Wednesday, March 06, 2002

sigh.
here i sit at the computer, mind a blank. 100 things to say as i walk around, in my day, but when i sit here???
i note something...this is why i read few few books!
for me to think *IS* to move! why i can recall how once i begun a real real good book, opened the book and begun on page one and that very first paragrapth, oh it was SO profound, so profound that i had to get right up and take a mile long walk in order to digest what i read and then spend all day on it.

never opened the book again.....

if i sit still the meditate, why i just sit there and space out!
gotta MOVE!! then i can think.
and read a book?? why i have to read ALL of that book in one sitting! if i read part of it and set the book down, why POOF what i read is gone gone gone..
[do ya remember what you had for lunch on july 23rd of 1992? why dont ya remember?
*that* is what it is for me to come back to a book after i put it down!]
if someone were to ask me my philsopophy of life and somehow i were to tell them, and someone else asks me that question an hour later, i would have to do it all over again from sratch as POOF it is gone, what i had gotten together.....

after a while, i stopped buying books! i tossed out the ten books that i had with me the other week, after all, i had moved them through four moves and each was half-read, or less, never never to be opened again!
computer games too! i play them a lot, and i have trouble keeping my place in the games from day to day! i have to park my character somewheres that i can immedieately recall or i spend ten minutes re-calling where i was.
-----yes, rumminations as what it is like to be AUTISTIC!