Saturday, August 28, 2004

One reason that i do not write more, i find, is that i never can think of anything to say, when i sit down! comes with being somewhat Autistic, i guess.

the other day a friend asked me if i had any interesting dreams of late and i could not answer him at all. seems that any dream that i could think of, is wrapped up with 20 others and it would take me all day to ramble ramble ramble.
this friend, like all other people, like things to the point! I cannot blame him, but i do not think this way. I have often had to "fall back on", when encountered by strangers on the bus or where ever, to fall back on a kind of "new york city" hashness of accent and tone, because there is NOT 45 minutes to tell this person about the 538 shades of "pea green", that my reply will entail. "sensitivity"
equals "nothing can be said"!!
like: my "rant" about anything of politics! any such rant. any statement that deals with reality that is "49% one thing and 51% the opposite thing, like politics, it would take about 500 sentences to make myself clear about any simple political thing!
It does not help that i think only in pictures! there are not one picture in politics!
Even a question from someone..."will it rain today", is unaswerable!
take me 30 minutes to explain.

see...there is no "yes or no" to anything! in my book, each "thing" that is "bad" has a silver lining, and anything that is "good" has a very very dark side!
often IS "49% vs 51%"!
anything good someone tells me, i can counter it with its valid opposite. and vs-versa!

raise the minimum wage?
yes?
send all our jobs to Asia as all the employers cannot now afford to pay that wage.
*and* the nanosecond after that the wage is raised, ALL the things that the poor buy and need will go up 20% in cost!

go on a diet? I am beginning to read that *IS* the one sure fire way to gain weight 10 years down the road, to an even higher level.

MORAL: anything and everything is interconnected to all things, so that if you move just one thing, all the sticks get re-arranged, there are unforeseen consequences to each and every Act, as all is intertwinned!

raise that wage and your favorite coffee shop closes.
go on a diet and then get age-lines in your now-skinny face and then you pay $$$ for the operation!

thus...sports fans...when i talk of "one thing" it is interconnected to all things so that i find it inCrrrrrrrredibly difficult to just talk about one thing without bringing in other topics, sometimes 20 or more, as all is intertwinned: if you asked
me to give to you for a moment so that you can look at it, my wool sweater, you would think me a bit weird if i were to pull off three threads and then give them to you: you want all that sweater! all the threads make the sweater.
thus, in my writings in my weblog, as well as in my talkings, i am unashame-edly

biased and bigoted

as I can only type about 5 wpm and thus all the "interconnected sensitivities", that require 59 other sentences to explain, cannot be said at all!
same with talking to someone. i would bore to death, constantly explaining my explains and then adding yet more and then more...

---so ask me about raising taxes to pay for schools! this is an example of my problem, this statement.
how, how can i tell you?!!
yes?
no?
that is what most want as an answer, but i see 597 shades of "yes", or...*AND* "no"!
and all at the same time and valid!

why?
how?
what side effect will there be?
who will pay for it?
how about the people without kids, will they pay?
what else will not be paid for: the bus, the road repairs?
---and 200 other questions and concerns.