Saturday, June 01, 2002

tis now June 1st.
a month or so ago, i had this here dream......[this was before the death notice dream!]
----that i was walking all the way from Florida to my childhood home in upstate new york! over 900 miles as the crow flies. like a "Pilgrams progress", I stoped at people's houses on the way there, starting out with several friends accompaning me, and one by one, each stopped at a house and did not go any further. the dream ended just as i got to the county line next to my home, some "870 miles" out of "900 miles" walked. a voice says..."you are ALONE and must walk the rest of the way ALONE: it is now June 1st"! [strong stress on the words "alone"!]

the old man stands on the alone stony road and faces that darkness in the Northeast!

STRANGE. my only real friend, here in tallahassee, on the last week in may, moved away from next door, the house, here on June 1st, is empty, for rent. Oh he owns the property and lives now 12 miles away, but his five kids and senile dad will keep him busy: i will not see him so much, how telling that he has just moved away in time for that dream!

then if this were not enough, in CASE i had forgot, i guess....there was last night's dream!
This was where i went to somewheres like a world of old people who lived in old houses, awaiting death.
there was some old lady who followed me around, in lonelyness and deathfears, i had to turn to her and yell out..."You have got to face death ALONE...you cannot go through other people to deny this, you cannot fill your days depending upon other people to assuage your lonelyness!"
ouch! dreams like this mean to me....I, freestone, am telling myself this", in the dream!!

strange...strange....i was thinking the other day how i more or less lived with my mother for a year before her death, lived near/with my father for a year before his death, lived with my sister a year before she lost her house and shortly after, she died.....there seems to be some kind of "Karma" here! even my SAM friend had ONE YEAR of being paralized, before he died...I will have one year, perhaps friendless.
But i can see why and how! Betcha i will have a *VERY* strange heaven experience, for a heaven life, a life that no one will be there with me, as it will be Unique only to me!
so my path will be Alone, most of my heaven, as well as for "now"!