Tuesday, October 30, 2001

got a letter from the guy who is having the bad divorce.

he tells me that he may come by to see me!
he lives 1200 miles away, and he says that he may be applying for a job 400 miles from where i live so he may stop by.
my aunt tells me that at the very beginning of the Splitup, he came by her house for hours each and every day for over a month...sharing the pain pain pain...once he was suicidal.

always happens to me! if there is anyone i touch, i better have a 40 room house as soon after they want to live with me! betcha i could make "friends" with ten people in a week: they would each want all of my time.
"if ONLY someone would u-n-d-e-r-s-t-a-n-d me", they would cry!

they can be like this too, want to tell ya each and every second of their lives from day one, in film-clip
frame-by-frame literalness!
I have Divined as to why these older people do that: they are in the archtype-acal time period where they are approaching their time of Death and they OUGHT to be summing up their lives, arriving at a distilation as to what it all meant----and they can NOT! they can not connect the dots of the very material literal lives that were led, so they cannot arrive at any overview. like as if all of their lives were "leaves" and there were not a single "branch,trunk, or even twig" seen!
but that is what goes to heaven after they die!! the innerness of the lifetree; not the leaves.
so they are in trouble deep. they cannot "final process"....as they lived and thought a very literal, matter-of-fact, life.
----that is why they "need" someone else to do it for them! thus they loop this need though someone near them, for hours and hours and as long as the other person can stand it!
too bad they cannot loop inwardly...to be able to see their soul in their lives, see the inner workings of what lay behind and within all of the daily life-experiences.

an older man, at the donut shop, once told me of his intended trip to the carolina mountains. he went. after he got back, i asked him of the trip..."how was it"?
"oh it was OK...car only broke down once"!
that was what he thought and felt about his trip.
"what were your feelings about the far smokies as you walked out of your motel room into the morning sunrise", i asked.
" " [silence]
"what did they mean for you"?
" "[silence]

---i never DID ever find out; THAT was all he could say. his car only broke down once, and that was his expressed feelings about a looked for trip of three months in advance.