Saturday, August 04, 2001

tis Interesting being Autistic! least that is what i call my condition; not offically Diagnosed by any doctor. but tis interesting how i think only in images and as i talk, i have to pictureate each and every
thought, then get the thought, somehow, into words. if i see a mind picture, i am NOT at the same time talking, thus i end up talking very very slow and draggery voiced!
most people have a picture window of counsciousness to peer through: i have a pinhole! I can barely do one thing at a time....let alone two or three! neddless to say, i do not function well in this age!
and coordination?! if i ever played a sport, i always was a secret agent for the other team, as "my"
team's losings was usually due to me! I am "just" over the line of "being a man" i guess...probably 49% woman! at least in the way of least i think in images.
Fortunately, Spirit has told me how and why this was/is so, why and how i did not come here to Play Football or be a CEO of some company! Spirit also tells me that it is now all done with, my life missions
and they were successfull....
Yes, i would be a high school soccer coach's Nightmare....
still better, today, to die uncomplaining for Football, in training, than to say "no", to not be a "man"!
that ole macho way...
my OWN take on what is here in America and how i choose to do for a life or for entertainments, could be summerized by a friend's saying, in the air force.
he said once that he loved to see movies and this large air base had something like four theaters.
when the weeks movies would start, he would wait till all the barracks mates had seen the movies and they would give their opinions. if they all loved a certain show, he would not go. BUT! if they all putdowned a particular movie, he would go see it as he knew that he would LOVE it!

[I do not DO movies, myself...the sound systems is so so so loud, earplugs are needed, the air stinks with perfume and carpet, the crowds of people are too too much, i do NOT function well after 8 pm...i had not seen a movie for over ten years! when ya got lung trouble, there are 2/3rds of the mall stores that i can not go into and church IS a toxic substance[perfumes colonges, carpet shampoo, polish on the benches, soot, mold, deoderant, detergents, hair spray, makeup, mothballs,] lung trouble means that movies are not doable.]
In order to hear what i say, you would have to sit there and listen and not say a word..if you interupt after ten minutes of ramblings...i would say..."i am giving to you a frog, and this frog has 396 pieces to it, all tied together, and by you interupting, you has just got only the head of the frog and i have yet the body of this frog to yet give to you: frog is killed, you may as well leave, the story will not be told!"

I do not have many friends....the usual Autistic result....