
hear mountain church gospel music..off in the
distance..being sung...as if
were the
"Musak"..to this land.

Cabins and houses and even "Modern" new age
houses!...{in my sister's North
Carolina valley...outsiders were welcomed; there were
many new agers..who
moved from the cities..many retreats and

I could tell that in this land..all were welcomed who
whatsoever with the mountain people...and loved
them..and the land..while on

My sister then died....of a sudden lung condition;
followed by my father,
the next

Now I was alone...all my relatives gone. I moved to
Florida, then back to my
upstate New York very small town, where I am, now.

By 1989..or so.....the dreams changed...{ya gotta
realize that i went there,
to the
Homelands...at least once per month...every
month...and STILL do!!}}.

Now..my sister had a house, there! I learned she has
several...one in each
several worlds.... I met her...and talked!!

She showed to me...many of her older mountain friends,

from her valley
have since died, and come here.

I often toured her house!! but I could not look at
her...{she has changed
physically; I have no Image model for her..thus I feel

her presence, only}

my father spent a week at her North carolina
home..before he died}}
and...yes!....I met him, too! He has a house there,

But not my mother..who died in the
1970's.......ah!...but only a year
ago...I had
someone show to me that she lives there, too!!

So....over the years...I have been often, up
there. There are untold thousands of
people, in a
Mountain Heaven....and I am always surprised at what i see!

My last such dream occurred just a few months ago....

I went to see my
she had a surprise for me...she and several other
women were to try to take
me to a
SEER!..a lady who lives off to the side..hidden..who
has "her foot in
worlds, at once".

{{Apparently mediums and psychics are needed there,
too...as most people in
heaven live only in one world....this means.."once a
psychic; always a
through the heavenly lands!!}}.

The local people did not know if I could "see' her. If I could find her see her,
she could consult the
life records
of souls...and read them!...read mine!!

So Suanna and her friends took me to a open wooded
field..with nothing but
and trees...and they waited, hopefully....for me to
see something. all I
see..was grass and hills and trees...in a beautiful

Suddenly ..I noted a narrow path..leading to a narrow
crack in a row of

Inside..was a large pretty small valley...with a cabin

at the end of the
trail. The seer
seemed to be of "new age"..stock...someone of the
wicca movement...or of
other new age way of life.....the ornaments in the
"said"...1970...1990! And
she indeed gave to me a reading!!....told me something

about my life..based
on my
soul records..something that i am still working

So there.

This Doopie Doll experience..certainly is a gift that
keeps on giving! I
could fill
pages more..of my experiences there ...in my
dreams..in this mountain
Home-heaven.... this whole experience...is to me..a
"PRIMER"..in instruction
what heaven will be like...when I get there.

At the very LEAST...the Doopie Dolls...show to me that

life is
the door called "the tombstone"!!

NO DOUBT......when I die...there will be a cabin,
there, awaiting ME!!

doopie dolls part 2

my preview of my arrival, after death, in heaven!

about a month ago[1995?..1997?], i had this Incredible
I was shown what is apparently to be my initial
arrival into the lower
afterlife world, after i die. For some reason, Spirit
wants to show
to me what my very first "weeks" of heaven are to be
like!!! thus this dream is apparently a clarvoyant
"run through"
of what my first experiences of the afterlife will
be--a precognititive Seeing of what i will or could
experience there in heaven upon my intial arrival

[why not!
for *every* major life move, where i was given orders
to move,
like in some Military orders to be transferred to
another base..."three months from now"...i would have
a dream where i would see actual picture scenes, like
of from a camera, of PARTICULAR scenes from places,
buildings, people...from that place that i have orders
to move to...three months from this dream!
----so why not for the Great Move...to heaven

[ in other visions...i have gone, often, out-of-body
to see and visit
my Sister's "Appalachian Mountain world"----one of
the places that
she lives in---in the heavens. I have had ten or
twenty of these,
during the last few years....]

[she and i were close...died in 1986...she WOULD be
the one i would
see, first...as my mother died in 1975...]

The vision begins....

I am in a bed. I awake. Suanna, my sister, is beside
there is fond greetings...[vaguely remembered].
much fond greetings....embracings.....talkings...
I find that i am in a room in her mountain house, in
the Appallacian
heaven that i have OBEed to, so often, in the past....
I now am a permanent resident of this Appalachian
mountain land, the land that i have come to visit so
often in my dreams. there are other people who then
come to meet me, in her house...

---my final OBE, my final out of body experience, my
final OBE to this Mountain afterlife world!!

she has a house, there....in this land of blue skies
rolling hills...

[the appalachian mountains would be like the mountains
in the southeast corner of Austrialia, the highest is
about 5000 feet...most are only several thousand feet
in height]

I slowly awake to my senses and become "grounded" in
heaven ...over
the next few days....
i now recall that i had died, and am now here, in
but now I live!!! I have Come Home!!! no more
tears....sufferings of

Soon, i become stronger and i can go outside of the
I can recall, readers, one of my first outdoor
experiences, vaguely. [90% of this dream was
forgotten upon awakening!]
I stood near her house and i saw the blue sky and the
Mountains all around me. these mountains were only
Hills, maybe several hundred feet high. i was struck
by the "ethericicalness" of this blue sky! the
mountainhills miles away had NO haze to obscure them.
the air was still; no breezes stirred the leaves, thus
*every* sound...the playing cries of children, the
birds, the far off choirsingings of a distant
church...all were ETCHED into the air, all heard
Distinctly. Furthermore...i was struck most, in
profuoundity, by my feelings of S-P-A-C-E! as if i
could feel the very Expansiveness, the very open-ness
of this space. i felt like an inner city dweller, who
lived for months with hundreds of people crowded into
trains and streets, suddenly to take a train to the
outback, the desert...and he stands alone in the open
sand, hundreds of feet from the nearest buildings!
As the weeks pass by, i take further walks and meet
more people. they help me adjust and they Tell me How
Things Are, here. i am told that this area is a very
very large "area", a world, a place...a place amoungst
many places. this place , called "the mountain
lands"...is a raised area, like of a pleateu, on top
of a large "landmass"...there are valleys and
flatlands down below this pleateu. the people here
consist of
people from many places...besides of the "original"
earthly settlers of the appalachians.
[the "real", earthly, appalacians is a chain of hills
a thousand miles long and four hundred miles wide!
includes Atlanta, Georgia and Pittsburg,
Pennslavannia, and even the suburbs of NEW YORK CITY!!
i was born in these hills.]
I often visited other homes. these houses were set
apart from each other, not far, there never is a sense
of crowdings. there was no feeling that there was ANY
of the "modern technology" there. no cars. no phones
or electric.

[weeks and weeks of heaven Experiences are telescoped
into just one dream, much like of a biography movie
just skimming along the
life, a scene here, a scene there. but there MORE to
this than that! it is as if dozens of full
experiences are condensed in time, just like those
compressed files that are ZIPPED, when
downloaded....but i can only recall only a very few of
them, upon awaking!]

one day...i am now strong enough to take a walk on my
own....a much further walk
so i take such a walk...i wanted to follow a road
that led downwards from this plateau....i had heard
that it led downwards to an actual Gate to Earth! i
had seen this particular road, earlier, and i wondered
where it led. so i begin to follow this road that
someone told me of that led to earth. the road soon
went down, down the hills, curving and descending as i
i saw a "flats", a flat area near the bottom of this
I note that there is a town there...a number of
houses.I see people
standing along
the road: they all look very depressed and angery!!
the hoses look like ruins and shacks, all dirty and
the very air is dark and grey! the vibrational
feelings of the "atmosphere' were NOT good-feeling!!
I suddenly realize that i have gone DOWN in vibration,
as well as down
in elevation.
i then recall that i was brought up from earth, by
that same or similar road,
half asleep; and that the Gate to earth was just ahead
and so i wanted
to check the earth out, as a spirit!!

i apparently wanted to revisit the earth sphere and to
see what things were like there when i was a "ghost"!
maybe i wanted to watch my own funeral, like i read
that many spirits do!
at the end of the road, at the other end of the
village, stood an imposing red brick building. it was
a Massive Gate. as i appraoched this gate, i saw a ten
foot tall white robed
Man with a sword in his hand that was
AFLAME(!!)...guarding this gate...that six foot sword
was afire like
it was soaked in gasoline!! he stood right at the
gate, barracading the Door.
i then heard a thunderious voice, directed to me!

"This is the road to earth: You are FORBIDDEN to
enter it: go back
up the hill"!!!

the Angel with sword spoke: he raised his sword
high... i humbly retreated back up
the hill!!
...those souls near
the gate were so steeped in bad thoughts and
feelings...that they were
a little stuck, there, near the gate, and were yet
unable to even
climb up the road to the healing areas. these were
the souls who could NOT ascend even with
Guide-assistance, as their earthly life was so
un-preparing for heaven, that they had to remain here
in this drab, grey-sky "waiting room" for a while
until this "negativity" was lightened
there was so little of heaven-ness in their hearts and
souls, that they could not bear to even BE in the
mountainlands, above.

eventually, i took yet another walk, out into the open
lands. today, i looked off into the distance, off
towards a small hill.
At that moment, as i looked at the pasture-like
hillside, that was only a pasture on the side of a 100
foot high hill,...at that moment the pasture "turned"
into a road!! as if i had "tuned" onto a radio
station, suddenly a road appeared that was not there
just a moment before!

i enquired.

i was told that this road is always there, like of
many many other places and roads in this Land. they
exist on a slightly higher vibrational frequency then
the mountainland as a whole...and WHEN the arrivee
has grown in knowledge and love and understandings, as
he soaks up the vibes of the Appalachian lands..his
own vibrational level increases and thus he sees those
higher vibrational places!
the guides then said that this Mountain land is
["just?!!"] a recieving and healing station for new
arrivees from earth! most souls Go On, after a while,
to a MUCH "realer", higher, heaven[s] after they get
healed here, after some of the "earthly bad
vibrations" get removed. "after a while" could be
weeks or years...there is no hurry; ETERNITY is

---end of dream.

Thursday, November 21, 2002

"War---end of the world"!!

I had a *very* interesting out of body Dream last night, one that i will remember for SOME time, until i die...[next year!]!!
Oh, it seems on the surface a simple dream, but....

An astral travel dream. I am in some place a few hundred feet inland from the shore of a lake, there are houses and places. I am told , somehow, that i am to meet some of my old friends at 8 AM in the morning and that they are coming to meet me, and meet me by coming in their car from Iowa
[they are not dead, not Spirit-land dwellers: this is spirit-land, now, where i am, and they are coming to see me from the earth, as they are still living. "Iowa" because it is mr. MacN......., an old friend from the air force and he has his hometown to be in the state of Iowa! the "car" is his "vehicle" for himself and his wife to astral travel to come and to meet me. my guess that ""8 am" is perhaps the year 2008!!]
8 am has not yet occurred as it is still very early, so i go see yet other people in a house on the hill by the lakeshore but back away from the lake. [in the spirit world, the shore of this lake is the shore of the physical world].
I meet several other of my friends and it appears that they too, come from the earth to see me and it is BEFORE 8 AM so that they come to see me before the year 2008. [ I am already dead, of course, dying probably in early 2003!]
My "reunion" is rudely interrupted by someone who is floating in the air near the ceiling of the room! he shouts and yells, all bothered and very disturbed.....yet another astral traveler who comes to the spirit world and he see me and my friends and he Is Disturbed! he shouts to me....
i try to calm him....
[before 8am, before 2008, but near 2008]

i then see that it IS near 8 am and i excuse my self to float down from the second floor of the building, amazing my friends; i tell them that i have an appointment with others. they come, the iowa
couple, and we all have a wonderfull reunion!
Again, an interruption! i could see several "japanese-y" looking girls standing near me. i told my friend that i had to leave *this* reunion as i sensed that they girls were in deep trouble! i shouted to my friend and his wife....these girls are "????"...a japanese word for "a lost spirit"...or a"spirit in trouble"

the japanese girls told me that their vehicle is stuck on the bridge between worlds and they cannot get back to earth....
So, we all go along the path, me floating through the air. up ahead i see a bridge, a narrow narrow bridge going from the 50-foot hilltop down to the lakeshore, crossing a small stream in the process: a bridge between worlds, and i see a small bycycle/sled-like "vehicle' in the middle of the bridge, stuck between posts. yes, they cannot return to earth unless this vehicle is unstuck! the earthly body could DIE soon unless help is given!
as i pondered what to do, the two girls were "wringing their hands" and muttering about the WAR and the headlines, in the paper, that were so huge and terrible!!
[some terrible war was going on and now TWO spirits, at least, have independantly reported it: i go into the future, as well as into the ASTRAL spirit world, thus i am in the future, a bit before 2008, and the Reports from other astral travelers are Not So Good: war war...a war that is much more than just a local conflict!! Course it is "terrible" if you are in the middle of it, even for a local small conflict, but somehow i get the feeling, here, folks, that they were experiencing, on earth, these people from TWO separate cultures, a war that is larger than just a "Iraqian Saddam take-out"!!]

the dream ended as i pushed the vehicle free of the posts and pushed it so that it could go back down the bridge towards the earth-plane!

---this is my Report from the future.....

Wednesday, November 20, 2002


dead birds!
lots of dead birds!

I read that 8,000 to 15,000 dead birds were found on the shores of lake Eire, recently: they were poisoned by the bacteria from the algea
that is now in the lake, algea that now exists because of the Zebra-mussuals and "Goby" fish, that cleaned the water so.....yet more alien species that decimated!
i guess we all are becoming "one world" in species as
people spread things around.

I fear that soon, this will apply to our CULTURE too!
go to Bombay or Tokyo, step off the plane into the airport and find the very same Corporate resturants, the shops, the stores....then go to the same hotel chain. How can one tell that one is in India or japan?!
yes, beat the bushes to get to some remote village in Peru, only to find a Franchise selling Hamburgers and fries!

In a year, i will not be here to see that:
I wonder if there will be a Macdonalds in heaven?!

I bet there WILL be!!
I would *want* it so....
not for any "addiction' to their hamburgers....it would be such that
i would want it there for the Newcomers [capital "N"]!
the Newcomers, who are not really prepared for death yet, who just arrive into heaven and find a new world and access to 100,000 worlds, they need something that Is Known and Familiar, some Anchor of Stability....as macdonalds is often the
giver of coffee and food, in disasters!

Tuesday, November 19, 2002

--------here is an interesting editorial for you all to read!
tis wild: in the name of "equaility" and "no offense given to anyone"....no one can be "different"!
The First Amendment, but only for some
The Virginian-Pilot
© November 13, 2002
Last updated: 8:43 PM

Taking offense has replaced baseball as America's pastime.

Consider the following:

In a recent column, I suggested that if the Chechen hostage situation had happened here, authorities would have bombarded the
terrorists with rap music for two weeks before hatching a plan. This prompted a call from a reader who said I was trying to
send a ``racially coded'' message.

A piece on aging American war protesters in Baghdad, who refer to themselves as ``grandpas and grandmas,'' led to e-mails
from Orwellian thought-police types decrying discrimination against the elderly. And a column applauding the Sacagawea dollar
coin's demise provoked an illogical screed on prejudice against American Indians.

These ridiculous leaps of logic, short memories and hypocrisy are the purview of a repressive political correctness gone horribly
wrong. Obviously the caller on Chechnya had forgotten the musical bombardments of Panamanian dictator Manuel Noreiga
and Waco cult leader David Koresh. If I had suggested a Rossini opera instead, would my message have been anti-Italian?

Aside from the fact that I don't like rap music -- I have a right to such outrageous behavior last time I checked -- and that rap
at full volume would make me relent hastily, to suggest that certain music belongs to only one group reinforces stereotypes. And
referring to someone in his 60s as ``aging'' or pointing out that a coin is costing millions in taxpayer money shouldn't rankle,
unless you are a taxpayer.

Why is America now home to this culture of offense?

We have gone from a land of free speech and tolerance to one where ethnic-, race-, age-, gender- and other
umbrage-mongers scan the papers daily in hopes of finding perceived insults to scream about. They have to: Offense is the
bread and butter of non-profit ``advocacy'' groups, who raise more money the louder they yell.

But to find America's ``offense training grounds,'' look no further than our college campuses, where students are encouraged to
believe that if anything offends them, their rights have automatically been violated. Free speech is in serious trouble and higher
education, with its stultifying rules and codes, is a major culprit.

This problem can be laid four-square at the feet of the self-indulgent baby boomer generation that now runs America's

Ironically, those who marched for free speech now enforce speech codes on others. The vanguard of smoking weed and
dropping acid now prohibits kegs of beer. And their embrace of Marcusian theory -- which holds that in order to advance the
rights of certain people, the rights of others must be taken away -- is ``a generational swindle of epic proportions,'' says Thor
Halvorssen of the Foundation for Individual Rights in Education.

So much for academic freedom.

FIRE, bless them, has chronicled in great detail the erosion of free speech on campuses, two-thirds of which have speech
codes. The Philadelphia-based group, which spans the political spectrum, often finds itself championing conservative causes
that left-wing bigots find threatening.

Several examples: The student bar association at the Washington University School of Law in Missouri twice denied
recognition of a pro-life student group, citing ``the narrowness of your group's interests and goals'' as a reason. The decision
was recently overturned.

This spring, an instructor teaching a course on Palestinian resistance at the University of California at Berkeley warned
``conservative thinkers'' to take another class because ``the right of Palestinian . . . self-determination is not up for debate.''

At Central Michigan University last year, dorm supervisors made a student remove ``offensive decorations'' from his door, lest
he upset others. The hateful objects? An American flag, an eagle and a newspaper editorial.

Students against the war on terrorism were granted a permit to protest at the University of Massachusetts, but students who
wanted to support U.S. policy were denied one. And a Johns Hopkins University professor who publicly supported aggression
against terrorist-sheltering states was accused of assisting a hate crime against Muslims and yanked from his post.

Have we really become this weak?

Rather than learning the fine art of discourse and rebuttal, or even how to dish out stone cold contempt, students are infantilized.
They are taught to believe that opposing views should be shut down entirely. They morph into adults who see rights as a
zero-sum game. And that's more of a threat to our liberty than Osama bin Laden and Saddam Hussein combined.

Bronwyn Lance Chester is an editorial writer for The Virginian-Pilot.

Reach her at 446-2307 or e-mail her at bchester@pilotonline.com.

© 2002 HamptonRoads.com/PilotOnline.com

Monday, November 18, 2002

tis now half-way through "that one year to live"!

the lunar eclipse is tomorrow: the next one, about may 20th, a week after "my year"...if i recall aright, this eclipse is on my saturn in the 12th house! exactly, to the degree!!

winch! ouch!

ah well....six months to live....
Today, on my little walk to campus, "i spun the Prayer wheel yet again", asking of Spirit as how how I should Get Ready....even after I have been told over and over, in dreams, that "there is nothing more to do"!

maybe i should really be asking..."what can i do, now, in light of what i COULD do, in heaven.
the upper heavens, after Purgatory."?!! but how can i choose when i have yet to be there.

the "real' heaven, after going through all the "preparation" heavens, beginning with pugatory!
even if for five minutes, surely purgatory.

i just remembered a dream, an out of body visit to heaven, long ago.
this is where i talked to a lady who had just come from a lower heaven where she lived in a dull-grey-sky city! a place that *YOU* do not want to go to, to live forever, from what she described!
grey skies and an inner city-ness that is ALL of this huge city, a city called


yes!! Dis, right from Dante's Inferno!
[i read from spirit guides that Dante Took a out of body TOUR of hell, what he saw was very very very
REAL!...at least "real" as to that time in history that he lived, long ago.

but Dis is still there and there are all too too many earthly "colleges", "entrypoints" to enter Dis from, in this here world! "hell" is not a popular topic in this "new age good-feeling self actuilazational " times! the new agers do not like Hell to be there!
But I have seen it; been there

Saturday, November 16, 2002


I have lived in this city now for about four years straight, this time. I finally bought a small box of ice cream at publux. There is very little ice cream in tallahassee, the south is not a dairy country!
but i took this small cup home and put it in my freezer. As i walked past my mailbox and checked my mail, there was one letter in it. I was amazed at this letter, it was covered with MOLD!
the postmark was for "march 1st, 2002"!!

talk about SNAIL MAIL!

It was a letter from my old gainesville friend, who wrote that he was getting ready for his trip to Alaska
and to return in November. probably came back and found the letter that he *intended* to mail!
In this letter of four pages he spent three of them writting about his failures with
ICE CREAM! on and on...his experiences with how plastic it was and artifical and that he walked just yeaterday to a grocery and the ice cream was tasting of plastic!

what a coincidence! on the *ONLY* day that i bring home ice cream, i get a letter about this same subject.!!
My Guide for sycnchronisms tells me that whenever something equals something else, there is a Hidden Spiritual Meaning there!
which, in this case, would be....what ELSE he wrote about!
on the last page he lamented about his sick cat, a cat that has an incurible disease and WILL die in a matter of months! it was thin and starving, now, as it cannot digest any food. death is soon, very very soon!!

*MY* death: He is Giving To me The News!!! there is 108 days between the two dates: the postmark date and "today" when i got the letter! NOTE that the 14th of november is opposite the 13th of may when I had that Vision of the Master telling me of the "one year to live"!

we all help each other to get born and we all help each other to get ready to die.......

and the ice cream tasted of terrible plastic, i pitched it!

Friday, November 15, 2002

tallahaassee is a bit depressed today! seems that a policeman was shot, the papers say that he was a very very good man!
"God takes the very best", was quoted in the article in the Democrat newspaper.

reminds me of reading about that family who took years to get all their family to take their Dream Train trip, in france. On the way, on the train, that fire occurred and killed them all: their hometown was devastated!

I am reading that a lot these days....seems the very best old souls are dying in strange and weird accidents, as IF they Had a Date kept with God!!

I feel that they might!
*If* there are really severe eathchanges or war coming soon, why if even one supervolcano goes off....millions could die suddenly and unpre-pared, in their souls!
so *who* is gonna greet them in heaven when they arrive?
who is gonna be their healers and counselors, in the Temples of Healing and Adjustments, to heaven?!

...why the old souls who have to die before the war/disasters! they have to get ready, learn the ropes, learn how to counsel! Thus, i feel, that they have to come over long before everyone else. then when we all come, they will be there for us all!
would not *you* want such an old soul for an "angelic' counselor?!

why if even onlt 20% of the earth's population were to die in, say, 20 volcanoes going off at once, why that is about
12 BILLION souls!!
----these counselors will need all the help that they can get?! want to Volunteer?! You probably CAN, in prayer, now do so!

so these days a lot of souls will


Thursday, November 14, 2002

the homeless guy was in the cafe this am.

At 8 am the temp was maybe 45. The owner, having two cafes, is not often in and when he was last week, he chased angerly this homeless guy out! Then he told me that he, last week, felt sorry for this man and gave to him a cup of coffee, when he came in for his first time. he told me "that was a big mistake: i gave some food to a lost kitten and now he is mine for life", he told me!

I tried to talk to this guy, both yesterday and today. failed. i got a vibe from him..."just another whitey that will tell me the muck what to do with my life"! I felt uneasy.

Interesting, i thought about him all day! i know nothing of his past, but somehow i sensed that he was a Young soul that might be here for one of his first incarnations as a human being! He has already lived as a soul-less spirit, in the spirit worlds. i had the feeling that in these spirit worlds of "pre-human entities" that everything is a "given"! that is...one is Provided for by the Plenem, the spiritual equivalent of a plant that Recieves from the sun, water, and soil, all that is needed.

NOW, he must provide for his own, and he cannot, as he feels that it *IS up to everyone else to provide him with *everything*!


if so, i also predicted what his future incarnations could be like!

very very RAGE-FILLED! why?!! because he will enter again, as a human, with all his Ideals crushed and he will rage at all those people who Did Not Provide for everything in his life! filled with hate and rage, at all humanity for not providing for him. probably join a terrorist group!

this "horrified" me yet further, sports fans who read this...

as one could indeed, now, take him under their wings. the cafe-owner could take him home with him and make him part of his family, a 40 year old "man-child"! provide for all....


that is what it would be! his lessons of Learning would only be postponed, if he lived now like he did in spiritlives past! it could be *very* sufferingly hard on him, to Learn...but to give to him much, is to give crack to a recovering addict! he wants it, NEEDS this crack, wontya feel sorry for him and give to him a pinch of Powder?!

This man sleeps downtown, in a doorway...no winter clothes, no blanket! soon the temp will fall to 30....25...20! the cafe owner may "give" to this guy Pnumonia or even DEATH, by not enabling!!

but if "enabling" he has to do, why this homeless probably *should*come live with him at his home and this cafe owner should spend 8 hours a days for three years, on this guy even though the cafes fall apart because he is not there to manage them!

I, MYSELF, must be a "bastard", i cannot let him live with ME! take every bit of my time till i die! there would be the two of us, together, closer than any Relationship !! "togetherness" all day long for 12+ hours a day....to MAYBE get a trellis into his inner soul, for his "vine" to climb up upon.


ten future lives of being a terrorist who kills kills kills kills, seething with rage at, uncounsciously, all of the humanity who did not give to him all of everything, like what was done for 10,000 spirit-plane years!!

so i leave this one for you all to COMMENT upon....

please do that....

maybe, as i get to know him, i will learn a bit of his life-story!

Wednesday, November 13, 2002


well i woke up this morning with yet another "visit to heaven" dream!
[please read the dream of a couple of days ago, further down the Journal, to read "dream number one"!]

well it *is* November 13th, exactly six months from my may 13th 2002 dreamVision where the India Master tells me, reading from my Life Records, and telling me...."In One year you will begin your Spirit life"! exactly half way to that "one year", now, on Nov 13th. Thus sometime between, say, may 1st and
the summmer or fall, of 2003...my Heavenlife begins! [?] [!]!!

This morning's dream *seems* simple, on the surface: I merely walk about my home town, after dark! My sister Suanna is with me, i vaguely sense that, even if i do not really speak with her. probably i do, i cannot recall. I mumble to her about how I would leave my hometown to move to the South. At one point, in the dream, some girl runs out of a house to yell some incomprehensible gibberish at me.

---seems to be a psychological dream about me leaving my hometown to set off for where i now live: about once per month there are dreams like this!
there is a dark Tone to this dream: darkness in fact and in tone. i can see that the stars are out, a clear night, everyone but the "crazed' girl, are asleep.
Then my sister and i go to lie on the ground that is under an
interstate-type of overpass, a overpass that is more of like a long long tunnel: i can see the stars at each end. No such overpass exists in my town of 600 people!!
Suanna then says to me one line, then i wake up IMMEDIATELY! that means that this messege is a "payload" of the dream: the whole dream was created *just* for this messege to be given to me, the whole of the scenery was created just FOR this, and for me to wake up....would Insure that i remember what she tells me!

yes, shades of this dream of a couple of days ago where I floated through this overpass, to ascend slowly up to the heaven-plane of the "heaven of the arts" where my sister Suanna is a Manager of one of these temples. i sensed, as the loud car woke me up, that I was brought there *just* to have my sister tell me something: it FAILED, the communication-attempt, as the loud-car-won!

---that "overpass' is the clue!
this overpass, in last night's dream, is the SAME ONE, as in the other dream, the entrance to heaven; my hometown was just images brought up from my own subcounsciousness!
Yes, my sister had a messege for me and now, last night, she delivered it!!! She came down to that heaven-entrance, instead of having me Laboriously brought up to her level: to too much risk of having yet another "something" wake me up! probably took her a bit of effort for to do this, but there would be no chance of an earthly inturruption!
She merely told me...

"When your work for Jesus Christ is finished, you leave!" ["immediately"---was the feelingTone
for this statement. *exactly* at the finish of it!]

[my sister's Jesus is certainly *NOT* the jesus-perception of the first baptist church! i had a vision in 1991 where i saw her in a class of heaven-students, in Purgatory. this class had just Graduated from that level and they all were going up to a higher heaven. i saw Jesus take this class upwards!! 11 years.
so Suanna has been "with" Jesus for 10 X 11 years......110+ years there!]

---that was her messege. A simple, but profound, messege! Since I have been shown, in many many dreams...."that there is nothing more
to do, in your Spiritual Misisions, freestone"......Suanna's Messege to me is *NOT*
a mere abstraction....of a future far far off date of leaving the earth plane!!

[ some day, probably between March to August, of 2003, after I die, my Aunt or friend will go through my
dream diaryjournal, in my trailer, and find the URLs for the on-line journals, with the Passwords.
then *this* journal will have an entry like....."I am SO sorry, Mr Wilson has passed away, and I enter this into the journal to announce it to you all"!!
----so, between now and then, i will try to write nearly every day or three....something!
oughta be Interesting: stay Tuned!!

Tuesday, November 12, 2002


---Here I sit, the day after Vet day, yet another Interesting dream. I have lots of dreams, dreams no psychologist would ever deal with.
Learning dreams too.
I followed, in this dream, a man's life with the choices that he made with this life, over a period of years. the dream showed this life like of a movie or a book.

This man owned a farm with poor soil, just bought this farm. he was young and hopefull, and just married too. there was a gravel pit, a small quarry, on the corner of his land, from the previous owner.
So. this guy found some mineral in the gravel and he then began to open-pit mine this gravel. some mineral proved profitable. I watched this "movie" unfold, over time of about five years. I watched as his wife found there was some other rock in the gravel that might be profitable, but he put her suggestion down! i watched as the muddy mine trailings began to foul the man-made lake that was at the back of his land, a lake that was either the town water supply or maybe the area's fishing/swimming lake.
I saw this man cut a tree down that saddened his wife, as she saw that tree as something special!!

In this dream, i was seeing "seeds" sown, in karma and action, events that Will have Future Consequences! I could see, in advance, how he was Losing the respect
from his wife! i could see how he would be getting a kind of "mass counsiousness" of "dislike' from thousands of people in the surrounding commuity, because he was polluting the water of this lake!
Omenoius! I could watch it unfold, even as there was yet to be any Results of this: wife still loved him and the lake was as yet not messed up!! but the SEEDS
were all there, there was yet still Time to prevent a future that i could imagine!
----end of dream!

I play computer role playing games a lot. even in the "poorly made" games, there is a story-line. actions bring results. the hero must enter a dungeon and find "the
cup of holy grincing"....or something like that. his finding this cup. or NOT finding this cup, will affect the rest of the game. I have learned from these games, have Seen, what is being taught me: that all actions are interwoven with all the events around that action!

---that miner has no clue that the tree he cuts down, in order to increase slightly his profit, may well "tip the scales" to have his wife leave him, cluless as to HER feelings, as to "tree" or to her idea about the mineral that she notices. this man sees the muddy water entering the lake: he does not "connect the dots"...does not see what the future of months and years of this pollution will do to this lake! too, he senses not what the "psychic" result would be of 10,000 souls directing anger towards him, due to their lake being ruined! all that anger could Poison his soul, let alone affect in the "real world" the business dealings with him!...he could think, in ten years, that this here physical alment or condition that he aquired...is just the result of disease or "fate"! No! not fate, just the ruined aura from the poisoning of the rancor directed to him, by other people!
--or maybe in ten years that new house, the bank will not give to him the loan, because the Loan officer, the week before, tried to fish in a muddy lake and caught nothing!

everything brings results. all actions bring results. that is my Lesson from this dream that i will Ponder for Today!!