Monday, January 07, 2002

well i outdid myself in the dream department the other day!

another first person dream of Dying!

Tis amazing how this is.....many of my dreams have it where i am *as* another person, as if i were that person: someone i do not know at all. Thus i run through whatever experiences this person has, whatever. Am i dreaming his dream, with him? Am i using his images?
Small Point in question here.....Am i using his DREAMS or am i using what he sees? the dreams may be colored by his own slants upon life.
I use "he"....but ladies and children too, i guess: often i cannot tell the age or sex.

I have thus been killed many many times! I have drowned...been shot...fallen off of clifts...and dying of sickness, via other people.
I recall that homosexual orge that i attended AS one of the participants, maybe twenty men. all naked and writhing in a pile of sexing flesh. i awoke as i felt a penis going into my rectum!

I do NOT talk about these dreams to many, as i will offend most people with them. why i have dreamed bits of people's lives that DID NOT stop at that person's death!
who could i tell? who would understand? I am not liked very well as it is, there is no one that i talk to about these dreams and i expect this.....as WHO could i tell about the dream that i am about to relate here.

DREAM:
I am an old man, i guess, on his sickbed, in a nursing home, private room, or in his own house.
I lie there fully counscious, and i am aware that i am dying. I am aware that i have lived an OK life and i am also knowing that my life is over. This IS my deathbed and now or later i will die, within hours.
I am a mindfull man [college professor?!] and i do not believe in any kind of afterlife. I will be extinct upon death: this bothers me not as i know that i will not miss anything as there will be no ME, no awareness after i die....is a rock aware that it is dead?! thus i will slide into unknowingness soon.

this begins to happen. a band of a dark circle appears around my outer vision. I feel cold and darkness descends: i fall into darkness and i say 'goodbye and goodnight" as everything collapses into darkness and blackness!
Suddenly i am aware that i am aware!! I feel that my eyelids are closed and i see no more "black" on my eyelids: this troubles me as i am suppossed to be dead!
I open my eyes, i see the walls of my room as before. But i died!
A doctor then enters the room and i see him before me and he begins to examine my body, i try to talk and i raise my arm out to his arm and i suddenly see that my hand passess right through this doctor's arm as if i were a GHOST! He does not hear what i say and i pass right though him....how very very weird, i say. AND troubling!
I am dead but i still have an existance!!! but no one can see or hear me.
---next scene: some time must have passed. a lady appears in my room, she has a srange kind of glow about her that has her seem not like the "other people" who had come before her. she walks up to me and begins to talk to me and i can hear her quite good, much better than other people for some reason!
she tells me "that i am dead!!" she tells me that i must go on to heaven and depart from the earthstuckness of my room.

[perhaps "I" stayed a while of time in my room, being a ghost-indeed, and a psychic lady was brought by the family to "exorcize" my ghost!]

after she leaves, i ponder some more.....
i realize that i do live, somehow, after death and that there may be indeed a heaven up there in the sky and i do need to go to it. I do something that i rarely ever did, in my life.
I pray!
i prayed that if there was a God and a heaven that some angel would come and show me the way to the heaven that is supposed to be there.

I sit, then, in that empty room. suddenly i see motion over by the window! one of the plants by the window seems to have a life of its own and it is as if that plant is actually beckoning me to come to look out of the window! I walk over to look out. suddenly, i float out of the window and float out over the yard and circle about the yard, briefly, about ten feet off of the ground. Quite an exhilerating feeling!
then i begin to be drawn upwards as if there was some force or being that is doing this to me....i float upwards towards the sky....in an ever increasing feeling of JOY!
...the dreams ends.

Yes,what a very interesting dream: someone's death and afterlife. first person. Burned into my brain, the memories of that very very vivid dream. I wonder if such dreams are there in order to prepare ME for my own death?! My father had all of his relatives and friends prepare him for death, from about three or four years before he died. i say "prepared' as I and the others have dreams where my father was actually present in spirit in that person's dream, where Dudley was actually being instructed or shown....things about death and dyings!
thus i would imagine that i would thus be prepared before i die, also, in some way. messege to me: do not hang around the earthsphere, to go off and look at the scenery or to go to seee all of my friends and relatives, after i die: go off directly to heaven instead!

As i was present at my friend's wife's childbirth, of one of her kids...i can come to this conclusion:


that we all help each other to be born and to help each other to die!