Thursday, January 31, 2002

My days are interesting.
even an "average' day is filled with amazingly interesting stuff.
like!
----the guy who i talked to at the other table the other day in barnes and Nobles....coffee cafe.
Here is a person who i detected was a liar. i do not mean that he lies; i mean that he IS a lie! seemed that everything that he said was a lie, somehow i could sense this. Nothing came out of his mouth "straight arrow"! he mentioned, when i asked him what his career was....it took him about 200 words to tell me that he was enemployed! oh the language that hid this!
then he spent the rest of my precious time to tell me about the motel that he worked in once, how this Motel needed Work to improve its image, it image with the public: he went on and on detailing in foot by foot detail just how this was to be done.
i did not catch it when i was with him...he surely was talking about his own self, not the Motel!

Wednesday, January 30, 2002

I Sense That I Am At A Major Crossroads, here!
at this time.

--must be there is a kind of "multiple realities" where i am to die in months...or not to die in months: my dreams, upon closer inspection/meditation, seems to indicate this!!

so i made major Prayer to Spirit over this and thus i chose to ask to live here on earth...last night!!

there is another major split also in my life, the split between being AUTISTICLY incapible of using my "old soulness"...and the Percheived-by-others as well as myself, of my "old soulness"!

so from now on, until my health declines or Spirit chooses to take me to heaven....i will autisticly live in this very very interesting world.

some major major quickly stated Plans come to me, some intents...

this morning, i had about 15 pages of dreamwriteups, in my dream journal: i threw them all out!
I then threw out my 5 books, books on "spitiual matters"...none of them very profound, these books, but i moved them for about three moves of 1200 miles each move, and they are only 1/3 read!
i never never never finish a book that i start: WHEN will i learn?!
maybe now...
seems that i goota read all of the book in one sitting, nonstop, or else...or else if i put it down for just a second, it is over with, all gone.
too, sometimes i have actually begun a book and one paragraph into it i got so so excited about it that i needed to take a mile long walk, NOW, and then never restart it, after that one mile digesstion of the book!
no more books! only browse in the stores; besides the INK is too too often bothersome to my lung-disibility!

I have been to heaven: that is enough. i know that there is a cabin on the very very edge of the Mountain-land, just awaiting me...on the *very* edge, i am shown....
that is also enough, the very edge....

when i play computer games, .....RPGs...if i enter a level or a new game zone, i have learned that i need to explore EVERY bit of that zone before going on to the next zone; it will be the same in this mountain land, probably i will spend 20 years there, and just explore the area, not even joining any schools or temples, just to explore...

i have been to heaven many many times, that is enough...enough to know that heaven is there and i will not die.
now thenit is time to live here on earth, Consume and Use and Grow from it...gotta be the stock clerk with the clipboard...before becoming the clerk I and the Clerk II and the Manager and the Supervisor...let alone the President...of the Firm!
the very verybest CEOs....work up from the bottom!

Jish of jish.nu/webloggers asked me to check the left/right back/forwards links and they worked and to 'say hello" to them by posting onto the journal.

so i do so!
-----------
Jish says.......to me:
>>>>>
Please participate in this little experiment, cut and
paste the following
code into your next weblog entry. Why not do it right
now?

------
Jish asked me to say HI! to my href="http://www.jish.nu/webloggers">webloggers webring
neighbours.
» to the right of me: Among . the . Missing.
<< to the left of me: starlit dreams.
-------



Thanks for participating!
Jish
>>>>>>>>

Tuesday, January 29, 2002

well, anyone who reads this: i Have Come To a Conclusion
about yesterday's dream where i was shown that "i have four arms"!
[am i to live or die?"!!]

four.
as in"the four directions" or to wit..."the four alchemical archtypes" of EARTH WATER AIR FIRE.
i spent 20 years in childhhod as EARTH
---then i moved to tallahassee to begin college: my parents took me to the seacoast for the first week of tallahassee, renting a cottage there and swim swim swim in the sea!
WATER.

---20 years later, i moved to my sister's in the appilachian mountains near Asheville, north carolina...2400
feet above sealevel, to begin another 20 or so years...
AIR.

now it is time for
FIRE!
fire?
maybe here on earth, in some symbolic way...or in the ETHERIC realms!
but maybe here...I wonder wonder how it will manifest IF i do not die?
--lots and lots of energy?
---maybe Open up my talants to become a Seer or Psychic much much the more!
use the etheric, perhaps, here on earth....a seer or healer??

so i dedicate the next period that comes, whereever...
and in the journal entries to come...not be so "subjective' in ruminations of my future as there WILL be a future, where ever!

Monday, January 28, 2002

extremely extremely interesting dream last night; gotta meditate on this one for a bit!

I will go over it here, quickly.

OH in astral land again! vivid colors and flying in a flying car, a convertable that flys with no motor sounds!
to places and people, oh the colors and the vivid blue sky.
Some of the people I, or we, in this car, visited, looked a bit "eastern" maybe like from the arab countries, i could see a Burhka[sp] on a lady, a burkha that did not cover her face.

some psychic person gave to me a reading!! he laid out a sheet of blank paper and began to draw
upon it, while asking me[as well as TELLING me]..."do you want to know, freestone, if you are going to live or die[immediate future]"?!
well i hemmed and hawed a bit: then he drew that picture. it was of me. he told me that i have
"four arms and one of them is a bit "extra""!
---end of dream.

a long days meditation on this one!
seems that i already knew that my life came in three parts, about 20 years long, where the sections were..."earthly childhood, soul, spirit" that is 60 years of life.

"four arms' refers to FOUR of these 20 year periods.
then i will live to be 80 then?!
maybe!
maybe NOT

that clock dream where i saw from the deck of my hometown nursing home porch...where the sun had "1:20" ON IT AND THEN THERE WAS THE NEARBY SCHOOL WITH EXTRA FLOORS AND THERE WAS A CLOCK ON THE FRONT OF THIS SCHOOL TOO, BUT UNREMEMBERED.
[i hate caps.....they always do this to me and i am NOT going to change it, as "form so so so ruins anything of my writtings so that i can pay absolutely NO attention to caps, punctuation or spellings or i do not write: every bit of my autistic counsciousness is then committed to form-alone, if i pay attention to form and not content!!]
the childhood school let out from grade school at 3:20pm.

so three arms...XXX
and one arm...Y
the three "Xs" are the three earthly years of 20 each, of the sections.
and the "Y" is the 1:20 up in the sky.

so XXXY is the three arms.
Y is next: probably WILL be NON-physical: i go to that mountain land where i foresaw
my comming to, very very soon, where there was that signboard..."1:20 4:20".
---and THAT may well be what this signboard MEANS! "three sections of 20 years of physical life and 20 years of nonphysical life, before going on into the Objective Heavens of Celestial!

Saturday, January 26, 2002

another out of body visit to an astral world, last night, poorly recalled!

seems that i went to an native American gathering, in someone's home, i do not know if the people there were residents in some heaven world or else other visitors from the earth, who came during their sleep....probably both!

there were about 20 to 40 people in this big room, and this place seemed to be of a locale of a tribe of NA people. they were all Indians except me! in fact, they began a ceremoney that was very "spiritual' and sort of "private' to their tribe, but they let me be a part of it!
[i wish i could remember what it was! betcha it was so "not of my daily reality" that there were no memory associational hooks in my memory, so that their would be no way to connect ----thus no bring ing back!]
I DO recall that there was shown a book of symbols of great teachers of the human race, plus, of course, some of their own NA teachers from long long ago.
i actually saw the glypth for
KRISNA! it was of what looked to be a flower, perhaps a water lily.

after the ceremoney, there were yet more people who came to visit. i came into a room and i saw a couple from the earth, who came. he said that he worked for a college fm radio station and that they had "NPR" on it, and that he was on the board of national Public Radio, himself.

interesting!
i actually saw a couple of people "FREEZE" as in..."computer hang up or freeze"!!
something about me and or the NA people and their ways, seemed to bother him, in spite of his "liberal" leanings! perhaps it was that the Native American-ness that I/they had was "spiritual" in nature: not "political"!
see the redneck spasm and lock up: here was a couple of people who talked the talk of being very intellectual-open-minded, and were a part of the "leftest college professor group"....who usually put down all "rednecks" who are not as intelligent as they: see them go into shock and do the ole redneck DENIAL trip, when something is presented to them that is beyond their grasp!!

---wanna see a college professor redneck go into this spasm?
simple: just whisper the word "psychic" to them! see them go into emotion-state! see them freeze into denials!
---anyway....i saw two people who did not move, they literally froze in denial over something. it was not so much what was said, it seemed to be what was in the very air...Native americans who based their life around Spirit, not around "politics" and racism, perhaps!

"racism"....those who are consumed with race.
----- either in putting down another race, or in trying to
justify their own race! A person who is "racist", i find, is a person who has at least 80% of their hard-drive of a brain FILLED with thoughts of racial matters! no room for anything else!

like: a person who is consumed with the classroom, not the students, is a "racist", as he thinks that a race physical type, is more important than the Souls who incarnate into it: most races are composed, i find, of souls who come from other races...race is just a stage, a classroom.
many NA people were whites from the 1800s. many whites were Indian in a past life.
to me, a "race" is just a pipeline for souls to pass through: thus each race is *utterly* different from each other, so that there is this racial flavor in each one of the races and subraces, as each flavor would attract certain types of souls to incarnate into the race that has the talants that this soul would want and need, to fill his incarnational missions with!
naturally each race has certain ways about it that would not be of use to another person of another race: i suppose the "secret" of this is to maximize the talants of your race within you and to Understand the differences of other races, and accept them.

Friday, January 25, 2002

well here i am, signing up for several Consumer survey sites, to give opinions to them.

well here i look forwards to the computer game MORROWIND...by Bethsheda, the great RPG
game, due out in march.

well here i look forwards to summer and all of my trips and stuff.

---I wonder.....
For the last couple of days, I finally see what these last few Big Dreams of mine have been trying to tell me!
1....my deceased mother comes to me to tell me three numbers ...may 2 1999.
2...the Angel appears to me to tell me a messege, complete with numbers...feburary of 1998.
3...my deceased father comes in dream to tell me the world will end on jan 15.....august of 2000.
these three dreams are Sufficent!!
sufficent if I find, ever ever the clue as to what the numbers mean!
sufficent as to what they are probably trying to tell me: my date of death, amoungst other info!
My Mother alone: she was a prophetess while living, she had, herself, a vision where she was shown or told that she would die in ten years as the red sports car came into her lane at dusk. 10 years later; 120mph.....!!
so she WOULD do this for me!

sigh.....sigh....so here i am with all these Plans: now just during the last few days, there was Some Insight where a KEY was found, in my life, that gives to me the key to unravel ALL of the codes to these numbers that are in these dreams, above!

ya know....anyone who reads this; this is my private "MYST"....or some such computer game...an event or three where there are puzzles of great import and numbers of meanings where there are several things being told to me in code at once, so that the numbers are coded!

my very own private Myst game where my very life is at stake!!!

--the givers of the info are all coming from the spirit lands to Give To me Some News. my mother. my father.
? ? ? ? !
and just WHAT does the code reveal?!
[the keystone, the key log, in the logjam, is only meaningfull to me...thus *the* particular number that is the key, is meaningless to anyone but me: i will not write it!]
it reveals to me that my 60 years of age and my 41 years of age that i have lived in North Florida....are
CUT-OFF points!
IF i were to continue to live, i would have to move away.
Messege is...that i will NOT continue to live....that i will die at 60 years of age and before my time in Tallahassee reaches the 42nd year, on sept 1st of 2002!
i turn 61 at the end of JUNE! a little over 5 months left!

ah so: suppose Spirit were to give to me an extension?! very possible: but IF so, I will have to probably move away from this place, as i ranted before, in other journal entries.

thus if i interpet aright, AND the info is aright....i have not much time left on earth!!

"sign the peace treaty but keep the powder dry"
i will pray and prepare...but continue to live day by day...expecting to see always another sunrise.
sunrise here on earth!

oughta be some Interesting posts here.......over the next few weeks!
surely IF the Visions are rightly seen, my "soul-preparations" will give to me some very very interestring dreams and events, as spirit prepares my soul for entrance to heaven!
or to move to another part of the country!

STAY TUNED!!!
I found a consumer panel, today, a Market research company that actually is set up with a weblog look and feel to it!

http://www.spidermetrix.com

My referal page for it is....

http://www.spidermetrix.com/sm120.php3?refspider=freestonew

here are people from all over the world with a page or two where people publish e-mags and such...
intigueing....if you are into market research and taking consumer surveys!

Thursday, January 24, 2002

at the church cafe, for my lunch, a lady came in who was "blind", she had a nice Seeing Eye Dog.

the name of the dog was "Moses"

---oh what a wonderfull name for a seeing eye dog, as Moses led the Jewish people out of egypt into the promished land...a.seeing eye dog, a-leading.......

Wednesday, January 23, 2002

while i am on the subject of SAI BABA!.......

I was thinking at my lunch just now about what i call,
"the difficult sayings of Sai baba"!

----these are things that he says, somewhere, that are SO counter to what "normal reality" is....that these sayings are difficult indeed!
like:
this one....

he was talking about the Rama and the great war with the demons, in the great Indian epic, the [sp]mahrabrathia".
seems rama fought all of the demons and their demon-leaders, for control of the earth. when the demons were finally vanquished, one of the major leaders of these demons came to see Rama, privately and he asked rama this question.

"How can we demons become able to go to heaven, and leave the hell-worlds?"!
Rama answered..."simple: become a man! incarnate *as* a human being and get a human soul in the process, then you can go to heaven AS a man, as a human being"
[this is why man is higher than the angels; angels, pure angels can never never disobey God as they have no individuality, as does a human soul, the only way they can be WITH god instead of working FOR God...is to incarnate as a man!]

so Sai baba then said.....and this is the kicker folks, the saying that rules all else, in these matters...and explains SO much

baba says..."and i brought them all with me into Incarnation when i incarnated"! [ baba claims to be Rama come again!] baba was born in 1926.

THIS explains for me why there is so many negative people around today! simple. baba brought them and of course when they come they bring hell with them, just like a german just come to this country will bring his german-ness with him undiluted!
baba brought them so that they could get a human soul and get onto the life-rolls of the human soul-progressions into the heavenworlds!

so...inferences from this: take the kids from Columbine who might be such demons incarnate. when they shot up the school
they were expressing their hell backgrounds! nothing more. they do that to each other in hell all of the time!
thus the inference of blame rest purely on us, the REST of the community of colubine! the parents, the school, the town, the cultural values of our culture, that the colubine people live by!!
for...
just WHAT trellis and arbor did we all provide these kids with so that they could grow their life-vines upwards in to goodness, truth and love?! no, many of the people around these two kids probably were into making money and power and everything else but the boy scout oath and Values and Integrety and Morals...and Love!
thus i, myself, would place most of the blame upon EVERYONE ELSE *but* these kids!!
our culture puts 60% of its energy upon the young....and only 10% on the kids and 10% on the old!
i would want to see only 10% on the 20 to 30 agegroup of young of age and 45% on the kids and the old!

so what trellis did they all provide the colubine kids with, so that their "tomato plants" did not just creep over the muddy dirt, where their values ended up to be just like they were when they were back in hell, before baba brought them into incarnation?!

Baba has a number of these difficult sayings....they all point to the need to have the Spiritual world to be the basefoundation for your soul...the "hanged man' tarot card....instead of the physical world only!
GOOD GRIEF!!

yesterday Spirit showed to me something that scares me greatly!
no...not death or dying, but here it is........

yesterday i wrote here about my Sai baba dream. [see last entry on the 22nd].
while there was not any sense, in this Meeting with Baba, any sense of "inituation" or such....I had a feeling that this long long talk was vey signifigent to me in some way.
I thought about it all day long, on and off.
---seems that now for several days, ever since last week, i have had some Great Revelations about my life, about what i had done for the last 40-odd years.

In computer role playing games, as well as in first person shooters, there is a place in the game where one achieves some level-up, after defeating some great enemy or doing some Quest: the character is then taken to a game-sceen where points can be added to his skills. thus i could, say, add 10 points to "strength" and 8 points to "health"....

Somehow, i had the distinct feeling that there was such a "level-up" in my life at this point in time.

at noon, when i went to the cafe at the church, the old lady who greets everyone came over for a long long talk. she rarely does so: she flits like a bee from person-flower to person-flower, and sometimes says hello to me and goes on.
not yeasterday! she came over to sit down and we spent an hour and i ended up not eating at all as i chose to give to her ALL of my attention, instead of the distraction to a good conversation:FOOD!
---that was a real good brownie...too too bad i had to wait till i got home to eat it, even though my talk was good!

later, at the mall, i had a strong Intuition that this lady-talk and my level-up....were somehow connected!
I thought to myself that my CHARISMA- quotient must have increased: how could i tell this?!!
just how would i know except for the fact that i might attract more people in my future to talk with me!

there WAS a way to find out!
ask Baba!!
so i did...just as i began to eat my slice of pizza that i ordered, i asked him in a prayer..."if my feelings are true, and i am right...then please give to me some sign right right now, please baba"!

[this could be a topic of a journal entry alone: the results of asking of such a prayer--- as if asked, Spirit may direct some experience to you that may not be so "pleasent' in order to fullfill the prayer request!!]
yes, i dared to ask....the only way to find out.

i began to tear apart my pizza as i cannot bite into it...for dental reasons, i must eat it with a fork or else tear off small sections of it to eat....Just me at a table alone, at the mall.
As i had a section in hand and got ready to move it towards my mouth, i noted something...I saw
that this section was *EXACTLY* in the shape of INDIA! More in the shape of India than i could have made up myself with a pen and a pair of scissors! In fact there was Pakistan next to India, *as* cheese, while the India section of the piece, was cheeseless: i could even see clearly that the Sai Baba/guides/angels considered that Kasmir and the northern mountains up to north Tibet was part of India, NOT Pakistan...India's original claim that is disputed by Pakistan and China!! that india owns all of that land. THIS was how clear the section resembled India...right down to the bays and indentations of the rivers!
*exactly*, as i say....India!

confirmed.
Now i sit a bit nervoius! tis not always nice to know that one's CHARISMA level is much higher!
there now will be *much* more responsibility for me to undertake as now WHAT i say to people will carry that much more weight and importance: they will believe me more, even if i turn out to be later wrong!
and that they will act upon my advice even if it does turn out to be wrong! i will influence people to belive, to do, to make changes...
and..
i will attract to me, in the malls, in the cafes...more and more of the "alone needy people"
ya dont expect to go outdoors at night in the warm summertime with a flashlight without that light attracting a few bugs and moths: noe suppose that light is increased about ten-fold?!!
I may not be able to eat alone ever again!

Tuesday, January 22, 2002

I got an interesting letter in my box today!

believe it or not, i once was in the U S Air Force!
i enjoyed my four years very much and i went to Japan for two of those years...a tale in itself!
while i japan, i belonged to a "67th rts" squadren.
this letter, below, One of the Officers is writting a book about the Squadren...and i wrote up a bit of my history there for him, some of which i reproduce, below.

[each of us "wears many many hats" in our lives. many callings. this was one of mine.]
=======================================
--- R.com> wrote:
> Hi,
> G. may have told you but, I am writing a
> history of the 67th at Yokota. I have gotten
> contributions, memories and thoughts from a number
> of folks and what you have written (and he
> passed on to me) would fit right in.
>
include your thoughts
> in the book?

> talk about people you
> worked with, jobs you processed, missions, our
> equipment, the Squadron, morale--anything to give a
> reader a taste of what it was like.

> R.
>

Hello R.
[and T. too, as i want to do this in one shot as i can only type about 5-8wpm!!]


lets see....what i can recall, again.

tis was about october of 1966, and i was a bit nevious as my combat support group squadreon at Yakota was about to send me off. i had been on the base for a year and i always passed that 67th "recutech"
building on the way to work in that hanger, with a computer, to process the base records with: i was a computer operator.
there were whispers behind my back a month ago...and i just KNEW it was about me: it WAS! 67th was short of men and a Favor was to be returned and i went.
Yes, that building was very mysterious to me, being all fenced in and it took a secret clearance just to enter it. So one day i entered this building with Orders in hand...and airman first. i sorta knew that if i entered, i would never never leave!

well....that year, dec 66 to dec 67...was the very very best year of my Enlistment!
I was a computer operator in the computer room. there was an old 1401 computer with expanded memory and 6 tape drives. this was a great computer for its day...
I believe sgt Walsh was my supervisior...

so my 67th life began...

evening shift, thus I not there for all the intrigues of the day shift: often i would be the only person in the room, a BANK VAULT! yes a vault. sgt Pittsenberger sat at the front desk and it was his job to "say no" to anyone who entered, and to be the receptionist, as it took practically a top secret clearence just to get in!
behind Pittsenburger was a "green door" with a lock on it. the song "the green berets" played on the music system, and it played night and day over and over and over. i asked him why it was played, he told me it was to provide background music so to drown out any spy-snooping bugs that the Communists may have planted in the vault! He told me that about three times a year the People would come to try to find these plants of buggers and they ALWAYS found one or two!
when he said that....i knew that this was as close as i would get to being in "James Bond's world" and it was for REAL! the Cold War was still "on" and each side had 12,000+ A-bomb missiles. this was ground zero, this room.
[when i worked at that combat support squadren, they told me in AWE how one day, a few months before i came there, 67th neeeded to use one of their machines to process some of their cards on...67th was only about 500 feet away. they were SUITIBLY impressed that the operator cleaned out *every* punch-card chip, from the cardpunch machine...a top secret job, why every scrap of card was classified: this was a BIG DEAL to people who processed shot records, base supply, and dental exams schedules...only!
One evening when i came to work, i was told that I, MYSELF, had to walk over to my old squadren, like of that other person months ago, and to use, like him, that punch machine! so when the day shift left and i had supper, i shut up the vault, and me and another guy walked into the combat support group room with a tray of cards, to be punched: yes i cleaned out each and every card-punch and took them all with me back to 67th!!

-really blew me away to see a 67th document stamp, the stamp that stamped the "above top secret" documents with: this stamp ITSELF was stamped "secret' as that clearence was in and of itself a "secret: imagine a secret stamp that was itself a secret item! the walls were lined with maps: i troubled a bit some sgt when i asked if there were any of these maps that i could get somewheres to decorate my barracks walls with...only as i looked closer did i see that these maps were CLASSIFIED DOCUMENTS! secret and top secret, no less! maps of china: i was most impressed with that pictation of the 10,000 feet deep crater, about ten miles wide...that was a meteorite crater, a crater that to this day no one knows about!! somewheres in the desolation of the
Gobi desert.
Me and others worked that shift for that year.
donald berk
micheal shea
[do you all know their addresses?!]
Oscer Ogg was a officer who "drafted' me for some special map plotting projects: got me on the day shift about one week per month, for a number of months.
on the quiet evenings, i had got to know sgt Ondrezeek, who often had duty down at the "other' vault, the operation room...i would go to see him and also to read the Intelligence teletypes outputs, from around the world and in Nam. all this while the 1401 sorted 200,000 bits of data, these sorts took hours. but someone had to be there, of course, as usual there were bugs and hangups of one kind or of another.
too...i would often stop by the film area where the photo-interpetation was done. poor enlisted men, friends i had, with "bowling ball eyes" had to scan and interpet all of the overflight photos of Nam that was took, on the overflights. miles and miles of film...they told me that the film-leader was near a mile long as it took that length just to get this developer up to speed at 50 MPH!!!
---a room full of tables...i saw interesting scenes of
Nam jungle and targets: gave to me a REAL FEEL for my job in the computer room: i was not "slacking" by visiting here, as well as the hours spent in the operational room...these gave to me a whole-istic feel for my mission...the computer room missions were of course a bit "abstract" as my job was to handle cards and printout: just words and symbols...the op room and the lab gave to me the "flesh" upon the "bones"...so that i could visuilize better my mission and its Importances!
my mission was to operate this computer that basicly analyzed the targets that were found on the overflight films. lat and longtitude to [??]six decimal places, and the troops who studied the photos would be able to give to me an IBM card, one for each target.
thus my "route search" targets that a runner would bring to me, would contain a handfull of found targets, from that particular plane overflight. there would be officers biting their nails as the runner comes in...
each target had the lat and long, plus about room for ten words of descriptions of the target.
machine guns...camps...buildings...troops, even a "buffalo running SW"...would be entered into the system to be compared against the master History file and thus
what would come out of the computer would basicly be what needed to be bombed by the radar-bombing planes, thus the exact lat-long needed co-ordinates!
Out of the printout and the special tapes would come the finished information, and on to...to a "building that is not there", to be sent off to ???[ do NOT ask!]
thus the computer was the ultimate brain behind the photo-interpeters.
yes, i would come in at 4 pm...chow hall was not open, no early dinner, i would find the shift leaving, and sgt walsh or ??? would show me a table with
a row of "jobs" for the night. when housekeeping 250,000 "targets, often one job could take the whole night and then some! i would go off for dinner, quickly, or a carryout, and then return to sit there fixixing errors or doing the ever ever frequent route searches.

yes my favorite duty.
i got to see much of the local countryside of japan.
I never told anyone where i worked, outside of the 67th community...
I never knew, personally, the officers: work and "segregation", of course. i knew some of the photo lab people...names are too too dim, cannot recall.

and ya know, i never ever got to use the snack bar!
67th had their own, i can see why, with the 24hour needs of the Mission. but my evening shift did not allow: least i got to eat the "midnight chow"...next morning's breakfast, but better, cause it was fresher...at midnight.

Now, for the rest of my life, up to now, of my 60 years, my Time in 67th has given to me a great Appreciation of "Intelligence"...the "spy versions" and the Reconnisance versions...like of the overflights and
Searchings in Afgan! i always was reminded of 67th, as i saw and read of the war there.
In fact, i nearly re-enlisted, in december, but i had Other Plans, instead....i never never "bad mouthed"
the Air Force, like most enlisted men seemed to do, i was more older, perhaps, but also more Intelligent!

i wish, NOW, i had the proper retort, to all of the carping of "they spent $80,000 just to give to me this training/clearence/job....and it is never never used: WHAT a waste"!
NOW...my retort, my answer to these put-downers...would be, "hey, you spent $400 a year or more for insurance on your car, for years, and you never even had a bumper scratch, you paid now over $3000 for nothing? NO! you did not, as maybe tomorrow
you will total your car and then this Policy will be
the Realest thing that you have, the very most important thing for you!! same with your Mission that took the us gov $80,000 to give to you and to have you sit on your butt every day: you never never know that the Communists in Russia may decide to declare War on the usa and then the military will have ten minutes to get someone CLEARANCE-CLEARED and TRAINED...you are the Insurance policy of the united states, as all of the Defense $spending i$ for! our collective Insurance policy IN CASE, like of your car"!

well, lets see
not much more that i can recall now....

freestone

Monday, January 21, 2002

rain today.

its a holiday!

when i lived in southern Illinois, i learned the Sadhanna of rain-on-holidays!!
i lived there three years, 27 three-day summer holidays in all: memorial day weekend...4th of july...labor day weekend.

IT RAINED ON ALL 27 OF THEM!

---got to be, there, i would plan that on such a three day holiday weekend, i would make sure if the library would be open and the hours of the malls. kinda stupid to try to force an umbrella through the woods if i went outdoors in the national forest then!

then i learned that it is the same wherever i live. rain=holiday. the word for holiday *is* rain!
they found that by studying the new york city rain records, i read, that someone found that it rains on a normal two day weekend 30% more than during the week...in nyc!

i do not complain: rain has its beuaty and as long as i amor myself with booties and umbrella, my holiday weekend is nice!

[yes the spelling is atrocious but between my huge fingers and my 5wpm...if i looked at typing correctly, i would never never get to write anything...]

Sunday, January 20, 2002

going through checkout at K-mart reminded me of the Christian book store in Gainesville, in 1992!

a big christian book store.
biggest in town of 100,000.

one day the owner closed all of the doors except one and the windows too and he put the biggest shoplifting detector they make in front of that door!
i asked him one day why he must have spent $10,000 on the detector alone let alone his remodleing for the security.

he said...."yes i put it here: $500 to $800 worth of stuff walked out of this store per month"!
shoplifting in a christain store!!

Yes, he says that this store carries music and pictures and books and sunday school teaching aids: they were taking out nearly $1000 per month, why i caught a man who was stealing over 20 pictures of Jesus, over several months...they take the bibles out of the boxes and leave the empty boxes on the shelves"!!

I told him how, as only christians ever ever come here to buy anything as ALL the stuff is christian stuff, a lot of it for sunday schools
and churches....that this was a comment more telling than 50 newspaper articles or 20 books...on the "moral decay" of a civilization".
---or at least in this one area of the country.

this "rabifacated" my brain!
"rabifacated"...as in "brain like a head of cabbage, going through the cole slaw maker, at a fish cafe"!
only christian come here and everything in the store had a cross or a christian symbol on it and they were losing near 1000 per month in shopliftings!!
----i still ponder that one!!

Saturday, January 19, 2002

interesting living in the subtropics, even though the temp went to 20 degrees far. the other week!

---those little black spots that i see everywheres in my trailer that is in a wooded yard, all lush and green.
things move!
the white t-shirt on the clothesline...why there was an object on it, moving, out of the corner of my eyes...two antannae tweepering upon my shirt: a bug!

the computer guy who fixed my computer, why he has an account with a furniture-rental place, here in Tallahassee....whenever a client rents one of their computers and brings it back; he services it. he ALWAYS finds cockroaches inside the computer case!!
bugs in the system, i guess!

then there was that lizard on my wall, the other day. he was happy to be there. every corner has a bit of a web...do not ask how large the spider is!

One day i came back home to see a rustle in my trashcan: out of it came a lizard, a "meditarrianian
Gecko"! they do not eat vegies...what gives?
---why it was after the fruit flies on my bananna peel!

roaches that would scare a cat!
then every summer, all 9 months of "summer"...i have to move my recycle rollabin, far far off
and way from my trailer as it WILL awaken me every night with the sounds!!
sounds?
why it is a FROG-atorium!! tree frogs!
then they get right next to the windows and croak off at 3 am...so i have to re-locate them all!

and the yard, and the Jungle next door!
lots of species of stuff here!

Friday, January 18, 2002

not much new today. I am not good at politics so i removed a politacal article!
politics is in words and i think in pictures!

Thursday, January 17, 2002

more problems with that old man that i sometimes see in Picidilly cafeteria!

he came over and sat with me the other day. seems his furnace is STILL not working and he says "it needs only for someone to get down on the floor and light it"! yes? probably has had NO maintainence for ten years, needs a tecnician for this: not me!

the phone numbers i wrote down for him last week, he lost!
somone broke into his house, he lets strangers in at night as he IS so so so Lonely! that guy charged in and beat him up and stole $100! He was utterly clueless about the Senior center being a mile away!
betcha he is a vet and that clinic is three miles away, and he knows not a thing!

He needs someone to give to him an enema for some exam the next day, next week.

82 years old, divorced.
alone.
wears grey blue clothes and "is grey"!

I had to uttery SCREAM at him to be heard, i apologized to all of the other patrons, as he went to the bathroom for a moment, a lady agreed with me! she has to do the same thing with her uncle!
i mean...get right down and shout *just* as loud as i possibly can do...gotta do that to get 20% comprehension out of him!

I told a counselor-lady, today, at the Library, about him...she is a very old soul who is into tibetian Buddhism and meditation and Peacefull solutions to problems.

she gave to me a start!
her advice was sharp and somewhat painfull for me to hear. she says..."maybe it is time for him to die! if he does not, modern medicine could keep him going for ten to fifteen years where he is a vegetable" ----and not even his up-in-heaven relatives and guides can
work with him or have him up there with them all!

so i have to admit that she is right!
the alternative is, i see...that this here old man grew up in an age where PEOPLE did things for people and if you wanted something done, you went to an expert as if you HAD to do it for yourself, that WAS a "failure"...as you were not wanted! you trusted the experts to do everything and to do your choosing and deciding for you.
that generation put everything else ahead of themselves...what i feel that this old man "needs" is to have me, or someone, come live with him and do it for him, all of the stuff: merely giving to him a contact phone number is utterly meaningless and useless!
that generation is set up to have another person "who knows" do it for them.
so he would sit with me near every day, perhaps, ruining my meals....he telling me of his woes....

if i do NOT come light his furnace for him and the damp florida winters give to him pnumonia, then that will kill him, maybe.
that, in my prayer-walk, a few minutes ago...i accept!

in fact i prayed, an hour ago, FOR Spirit to kill him!
yes.
for i feel my counselor friend is right: he needs to die and no one will let him. [there must come a time for all of us where to live beyond our endtime is a horror indeed: cannot function on earth OR in heaven either! limbo. zombie. zud!
[the moment MY earthly missions are done with, i would want a heart attack or a lightning stroke come for me!]
so i prayed for his death as quickly as possible.
--and i Know my time to "help" people is also at and end......

Wednesday, January 16, 2002

---posted to a egroups newsletter list....

==============

well hello eveyone.

again!

---seems that i get very very little time free, in my 2 hours of public library computer time, to read this list!
I have a site of my own to manage and that takes surprisingly a long time.
Tis a journal, a weblog journal on Blogspot, a journal that i keep about my life, with a link to another of my sites where some of my Dreamvisions are written up at, about 30 of them.

Oh, after over 100 dreams of going to the AFTERLIFE, my daytime life is somewhat different. I never mentioned that i had this site, when i posted, as this surely would change the subject matter that i reply to!

the afterlife. good grief, a Voyager calling that I unasked for....tis surely something when one talks, like i do, with all of the deceased relatives in two way conversations!!

http://freestone.blogspot.com
"my life after near death experiences"

I can see, from my Visions, one thing that stands out REAL GOOD!
[and has me the more in alinement with the Setian path, as i grow the older!!]

In many of these expereices that i experience, in first person "I am there", i have noted how I, or any other spiritpeople there, have a Need for a certain talant: the need to be a free agent, to be able to take *the* active role, in their own heavenly growth, there!
example:
when i visited, in one of many many visits, to the "appalachian mountain heaven home"...
[a spirit realm where many of the applachian people, or their outsider friends who move to there, live after death: my sister lived near Asheville, North Carolina...she has a house there too in that heaven. same with my father: i have a cabin there awaiting ME!]
so when i visited this place, one of the Guides, there, asked me to come with him as he talked of this place. he told me of a Seer who lived off in a valley, a valley that one had to find on his own, one had to actually SEE the narrow entrance, himself: no one could show it to him...he had to Inituate the finding. This guide then invited me to come see this seer---IF i could find the entrance!
I hunted the woods. soon, i saw a narrow crack of a path that led between ridges...to a cabin path that led to a cabin: that seer!

yes, a very small example, but most of the experiences of this realm are like of that: one must be awake and aware and "self-starting/actualizing", after death, or else one goes nowheres!
In fact, i was shown where these people end up!
they just sit by the entrance gate, all depressed and dark and grey, there is a community of these souls, near the earth-entrancegate, where even the guides cannot reach them as they have closed themselves off from any guide-influence as they WOULD say to some questioner..."but my depression and Pain *IS* real, here let me tell you about it so that you know too that this pain is *the* real reality, and come join me here in the truth that is"!!.

I see all all too many of these people here on earth today!
before death.
many are the retirees of the generation of 1920 to 1950. they never were taught how to "take an active part in their own lives"!
they put all of their life-eggs into the basket of..."i put my family, my country, and everything else, first, before me: what i need is an expert that i trust to tell me what to order or to do"!
you see these people in caferteria lines, all afumble as they cannot deal with 492 kinds of food on the steamtables and absolutely NO idea what to order so they stand there all embarressed just to be there, they may want some expert to tell them what to order!

As i saw heaven...there are all kinds of help and "experts", but one must ask FIRST! one must be aware, first, of their presence.
thus all of the activeness of living and choosings, in heaven, are utterly up to the individual soul, there.
that is my strong impressions from first hand experiences there!

I will try to get to read more of this list....so much to do and not enought time...

freestone
today is the 16th of January and i am still here!!

of course!

however i did some S-e-r-i-o-u-s medititation and prayer on this topic of what my father told me from heaven!
[see yesterday's letter!....the previous weblog entry]

why did he fixitate upon the number "15"?!
yeah.

right away i see that he died on xmas day of 1987.
87....that is 8 and 7....and that is 8 + 7 = 15 !!

there are two other BIG DREAMS involving my life and death: one was where my mother came to me from heaven to give to me a set of mumbers....on may 2.
then there was that visiondream where I, myself, went to see heaven to see my precognititive future there!
as i ALWAYS foresee in a dream, just before a major physical move, scenes from that place-to-be; why not have such a dream of heaven just before i arrive there?!
---and yes, i was shown my very very first 'days" there. that vision was on december 4th of 2000.

as my father's dream occurred on august 3rd...i was more than curious beacuse all three dreams seemed to have occured near the early part of the three months.

It has come to this: without laboriously going through all the math here on this site...all three dates,
IF you add or subtract "15" from the number of days between these three dates, you get the numbers...
..."144" and "108"!!...for the three spaces of the number of days between each date and to another of the three dates.
these two numbers *are* the two most "spiritual" numbers going!

thus this "15" must be *real* important, really signifigent!
15 years between father's death, 1987, and 2002.
15 months between the dream and Jan 2002!

thus i can surmise that this 15 must mean..."the 15 years That made A Difference", as this number is "needed" to make up the "108" and the "144"!

yes!
yesterday i found out what this 15 means.....but i cannot possibly say what it is as the translation does not go into a journal, as it would mean something only to me!
has to do with that one year that spirit gave to my father, as my own mother had a visiondream that she would die in a accident in ten years when the "red sports car would come into her lane at dusk...but that husband would live until he is 72 years old"! she met her Appointment with that 120mph red sports car in her lane at dusk: but father lived two months into his 73rd year, as he made amends with me and forgave me, as he blamed everything that occured negative to him towards me!...the death of his wife so suddenly unhinged his mind!

of course father's world ended *at* the end of the symbolic "15" time period, as this time period of "15"
symbolizes his year extension! he turned 72 on october 12th of 1986, then he immediately had his first heart attack...i came there on nove 1st.
from early october to early january...is 15 months.

Tuesday, January 15, 2002

today is the 15th of January!!!

on august 3rd of 2000, i had this here dream!
----I am at my childhood home, and i walk through the kitchen to the corner where my father had his huge huge old wooden office desk where he kept his personal records at, plus his businness records.
Oh, he has been dead, now, for 15 years....but as i, in my dream, came up to this desk, i could feel my father's Presence! i could not see him, but i knew that this spot was where he cme to me to tell me something!
I heard, then, his voice, he spoke.
"the world will end on January 15th[or 15]"!!
---end of dream!

that was it, this dream. nothing more: all of the background of it was just for him to tell me this.

so!?
what does it mean?
maybe, as i feel that Father told me something that he believed in, i would first have to decode just WHAT he wanted to tell me, even before i had to ascertain if Dudley were right or not!!

end of the world?
end of my world?
many many possibilities here.

dream occurred on august 3rd of 2000.
I have learned, over the years, that for me to recieve a big dream, the date is important, in relation to other dates: clues can be gotten! Dudley died on Christmas day of 1987.
aug 3 to dec 25.....is 144 days.
"144" the number of salvation and one of the MOST important of the "spiritual numbers"!
thus...from this, i can tell that Dudley had something Real To Say!!
15?
there are 15 months between august of 2000 to january of 2002!!
15?
from his death date of of 1987 to 2002....is FIFTEEN YEARS!

so "jan 15th"...the actual day...is not real, not true, in all probablility! i can rest easy. not today folks!!
no earthquake: no heart attacks for me!!

but!!!

there is a chance for the rest of january.
BUT!
there is a REAL better good chance for the rest of 2002! 15 years....covers the whole of 2002.

hard to tell, though, what father meant. is it my own death or the death of society or even some economic crash? or of earthchanges?
or of my own death?!

the end: PERIOD?
or....
the beginning of the end, where the actual end takes ten years to run its course....
like:
india vs pakistan with nukes!
or of a heart attack that gives me six more months to live, in a veteran's nursing home!

or is he even right?
maybe he means very well, but as he is only a spirit: maybe he reads the true data, in the akashic records, wrongly!
maybe i will live till 2015...or the earth.

stay tuned to this channel!!
Amazing what one can find with http://www.google.com, that wonderfull search engine!!
there was a very interesting time in my life when i was actually in the US Air Force! enlisted man.
and i loved it! two years in Japan, outside of Tokyo: vietnam time.
so i did a search for "67rts" the squadron i was in...and there were hits that led me to write someone and he wrote back...there is even a kind of "association" for ex-members of 67rts!! reunions too!
[this must be part of that great wave of reuinions of late: must be zillions of them for many many military squads and ships and clubs...since the 1940s.....]

here is part of a letter to this person who was in this squadren!
--------------------------


[ i am going to be slightly "impersonal" here, as i have a feeling that there will be other people that will get in touch with me over 67th rts, and i type SO slow that i want to do much of it all at once!]

yes 67th lives!

I always considered that assignment very special and unique, even when i was assigned to 67th, from the beginning!!
see, i was already there on the base for a year. I was with the combat support group as a computer operator. On the way to work evey evening, i would pass by that strange building, a "base within a base" where there were all kinds of rumors about it! many airmen from the support group feared 67th!

One day, i came to work and overhead some officers whispering and i just knew it was all about ME! 67th wanted more men and there was some kind of agreement that i was the one to go!
I walked up to that front door of 67th with orders in hand with the feeling that, like that Hotel california song...."that i, if i entered, i could walk out anytime but i never ever could leave"!!

ah yes. into that vault, that bank vault with computer.
there was "the green door" into the computer room, the door came from that 1960 song..."green door green door, what's behind the green door?"!
---a top secret clearance was not enough, sometimes, to get in!!
as if i were NOT on Yakota AFB anymore...i was in Hawaii!! [tenant org from Hawaii!] as if this 67th was "not really supposed to be there: not there at all!

----anyway...I quickly loved it and maybe because i was an older soul and maybe because i was older in age, i took advantage of the opportunity to experience japan.
one train went to tokyo and the other train went to the mountain park...i spent many an afternoon, before work, just out of the base walking around japan.

lets see..."sargent Walsh" maybe he was my nco-in charge, the supervisor.
[hard to type when i type only 5 wpm and clumsey to boot, this is why there is poor caps and no real good spellings!]

about early december of 1966 to dec 5 of 1967. night shift, from 5 to midnight: midnight chow was the best breakfast.
lots of "route searches" .....and hist file updates.
i figured once that the old creaky 1401 computer with its extra memory maybe had about 10 megs of memory.
each target, with lat and long to about 5 places, also had about room for ten to fifteen words. there were over 250,000 targets. maybe a 300 pentium with a 4 gig hard drive would be MORE than equal to this task...as about 250-300 megs of hd would be used, in a modern computer!

lest see.... berk, the jewish guy who enlisted for a second term, went to london. he drank so much heinikein beer that when he left 67th, the PX made an announcement that " as now that the buying of this beer had decreased so, we are not going to carry it anymore!"




no phone as my vet disability pension is so small that i, while i enjoy the half full cup, of it, a phone is too too expensive for me, and besides i am not home much and i go to bed at 8 pm!

yes, i am 60 now...
i have a vivid picture memory.
incredible dreams too. somewhat autistic.
my site is...
http://freestone.blogspot.com
"my life after near death experiences"
---many dreamvisions of the afterlife realms, over the years....
I keep this journal as a kind of diray-journal, of my life.

anyway...
Interesting squadron for interesting people! interesting people were in it!!
there was a guy, a thin guy who was very into japan. he was at the combat support sq, for awhile and he WAS in 67th, but left, sometime before i came in...he had lots of character, i recall.
anyway, i considered many of the men there very interesting to know, even as i was "only" as an airman 1st: of course the officers were out of my league! too, my being on that swing shift, distanced me from the days shift world, a lot.

ONE of the greatest 'after67th reflections" is this: that often in the route searches, after the actual search had been done, the Hist File had to be updated and often there were a 1000 IBM cards to sort and process and often these cards were worn and dirty. thus they often jammed in the machines. i had to take out, say, one ruined card and i sometimes had to laboriously piece one card together to recreate it, i recall that one such card took me over an hour to recreate its data, while the computer and the job sat idle there. yes me all alone in a 9pm bank vault, no one there but me. top secret maps lined the walls and
one had to have a top secret clearance just to be there: here i sat at a table, putting together an IBM card of....a TARGET! one target.
Finally, it sunk in...after all these years: why such a card could BE of one machine gun, in a machine gun nest, on a hill overlooking a valley where a troop/food/supply convoy was supposed to pass by in a day or three. ten machine guns lining a hillside and one card for each.
suppose i tossed that card out instead of repairing it?!
why when, the next day, the Bomber planes would through-the-clouds radar bomb, the boming manifest
would show that there were 9 machine guns so that they would bomb 9. one would be missed; the card i threw away!!
the next day that convoy would pass by and ten to 100 men would be killed, by that machine gun, before someone could get at it! four trucks of medicine and food and weapons also destroyed, by that gunner!!

---good thing is was *very* consciounsious!!!
i always took whatever time that it took, to fix a card and i called several ncos/supervisors/officers, out of a bedsleep, whenever that card was unrepairible!!

Moral: i was more important to the Vietnam mission/war efforts, then most of the men on the front lines!! as if i WERE there in Nam fighting....i killed a machine gunner that would have killed 95 men and destroyed four trucks which would have supplied 1000 troops, thus maybe saving 50 to 300 more american lives!
Humility followed...after that realization!
Here i was, in a silent computer room, as the 1401 sat idle-humming.... awaiting my lining up 23 fragments of a jammed IBM card, on the table, writing down the Values...walking over to the keypuncher, to make a good card, to enter into the system, to update the Hist file: 16 copies to go to strange places, officers with enough shinybrass on their shoulders, to blind ya, if the sun glinted off of them...a-pouring through "copy 5 of 16" to Assess Which target to Change!


well enough for now....
I will see about the reunion: costs the earth for someone with a disability pension to travel...i gave up my car years ago, i do not even have a license anymore...

freestone

Monday, January 14, 2002

there are dreams and there are DREAMS!

some of the "DREAMS" are small looking, seemingly just a "pizza-spasm" of maybe too too much pizza before bed: but here it is.....anyway. sometimes Important stuff is buried in these "little" dreams!

Once in a ahile, i have a dream that gives to me an OBJECTIVE "psychic map" of the United states!
OK, maybe just a part of it, several states of this map.

dream.
I am wandering in what appears to be quite a few places on the map. as if like a long long car journey across a number of states. mostly in the american South. I sense it is, this area, from maybe eastern South carolina...across the northern half of Florida, to about western Alabama...up to about the Latitude of Atlanta-Birmingham.

As I drive, walk about the towns, annd drive some more...in this dream, i comment to myself about the places that i have seen.
[I used to do this a lot: maybe 50 or more trips from florida to new york state, over the 30 or more years that i had a car: always take the back roads and stop often in the towns to walk. trips always took over three days: if i HAD to interstate-hurry, why i considerered that trip not worth taking!]

I recall, in a kind of wonderment, standing at the outskirts of a nameless small town, in the fervid heat of the tropic noon, somewheres deep deep into the south. i told myself, told "thinking-out-loud" that in this whole area of the south, Mind was not possible, the heat and humidity "melted" and "vagued' all attempts
at thinkings and rationality!
[think "white man's grave"....down the river.....!!]
yes indeed, i have driven and lived there. a place from about Charleston-Savannah...to Mobile and maybe 50...70 miles inland, where mold grows on mushrooms and mold grows on walls, trees, cars, houses, roads...and YOU if you stood there long enough!
quote from someone who moved as a high school kid to Tampa florida from Northern Mississippi..."my
first day in the high school locker-room amazed and shocked everyone: no one had ever ever seen a man with NO fungus growing upon his body before"!!
50 to 100 days a year of 90 degrees or more.....4 to 10 inches a rain per summer month...paper mushes,
bread sogs to wilt, on the table, in three minutes, Dewpoints of 60 to 70 to even 80 degrees!
[my friend who bought a house in gainesville, fla, in the spring: then he went immediately to Alaska to pay for it and when he returned in the fall....HE COULD NOT FIND HIS HOUSE!!]
i mean that.
he told me that he parked the car in front of that part of the block where he knew that the house was there but that there was not a trace visible of his house!!

KUDZU.

kudzu vine ate it.
covered it.
totally!
took him a week to uncover it.

As i stood there, in my dream, i lamented that this area of the country was so "mind-soggy"!
and that "no one can really think here"...
but i , in my dream, reminded myself that "of course everyone overlooks the ONE little hidden geographical place that is SO strangely Important, as this place is where the Racial Archtypes, of the whole Human race, surface
and are Manifest"!
---I am not so sure what i meant by that expression! at the very very least: this hidden area has something to do with the Collective of mankind, in some Great Spiritual meanings, somehow.

in my dream, i imagined this place; somehow it is only about 50 to 80 miles in diameter, some Blessed Spot, surrounded by swamps and endless sub-tropical jungles/pineywoods. i could sense this place, far off, miles away. some place where masters might live, where even the Lady-who-runs Findhorn [ that north England Garden Community] might, from her Findorn home, move to live here at this spot, if she were a american citizen and knew about this place!
no one would find it, of course, except for those who need to: the humidity, funguses, heat...would keep eveyone away, muttering..."redneck allagator jungles too too humid to even breathe, let alone think in"!
thus all of the northern "intellectuals' would treat this place like of some toxic substance! never see it!

end of dream: i awake to wonder....just what was meant by this "place"?! and where was it?


Saturday, January 12, 2002

the Kids without a Trellis!

---I was reminded about when i lived in my 1998 hometown, today. i lived in The Duplex From Hell, there.
Oh so many tales.....

.....the two teenagers who lived with dad, the dad who was getting the bad divorce, the dad who tried to commit suicide while i lived above him, the dad who got a raise and bought a brand new car and TOTALED it, in a wreck, in three days! [the son told me: "that is his 5th totaled car in six years"!]
Father tried, but life was too too much.
so these two kids...well, the daughter HAD an apt, but her guy stole all but the fry pan and ran off to nyc, so she came to live with dad and the 16 year old son. they both watched tv as a kind of life-calling, and they cooked their meals by the "Burn Method"! that is...they throw their food on the fry pan and go watch tv until the smoke comes to them and they run cursing to the stove through the clouds of smoke to rescue the black food: utterly foolish of me to put batteries into my smoke detector, upstairs.
betcha these two kids never never ever ate anything home-made, like cookies or pie ....other than burned food...take-out pizza was the cornerstone of their nutrition!
how are ya gonna raise up that grapevine without a trellis for it to climb up upon, in order to keep the grapes from rotting on the ground?! what role model does these kids have?! as i left, the son fell in with a boy or two and they all stole a three-wheeler...yes JAIL will probably be the trellis....for most of his adult life...then he "childates"

["child-ates"...as in....."getting a lady pregnant and then vanishing so that there is not even child support payments for that child and yet another child grows up to enrich the coffers of Jail supply and equipment suppliers!!].

then there was the lady who was very very angry at me as she moved out as i did not do what she wanted me to...apparently to *immediately* go to bed-sex with her, the third day after she moved in!
THIS irks me, as i had a friend in 1990 gainesville who firmly believed, at age of 59 or so...that the only "handshake' that a woman respects is to go to bed with her! cannot get her respect unless you DO this...he says! i try not to belive him...but life is proving me wrong, over the years!
OH!
you, reader, strongly disagree?!! wanna, even, write to me and to flame me a bit over this issue that
i am a "sexist"!? [like that guy who flamed me for being a racist!]

w-e-l-l.....it is like this, if this bothers you, then you are spiritually AHEAD of many many people as you have Something Else in your life that is REAL besides sex and the Relationship-is-all(I am nothing without a man!)!!! for these ladies, this sex-thing IS all for them, as their is nothin else!
i see that for many woman, this sex thing is *ALL* that they have! not going to bed in ten seconds...is a personal affront that touches their very Soul! denies them as a human being, as a person, an individual, as my denial is a personal affront( aren't I good enough for ya?!)
enemy for life...is the result of denying their wants.

for that is the only Meaning-pattern that they have! like that teen age boy who would *much* rather pal around with another trouble-kid and go to jail over it as this pal-ing with other outlaws that are themselves lonely as they are outcasts.... is ALL, as this pal-seeker has no other thing of importance going for him!
remember how the ny Times had this article about how a teen age harlem/yonkers ghetto kid shot and killed another man as the stranger passed him on the sidewalk and the stranger did not look at and acknoledge his presence...so he shot and killed him and his only defense was..."he did not give to me any respect"!
little old ladies shook their heads, saying how bad the world had come!
NO!
the teen's ego was wounded because that ego is the *ONLY* thing that he has! just imagine, folks, the hell of his ghetto apt complex where fear rules and evey mother has kids without a daddy and there are four kids in his family all by different men and mom is a crack addict. that "respect *IS* all, for this kid and killing for lack of it it is a logical response! how would YOU like to be shown that your only goodness is meaningless, and if that only goodness is in getting physical respect, upon the sidewalks, and if someone ignores you: killing or beating up that person is a quite logical response...no social worker, i feel, understands this!!
like sex is for some women: tis all they have, all the meaning of life that they have.....

I got a letter from a guy today, he moans about how now his life is utterly without meaning, as his ex is ALL for him and she ignores him...the ex's mother writes to me how when the bad divorce occurred, he came down to mom and spent fours hours a DAY...for a month of this...four hours a day, just a-pouring out his pain pain pain pain pain pain pain pain: threatened suicide too: eventually she got him to a counselor.
that was last year. he still has only ONE egg, in his life-basket: HER! his life is utterly without meaning, purpose, or direction, without her! suicide could well be an Option for him, some day!
he will be without meaning until she comes around and loves him utterly and comsumingly, 26 hours a day, where five minutes going alone to the store, by him, IS abandonment! she better dare not have any life of her own as that will be abandonment too!

I knew a tallahassee man who his friend warned me: "never Never give out your phone number to him, i had my phone disconnected because he would call 30 times a day and talk till i slammed down the reciever...do not ever ever tell him where you live or you WILL have him for a roomate 25 hours a day"!
--i eventually met him. he looked and acted like he was 18. he talked every single second about this here girl that consummed him and she does not even look at him....i eventually walked away. i met his friend later, he tells me that this here guy has been like this with THIS SAME GIRL FOR TEN YEARS OR MORE! every minute of those years he talks of nothing else but of her and his needs to get her to love him!
oh!
he is 42 years old!!

---so what i am saying here.....is how these people, to me, all have a very common thread: no Soul...no Spirit. nothing outside of themselves....their Compass of life is held close to their Iron belt buckle and this compass only points to themselves or their percieved mirror of themselves. so they wander around the thick woods of life, lost: no pole star of Spirit for them, as their compass does not point to anything outside of their own little world!

Friday, January 11, 2002

[1/11/2002 7:28:52 AM | freestone wilson]
I come up to yet another small Confrontation!

another small "tripping stone" on the path of life: something that i have to confront and it is a bit painfull!

[Sai baba....once he healed a deaf and dumb boy. the next day, as he and a writer were getting up, from their morning beds, on the second story of a hotel, in the city they were visiting...the city where He healed the boy in....as they both peered out of the window, there were over ONE THOUSAND deaf and dumb kids with parents, clogging the street below: Baba did a 'back door exit" to a waiting car!!]

---that old man who comes to my caferteria every day!
I love to eat there, at 3pm it is nice and quiet and the background music is actually very very good, the food too. i do a lot of my meditations there, eating slowly and enjoying my food. just as i leave, i have got to know an old man who comes in every day as i leave: that is his time to come, i guess...i have been coming for months, myself. i come at 2...he comes at 3pm.
[ah, the thing of it is...about living alone, and cooking and all of that!]

I grit my teeth, over getting to know him!!
his clothes color is grey, his face is grey and his VIBES is grey and he talks "grey"...in a depressed monotone. like it was 38 degrees farenheit and cloudy and windy-raw.....his Tone of soul!
He is about 80. he grew up in a Time when, at the great 1930s depression, people put family, job, country ahead of their own wants and dreams so that "they come last", in their own life!
he is lonely and he seeks sympathy...and he has a LOT of pains to seek sympathy over.
why in the last week alone, he near-weepedly tells me that he needs someone to give to him an emena
prior to the colonoscopy. he cannot sleep well, his eyes bother him...and his furnace broke down.
yesterday, he met me at the door and he tells me that the furnace man's assisitant beat him up and stole money from him...the police say he has four warrents out on him already!

worse!
he cannot hear very well so that the ONLY way i can talk to him is to SCREAM! a full voiced 120 decibal shout....
[ i tried to give to him advice about the enema-giving, last week! I showed to him the yellow pages where there were about 20 listings for "home health care", where there could be a nurse to 'rent' just for a day...or if that failed, to have him talk to his doctor and or the hospital social worker. i showed to him the phone book and i wrote down the yellow-page-subject..."home health care" and gave it to him.
two days later i saw him yet again, there, and he asked me plaintively that "could i give to him again the topic of the yellow pages as he lost my paper and he did not remember that name of it"!!!
giving advice to him is like datestamping a bucket of water by stamping the water: the impression does not take!]

I see it now...what i "need" to do is to arrange to be there an hour later and sit and eat with him each and every day for months and years as he pours pours pours pours pours pours pours out his pain pain pain pain onto me as i eat.....the pain of lonelyness and of all the 281 pains of "an old old car full of creaks and duct-taped systems"...and old man with so so many small ailments.
actually...he "needs" someone to do everything FOR him: maybe i should come-right-now and live with him permanently...and give to him that enema and be There For Him until he dies!

NO!
all my "caregiving gears" have their teeth stripped by this! like someone with a stick transmission and they go into reverse at 50 miles an hour [going forwards!] and strip the transmission gears so that now they have five "neutrals" in the shifts!!

---and there are millions of these people out there, in the unitied states! lonely old people sitting at a table alone, nusing a cup of coffee for hours, islands of humanity, awaiting the finial circling around the drain; the sun to set!!

I have to confront that i have to give up! i cannot sit there ruining my meals, i would rather quit eating there at all...rather than a year of soaking up his weepy sympathyneeds! ---and: there is nothing that i can say back TO him, the hard of hearingness is a major issue: imagine listening to my shouting at full voice, in a crowded caferteria!

too too bad our culture, in the West, does not properly prepare an old person
HOW TO PROPERLY DIE!
as it seems to be, with this old man, what everyone in the caferteria "ought" to do, is to collectively, and individually, put their own meals aside and go interact with this man and spend most of their free time helping him!!
no!
I cannot do this anymore. my counseling days are over with. no wonder social workers burn out: i told this "caferteria man tale" to my next door neighbor and 25 year friend, yesterday, and he told me in return about when HE was director/social worker of the Tallahassee Senior center. he told me that often
he helped and gave advice and it was not followed! why there was one man who needed 'everything' and this counselor set up a nice apt right next to the senior center: months later this old man left it to be near-homeless yet again...my friend says to me yesterday that.."some people can not handle success: they self-defeat any goodness that comes to them"!

So i am going to be "the bad boy"! keep my distance, do not get sucked into a "pity-party" with this man.
I suppose what he really needs, is to sell his house and move to asisited living or even a nursing home.
he needs other people, at his age, to be "father"...
ah the "BIGGIE"...becoming De-pendant, in one's old age, becoming like a child, depending upon everyone for EVERYTHING...and the black hole of death is right there in front!

would my accounts of my visions of heaven help him?? i do not know: i would have to shout them out to him as if he were 100 feet across the room, if i did!

what i am spending SO much time, today, on this entry is...I am having to confront the issue of...
"there comes a time when something is beyond help...is that SO?!! seems that there is really nothing i can do FOR him, except just soak up his sorrows and make them Mine, for his ego-sakes! "

even for an apple: there IS a time when even a knife cannot cut out the good apple from the rot spots, on an old refrigerator-stored apple, that is sitting there getting ever the more rotted! there comes a time when that apple should be pitched, or else it will just stink up everything else in the fridge.
---letting "I feel sympathy for a sick old man" give to me 300+ consecutive meals of hearing of his s-u-f-f-e-r-i-n-g-s, near daily, is NOT good for my own "soul-refrigerator contents"...i must admit to myself
that my ignorance of this guy could kill him! i must admit that i cannot "care" anymore, for some people!!
I come up to yet another small Confrontation!

another small "tripping stone" on the path of life: something that i have to confront and it is a bit painfull!

[Sai baba....once he healed a deaf and dumb boy. the next day, as he and a writer were getting up, from their morning beds, on the second story of a hotel, in the city they were visiting...the city where He healed the boy in....as they both peered out of the window, there were over ONE THOUSAND deaf and dumb kids with parents, clogging the street below: Baba did a 'back door exit" to a waiting car!!]

---that old man who comes to my caferteria every day!
I love to eat there, at 3pm it is nice and quiet and the background music is actually very very good, the food too. i do a lot of my meditations there, eating slowly and enjoying my food. just as i leave, i have got to know an old man who comes in every day as i leave: that is his time to come, i guess...i have been coming for months, myself. i come at 2...he comes at 3pm.
[ah, the thing of it is...about living alone, and cooking and all of that!]

I grit my teeth, over getting to know him!!
his clothes color is grey, his face is grey and his VIBES is grey and he talks "grey"...in a depressed monotone. like it was 38 degrees farenheit and cloudy and windy-raw.....his Tone of soul!
He is about 80. he grew up in a Time when, at the great 1930s depression, people put family, job, country ahead of their own wants and dreams so that "they come last", in their own life!
he is lonely and he seeks sympathy...and he has a LOT of pains to seek sympathy over.
why in the last week alone, he near-weepedly tells me that he needs someone to give to him an emena
prior to the colonoscopy. he cannot sleep well, his eyes bother him...and his furnace broke down.
yesterday, he met me at the door and he tells me that the furnace man's assisitant beat him up and stole money from him...the police say he has four warrents out on him already!

worse!
he cannot hear very well so that the ONLY way i can talk to him is to SCREAM! a full voiced 120 decibal shout....
[ i tried to give to him advice about the enema-giving, last week! I showed to him the yellow pages where there were about 20 listings for "home health care", where there could be a nurse to 'rent' just for a day...or if that failed, to have him talk to his doctor and or the hospital social worker. i showed to him the phone book and i wrote down the yellow-page-subject..."home health care" and gave it to him.
two days later i saw him yet again, there, and he asked me plaintively that "could i give to him again the topic of the yellow pages as he lost my paper and he did not remember that name of it"!!!
giving advice to him is like datestamping a bucket of water by stamping the water: the impression does not take!]

I see it now...what i "need" to do is to arrange to be there an hour later and sit and eat with him each and every day for months and years as he pours pours pours pours pours pours pours out his pain pain pain pain onto me as i eat.....the pain of lonelyness and of all the 281 pains of "an old old car full of creaks and duct-taped systems"...and old man with so so many small ailments.
actually...he "needs" someone to do everything FOR him: maybe i should come-right-now and live with him permanently...and give to him that enema and be There For Him until he dies!

NO!
all my "caregiving gears" have their teeth stripped by this! like someone with a stick transmission and they go into reverse at 50 miles an hour [going forwards!] and strip the transmission gears so that now they have five "neutrals" in the shifts!!

---and there are millions of these people out there, in the unitied states! lonely old people sitting at a table alone, nusing a cup of coffee for hours, islands of humanity, awaiting the finial circling around the drain; the sun to set!!

I have to confront that i have to give up! i cannot sit there ruining my meals, i would rather quit eating there at all...rather than a year of soaking up his weepy sympathyneeds! ---and: there is nothing that i can say back TO him, the hard of hearingness is a major issue: imagine listening to my shouting at full voice, in a crowded caferteria!

too too bad our culture, in the West, does not properly prepare an old person
HOW TO PROPERLY DIE!
as it seems to be, with this old man, what everyone in the caferteria "ought" to do, is to collectively, and individually, put their own meals aside and go interact with this man and spend most of their free time helping him!!
no!
I cannot do this anymore. my counseling days are over with. no wonder social workers burn out: i told this "caferteria man tale" to my next door neighbor and 25 year friend, yesterday, and he told me in return about when HE was director/social worker of the Tallahassee Senior center. he told me that often
he helped and gave advice and it was not followed! why there was one man who needed 'everything' and this counselor set up a nice apt right next to the senior center: months later this old man left it to be near-homeless yet again...my friend says to me yesterday that.."some people can not handle success: they self-defeat any goodness that comes to them"!

So i am going to be "the bad boy"! keep my distance, do not get sucked into a "pity-party" with this man.
I suppose what he really needs, is to sell his house and move to asisited living or even a nursing home.
he needs other people, at his age, to be "father"...
ah the "BIGGIE"...becoming De-pendant, in one's old age, becoming like a child, depending upon everyone for EVERYTHING...and the black hole of death is right there in front!

would my accounts of my visions of heaven help him?? i do not know: i would have to shout them out to him as if he were 100 feet across the room, if i did!

what i am spending SO much time, today, on this entry is...I am having to confront the issue of...
"there comes a time when something is beyond help...is that SO?!! seems that there is really nothing i can do FOR him, except just soak up his sorrows and make them Mine, for his ego-sakes! "

even for an apple: there IS a time when even a knife cannot cut out the good apple from the rot spots, on an old refrigerator-stored apple, that is sitting there getting ever the more rotted! there comes a time when that apple should be pitched, or else it will just stink up everything else in the fridge.
---letting "I feel sympathy for a sick old man" give to me 300+ consecutive meals of hearing of his s-u-f-f-e-r-i-n-g-s, near daily, is NOT good for my own "soul-refrigerator contents"...i must admit to myself
that my ignorance of this guy could kill him! i must admit that i cannot "care" anymore, for some people!!

Thursday, January 10, 2002

there was an experience on the bus, on New year's day, that really realy really impresses me about how Spirit works behind the scenes with people!
I witnessed an event that most people would take for granted and see no connections between the parts.

here tis....
On the return city bus trip from the mall, the Sunday route is different from the weekday route, takes different streets. On the way back to the station, the driver turns left, to go the weekday route, and about 50 feet into the street, she realizes that she fell into her weekday route routine---she is not suppossed to turn! too too late to back up, she says to me and the other passengers...."why did i DO this? i just drove this route an hour ago and went up to the hospital on the sunday route?" she had to drive three blocks and turn around the block and then when she came out to the street, there was a "no turn" divider there, so she could not turn onto her correct street from there....so she had to take that bus on yet another cicularious block-around.
about 8 to 10 minutes now have gone by.....

So in 8 to 10 minutes later, she eventually got up to the hospital. As this bus neared the hospital, i could see a couple of very old people, husband and wife: he was hurrying as fast as his cane-hobble would let him as they came out from the hidden parking lot to *just* be at the stop as the bus pulled up. She tells them, as they get in...."i saw you two running, i slowed down the bus, remembering that you two got off the bus here about a couple of hours ago"
Rain began to fall: there is no cover for anyone at the bus stop, and the next bus is 40 minutes away. the temperature is 40 degrees!!

Suddenly i Realized....
I told the bus driver..."HEY! if you had not made that turn-mistake, you would have been here on time at this stop, 8 to 10 minutes before this couple came out and they would have been hidden in the parking lot and that they would have missed this bus and the rain begins at 40 degrees and they would have had to stand in the rain for 40 minutes"!

THIS made her day!
she, a "saved christian" now Understood how Guides /Angels knew that the old couple would not have gotten out there in time so that Spirit made her "sleep" and to make the wrong turn ON SPIRIT'S PURPOSE...
in order to delay the bus so that this old couple did not get their day OR their health ruined...oh to get sick with a raindamp cold that goes to pnumonia which is still one of the biggest killers of old people!
their LIVES may have been prolonged, by this "simple" act!

I wonder just how many more of these types of "manipulations" occur to people?! Miricles unawares! like of having an angel inspire one to "leadfoot" the car accelerator a bit so to drive at 57 mph instead of 55 mph, for ten miles so that WHEN that drunk driver runs that stop sign at 80 mph....you are around the curve and do not even see how you could have died, on that day, as he zooms through that stop at 80 mph and you were not there to be hit by him!!
I deleted my autism weblog!!!

anyone here can still go to my "freestonefiles" link, on the left sidebar, to read my aricles about autism,
if they want to.

why delete?
It did not feel good to me, there was something not right about the weblog journal topic!
as if I were validating a weakness, somehow. embracing it. my AUTISM is really something that
happend on the way to something else! tis the price of being an old soul with lots of talants but with a
small brain for a processor! thus "illegal action code; shut down", or "memory conflicts"! too....i will
have more time for my real interests of the "afterlife".

some autistic people see their autism
AS AN END STATE!
"I am autistic" as in "I am"!
-----that subtle difference that is between "I feel hungry" and "I am hungry". thus some people who
are autistic, they see themselves AS being autistic, instead of having an old soul with brainjams and
not being able to use this autisticness as a talant!

Tuesday, January 08, 2002

I deleted my autism weblog!!!

anyone here can still go to my "freestonefiles" link, on the left sidebar, to read my aricles about autism, if they want to.

why delete?
It did not feel good to me, there was something not right about the weblog journal topic!
as if I were validating a weakness, somehow. embracing it. my AUTISM is really something that happend on the way to something else! tis the price of being an old soul with lots of talants but with a small brain for a processor! thus "illegal action code; shut down", or "memory conflicts"! too....i will have more time for my real interests of the "afterlife".

some autistic people see their autism
AS AN END STATE!
"I am autistic" as in "I am"!
-----that subtle difference that is between "I feel hungry" and "I am hungry". thus some people who are autistic, they see themselves AS being autistic, instead of having an old soul with brainjams and not being able to use this autisticness as a talant!

Monday, January 07, 2002

yes here it is monday the 7th.

I awoke with yet another dream to ponder.

DREAM: i stood about 100 feet from my grandfather's cottage on Cayuga lake, about 100 to 150 feet from the dock the dock where i, in another dream , i leaped upwards in joy, exclaiming that my life's work was done and that then i flew to heaven and joined a school there and lived in room 219 as i died at "218"!
----yes that 218 has appeared in many of my late dreams.!!

so here i stood near the cliff, i glanced at my watch only to see that the face of the watch had fallen off of it, leaving only the empty clock-face! ["time has ended"!!]. i looked on the ground and i saw the clock dial and the hands pointed to 2:18!

2:18?!
218.
i was told,once, in a series of dreams, about some past lives that i lived. mostly the ages, the years lived: apparently "they" all worked on a Project that was longer than any one lifetime so that there was a thread of these. their numbers added up to
177. when i came to live in tallahassee in 1960, leaving Mother to go to college, even then i knew that i had left my childhood home in order to go live where i could live as an adult: thus tallahassee is my "soul home' where i lived my adult life as a soul.
this fall, i have lived here for 41 years.
177 + 41 = 218 !!!
that's it, the number revealed.

interesting....my childhood home where i was born is about 4 miles from this cottage, the cottage that i spent so much time at, with my grandparents. i am 60 now.....lets see....one mile per 15 years, of the four miles: that gives one to four months till i reach that dock!!!

-----i suppose one day, my friend who i gave my Password to, will come to this journal and write out..."it is so sad, freestone has apparently a good journal here about death and the afterlife, well he passed away a week ago!"

so until then, or until Spirit gives to me an Extension.....i will have some very very very interesting dreams to write up here!!
[a verbal "live cam" of someone who is living his life, looking over his shoulder at mr Death approaching with Palmtop in hand, with my Apppointment on its hard drive!!----staring mr Death face to Face: oughta be some interesting writeups!]
well i outdid myself in the dream department the other day!

another first person dream of Dying!

Tis amazing how this is.....many of my dreams have it where i am *as* another person, as if i were that person: someone i do not know at all. Thus i run through whatever experiences this person has, whatever. Am i dreaming his dream, with him? Am i using his images?
Small Point in question here.....Am i using his DREAMS or am i using what he sees? the dreams may be colored by his own slants upon life.
I use "he"....but ladies and children too, i guess: often i cannot tell the age or sex.

I have thus been killed many many times! I have drowned...been shot...fallen off of clifts...and dying of sickness, via other people.
I recall that homosexual orge that i attended AS one of the participants, maybe twenty men. all naked and writhing in a pile of sexing flesh. i awoke as i felt a penis going into my rectum!

I do NOT talk about these dreams to many, as i will offend most people with them. why i have dreamed bits of people's lives that DID NOT stop at that person's death!
who could i tell? who would understand? I am not liked very well as it is, there is no one that i talk to about these dreams and i expect this.....as WHO could i tell about the dream that i am about to relate here.

DREAM:
I am an old man, i guess, on his sickbed, in a nursing home, private room, or in his own house.
I lie there fully counscious, and i am aware that i am dying. I am aware that i have lived an OK life and i am also knowing that my life is over. This IS my deathbed and now or later i will die, within hours.
I am a mindfull man [college professor?!] and i do not believe in any kind of afterlife. I will be extinct upon death: this bothers me not as i know that i will not miss anything as there will be no ME, no awareness after i die....is a rock aware that it is dead?! thus i will slide into unknowingness soon.

this begins to happen. a band of a dark circle appears around my outer vision. I feel cold and darkness descends: i fall into darkness and i say 'goodbye and goodnight" as everything collapses into darkness and blackness!
Suddenly i am aware that i am aware!! I feel that my eyelids are closed and i see no more "black" on my eyelids: this troubles me as i am suppossed to be dead!
I open my eyes, i see the walls of my room as before. But i died!
A doctor then enters the room and i see him before me and he begins to examine my body, i try to talk and i raise my arm out to his arm and i suddenly see that my hand passess right through this doctor's arm as if i were a GHOST! He does not hear what i say and i pass right though him....how very very weird, i say. AND troubling!
I am dead but i still have an existance!!! but no one can see or hear me.
---next scene: some time must have passed. a lady appears in my room, she has a srange kind of glow about her that has her seem not like the "other people" who had come before her. she walks up to me and begins to talk to me and i can hear her quite good, much better than other people for some reason!
she tells me "that i am dead!!" she tells me that i must go on to heaven and depart from the earthstuckness of my room.

[perhaps "I" stayed a while of time in my room, being a ghost-indeed, and a psychic lady was brought by the family to "exorcize" my ghost!]

after she leaves, i ponder some more.....
i realize that i do live, somehow, after death and that there may be indeed a heaven up there in the sky and i do need to go to it. I do something that i rarely ever did, in my life.
I pray!
i prayed that if there was a God and a heaven that some angel would come and show me the way to the heaven that is supposed to be there.

I sit, then, in that empty room. suddenly i see motion over by the window! one of the plants by the window seems to have a life of its own and it is as if that plant is actually beckoning me to come to look out of the window! I walk over to look out. suddenly, i float out of the window and float out over the yard and circle about the yard, briefly, about ten feet off of the ground. Quite an exhilerating feeling!
then i begin to be drawn upwards as if there was some force or being that is doing this to me....i float upwards towards the sky....in an ever increasing feeling of JOY!
...the dreams ends.

Yes,what a very interesting dream: someone's death and afterlife. first person. Burned into my brain, the memories of that very very vivid dream. I wonder if such dreams are there in order to prepare ME for my own death?! My father had all of his relatives and friends prepare him for death, from about three or four years before he died. i say "prepared' as I and the others have dreams where my father was actually present in spirit in that person's dream, where Dudley was actually being instructed or shown....things about death and dyings!
thus i would imagine that i would thus be prepared before i die, also, in some way. messege to me: do not hang around the earthsphere, to go off and look at the scenery or to go to seee all of my friends and relatives, after i die: go off directly to heaven instead!

As i was present at my friend's wife's childbirth, of one of her kids...i can come to this conclusion:


that we all help each other to be born and to help each other to die!


Friday, January 04, 2002

I spent this morning creating my NEW weblog!

actually it is only a compilation of all my AUTISM- related articles and "what it is like for me to be autistic"!
they all are now in one place so that anyone can right away go to them if they are only interested in autism, instead of "alien abductions" or NDEs!

http://autismme.blogspot.com