Monday, September 13, 2004

it is now early monday morning, here, in tallahassee. I sit at the University library computer Contemplating my Fate! the Ivan seems to be in no hurry to run up to hit the city, it might drift into mexico. however i can now see why the weather people want to run it up to the florida panhandle, there is an upper level pressure trough
in Alabama: historically hurricanes just love to run up these!

the last two hurricanes, Bonnie *and* Francis went direct over the city, though very
weak!
i still wonder why there seems to be a "hit contract made out for Tallahassee"?!
as if some "mafia" wants to see the city ruined! only Hurricane's death by weakness saved the city, so far. bonnie was 30 mph and missed by 30 miles and francis went about ten miles to the east at 40 mph.
I would NOT like to see what a 150 mph wind would do to a city that never EVER
had winds over 85 mph! if Ivan ran up into the coast at a certain rare angle at full strength, the city could see gusts to 160+!

I will not know if i should take the bus for a day or two: i would end up leaving with the clothes on my back to visit my aunt in upstate new york and in two weeks i would see if i had a city to come back to! my georgia belle apts might be unlivible, even with new carpets and new paint, as these are death to my Lung condition!

I did NOT like what i saw on my computer monitor this am!! I got up early to check
some program and when i turned on the monitor, the screen was black! no picture!
the last time this happened was on the *DAY* of september 11 of 2001!! the surge protector went belly up. this morning, it appears the surge protector gave up the ghost too. but GOLLY this is not a good sign, right at the critical
point of maybe leaving the city....seeing that the city could end up looking like those Towers! if NOT an omen, this just further makes for stress as i have seem some amazing sychnchronisms in my life, over the years, and most of them that were "predictive" always came out true!
at the very very least, in the realm of 'symbolism-only", this dead screen means that there is a strange link between 9/11 and tallahassee at this hurricane-times, at least in my own personal life.
the first "9/11", was on november 9th of 1965 [11th month, 9th day]
was when i began my spiritual path, that year, and i was visiting new york city and was in a bookstore on that date when the first MAJOR northeast blackout occurred!
[NY city's "second" 9/11!]
then i was transfered, next month, to japan for two years..
thus for me, the 9/11 was the end of the 2000 millenium, and on 2001, the next age begins. thus *MY* symbol for today's screen blackout, could just mean that
my spirit path is at an end, especially what was symbolized in my life by my 44 years of living in tallahassee, on and off, for those years. thus if NO hurricane hits and i remain here, i will HAVE to act as if i had left! leave my "hanger-oners" who might or might not become friends some day...take more walks on quiet streets, act as IF
i had left and was spending my future months walking the "alonesome road", REFLECTING UPON MY LIFE. Act like whatever i had come here for, in spirit, in 1960, is now over.

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so what am i "supposed" to do, from the vantagepoint of Spirit, when spirit has
no really yet given Notice? Just accept that i will spend the last months/years of my life owning nothing and perhaps never touching a computer again and spending all my "quality time" just hiking the rural roads of the Finger lakes?!
i might just DO that, if so...go back to when i was 19 or 22, live like it was still 1960 or 1963, as i was burned out of my school in 1963 and went back to mama
at 22. owning nothing.
There are personal bigger issues, here, then just leaving a city! as all those dreams infer that i might have months only to live, are these dreams infering death by Ivan? if i leave, will i over-write this?
or...
as I suspect that the "one year get ready" messege was at the end of november, maybe i "need" the just walk alone on a country road for awhile.
too too bad that i cannot do that HERE!! are not I "doing enough"?!
but then that dream where an Angel really chided me, like of a 8th grade teacher chiding a student who has Talant that he is behind in math and that he can do better than that!
"YOU, FREESTONE, ARE PAYING TOO MUCH ATTENTION TO FLORIDA. YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO BE SUMMERIZING AND REFLECTING UPON YOUR LIFE, AT THIS TIME"!

sigh....
some new agers feel that Angels are there to be "supportive"! ah NO, they also can be very STERN! especially if the person in their "charge" is living behind their "spiritual path cirriculum curve"!

so in a day or two i will know if i have to leave. it will probably be a "midnight abandonment"! so if i do not post for a week or two, i would not be dead, i would be out in the country near a town of 600 and perhaps not a computer to be found!