Wednesday, December 26, 2001

well i had a nice xmas.

quit but nice, i went to have dinner with a friend and her mother. She is 82 and OK!

yet AGAIN i had to endure the long lonely walk to some xmas-open cafe, the long long lonely walk past 15 homeless people, all men!
oh i like to walk alone and xmas walk was especially nice and quiet and the very quiet am at 8 am was nice. but as i got to the downtown there was the homeless...good thing the city and a church had xmas dinner [ i read later] ready for them at noon!

again, as i passed each and every one of them, i pondered.....

there was that guy again in his park. HIS park as he LIVES there, sleeps there, spends all of evey hour there. except for the coffee he buys with the bathrooms there at the coffee shop, and the food at the slavation army...he stands or sits all day on the benches. and i mean s-i-t!! he will sit there for 8 or more hours a day...once a month they give to him new pants as the underwear is now utterly showing through as the whole bottoms are worn out of the pants seat!!
for over a year now: his life is on one acre!!

i wonder as i see him every day. does he Work Out Inner Stuff, as he day maybe he will jump off of his bench and run Off With Inner Convictions to Do Some great Works! there some Damage done by his parents to him as a kid so that anything that he does will immediately invoke a father-conflict, such that this sitting is ALL that he CAN do, for the rest of his life?

reminds me.......

in my 1997 hometown, i rented the downstairs of a duplex over and under and there was a father with two kids living below, a father undergoing a bad divorce. he tried to commit suicide once and the next door kid had already done that successfully, a year before i came. This father bought a new car and in three days totaled in in drunk. son tells me that this is his 5th car that he has done this to!
now the son is 16....he is built like a refrigerator and he and older sister sit and watch tv most of their days...son tells me that he TRIES to stay out of trouble and to TRY to find work. father works long hours at a print shop: not home much. all three of them cook by the "BURN METHOD"! father and kids just throw something on the stove and go watch tv and when they smell the smoke of it burning they cuss cuss and come running: tis a stupid thing for me, if i chose to actually USE my smoke detector up stairs as it would go off every day! when not burning...why takeout-pizza is the foundation stone of their nutrition!
and yes the kids cuss cuss cuss...why cuss like breathing, like everybreath. [my last two years in Interlaken was two years in HELL!!]

as i think about this kid, who has a bit of "I try", but his emotions carry him away from any doings of Good or self-buildings...
he has become somewhat of a symbol for something...

too too bad he could not go out and CREATE! what i mean is that one, i find, is that Imust actually WORK at living life! one must work at stopping from being bored. many of the homeless and the bored teens, why they let the sauce of life pour over them like they were an inert pudding just sitting there! sitting in front of tv, is like being that couch mashed potato and the gravey of tv just a-pours over you: IT does all the work onto ya and you just sit there, on the couch or as in the life!
As i looked out of a train window onto the Mohawk valley, near Utica....leaving Interlaken in 1998, i realized that if i were to *just* peer out of the train window, all i would notice is a blur of color. it takes WORK, mental work, to enjoy the scenery! i have to reach out and grab this scenery with my mind and contrast and compare...make a job of it! why i would have to recall my new york history and imagine the pioneers traveling west and the canal boats and the Importance of the Valley to the growth of new york city...etc..etc..etc. but i would have to actually do about 95% of the work, in enjoying this valley scene.

yes, in my hometown, i never had a moment to be bored! i had letters sitting around unanswered, dusty books with bookmarks in them...never never to be finished!
here in my hometown of 500 souls...i was not bored because i made up my life and it was rich!
---the hikes. the talks with my Talanted, Intelligent blind friend. my relatives. the church [why if my allergies and my interests warrented it, i could have spent much time there alone!]. the church food givaway program for the poor, the volunteer efforts. the computer with internet and games...need i even ask how many hours i could spend on my computer!!
the real small library. the cafe........most of all, the people i could get to know. there were 300+ that i did not have a second to get to know, as there was not a scrap more of time: i needed 60+ hours EACH day to even begin to do what i wanted, there, in Interlaken!!

----all this, as this teen sulked and cussed and Was Bored.
eventually he fell in with others who all decided to steal a three-wheeler...i suspect there will be many many days ahead where his world will be physicly set into a 10 X 20 foot cage with locked bars on the door...for months and years....that may well be his future!

so here the homeless sit....and walk...and cuss: there are at least four big tallahassee. two universities and a junior college. jobs aplenty...
and, yes, many homeless at the shelter, are truly "victums of circumstance", having misfortunes of one sort or of another....they use the Shelter as a real "safety net"...but they soon find a better life. and leave being homeless!
but the others...why some have lived at the shelter for years and years....probably a pshychologist would call them..."schoprenic" or "dysfunctional"...maybe needing
a Insitution to live in, actually!

so how can these people reach out and grab that fishing pole so that they can go catch their own fish with?

---this rant in my "afterdeath" journal??!! what possible connection, i hear it now, from someone....concerning "death and the afterlife"!
for there WILL come a day when we each and all will "step off of the greyhound bus" called the "ferry on the river styx", and step into Heaven!!
the lower heavens are filled with the STUCK! the earthbound, who cannot go into heaven so that they just go back to earth vibrations and litterally HAUNT the old places that they used to live in on earth before death!
so when a person arrives into heaven, he also has to reach out and sieze the moment and to Ask Questions and to do all of the work, to make a life out of heaven. even if Jesus or Sai baba or your Mother is a greeter there for you, i see, YOU have got to recognize them, reach out to them, and take it onto your self to take their advice and only you will be able to use the help that they give to you, at your arrival there! or you will be Homeless there.
this is what i feel is meant by the term..."the poor in heaven". these poor will be the Unprepared, the unready...the people, say, who died young and still trying to make a fortune in business, or some powerplay in politics, with very little developed spiritual life in thier souls. thus they will arrive being very poor, *like* the earthly homeless!
everything that they held to be Real ,on earth, has now no meanings! how can one, now, here, take a "sarcastic businessman" or "put-down comedian, on tv"; and take them to heaven, in a eyeblink, after an accident, and expect them to instantly Change!
well that is my rant for today, and probably finishes my takes upon the homeless, in my journals.............