Saturday, January 12, 2002

the Kids without a Trellis!

---I was reminded about when i lived in my 1998 hometown, today. i lived in The Duplex From Hell, there.
Oh so many tales.....

.....the two teenagers who lived with dad, the dad who was getting the bad divorce, the dad who tried to commit suicide while i lived above him, the dad who got a raise and bought a brand new car and TOTALED it, in a wreck, in three days! [the son told me: "that is his 5th totaled car in six years"!]
Father tried, but life was too too much.
so these two kids...well, the daughter HAD an apt, but her guy stole all but the fry pan and ran off to nyc, so she came to live with dad and the 16 year old son. they both watched tv as a kind of life-calling, and they cooked their meals by the "Burn Method"! that is...they throw their food on the fry pan and go watch tv until the smoke comes to them and they run cursing to the stove through the clouds of smoke to rescue the black food: utterly foolish of me to put batteries into my smoke detector, upstairs.
betcha these two kids never never ever ate anything home-made, like cookies or pie ....other than burned food...take-out pizza was the cornerstone of their nutrition!
how are ya gonna raise up that grapevine without a trellis for it to climb up upon, in order to keep the grapes from rotting on the ground?! what role model does these kids have?! as i left, the son fell in with a boy or two and they all stole a three-wheeler...yes JAIL will probably be the trellis....for most of his adult life...then he "childates"

["child-ates"...as in....."getting a lady pregnant and then vanishing so that there is not even child support payments for that child and yet another child grows up to enrich the coffers of Jail supply and equipment suppliers!!].

then there was the lady who was very very angry at me as she moved out as i did not do what she wanted me to...apparently to *immediately* go to bed-sex with her, the third day after she moved in!
THIS irks me, as i had a friend in 1990 gainesville who firmly believed, at age of 59 or so...that the only "handshake' that a woman respects is to go to bed with her! cannot get her respect unless you DO this...he says! i try not to belive him...but life is proving me wrong, over the years!
OH!
you, reader, strongly disagree?!! wanna, even, write to me and to flame me a bit over this issue that
i am a "sexist"!? [like that guy who flamed me for being a racist!]

w-e-l-l.....it is like this, if this bothers you, then you are spiritually AHEAD of many many people as you have Something Else in your life that is REAL besides sex and the Relationship-is-all(I am nothing without a man!)!!! for these ladies, this sex-thing IS all for them, as their is nothin else!
i see that for many woman, this sex thing is *ALL* that they have! not going to bed in ten seconds...is a personal affront that touches their very Soul! denies them as a human being, as a person, an individual, as my denial is a personal affront( aren't I good enough for ya?!)
enemy for life...is the result of denying their wants.

for that is the only Meaning-pattern that they have! like that teen age boy who would *much* rather pal around with another trouble-kid and go to jail over it as this pal-ing with other outlaws that are themselves lonely as they are outcasts.... is ALL, as this pal-seeker has no other thing of importance going for him!
remember how the ny Times had this article about how a teen age harlem/yonkers ghetto kid shot and killed another man as the stranger passed him on the sidewalk and the stranger did not look at and acknoledge his presence...so he shot and killed him and his only defense was..."he did not give to me any respect"!
little old ladies shook their heads, saying how bad the world had come!
NO!
the teen's ego was wounded because that ego is the *ONLY* thing that he has! just imagine, folks, the hell of his ghetto apt complex where fear rules and evey mother has kids without a daddy and there are four kids in his family all by different men and mom is a crack addict. that "respect *IS* all, for this kid and killing for lack of it it is a logical response! how would YOU like to be shown that your only goodness is meaningless, and if that only goodness is in getting physical respect, upon the sidewalks, and if someone ignores you: killing or beating up that person is a quite logical response...no social worker, i feel, understands this!!
like sex is for some women: tis all they have, all the meaning of life that they have.....

I got a letter from a guy today, he moans about how now his life is utterly without meaning, as his ex is ALL for him and she ignores him...the ex's mother writes to me how when the bad divorce occurred, he came down to mom and spent fours hours a DAY...for a month of this...four hours a day, just a-pouring out his pain pain pain pain pain pain pain pain: threatened suicide too: eventually she got him to a counselor.
that was last year. he still has only ONE egg, in his life-basket: HER! his life is utterly without meaning, purpose, or direction, without her! suicide could well be an Option for him, some day!
he will be without meaning until she comes around and loves him utterly and comsumingly, 26 hours a day, where five minutes going alone to the store, by him, IS abandonment! she better dare not have any life of her own as that will be abandonment too!

I knew a tallahassee man who his friend warned me: "never Never give out your phone number to him, i had my phone disconnected because he would call 30 times a day and talk till i slammed down the reciever...do not ever ever tell him where you live or you WILL have him for a roomate 25 hours a day"!
--i eventually met him. he looked and acted like he was 18. he talked every single second about this here girl that consummed him and she does not even look at him....i eventually walked away. i met his friend later, he tells me that this here guy has been like this with THIS SAME GIRL FOR TEN YEARS OR MORE! every minute of those years he talks of nothing else but of her and his needs to get her to love him!
oh!
he is 42 years old!!

---so what i am saying here.....is how these people, to me, all have a very common thread: no Soul...no Spirit. nothing outside of themselves....their Compass of life is held close to their Iron belt buckle and this compass only points to themselves or their percieved mirror of themselves. so they wander around the thick woods of life, lost: no pole star of Spirit for them, as their compass does not point to anything outside of their own little world!