Thursday, April 10, 2003

well getting near when blogger will get my check!
then they may give to me "blogger pro!"!!
----this is sort of like..."either i am splurging, in my last few months"
or
"I will be here for awhile: be nice to help support the blogger community AND maybe have a better run weblog"!

tis now only about a month until my may 15th "one year to live", Vision, last year!
[even if true, may be months and months *after* may 15th...as long as it is shorter than "two years"!

that is...could even be march 15th of 2004!! as long as it is less than two years!

anytime after may 15, for the whole of the next 12 months!! i could die anyday, then!

but i will not chew my nails....not pay much attention, probably!!

I have the ever-increasing feeling that my "real" date to die was back there in the fall of 1998! dreams told me so, before and after....and after i was DreamTold that i was to live longer. so in a ever-increasing surety of knowingness...I am living, now, "beyond the end"!! the play is over and the audience has left and i am still on the Stage!
*will* be on the stage, until i am called or pushed off!

there was that [long story] affair with my mother, just before i left for college, in 1960. i was to go to Canada with my church minister
to go on a canoe trip: my going was to Particularly help him lead the younger boys! i would be "God's" "right hand man", in [heaven=Canada]...canada!
mother told me that i could not go because i had ten dental appointments; getting ready for fall college.
i told the miniter and he came down to talk my mother into letting me go.
NO!
she would not budge an inch!
I told the minister later....."yes even God could not talk my mother into letting me go"!!!

hmmmm.....
Perhaps, i see it now....Mother Wins here too! Spirit calls me to do some work, in heaven, but Spirit, ITSELF, cannot fetch me!
thus, in prayer, i tell Spirit to give my Position, of "helpingness", there in heaven, to other people who are Capible, in my place: i could INDEED stay here until my genes run out, or that i am
SARed away, or wared away or earthchanged away...or just
AGED
away! live another 30+ YEARS....

Interesting Possibility, this: that no death fetcher can retrieve me, no matter whom it is....
I am on the stage, alone, all my missions done with.

hmmmm....what can i DO?!
just what mischievious karma change can i make, with my karma?! what i can, and *will* do, in the next two years...twenty years...will surely affect what happens to me after i die, as when and if i ever get there, all of what was SUPPOSED to have been given to me, or what i could have done there, would be Gone! gone to others and all my friends, in spirit, awaiting me, would also have gone on!

a "brand new start" i guess.
and
"start on level one, square one", in heaven, after i get there, i guess!!