Thursday, May 09, 2002

Today I went back to my dream that i had about a week ago.

[recap: dream began in my work computer room in my high school: suddenly all of the office computers and desks and everything else VANISHED! I ran into the hall and noted the clock says BOTH "7:20" and "7:30"! I told myself that..."I work till 9 pm, i will go upstairs to the Real Good Quality computer room, now, and leave the office"]

72 and 73....the timenumbers....
90, also.
Oh what an ART it is to interpet number dreams!

after a long reflection upon What these numbers Mean....again, there is this conclusion, based upon my life, private to all readers of this Journal!
between 72 to 90 is 18
between 73 to 90 is 17 added together, they are EXACTLY the amount of years between my childhood and when my life of Soul/Spirit life began, plus the time between when i nearly died in the 1993 Hospital to the 1998 time when i was supposed to have died. My life of Spirit had "not yet come down" into life-expression yet, when i was a boy of, say 12. it all was "up" in spirit: i was just only a kid. 20 5 .
that is what the "going upstairs" means! my "center of Spirit" gravity is upstairs, not manifest upon the earth, when i was a child.

so what about AFTER 1998?! as i have been told often...all of my Spiritual life, the "center of gravity" of my soul-spirit life expression is "upstairs"! a somewhat abstract saying: what does it mean for ME...NOW?!

well....
it would mean that i am maybe "12 years old", and will be until i die, my Spirit path is now over.
[oh that Omenious mother experience just before i went off to college, just before i left to begin my spiritual life, two months before...
This experiece, taken symbolicly...says all!!---as a kind of PROPHECY!
Seems i went on a Baptist church canoe trip the summer before to CANADA and the beloved Minister now wanted me to go
this summer, not *as* just a camper, but to be a co-leader with him "to help lead the boys".
Mother told me i could not go; too many dentist appointments. i got Rev. Black to come down to try to talk my mother into letting me go. mom would not budge an inch!! I had lots of dental work done, that summer, instead....I told people that
"God himself could not get my mother to let me go to Canada to help lead the younger boys"!
CANADA=death Minister=God]

thus even God cannot bring me Home, at my 1998 life-end, my Spirit work is now completed and all of my Soul/Spirit Properties have now been "UPLOADED" into heaven: but Mom wins!
! !
"mom" wins out over God! the earth and body and the matters of what is meant by that term "mother"---------
I now Might live until my Genes run down, at old age, if Earthchanges do not get to me first!
I am 60 now...i could live until i am 70...80...or more......
But with no Spiritual missions or properties or of that!!
w-e-i-r-d!
......as if the whole office moved upstairs leaving only a "Robo-cam", a remote camera, in that empty office that is of my life!!
Guess i will be 12 years old for awhile!

the play may be over and the other actors and the audience has Left the audtorium. I am ALONE upon my stage, alone with the empty props, the lights dim a bit, but they will stay on as long as i am on the stage. All people who try to come down from the upstairs offices to fetch me off of the stage, they find that they cannot get to me!
I could be on that stage for *quite* a while!

maybe i can do anything! even "that"! or nothing. There is now no need to please anyone who demands my time.
no family, no children....no career, a disibilty pension.
? ? ?
I will try to be always AWAKE, always trying to express my Self, in anything that i do...
stay tuned....as long as the Libraries let me into their computer areas, i can still keep this journal.