Tuesday, December 04, 2001

today, just now, i replied to my upstate new york Blind-friend, who wants me to come up there for Christmas: he even pays the air-fare!
--- xxxxxxxxx wrote:

> So I had another dull day in my very dull
> life...
> So much for now Freestone. I could check fares
> if you want to chance Christmas but I know the
> breathing problem may be too much.
hi bruce!

yes thanks.
you can check if you want to, but i will assume that all the cut rate fares will not be in effect then!

I really do not want to fly!
i do not want to cram myself into a plane full of people who will be perfumed to the max. my allergy is so bad that church for me is a toxic substance!

sister suanna died of a lung condition, my father had empysema as did his father, bruce.

i am probably the only man in tallahahasse that has to have ten kleenixes in his pocket as he walks out the door in the morning or he just does not walk out that door! the only other human beings that was like that were two: my sister and my aunt Ruth Myer! she told me once how she had to do that, have kleenixes on her at all times: probably the only woman in seneca county.
Bruce, she is my father's sister! Genes.

so i get fearfull at every new envirnment that is offered to me! new rugs are a no no. new clothes. air fresheners. incense is utterly a no no! cigareete smoke of course.

i am now 60. i had a long talk with my friend and landlord, my friend of 25 years, here in tallahassee, yesterday, bruce. we talked a bit about my future. i told him that i am 60 and that my world is getting ever the narrower as there is, year by year, an ever increasing reaction from my lungs and breathing, to irratants in the air. i told him that NOW is the high water mark...as it may be downhill from here as i get older: soon i may have to eat all my meals in my apt and never go out except to walk the countryside and the streets! to accept my 60% disability rating, much like the older people with disabilities.
My friend's spiritual path would like to see its followers "overthrow old habit patterns", and to "try new things, in order to keep awake and aware, as one should not get into routines". [gardejieffian/Ouspenskey]
I told him that this is JUST what i am aming for, the opposite of that, and Mandated by the needs of my body, as i listen to my body, not what some mind-trip tells me!
as a doctor told me, as he was getting ready to test my lung function..."listen, Mr Wilson, to your body. if there is pain and disturbances, in your lungs and bronchial systems, as you breath in some air: pay attention! this means that there are irratants there and that you can either take steps to remove that, or to leave...listen to what your body tells you, and you will keep your lung-health"!
----i follow that.

last july, i ran to get out of the rain, across a parking lot, and that night i coughed up blood! nearly enough blood to go to the hospital...but it eventually stopped: i must have torn a bronchial tube, one that was damaged during my Empyma in 1993. now every day, even yet, i bring up lots of mucus every day, especially at the *slightest* bit of air irratation. what i am saying is that i am even the more sensitive than when you knew me back in 1998!!

so probably even a train trip up will not work.
i even recall that my lungs reacted when you brought your dooly dog into my apt, the high concentration of dog-dander, in my apt, irratated my lungs! oh no!!
so if i come, IF i come...better wait till hot summertime when all the windows are open in the apt!
even if the spirit could be willing, my flesh is weak, bruce!