Wednesday, January 30, 2002

I Sense That I Am At A Major Crossroads, here!
at this time.

--must be there is a kind of "multiple realities" where i am to die in months...or not to die in months: my dreams, upon closer inspection/meditation, seems to indicate this!!

so i made major Prayer to Spirit over this and thus i chose to ask to live here on earth...last night!!

there is another major split also in my life, the split between being AUTISTICLY incapible of using my "old soulness"...and the Percheived-by-others as well as myself, of my "old soulness"!

so from now on, until my health declines or Spirit chooses to take me to heaven....i will autisticly live in this very very interesting world.

some major major quickly stated Plans come to me, some intents...

this morning, i had about 15 pages of dreamwriteups, in my dream journal: i threw them all out!
I then threw out my 5 books, books on "spitiual matters"...none of them very profound, these books, but i moved them for about three moves of 1200 miles each move, and they are only 1/3 read!
i never never never finish a book that i start: WHEN will i learn?!
maybe now...
seems that i goota read all of the book in one sitting, nonstop, or else...or else if i put it down for just a second, it is over with, all gone.
too, sometimes i have actually begun a book and one paragraph into it i got so so excited about it that i needed to take a mile long walk, NOW, and then never restart it, after that one mile digesstion of the book!
no more books! only browse in the stores; besides the INK is too too often bothersome to my lung-disibility!

I have been to heaven: that is enough. i know that there is a cabin on the very very edge of the Mountain-land, just awaiting me...on the *very* edge, i am shown....
that is also enough, the very edge....

when i play computer games, .....RPGs...if i enter a level or a new game zone, i have learned that i need to explore EVERY bit of that zone before going on to the next zone; it will be the same in this mountain land, probably i will spend 20 years there, and just explore the area, not even joining any schools or temples, just to explore...

i have been to heaven many many times, that is enough...enough to know that heaven is there and i will not die.
now thenit is time to live here on earth, Consume and Use and Grow from it...gotta be the stock clerk with the clipboard...before becoming the clerk I and the Clerk II and the Manager and the Supervisor...let alone the President...of the Firm!
the very verybest CEOs....work up from the bottom!