Wednesday, December 19, 2001

met a man in the caferteria yesterday.

sometimes i see him, as i come up to the tables with my food filled tray, looking for a place to sit down and eat.
i have to admit to myself that i do not want to talk with him! he is about 70 or so in age and very hard of hearing where i have to SHOUT if i talk about anything.
He has many medical conditions.....he has a bit of a "flat affect", where he talks in a "color of brown" flat depressing tone, all about his ailments and the conditions of them. there is LOTS for him to talk about because he has lots of ailments!

think: "38 degrees fareinheit outdoors, the sky is grey and the wind is blowing'!
---and that it will be like that tomarrow as it was yesterday just like that!

no imagination, he has. litteral, he is. the color..."slate black"!

i figure the only way that i can "help" him is to talk a monogue that is bright and chery and hardly make eye-contact as if i do, it will only loop into his dull pain and down-ness that he REALLY wants to talk over.

yesterday he wanted to know if there were someone that he could hire to give him that enema just before his colonoscopy!
he eyes are getting bad...his headaches and sleeplessness......

I have to adnit that i do not want to hold his hand and talk about his conditions. so what are the alternatives for me?
it would seem that there IS nothing to talk about except for his down-hill-running conditions that is/are the slide unto his death!
that probably is all there is for him to imagine. Oh there are lots of times that i feel like i wish that i could be the "life of the party" and pump a little life into him, by my sun-shine-ing forness of extroverting radiation of real spiritual optimism.
Oh but if i could....but if i COULD, i fear the consequences! many of these people would immediately latch onto the Giver, and "want to take me home with them"!!

confuse the vessal with the wine!

he would see me at each and every meal and then he would tell me all of his life story and call me and then stop by...i would have him as a DEAR friend and the only friend and i would never never be alone again, or even NEED to DO anything else as he would want every waking second of my each and every day! he would Have Real Sicknessess if i were to abandon him even for one minute as indeed i AM his very life! i could kill him if i later turned away! ya dont water the yard for a week and then stop: the grass will die immediately as the roots have now grown AROUND your waterings once a day and now the grass really really NEEDS your watering care daily or it will die! same with a "devotee" who basks in the sun of one's outpourings, if he is 75 years old, probably!

better to teach him to fish for his own fish....but at his age and condition??