Friday, December 21, 2001

There is something that i can forgive myself for!!

another day of the usual small aggravations, another day with lots of wonderous Happenings, but with the usual small Pains.
---that loud truck passing right by me, on the sidewalk.
---having to cough up that blob of mucus RIGHT NOW, as i was in the middle of a very interesting article; having then losing the thread of that article utterly!
---that party of people at the next table who had four hyperactive kids; i could feel all their energy from 10 feet away!
---that lady with her perfume: why she could know down an attacking dog at 50 yards!
---cold air on my head; everyone else is wam, apparently, but me!

about after that, i recalled what a Guide wrote: I hold this memory a lot.

he more or less said.....
"there is a type of ANGER that old souls have, an anger that one would not think that an old soul would have, as by now they have seen through many of the illusions of life and have understandings why life is the way it is. yes they have a certain type of anger that is somewhat unique to them.
This anger is where they get irked and irratated by their constantly having to deal with the "thickness" of the physical world! For other people, maybe something is not even noticed or let bothers them but for an old. sensitive, soul....especially is Spiritually sensitive, as in "psychic".....what others do not even sense; is a baseball bat smacked in the face, in subtleness, to this soul!! The vibrations of the world, here, they have to constantly wade through, like it is all thick mud, and all the senses are *SO* tuned, that every sense organ picks up stuff that no one else senses. lets not even talk of the etheric/psychic senses!!
This type of anger, for these old souls, is easy for them to "let go of" after they die, as this anger, frustration really, "comes with the territory" of being an old soul!
thus this anger, is just types of "wading through the mud" of overcoming "thicknessess": the anger goes away with the thicknessess, upon death"! these old souls vibrate at very high frequencies, frequencies higher than many of the people around them....frquencies not of this lower density physical world: they are 10th graders here in 3rd grade, in our school-of-life! this type of anger is "spiritually OK"! It virtually comes from being an old soul!"

yes, i tire of "being a miner's canary, in my past life"!
Of weaving a delacate lace scarf with boxing gloves on!
Of walking around with a Diving suit on!

In my childhood home farm area, in upstate new york, there is the phenomina called "the Melt"! this is in march or so, when first the snow melts and then the frozen ground melts under that warming sun. as the ground is still frozen inches below the surface, the wet earth cannot drain the meltwater downwards until the "permafrost" is also melted. that frozen ground can be as much as three feet thick!
this means mud is everywhere, that clay soil just sticks to everything.

One day, i tried to cross a large plowed field, on "melt time" oh the first three inches was all mud, ice soil below. This mud clung to my boots. It clung all right! must have been ten pounds of mud PER boot, and not a place to scape it off for half a mile! So here i am, out in the middle of a 40 acre field with ten lbs of mud per boot and every step just slogged through yet more mud, endlessly! must have took me over two hours to walk 400 feet!
slog slog slog slog...ugh...ugh...10 pounds per boot, a-walking through thick thick gooey mud!
THAT is what sometimes i feel like, as an old soul, in this "thickvibrational physical world"!!

I tire of trying someone's offer of a plate of cookies and find those cookies to taste EXACTLY like plastic, as my Host says..."i bought them on special at P-Mart,
in the day-old bake section: they are my F-a-v-o-r-i-t-e cookie: GOOD aren't they?!"

I tire of someone honking their car horn at me in friendlyness, from six feet away!

I tire of all the physical acts that eat up my time: the amount of time i spend on the toilet, with my small Condition, that makes me have to sit there for twenty minutes EACH time, wearies me!

I tire of trying to type a article where i have to "suppossed" to spend much more time on "english...punctuation...spellings", than what i am trying to communicate! type with "gloves" on, to boot, with my large fingers!

-----so THAT is some of what it is like to be an "old Soul"!

AND....i feel that all is to be forgiven...that i am NOT committing a grivious sin, by being so angry or irked. it is OK!

the only "sin" that would come of this, would be for me to hold onto these irks after the events are done with, to burn them into my heart...
So as long as i can accept that "this comes with the territory" of being an old soul....I Forgive Myself for this.......