Friday, December 14, 2001

well i have given more thought to that "little old lady" that i have seen, at the church, the other day.

( i seem to find the most wonderfully weird places!! here is a large church, here in tallahassee, that offers a "cafe"! it really is a "in-house lunch" for the various people who meet every day, in meetings...why the Guidebook lists 128-odd organizations that one can join! bell ringers...woman's organizations...etc...
but the cafe is open to the public, lawyers and judges from the courthouse from across the street, come to eat, and the Minister of the church Volunteers to help, and one of the judges also sometimes volunteers! an outside wonderfull caterer serves, and cooks much of what is there, in the kitchen. the whip cream on the deserts is real, for instance. as wonderfull as this is...what is even more wonderfully that due to the Construction in the Church Service building, that lasts over a year, the church meetings on sunday must be in the same room as the cafe....thus the cafe is IN the same place as the alter...the choir...the vestments...the other church trappings. in other words, I eat lunch IN a church!
Maybe some day i will write about the coffeehouse that is IN a real railroad caboose...or the other tallahassee coffeehouse, the one that is the "cutting edge" place, where all the "intellectuals" hang out, and the liberal left.....that is IN the American Legion Hall, next door to the Viet nam vet House!
inside of it. often, they say, some of the older ww II vets come sit with the liberal left colllege professors and Real Dialogues Take Place!! wonderfull!! I maintain that Tallahassee, fla, is one of the most strange cities in America!)

anyhoo, i degress!
the little old lady....

She is Like all of the others, she blurs into the 78,042 others i have seen, as well as the "old men" too.
She grew up in the Great 1930 depression and then she lived the ww II years where everyone put their own interests aside for the Greater good of the family and the nation. she always self-apologizes for everything, as if she stands there naked before all! she shakes and trembles with this self-apology, embarressed just to stand there.
I feel for "her"....somehow, i think that after she dies, and faces Spirit, i wonder what will occur between her and her God?!
for i feel that there is almost No One there, in her soul, as her soul is not hers! it is made up of everyone else's additions, all of the stuff of her life that she ate without chewing, swallowed whole without Digestions! How can she face god face to face unless she has a face? that face is her soul.
Ah, the new Agers are far from being Immune to this! i recall a couple of new ager/hippy people, in Rochester, the 1970s....who told me that they were going to go nightly to listen to talks in some local Zen-type collective ashram, they said that they were not going to wear the clothes or eat the maciobiotic food: just to go there.
I watched them, slowly slowly begin to wear more and more orange/saffronic type clothes, over the following months, and they began to eat rice more. soon soon, those two fishes, entering the School of other fishes, became en-trained into the Same Pattern! soon the became One with all the rest of the devotees. uncounsciuosly!
but did they choose it? if not, it really is not part of ther soul-faces!

I wonder.....
i wonder how many old ladies, if you took away all the stuff in their souls that they just added that was not theirs, what would be left!? maybe a ten year old girl of a soul!
I once ANGERED a new ager greatly! I told him that i have sometimes eaten for a meal....on a plate, two foods.
two foods on the same plate.
the first food was of a "Moosewoodian concoction of stir-fried vegetables, the vegetarian Goodness, of a medley of vegies and fruits, all stir-fried together. On the other side of the plate was a nice thick juicy Hamburger, with cheese topping...medium rare, with ketchup on the side, a hanburger about two inches thick! He was angered as he was a vegetarian.
ah...THAT is just it!!
he "IS" a vegetarian....not "he Eats vegetarian foods"!
I eat vegie foods. I eat also meat. i love both. If i "am" a vegetarian, then i must eat all of what "they' prescribe for me to eat", the vegietarian movement! and to NOT eat other foods.
"i feel hungry", instead of "i am hungry"!
yet, our whole culture seems to "insist' that one "belong" to one side OR the other, in any situation.
but I try to CHOOSE, try to choose what i feel and think that I want, in my own self-becomings...
(a whole nother topic for yet another day: becoming oneself! becoming, in self-actualization in your daily life, the seed-patterns that are preinscribed in your soul, before Birth!)
i say..."be aware of what you think or feel: often one's thoughts and feelings are not your own, they come from other people and the culture around you"!
i think that only what is yours, is in your soul-face! only what is yours will be there for you, when you arrive in heaven.