Tuesday, November 18, 2008

feeling one's future, one should do this!

hi all....
I live in an independent living facility for the seniors. I am also on HUD rent support. I live in a very small efficiency on the 5th floor. they told me when I moved in, in 2003, that someday one of the one-bedroom apts will open up and the rent is the same for HUD people.
well today they offered me such an apartment, a one bedroom apartment on the corner floor at the 11th floor. apt # 1111.the view was tremendous, i could see the flatlands for miles and miles.I probably would not get another offer for months or even for years.
I and the manager went to look at it. I told her that I needed to be there utterly ALONE, as i told her that i needed to feel it out.[i had to be there alone so that there is not other vibration in the room.]
very very interesting what i felt, way up there, in a place that most seniors would "give their eyeteeth for", let alone the rest of us.
my first feeling was of NAKEDNESS! as if i were to live exposed on a steel girder hanging in space. then I heard the Noises! I could hear every hammer-pound, of hammers on the hotel construction site, over a block away. then I heard every tire rotation, of the cars on the two six lane streets, blocks away. I probably could hear a bird preening its feathers too, also a kid licking his lollipop!like: sleeping in a rock concert!![my nervous system is SO sensitive, that every little noise will wake me up, every little sound, as i am falling asleep, will startle me utterly awake!]
I suddenly realized that i never ever could comfortably live above the tree line, maybe the 6th floor, as the trees muffle the sounds from far away. I can sleep only fitfully where I am now!!
*this* is my point of my post: that one should try to feel the predictive future of any action that one chooses, in life! to feel out the future, feelingly or intellectually.like: buy *that* house, and not notice the empty lot next door has survey markers on it and low and behold a month after you move in they begin to build a new house there and the construction machinery is ten feet from your bedroom window!like: say "yes" to accepting a free kitten and not notice the infection on one of its feet.like: ordering the chicken at the fast food place and you see that they are going to give to you the very last few pieces in the pan, you ask yourself how old is it and then choose not to order it.
this refusal to take up some very symbolic "1111" number, to me has "awful' consequences too: do i accept them?!
that...my soul cannot "vibrate" on the high heaven level that is expected of me when i get there, after I die! I have been told that in my dreams that my soul has very little of this high vibration in it; and it is nothing that i can do about this, and i feel that it is the Lord's doing for this as i am supposed to remain in the lower planes after i die and soon the ascension for the whole race will happen. I am to become one of the helpers to get laggards to go upwards to their new heaven home. probably after all souls are gone, me and probably the other helpers, could be transferred to the regular heavens of another race's heavens, in the galaxy, a planet system around another sun![what one chooses has Consequences far far beyond what might be apparent to the "naked mind"!]
I accept this, if this is so. some people have to do this, there has to be janitors to clean up after the party and to check to see if any of the discarded food could really be saved in the refrigerator!
"know thyself".this is important, not only for the obvious reasons, but for of this, to know if some "refusal" is a "neurotic fear refusal" or maybe of some deeper reason coming from the soul and spirit. thus i can forgive myself for not taking this apartment!and..."defensive living"; one should try to feel out the future of any action that is to be chosen.
freestone

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