Monday, December 31, 2001

Morning coffee at Macdonalds. I had just bought my morning paper: the first article caught my eye. I read it, it was about how a church that served the homeless in Frenchtown has to close as the city is buying the property to "upgrade frenchtown" to help its economic recovery. the Minister laments about how frenchtown is full of poverty and homeless people who have very little help.
suddenly a whole group of homeless people come into my area and one of them grabs my paper off of my table and sits down to read it as if it is his. the rest of the paper follows.. it IS his, i sense...everything in the world, i sense, is his. I sense that there is no conception that this paper was mine to begin with and no conception that he should even think of giving it back! i look around and see that all of the 7 am customers, all ten or fifteen, are "homeless"!
i get up and leave, leaving my 2/3 drunk coffee cup on the table: no use in arguing, no use in confronting them all, as my argument would have utterly no meaning to this guy with "my" paper! maybe a fistfight would speak his language, but that would not convince him!

probably the arguement, in his court, is simple....
"they have, i need"....and....."they do not give mine to me: then i get upset"!
----what could be more simple and basic: "there is food on someone's table and i am hungrey and thus he should give it to me. PERIOD. end of argument and "philosophings!""!

ahem!
---probably i will rant a LOT, more further, in this Journal, about "the homeless", as time goes on....!
why?!
----because, one, i see them everyday. i am single and alone and i wander the streets a lot and i do not eat at "el ritzo cafe" with my pension, so i share much of the physical world with the homeless and the outcast and the criminal minds...as i do not have a nice house in suburbia with three kids, a wife, and a $78,000 job!
And, two....in a nutshell, tis obvious to me the MOST of what i feel to be Interesting, real, and true, has utterly utterly not a shred of meaning to these men! and "why" this is so?!

Monkeys partaking of a Christmas Rennesance recreation madgrigal Dinner feast. Discoursing Kant and Plato to the hungrey racoons out by the trash cans!

I had a dreamvision once: it was where Krisna was walking pied piperly with his Flute, and the animals followed him along the trail. Think "Pied Piper piping to draw the rats along, out of the city"! I could notice that all of the animals who followed Krisna were the Domesticated animals of Mankind...cats, cows, horses...etc...etc.
In the rear, peeking out of the woods, looking at Krisna, Interested in maybe following him too, were the wild animals!
Interesting!!
I saw this as this: that in the heaven-language, a "young boy"[Krisna] means, "a God". the "domesticated animals" means "people with the Spirit of the Lord=Spirit, the Holy Spirit, within their hearts. the "wild animals" means the people who have NO spirit within their hearts. This dream seemed to infer that as the domesticated animals follow Krisna, they would become "young boys" eventually. [Ye shall be as Gods".....] so "an animal" means, "a man"...and "a young boy" means "a God"!
I guess this is why God incarnated AS a man[avataria] so to turn all men into Gods!! this is what i got from that dream!

A writer wrote....."behold the pet dog, sitting in his master's house, awaiting the master's return from work. as soon as the car pulls into the drive, he yelps and runs around so eagerly. yes, this dog treats his master as if he were a God, only wants just a little love from his master each and every day. his whole day is centered around his adoration of his master...
and, yes, someday, after this dog dies, he may get a chance to actually incarnate AS a man, a human soul to a-get: his apprentice-ship with being a pet, got some humanity to get into his dog-soul. Thus these dog pets are entities that are on their way to becoming men, by soaking up the Love that men give to them!
AS....the Men are on their way to becoming Gods! [who are WE pets to??!]

the homeless in macdonalds...this is why i have an interest in the homeless....and in the other "outsiders"! most of these people have *very* little of spirit inside of their souls, if any at all! Thus i have this small "cosmic" question....how does they ever GET this Spirit into their souls?!

Now, they each seem so "self-centered"! they do not know the New healing maxim: "the patient, under medical care, should take an active part, in his own healing"!
I sense that these men only feel their needs as being Important and that they are utterly unaware of how their vibes and attitudes affect people around them. Thus how can they learn to Take part in their own reformations?!
like:
that alcoholic who lived over me, years ago, who was finally, after three years, getting his drivers license back after the 3rd DWI in two years. I saw him storm up to the stairs, as i left my apartment and he dumped all of his anger onto me, telling me that "this fucking bitch of a lady who manned the license counter would not sign such and such form so i have to come back next week" then he stormed off into his room!
my take?
---that this was 4pm on a friday and this lady had a *very* long hard day and she was at the end of her rope of mood, and this guy, who hates all of most such offices of government, why he stormed up to her desk with a great anger and this anger upset this lady so much that she just closed down and denied relating with him! So here he is...he was cluless as to how HE figured into the problem: he blamed HER for all of her reaction, not even knowing that he was really the cause of it all. Probably his whole life was like that! I probably would never be able to tell him...soon he moved away...

thus these macdonalds "homeless" men get angry a lot over how all of the rest of humanity makes it SO hard for them, being clueless over how that they have an attittude that is not "nice". no one but that "monk" loves to pick up Scorpions! and they are angry because they are NOT permitted to Be Scorpians and they blame everyone else for not accepting all of thei real needs and bitches: they want to live AS scorpions and to have the world ACCEPT their scorpion-ness, and to have all of the people around them LOVE them AS scorpions!!
"wild animals"
---as the first baptist minister might put it...."how can they become Saved?!
I, who will become a helper to healing Angels, after i die, would wonder, NOW, how these men can have Spirit in their souls, before they die, so that they can at least be enrolled into the healing center classes, after they arrive there at death!
I can now very very sense how Krisna wrote, in the Gita, how He must Re-incarnate form age to age, so that he can RADIATE outwards, from his incarnated body while on earth, the God-Vibrations, so that all of Humanity is Pierced in their souls by the "arrows" of Godlove vibrations, so that all of humanity recieves His Blessings and the Collective human race has each person in it become more "spiritual" just by soaking up the Bestowal of Krisna!

Better Come Soon, Krisna!!

Saturday, December 29, 2001

sobering....

as that eclipse full moon targets my 6 degree Cancer sun sign degree, I sense the Course of my life.
Many Answers to years-long Questions, about Motives and Actions, during my 60 years of life.

I confront the "Last Unaccepted Cuss Word"!
I find a swear word, a "dirty word" that i would agree should never never be accepted by anyone!
----this is where one Knows the matter, and relative timings, of his Immanent death! If he were to tell someone, while in relative health: THAT is this "cuss word"!

[only if i were very sick and on my death bed, would i tell someone who i really know and love, that my death is near.]

My close friend of 25 years lives right next door, with his five kids and sick father. If i were to tell him that spirit tells me that i am to die soon, why i would be a "rainstorm upon his picnic" as he is 50 years old and in the prime of life. I do not want to burden him with the News, or have him worrey about me having Delusions, psychologically. this would be in effect even if a had an X-ray photo of some tumor in my brain that gives to me "only months"!
Telling my friend...telling all of my relatives and other friends, why that would be like telling a family as they are getting into their car to go off to the lakeside for a nice family picnic..."that my weather internet radar map shows a squall line of heavy rain coming in four hours even though now it is nice and warm and sunny"!! they may well have a wonderfull picnic, for the three hours before the rain comes: why would i want to ruin it even before they go?!!

so i will not tell anyone, face to face.

why my mother's vision ten years before she died....that she was to die in ten years at dusk with a red sports car coming into her lane....she only told her husband/my father. I only learned about this vision when my father told one friend, and this friend told ME, 11 years later when father was on his own Hospital/nursing home death bed! I knew for years that Mother was afraid of driving at dusk: she never never mentioned WHY. she essentually told no one...and it Came To Pass, right down to the color of the car! If she told people, most would not have belived her. in a sense it would be much much WORSE if they did believe her!!
how would YOU like to "live with mr death"...knowing that your signifigent other is going to die in two years and you believe the Spirit Messege/Doctors that told your lover! you would ALSO have to have your own aceptance of death, and of the afterlife, Firmly established in your heart, before you could take such a belived messege
without great concern/worry/fear! fear for that person and fear for yourself! Rain on a picnic. fire alarm at the party...the ultimate "life-party pooper"! Like frosting the growing tip of a delicate plant, ceasing its growth.....if you shared such visions with your close friends and relatives.

I am getting SERIOUS stuff that tells me that i will not live beyond my birthday, June 28th, more than a month or three! maybe even before that! if NOT actually dying: then every bit of my life-work-missions, has been finished and
i would be like of a man who has been Laid Off from his company, with nothing more to do!!
Over the years, there were several vision dreams about how my life comes in stages, and there are seven of them. I was shown that...in october of 1979...that "5/7th of my life has now been finished"!
In october of 1996, there was a small "accident" where there was a small wound on my inner arm, near my wrist. a deep scratch, really. only thing was....that wound-scar was in a *PERFECT* "seven"!!
the number "7" burned, cut, onto my arm: it was there for months! e-x-a-c-t-l-y a "7", no one could have wrote it better, not even a "mechanical drawing student"! it was about three inches long, this "7".
NOW....it is "7/7th"!!! now, today....this december, plus or minus a month or two...
I can tell no one that i know.....
even if i am "wrong" or "spirit overwrites this with a life-extension"...I probably OUGHT to move away from my favorite city...Tallahassee...and never look back, at the middle of the summer of 2002, if extended!!
why?
the apple ROTS, after the perfect Ripeness! that "ending" is so profound, if i did NOT move, it would be like of a man who utters one-half of a sentence and then walks away letting the sentence just hang there, unfinished! the profound "ending", of my maybe-death, is so...that if it does not occur, i must MAKE it occur, by moving away for good to a new city...to "die" symbolicly!

----anyone who follows this Journal....ought to be Some Interesting Writings Ahead, Folks, from now until the middle of August....IF i am here that long!!

Friday, December 28, 2001

ouch!
the spellings that i do not catch!
i would have to go back and re-do my whole last post, to correcct the spellings! between my keyboard that my big fingers do not like and my
Normalness called "dylexsia"...i reverse the letters and mess up too too much!
dylexia is "normal"?!

ok
type out the word "hill". think about that word, what is the sequence of events?
why the sequence is...that the last letter though of is the letter behind you, the "l". the first letter is the last one to look back on, like looking backwards along a line of fenchposts just walked by no one would ever ever say that the very first post in the row is the one to look at first: one looks at the one that is just behind you and then go backwards from that.

thus what i say...is that we all have artifically learned to reverse the order of thinking when writing out spellings in words: the dylesictic has trouble learning something artifical!
like: WHO would say that the first of the month, at the present "now" date of the 28th of the month, was the closer date? most people would say that the 27th was closer, being yesterday.
but that is how a dylestic THINKS when writing!......in my opinion! he thinks normally.
autistic people too, like me!

so i wil butcher the president's english, thank you.....or else i will never ever get to write anything!
yuuch!

I went to read at length one of the links on my sidebar and i found it very very wanting!
i removed it.
tis was a major channeling link, no one probably saw it as i just put it there. alein entities, like the RA group, only another....I could spent days...reading it.
it was a group that more or less says that the Contrails are to limit our population and princess Dianna was messed with and that Secret organizatios rule the world and are responsibel for *EVERYTHING* !

the pit looms!
the deep deep pit that is in the internet, the pit of links that go on and on and on and on, with capital lettered words in every paragraph.....

endless cups of coffee and only a fork to eat it by. no way for me to grapple onto truth, no way to reality-check a bit of it! "eating coffee with a fork"....a perfect picture for me, as it is a *bit* hard to eat coffee just by dipping a fork into it and putting that fork into your mouth, in order to "drink" that coffee!

I took it off.
in a way, all of the Paranoia-rants are too too "materialsistic" for me! they all are saying, these sites, is that the material world is Important, as an END in and of itself!
I do not care to read that Jesus married and had three kids and now there are 300,000+ descendants in the world. 500 pages of stuff like this!!
no way to prove. many of these site's mental gymnastics of abstractions are like jet contrails above my head at 40,000 feet: so pretty but So out of reach for my outstretching arms and my mind to touch!

Iknow that i have been to heaven. that is enough.
I will save my valuable link-space for Interesrting stuff that i like.
there was a man on the bus who reminded me of my Obligation!

the Obligation that will come to me, in my future, from at least two dreams that i had, during the last two years!

----In the first dream, i was sitting at a table and there was a man opposite me. He asked of me a Question.
Interesting looking man: he was a short stocky man who wore a very deep orange robe. His hair was "Afro", but not so kinky in curls. His face was round, there was a mole on one of his cheeks. black shining eyes....
He put a question to me. he asks me...."Do you wish to help me with the Progression and Spiritual Advancements of millions of souls, after you die"?!!
(feeling of-----"I need, in the name of spirit, all the help that i can get, the need is so great, many many are needed"!)
probably Sathya Sai baba!

----second dream, a dream, last year, about a year later. In this dream, i am shown a "high school-like" building. a school, a school IN heaven, a school that i WILL go to after i die. In this school, i am shown, i will go to classes to learn. (probably how to help souls advance!)
interesting what the dream-Guide told me! he says that these classess will have to do with..."magic, psychic, spirit...."!
(no, this will not be a "1st baptist church religion school"!! they, the baptist church, would probably NOT like any of these courses!)

So this man on the bus reminds me of this Promise that i made.....from the two dreams above...

here was a man who i gut-level did not like! Instantly and gut level, at least in the "dos" level, if not the BIOS level, of my "computer" soul! any "win98" programing, in my brain, was instantly bypassed. He was sitting near me. he talked in a very lilting, theatrical, tone of voice. sounded like "fingernails on the blackboard" to me! made my skin crawl! he joked, extrovertly, and constantly, and everyone on the bus just loved it. if i shut my eyes, i would think it was a lady talking...the ladies on the bus loved him!
I turned to him to mention something about Tallahassee, as he had just put the city down.
I looked into the guts of a meat grinder! that was his face: a meat grinder, all churning and twisted. He made some snide remark, that had hidden in it, great putdowns for anything of Spiritual value! For the next ten blocks, everyone just seemed to love him: i detected that he thought very very little of me, though, and i would "love to pick him up just like i would a scorpion"!
---was it because he was "theatrical-GAY"? or was it something deeper?
[ya know...I can see why so many homo men are into the Theater, the stage, as most of their lives are utterly an ACT! they play a part, wear a mask, hid their real selves, thus they are actors on the stage, as most of their lives of rich sexuality, must be hidden from the straights...that CLOSET that must be lived in!]
so did i dislike him because he was gay? No, it goes deeper than that...here is a man who might be even a "psychpathic personality"! all of his inner pain pain, he lies first to himself, over; then he can lie to others.

my Obligation?!
that after i die, i may well spend months and years living with this guy, being a "guide" to this guy! "YEARS"...as in maybe ten to fifty heavenly years!
why HIM?
because we made contact, that is why! three minutes on the bus....
live a whole 60 years as a roomate to him, a Personal Counselor? why i have touched or have been touched, by probably 300,000+ people, over the 60 years that i have lived: you mean that i could spend 1 to 100 years with EACH?!
well, the Owner's manual, the Bible, talks about what ETERNITY and INFINITY is....in eternity, there is *quite* enough time, for to live with "millions of souls"!
why i could be sitting with someone, in my heavenly house, and this GUY walks in and i say "goodbye" to my friend, to go off to live with this visitor, for 100 years. after the 100 years are over, i leave him and then come back to my house and find my friend sitting there. He ought to be there, as a tenth of one second has gone by, for my friend! I go "right angle" to live with the visitor, as a sheet of paper is .001 inch thik: but can be yards long, at right angles: this is how i sense time in heaven.

so.
this guy on the bus, even now, i try to find ways to "love him", to understand him, as i try even the harder to do in my daily travels, with anyone that i care not for, as when i die and go to heaven-school, i will learn how to be of HealingHelp, to them, after they arrive in heaven after i die! I will join the Team of the Healing Angels and Angelic souls, i guess, after my school is over with.
sure humbling to me here, to know that i cannot AFFORD to dislike *anyone*! why i could be soon spending years...years, with a tall thin bearded man who directed two airplanes into an American skyscraper!! really! I have alread, in my astral travels, OBE, faced David Koresh, of the Waco temple, and probably will be Buddy to him too, after i die! I have to ,now, be prepared to learn how the motives of ben Laben may have been utterly different from what everyone thinks presently!
ugads....a million years of "eating crow"....as i relate with child sex men and Columbia drug lords and sarcastic business CEOs, after i die, in the Healing Centers...and probably for *quite* a while!

Thursday, December 27, 2001

I was in Barnes and Noble, the bookstore/coffee house combination, the other day, for my usual java hit. I walked back to the bathroom, before i settled down with my coffee and a new york Times. I do this about 1pm nearly every day that i am free to do this: i pass by all the books on the way back to the rear of the store.
On this particular day, i noticed something. Oh nothing changes,really, from day to day on the shelves, perhaps except that this book and that book changes.....but in the seeings of the familiar, often there is a certain seeing, out of dozens and dozens of these seeings of the same thing, that "it hits home"; that a Real perception is made!
This seeing of the books was such an event.
This is where i really really notice how the book covers showed SO MUCH creative graphics! I am 60, now, and the book covers of 1958, high school days, and the book jackets of even the late 60s, well dull by comparison! i really noted how much the cover illustrations have changed over the years, from. say, about 1965.
"creative graphics"....that is what i saw! hard for me to write what i mean by that expression. It was MORE than that there was just more graphical drawings and more expressive artwork, on these covers.
somehow, here, i had a KNOWING, a SEEING ( ala Don Juan/carlos casstennada) that what i am seeing, in these books, is the spiritual evolution of our collective souls!
there is much more imagination, today.....whether for "good" or "bad"! The illustrators of these books were very imaginative, in the artwork, of the drawings; almost as if
*everyone* now is capable of enjoying "Lord of the Rings"! Fantasy....role-playings...Dreams....
---that life is more than "just the naked object"; that objects have an inner life and that inner life is connected to our own lives, personally!
Tis as if there is more creative imagination being done by us all, these days: as if Spirit smote us all with some lightning flash of Spirit, Illuminating each of our souls!
---and Juicing us all to the max: the electric wire comes down onto the cow pasture: "just look at 'em dance, Zeke, out in the field, the cows"!
---somehow, what i was seeing, was more than just "xmas promo"....this was a kind of, for ME, a kind of judgement upon our souls, of a very very positive nature.
we all are Doing better than the Critics say we are: things are very OK with our Spiritual Development!

a few years ago, when i lived in my hometown, i spent an afternoon at the nearby University: Cornell, at Ithaca. after some coffee at Mossewood resturant, i took the bus up the hill and hung out in the library, where it was warmer tha the Ithaca weather. there on the wall, on the shelves, was 20 to 40 years of past copies of the University Newspaper: "the Cornell Sun". all of them, going back to at least the 1950s.
nearby, were long empty reading tables-----i had an inspiration: i was going to pull out at random, an issue from the late 1950s, then an issue from about 1973, and a final issue during the currant year.
lay them side by side, open to the same page for all three, each.
I could SEE it, from ten feet away!! The radical radical change in counsciouness from the 1958 paper to the 1973 paper: i could see it in the ad-graphics alone!
1958? -----why conservative blocky ads that hawked suits and a kind of "thud" mentality. grey. button down. "ivy league".
1973? ---i could see the psychedelic graphics and the tone of the ads.....
later issue? ---the same imaginations, but somewhat codefied into banners and sloguns.....NOW there was more more "political sensitivity issues" in the paper.

side by side, an achelogical dig into shalerock layers of CornellSuns. lay them side by side: see the difference from ten feet away.
the evolution of counsciouness of a Race, over Time.

Wednesday, December 26, 2001

well i had a nice xmas.

quit but nice, i went to have dinner with a friend and her mother. She is 82 and OK!

yet AGAIN i had to endure the long lonely walk to some xmas-open cafe, the long long lonely walk past 15 homeless people, all men!
oh i like to walk alone and xmas walk was especially nice and quiet and the very quiet am at 8 am was nice. but as i got to the downtown there was the homeless...good thing the city and a church had xmas dinner [ i read later] ready for them at noon!

again, as i passed each and every one of them, i pondered.....

there was that guy again in his park. HIS park as he LIVES there, sleeps there, spends all of evey hour there. except for the coffee he buys with the bathrooms there at the coffee shop, and the food at the slavation army...he stands or sits all day on the benches. and i mean s-i-t!! he will sit there for 8 or more hours a day...once a month they give to him new pants as the underwear is now utterly showing through as the whole bottoms are worn out of the pants seat!!
for over a year now: his life is on one acre!!

i wonder as i see him every day. does he Work Out Inner Stuff, as he sits....one day maybe he will jump off of his bench and run Off With Inner Convictions to Do Some great Works!
or...is there some Damage done by his parents to him as a kid so that anything that he does will immediately invoke a father-conflict, such that this sitting is ALL that he CAN do, for the rest of his life?

reminds me.......

in my 1997 hometown, i rented the downstairs of a duplex over and under and there was a father with two kids living below, a father undergoing a bad divorce. he tried to commit suicide once and the next door kid had already done that successfully, a year before i came. This father bought a new car and in three days totaled in in drunk. son tells me that this is his 5th car that he has done this to!
now the son is 16....he is built like a refrigerator and he and older sister sit and watch tv most of their days...son tells me that he TRIES to stay out of trouble and to TRY to find work. father works long hours at a print shop: not home much. all three of them cook by the "BURN METHOD"! father and kids just throw something on the stove and go watch tv and when they smell the smoke of it burning they cuss cuss and come running: tis a stupid thing for me, if i chose to actually USE my smoke detector up stairs as it would go off every day! when not burning...why takeout-pizza is the foundation stone of their nutrition!
and yes the kids cuss cuss cuss...why cuss like breathing, like everybreath. [my last two years in Interlaken was two years in HELL!!]

as i think about this kid, who has a bit of "I try", but his emotions carry him away from any doings of Good or self-buildings...
he has become somewhat of a symbol for something...

too too bad he could not go out and CREATE! what i mean is that one, i find, is that Imust actually WORK at living life! one must work at stopping from being bored. many of the homeless and the bored teens, why they let the sauce of life pour over them like they were an inert pudding just sitting there! sitting in front of tv, is like being that couch mashed potato and the gravey of tv just a-pours over you: IT does all the work onto ya and you just sit there, on the couch or as in the life!
As i looked out of a train window onto the Mohawk valley, near Utica....leaving Interlaken in 1998, i realized that if i were to *just* peer out of the train window, all i would notice is a blur of color. it takes WORK, mental work, to enjoy the scenery! i have to reach out and grab this scenery with my mind and contrast and compare...make a job of it! why i would have to recall my new york history and imagine the pioneers traveling west and the canal boats and the Importance of the Valley to the growth of new york city...etc..etc..etc. but i would have to actually do about 95% of the work, in enjoying this valley scene.

yes, in my hometown, i never had a moment to be bored! i had letters sitting around unanswered, dusty books with bookmarks in them...never never to be finished!
here in my hometown of 500 souls...i was not bored because i made up my life and it was rich!
---the hikes. the talks with my Talanted, Intelligent blind friend. my relatives. the church [why if my allergies and my interests warrented it, i could have spent much time there alone!]. the church food givaway program for the poor, the volunteer efforts. the computer with internet and games...need i even ask how many hours i could spend on my computer!!
the real small library. the cafe........most of all, the people i could get to know. there were 300+ that i did not have a second to get to know, as there was not a scrap more of time: i needed 60+ hours EACH day to even begin to do what i wanted, there, in Interlaken!!

----all this, as this teen sulked and cussed and Was Bored.
eventually he fell in with others who all decided to steal a three-wheeler...i suspect there will be many many days ahead where his world will be physicly set into a 10 X 20 foot cage with locked bars on the door...for months and years....that may well be his future!

so here the homeless sit....and walk...and cuss: there are at least four big libraries...etc..etc...in tallahassee. two universities and a junior college. jobs aplenty...
and, yes, many homeless at the shelter, are truly "victums of circumstance", having misfortunes of one sort or of another....they use the Shelter as a real "safety net"...but they soon find a better life. and leave being homeless!
but the others...why some have lived at the shelter for years and years....probably a pshychologist would call them..."schoprenic" or "dysfunctional"...maybe needing
a Insitution to live in, actually!

so how can these people reach out and grab that fishing pole so that they can go catch their own fish with?

---this rant in my "afterdeath" journal??!! what possible connection, i hear it now, from someone....concerning "death and the afterlife"!
aha!
for there WILL come a day when we each and all will "step off of the greyhound bus" called the "ferry on the river styx", and step into Heaven!!
the lower heavens are filled with the STUCK! the earthbound, who cannot go into heaven so that they just go back to earth vibrations and litterally HAUNT the old places that they used to live in on earth before death!
so when a person arrives into heaven, he also has to reach out and sieze the moment and to Ask Questions and to do all of the work, to make a life out of heaven. even if Jesus or Sai baba or your Mother is a greeter there for you, i see, YOU have got to recognize them, reach out to them, and take it onto your self to take their advice and only you will be able to use the help that they give to you, at your arrival there! or you will be Homeless there.
this is what i feel is meant by the term..."the poor in heaven". these poor will be the Unprepared, the unready...the people, say, who died young and still trying to make a fortune in business, or some powerplay in politics, with very little developed spiritual life in thier souls. thus they will arrive being very poor, *like* the earthly homeless!
everything that they held to be Real ,on earth, has now no meanings! how can one, now, here, take a "sarcastic businessman" or "put-down comedian, on tv"; and take them to heaven, in a eyeblink, after an accident, and expect them to instantly Change!
well that is my rant for today, and probably finishes my takes upon the homeless, in my journals.............

Monday, December 24, 2001

coffee at mcDonalds.

sorta depressing there at 7 am, my usual place to go to is closed for the holidays.
[that is another rap in and of itself: the extra cost incured, for single people, during the holidays when everything is closed!]

mcdonalds at 7 am, near the homeless shelter, MOST of the customers are the homeless that must leave the Shelter at 6;30 or so. there were about six guys there, getting warm and having coffee.

after my coffee, i went to the bathroom, and there inside was a man who asked me for money for breakfast. I had 1. 003 seconds to assuge and to choose what to do, on this day before christmas! do i give to him money, probably several dollars would do....or do i not.
first. assuge the vibes. in that one second, i could feel the DRUGS...the booze...the awfullness of "needs" being met..."ya goota have sex man, and drink is of life itself"
"no one pays attention to ME ME ME and my NEEDS"....i got the feelings from him that these were of his life!

reminds me.....

a few years ago, i lived in an apt complex that was mostly of Single, Black Women, with Children with no father Present. the Man next door was a farmer from the "old school"...from south georgia, and worked probably on his land all of his life. he was 70 or more now, and dying of throat cancer. slowly.
his ex-wife's daughter, now in her 30s, had three kids of her own: i helped the mother and kids move to a house about four miles away, once.
this daughter, probably had each kid by a different man, and no man present now, of course.
kids were very very hyperactive...i think this old farmer, Fred, called them "monkeys"!

It was the day before Christmass. Fred told me, as i entered my own door, that his food stamps were late and had not come and the welfare payment was late too!
---I resolved.....

I resolved to walk up to the supermarket and to buy him a bag of groceries for Xmas. i did that. i brought the big sack of groceries up to his door and knocked and he yelled for me to come in. he yelled from his bed in the back....for me to sit the bag on the table and that he would get to it when he felt better, later. he thanked me. i left.
As i entered my own door, about ten feet away, and took off my jacket, i heard a car pull up in front of farmer Freds. it was his daughter and all of her three monkey-kids! they went in to freds.

Fred told me , later in the week, that they came in and ate ALL the food! there was not a bit of it left for fred!

NOW!!

I then just KNEW that she heard that bag hit the table from three miles away and that she jerked into spasm IMMEDIATELY! she jumped into the car and came!
she could tell that there was something there for her: you do not feed just ONE seagull, in a second twenty will appear! she knew "psychicly" that there was food there and she wanted it!
Fred got nothin! she and kids consumed it all........

"does not she have NEEDS"?.....the do-gooder might ask! and the kids too? they will take all that you give and then next week need yet more! the more ya give, the more they need: try to water your lawn every day and then stop: the grass will die even faster than the wild grass in the field next to your yard, as now the roots of that yard-grass is set-dependant UPON your waterings!

---I did not give this homeless man anything! sorrey readers---even Jesus , i think, says somewheres that there is a limit, there is a time that the rolls are closed
for Aid and Salvations....
for if this limit is not SET for "outer world panhandlers that want want, but they are percieved to have no self respect and self disipline....if you just give to these
bad vibe people, IN THE NAME OF GIVINGS

then!

then you are really just saying that *ALL* your own inner negative "lesser ego fragments", or "sin natures".....have *just* as a real need to be fullfiled, as the "spiritual" part of you!!
again, in other words....
I see it that if I were to give to these lower vibe people, in the name of Giving, i would be saying to myself that all my own inner "waeknessess" and
"animal natures" and "unspiritual self-centerednessess": that they have just as much needs to be expressed AS my higher natures!
the weeds are EQUAL, in importance, to the crops, in my garden...i must never pull out a single weed, ever, and give to these weeds all that the weeds need, for growth,
IF i were to give to "bad vibe people", in the name of Giving, symbolicly put!!

there.
there is The Geart Divide: the needy person who comes to me for aid and counsel and help....can i give to him a fishing pole for him to catch his own fish with, or does he
be unutterbly unable to fish for himself and would "need" me to do it all for him?!
just as...
any inner qualities that are "sinfull" insides of me, in my soul: is there a bit of Spirit insides such a "negetivity", so that this "lower nature" can be Transformed into a higher octive of itself, or should this "self-weed" be starved for water, or outright pulled out, of my soul-garden?!

One must learn how to kill, in a way. One must decide WHEN those nice apples, under the tree, have ripened so much that ROT has set in and while one can cut out some of the rot, there comes a time that one MUST say that the apples are not worth it!! After all, if you "validate" the rot, there will come a day when ALL of any apple will be nothing BUT rot....is that "OK"?! you gotta choose, you gotta draw the line, or else there is only rot, eventually.

there. In this rambling long entry, i have answerd my own question about "giving", and thus i feel not so torn up that i did not give on the Day before Xmas!
I would now ask, in a kind of prayer, to Spirit.....for to give to me Discernment as to be able to detect when to give of my time, Talants, and resources, to people in need;
to be able to tell whether there is a "bit of a fire in the clunker coals" of their souls, so that any help that is given to them, will be of any good for them! If there is some "fire" there...then they can "fish for themselves"!! If NO fire: then this person who comes for help... or of some inner "negativity", of my own soul....is just a "tick" or "Leech" or a "Flea"! A Parasite, only!

Saturday, December 22, 2001

Tallahassee is quiet after all the 80,000 students leave for xmas.

I miss not the snow. when i lived up there, in the years of 93 to 98, in my hometown of Interlaken ny, sw of syracuse.....i recall that 8pm night that my best friend got me to go out to the pizza place for pizza.
yipes!
was ten below [farenheit, NOT centegrade!!!!] with about a 20 mile per hour wind and that wind greeted me at the door as i and friend waded through the snowdrifts outside of my door, just to get to the sidewalk. the pizza place was warmer, about 40 degrees: i wore my artic jacket while eating.
yes the pizza was very good and the friend too. this was the year that the winter was so that if the temp got up to 15 degrees it was a good day!! do not ask what a COLD day was!! bout 90 inches of snow that year.

I like it here. the syracuse paper had an article about HEAT, one day....the rare once per summer week of 90 for a high temp. the article says that if one really wanted to go where heat rules, in the usa, one must go south. washington gets 28 days of 90...further south the number even gets up to as many as 40 to 50 days a year of 90 or more.
tallahassee gets offically 89 days a year of 90!!
i love it!!

Friday, December 21, 2001

There is something that i can forgive myself for!!

Ah.
another day of the usual small aggravations, another day with lots of wonderous Happenings, but with the usual small Pains.
pains?!
---that loud truck passing right by me, on the sidewalk.
---having to cough up that blob of mucus RIGHT NOW, as i was in the middle of a very interesting article; having then losing the thread of that article utterly!
---that party of people at the next table who had four hyperactive kids; i could feel all their energy from 10 feet away!
---that lady with her perfume: why she could know down an attacking dog at 50 yards!
---cold air on my head; everyone else is wam, apparently, but me!

about after that, i recalled what a Guide wrote: I hold this memory a lot.

he more or less said.....
"there is a type of ANGER that old souls have, an anger that one would not think that an old soul would have, as by now they have seen through many of the illusions of life and have understandings why life is the way it is. yes they have a certain type of anger that is somewhat unique to them.
This anger is where they get irked and irratated by their constantly having to deal with the "thickness" of the physical world! For other people, maybe something is not even noticed or let bothers them but for an old. sensitive, soul....especially is Spiritually sensitive, as in "psychic".....what others do not even sense; is a baseball bat smacked in the face, in subtleness, to this soul!! The vibrations of the world, here, they have to constantly wade through, like it is all thick mud, and all the senses are *SO* tuned, that every sense organ picks up stuff that no one else senses. lets not even talk of the etheric/psychic senses!!
This type of anger, for these old souls, is easy for them to "let go of" after they die, as this anger, frustration really, "comes with the territory" of being an old soul!
thus this anger, is just types of "wading through the mud" of overcoming "thicknessess": the anger goes away with the thicknessess, upon death"! these old souls vibrate at very high frequencies, frequencies higher than many of the people around them....frquencies not of this lower density physical world: they are 10th graders here in 3rd grade, in our school-of-life! this type of anger is "spiritually OK"! It virtually comes from being an old soul!"

yea!!
hooray!!
yes, i tire of "being a miner's canary, in my past life"!
Of weaving a delacate lace scarf with boxing gloves on!
Of walking around with a Diving suit on!

In my childhood home farm area, in upstate new york, there is the phenomina called "the Melt"! this is in march or so, when first the snow melts and then the frozen ground melts under that warming sun. as the ground is still frozen inches below the surface, the wet earth cannot drain the meltwater downwards until the "permafrost" is also melted. that frozen ground can be as much as three feet thick!
MUD!
this means mud is everywhere, that clay soil just sticks to everything.

One day, i tried to cross a large plowed field, on "melt time" oh the first three inches was all mud, ice soil below. This mud clung to my boots. It clung all right! must have been ten pounds of mud PER boot, and not a place to scape it off for half a mile! So here i am, out in the middle of a 40 acre field with ten lbs of mud per boot and every step just slogged through yet more mud, endlessly! must have took me over two hours to walk 400 feet!
slog slog slog slog...ugh...ugh...10 pounds per boot, a-walking through thick thick gooey mud!
THAT is what sometimes i feel like, as an old soul, in this "thickvibrational physical world"!!

I tire of trying someone's offer of a plate of cookies and find those cookies to taste EXACTLY like plastic, as my Host says..."i bought them on special at P-Mart,
in the day-old bake section: they are my F-a-v-o-r-i-t-e cookie: GOOD aren't they?!"

I tire of someone honking their car horn at me in friendlyness, from six feet away!

I tire of all the physical acts that eat up my time: the amount of time i spend on the toilet, with my small Condition, that makes me have to sit there for twenty minutes EACH time, wearies me!

I tire of trying to type a article where i have to "suppossed" to spend much more time on "english...punctuation...spellings", than what i am trying to communicate!
AND....to type with "gloves" on, to boot, with my large fingers!

-----so THAT is some of what it is like to be an "old Soul"!

AND....i feel that all is to be forgiven...that i am NOT committing a grivious sin, by being so angry or irked. it is OK!

the only "sin" that would come of this, would be for me to hold onto these irks after the events are done with, to burn them into my heart...
So as long as i can accept that "this comes with the territory" of being an old soul....I Forgive Myself for this.......

Wednesday, December 19, 2001

met a man in the caferteria yesterday.

sometimes i see him, as i come up to the tables with my food filled tray, looking for a place to sit down and eat.
i have to admit to myself that i do not want to talk with him! he is about 70 or so in age and very hard of hearing where i have to SHOUT if i talk about anything.
He has many medical conditions.....he has a bit of a "flat affect", where he talks in a "color of brown" flat depressing tone, all about his ailments and the conditions of them. there is LOTS for him to talk about because he has lots of ailments!

think: "38 degrees fareinheit outdoors, the sky is grey and the wind is blowing'!
---and that it will be like that tomarrow as it was yesterday just like that!

no imagination, he has. litteral, he is. the color..."slate black"!

i figure the only way that i can "help" him is to talk a monogue that is bright and chery and hardly make eye-contact as if i do, it will only loop into his dull pain and down-ness that he REALLY wants to talk over.

yesterday he wanted to know if there were someone that he could hire to give him that enema just before his colonoscopy!
he eyes are getting bad...his headaches and sleeplessness......

I have to adnit that i do not want to hold his hand and talk about his conditions. so what are the alternatives for me?
it would seem that there IS nothing to talk about except for his down-hill-running conditions that is/are the slide unto his death!
that probably is all there is for him to imagine. Oh there are lots of times that i feel like i wish that i could be the "life of the party" and pump a little life into him, by my sun-shine-ing forness of extroverting radiation of real spiritual optimism.
Oh but if i could....but if i COULD, i fear the consequences! many of these people would immediately latch onto the Giver, and "want to take me home with them"!!

confuse the vessal with the wine!

he would see me at each and every meal and then he would tell me all of his life story and call me and then stop by...i would have him as a DEAR friend and the only friend and i would never never be alone again, or even NEED to DO anything else as he would want every waking second of my each and every day! he would Have Real Sicknessess if i were to abandon him even for one minute as indeed i AM his very life! i could kill him if i later turned away! ya dont water the yard for a week and then stop: the grass will die immediately as the roots have now grown AROUND your waterings once a day and now the grass really really NEEDS your watering care daily or it will die! same with a "devotee" who basks in the sun of one's outpourings, if he is 75 years old, probably!

better to teach him to fish for his own fish....but at his age and condition??

Tuesday, December 18, 2001

I just read the "yahoo" headlines.

at noon, "the fire has been contained"!

good grief! yet ANOTHER blow to new york city! here the world's largest cathedral, St John's, caught fire!!
oh it was mostly in the gift shop, but some of the old tapestres in the church were ruined and smoke water damage went through all and the smoke and flames shot 40 or more feet into the air.

on and on it goes. after the wtc...first it was the airplane, now the church!

reminds me......

I used to drive a lot between my second home in fla, to my childhood home in new york. on one such trip, through Richmond va., i had a small car accident. months later, i drove through the city again, on my return trip. i stayed at a motel there and when i got up, my car battery was dead! the next year had it where when i passed by that same motel, i had a flat tire. the year after that, i could detect my muffler going bad, as i drove through Richmond!!
i resolved......
i resolved never to drive near that city again as each time afterwards there was something that happened to my car!

there must be some kind of "residual momentium" here....like of that bounching basketball that keeps on bouncing when one stops dribbling it. does not help to have 15,000,000 people keep the Thoughts going of disasters either!!
i would predict that these sort of things will continue there until the energy is finally gone from that wtc event. may be years from now.

yes, i can hear it now...some religious extremist would make the judgement call that "now sin city is getting the rightious Wrath
of the Lord: about time"!!
no.
no
no.
----but there is something going on......
if only the bounching ball syndrome!

Monday, December 17, 2001

Now i know why mother mother came to me in that vision dream from heaven just to tell me something!

yes.
finally i figured, or was shown intuitively, what this is.....

[but first to build the barn before you can put the weather vane onto its top!]
background:
In the summer of 1998, i began to have Dreams that told me that i was going to die soon; not any symbolic death either! by new years of 1999, one dream said.
Now it was the middle of August of 1998, and i had yet another of these dreams!
"Freestone, your life force has run out"! -----that was what this powerfull voice said!
a few days later, i got sick...went to a mild case of pnumonia. between the Vet Clinic and Spirit and antibiotical horse pills, i eventually recovered. while not "life threatening"...i had another dream near the end of September. A voice told me, an Angelvoice told me...."you were Important in the life of your mother, and it went very well: you will live YET a while longer"! they were not THE exact words...but BOTH ideas were linked together as if they were part of one reality: that i was to live longer due to Influence upon my mother. I left my hometown october 2 of 1998.

it became appartent to me that when i left, it would be for good, never even to visit again.
Thus i moved back to what i called, ever since the 1960s, "my other life", as Tallahassee florida was where i 1959-1960 went off to college and began to live my EXPRESSED life of my soul.
thus when i moved away, in october, i had been living here in tallahssee for 39 years, on and off.

On May 2 of 1999, i had another Mother dream. she had been killed, see, in that accident, on october 5th of 1975. 23 years in heaven now, she was. the dream......I was standing in front of my childhood home and the western sun had just set. i could see far far to the horizen, at the setting sun. all of a sudden, it looked as if the sun had come back up! in place of the sun, was a rainbow-like arch of light, and under this rainbow was my mother, in a large white robe! she looked at me and said three numbers to me! "3 39 99"!
? ? ?
on may 2 of 1999.

for months and months, on and off, i pondered...
? ?
so today i now know!!
very simple, most of it: i did not do my homework right, before!
simple!
her birthday is the 20th of may. my birthday is june 28th.
39 days separate these two dates!
My mother was killed, in that accident when that sports car came into her lane at 120mph!
that was october 5th of 1975.
between june 28 and oct 5 .....is 99 days!

In 1998, oct 2.....when i left my upstate new york hometown for the last time, like of a kind of "death", was 3 days from my mother's death of oct 5th 1975!.....3 days!

that's it!

One more thing!!
my mother, herself, while alive, was a PROPHET! she, herself, had a visiondream that she would die in ten years as the red sports car came into her lane at dusk! ten years later, that red car came, at dusk!!

I am now 60. 60, as of june 28 of this year.
On october 2nd....of 1998, i was 57 years old, when i left. I had now been living "in" tallahassee for 39 years.
together...they add up to 96 years.
MESSEGE......they will add up to 99 years, then i will die for the second time: off to heaven for THIS death! the "upstate ny, has stopped counting...as that lifepath [i had, apparently, TWO lifepaths!] is dead: three more years from october 2 of 1998!
as of oct 2 of 2001, i have "lived" 99 years.....being now i read her dream as a prophecy for ME!
oh!
her dream appearance to me, from heaven, where she came down from heaven to tell me this, was on may 2 of 1999. from may 2 to june 28...is 57 days. THAT is the number of years i had lived in my hometown, untill i left on oct 2nd!!

I am now six months into "being 60"!! until oct of 2002, it is about nine months!!
I might make 61.....but not to oct 2!!.....if this is rightly interpeted!
again: fall of 1998...when i left ....57 years old and 39 years in tallahassee= 96 years. the "57" stops counting, of course, when i left there.

so, folks, anyone who reads this....my Mother was telling me that i had a grace of three years. just like i came home in 1986 to be with my dying father for a year, as PART of my mother's death prophecy ten years before she died was that "MY husband Dudley will live until he is 72". well the 1975 shock of her sudden death so un-nerved him that he went over the edge and did not ever want to see me again. on his Intensive care bed, in 1986, he Asked his Sister for to see me and i drove right up from tallahassee: he was 72...THEN OH THEN did i learn of my mother's prophecy!! never heard it before.
we had a wonderfull reunion, all was forgiven...his face glowed with joy everytime that i came into the nursing home room! he died on Christmas day of the next year...at 73 years old!
was my mother wrong?
NO!
Dudley made amends with his son and Spirit gave to Dudley a year of grace, so to be able to do that, and he died on the Day of Gifts, the day of the Jesus gift....at 73 years of age.
[i believe, i am not sure, that i first saw dudley on November 2 of 1986. that began the year of grace.
THAT date is directly opposite that may 2 dream where my mother came to me...so yet ANOTHER indication that i am to have three years of grace, three years that are now UP!!
UP!
that..."up"...means 3.9 years.....not over till that perverbal fat lady sings....as dudley died nearly three months into his second year....but before the clock turns "4"...it will be done.

3 years of grace.
IF i read it right.
may be SO potent that even if there IS another extension: i must move away from my favorite city and never never return even to visit ever ever again! I plan that...pray for that; this "score line" is evident...ya know that score mark in the hersey's candy bar where you can break it evenly at that point of the bar!

stay tuned, sports fans......the next few months will be very interesting...
and how about that solar eclipse opposite Pluto, on June 10th, ON my ascendant! conjunct saturn no less!! sun conj saturn conjunt north node conjunt moon, opposite pluto...one degree from my ascendant!

anyway....that is my news for today....guess i will have something to pray and meditate upon, from now till the end of the year!

Sunday, December 16, 2001

ah AUTISM!

rears its head again as i try to post to another list..........
===============================================

I find the posts about the brain and thinking styles, from B, and others, interesting. I think mostly in images, to the extent, as i posted before, that i have trouble with the "abstract modern way of thinkings"!
I have been intrigued for yeasrs ( i have tried, now, for ten times, to correct that spelling, i can NOT, that IS the way i think that word "yaers"!! Oh the Dubious Gift of Autism!)over how much the "object' and the "image" of that object, are similar. I find that my sleep dreams extend out into life.....through correspondences and synchronisms.
Like: my daily events can be interpeted *like* a dream.
[in dream, if i dream of an apple, it may mean "a pear", but if i dream of a pear, it may mean an apple"! if there is no association: it is dead. thus everything in my life means something else.

( therory: this can be applied to the collective culture too! i find MURALS on public buildings very very fashinating, as the 'real" cultural content is often symbolicly encoded!
I met and got to know a Mural painter once who told me how all of his murals got painted over within months....and he wanted to know WHY!
we found out: he was telaphathicly, clairvoyantly, picking up something about the culture of his subject and placing it in the mural-work, and it upset the Patron!!
he had his portfoleo (spelling looks awfull, but GOLLY...i spell what i HEAR, how it sounds!)
he had his portfoleo with him of his past works and we looked at his most recent one. it was of the wall of a Howard Johnson's resturant
in his very very conservative hometown in south Ohio. it was a street scene of main street of this town, but dated in the victorian times.
One part stood out to me! it was of a man and wife walking along main street together, in front of a bycycle shop, a shop with one of those hurmongus six foot tall byclcles in the window for display. only thing was...the large handlebars were positioned just so, that they stuck out of the wife's head like of some deer antlers or Viking headdress!
we two found out....that when he painted this mural in the victorian motieff, he was REALLY painting the "real time counsciousness" of Chilcocoie,Ohio! real time: like of "now". In this very very conservative city, in 1979, men HANDLED their women, thank you!
handled them, as in "wife taking all the orders...no woman's lib there! "Handled" as in those byclycle handbars....he rode her and handled her...as did most of the husbands to their wives, in this town...
I wonder how long THAT Mural lasted, without being painted over?!

---my home town too!
in the 1970s....there was a Demonstration of woman's libers in a nearby town and the local police used the gym of the local high school as a "safe detention center' for the arrestees. As the police escorted, i was told, the women from the bus, the police stood side by side on both sides of the incoming women, so to protect them from the angry men trying to attack the women! i was told that one man was so so so angry that he went into convulsions on the grass, foaming at the mouth, his RAGE so overwhelmed his nervious system that there was no order to any of it!
So what was he so angry over? enough anger that if he were to stick his finger into an electric socket, he would power new york city for an hour, it would seem!
not that these women were "lesbos"...or "witches" ...or "communists"!
(these were issues that the critics used)
he was angry, i was told, because these women were Human beings, not women! women were to be always under his thumb, under his rule, subsurvient, uttterly utterly utterly, and these women were not under his thumb!

another trait i have: associative thinkings! since everything means something else, it WILL go off on a tanget in a second...
sorry! better Real Interesting image-pictures; than writing some tone-ic philosophical rant, utterly disjoined, as that kind of writing would be like for me to "use a rock for a paper airplane"!

I admit, too, that there is always a "slight" tone of "anger" running through many of my writings, as much of my day is spent confronting where i am always "the nail that sticks out, the very first to get the caress of the hammer"!-----no matter what i do or say, it is "off" in some way, the conventional social norm, and i am always the one that "needs" to make the adjustment!! Interesting life, to be always 34 degrees "off" from everyone else! It makes for even ordering a cup of coffee at the barnes and Noble coffee cafe, a very Unique experience!
takes me four times as long and the server lady will have to be awakened as everything that i do or say will not be part of any "social script" that she has memorized and used a million times over and over! And i never mean to be confrontive to anything! But! But i always end up sorta confronting, a bit, trying to explain my point of view or of life! I am just "out of it" and no one has a moment to spare these days...gotta git it out, your Story, in 3.5 seconds or less, or it will not come out!

in the old days....my father.
ten years after he died, in the Interlaken cafe, a man Eulogized my father, remembered him to me, after ten years....
"Dudley loved to tell stories, like i remember that day that he came into the cafe and did all of the talking and no one said one word for FOUR HOURS and he did *all* the talking. Finally his wife called the cafe and said that supper was ready....Dudley apologized that he had to go...the one man spoke up, in the Silence, after Dudley left: he spoke for all the ten men that had gathered to Listen...he merely told everyone, and to no one in particular...IT IS TOO TOO BAD THAT HE HAD TO GO: I WANTED MORE!"
he spoke for all the feelings of all the ten men!
four hours. and they all wanted yet more of Dudley's stories!!
Today, and here in Tallahassee, a City modern...gotta git it out in three seconds or less!
---i take after my father: *anything* that i talk about has 4,941 associational links and if i just describe ONE linksubject, it would be like that i gave to you a woven wool sweather; but i rip off several threads of it and then give to you those threads, keeping the rest of the sweater! or rip off the head of a live frog and give it to ya, saying..."here is a live frog"! gotta give you all of the frog, or none!

---enough bandwidth. that is the flavor of freestonesoul...and how i think. I would either make a rotten magician...or a very very good one, with proper trainings!!
freestone
ah AUTISM!

rears its head again as i try to post to another list..........
===============================================

I find the posts about the brain and thinking styles, from B, and others, interesting. I think mostly in images, to the extent, as i posted before, that i have trouble with the "abstract modern way of thinkings"!
I have been intrigued for yeasrs ( i have tried, now, for ten times, to correct that spelling, i can NOT, that IS the way i think that word "yaers"!! Oh the Dubious Gift of Autism!)over how much the "object' and the "image" of that object, are similar. I find that my sleep dreams extend out into life.....through correspondences and synchronisms.
Like: my daily events can be interpeted *like* a dream.
[in dream, if i dream of an apple, it may mean "a pear", but if i dream of a pear, it may mean an apple"! if there is no association: it is dead. thus everything in my life means something else.

( therory: this can be applied to the collective culture too! i find MURALS on public buildings very very fashinating, as the 'real" cultural content is often symbolicly encoded!
I met and got to know a Mural painter once who told me how all of his murals got painted over within months....and he wanted to know WHY!
we found out: he was telaphathicly, clairvoyantly, picking up something about the culture of his subject and placing it in the mural-work, and it upset the Patron!!
he had his portfoleo (spelling looks awfull, but GOLLY...i spell what i HEAR, how it sounds!)
he had his portfoleo with him of his past works and we looked at his most recent one. it was of the wall of a Howard Johnson's resturant
in his very very conservative hometown in south Ohio. it was a street scene of main street of this town, but dated in the victorian times.
One part stood out to me! it was of a man and wife walking along main street together, in front of a bycycle shop, a shop with one of those hurmongus six foot tall byclcles in the window for display. only thing was...the large handlebars were positioned just so, that they stuck out of the wife's head like of some deer antlers or Viking headdress!
we two found out....that when he painted this mural in the victorian motieff, he was REALLY painting the "real time counsciousness" of Chilcocoie,Ohio! real time: like of "now". In this very very conservative city, in 1979, men HANDLED their women, thank you!
handled them, as in "wife taking all the orders...no woman's lib there! "Handled" as in those byclycle handbars....he rode her and handled her...as did most of the husbands to their wives, in this town...
I wonder how long THAT Mural lasted, without being painted over?!

---my home town too!
in the 1970s....there was a Demonstration of woman's libers in a nearby town and the local police used the gym of the local high school as a "safe detention center' for the arrestees. As the police escorted, i was told, the women from the bus, the police stood side by side on both sides of the incoming women, so to protect them from the angry men trying to attack the women! i was told that one man was so so so angry that he went into convulsions on the grass, foaming at the mouth, his RAGE so overwhelmed his nervious system that there was no order to any of it!
So what was he so angry over? enough anger that if he were to stick his finger into an electric socket, he would power new york city for an hour, it would seem!
not that these women were "lesbos"...or "witches" ...or "communists"!
(these were issues that the critics used)
he was angry, i was told, because these women were Human beings, not women! women were to be always under his thumb, under his rule, subsurvient, uttterly utterly utterly, and these women were not under his thumb!

another trait i have: associative thinkings! since everything means something else, it WILL go off on a tanget in a second...
sorry! better Real Interesting image-pictures; than writing some tone-ic philosophical rant, utterly disjoined, as that kind of writing would be like for me to "use a rock for a paper airplane"!

I admit, too, that there is always a "slight" tone of "anger" running through many of my writings, as much of my day is spent confronting where i am always "the nail that sticks out, the very first to get the caress of the hammer"!-----no matter what i do or say, it is "off" in some way, the conventional social norm, and i am always the one that "needs" to make the adjustment!! Interesting life, to be always 34 degrees "off" from everyone else! It makes for even ordering a cup of coffee at the barnes and Noble coffee cafe, a very Unique experience!
takes me four times as long and the server lady will have to be awakened as everything that i do or say will not be part of any "social script" that she has memorized and used a million times over and over! And i never mean to be confrontive to anything! But! But i always end up sorta confronting, a bit, trying to explain my point of view or of life! I am just "out of it" and no one has a moment to spare these days...gotta git it out, your Story, in 3.5 seconds or less, or it will not come out!

in the old days....my father.
ten years after he died, in the Interlaken cafe, a man Eulogized my father, remembered him to me, after ten years....
"Dudley loved to tell stories, like i remember that day that he came into the cafe and did all of the talking and no one said one word for FOUR HOURS and he did *all* the talking. Finally his wife called the cafe and said that supper was ready....Dudley apologized that he had to go...the one man spoke up, in the Silence, after Dudley left: he spoke for all the ten men that had gathered to Listen...he merely told everyone, and to no one in particular...IT IS TOO TOO BAD THAT HE HAD TO GO: I WANTED MORE!"
he spoke for all the feelings of all the ten men!
four hours. and they all wanted yet more of Dudley's stories!!
Today, and here in Tallahassee, a City modern...gotta git it out in three seconds or less!
---i take after my father: *anything* that i talk about has 4,941 associational links and if i just describe ONE linksubject, it would be like that i gave to you a woven wool sweather; but i rip off several threads of it and then give to you those threads, keeping the rest of the sweater! or rip off the head of a live frog and give it to ya, saying..."here is a live frog"! gotta give you all of the frog, or none!

---enough bandwidth. that is the flavor of freestonesoul...and how i think. I would either make a rotten magician...or a very very good one, with proper trainings!!
freestone

Saturday, December 15, 2001

there. final exams are over at the University!

amazing how quiet the vibes are now that all the students are gone!

even as a student, i found that in *any* university library, i can not read any fictional works!
the thickness of the thought-forms are SO great, that it is as if i am trying to Dance on a crowded new york city, standing-room-only, subway train at rush hour! my thoughts are like of me dancing in that subway! all the other thoughts, not only of the "now', but the echos of all the thoughts from' the past' crowd. crowd me greatly; i can not imagine thoughts into pictures as there is no astral room for me to create the images!

I recall one day i spent the day in fredericksbug maryland...usa. tis one of the oldest cities...1720, perhaps. it was equal to baltimore, once, in size, but the growth went to baltimore so that fred. was flash-frozen in time: no new buildings.
it was a small revelation to walk the streets, my head felt like it was in a VISE, a visegrip, as if i was tring to walk through solid rock! why?.....the past was so long that even the few thoughtforms per day piled up into a great thickness!
i wonder what a *really* really old city would be like, for me?
maybe London or Rome....or even the countryside of England?
blow me away probably!

Friday, December 14, 2001

well i have given more thought to that "little old lady" that i have seen, at the church, the other day.

( i seem to find the most wonderfully weird places!! here is a large church, here in tallahassee, that offers a "cafe"! it really is a "in-house lunch" for the various people who meet every day, in meetings...why the Guidebook lists 128-odd organizations that one can join! bell ringers...woman's clubs...study groups...charity organizations...etc...
but the cafe is open to the public, lawyers and judges from the courthouse from across the street, come to eat, and the Minister of the church Volunteers to help, and one of the judges also sometimes volunteers! an outside wonderfull caterer serves, and cooks much of what is there, in the kitchen. the whip cream on the deserts is real, for instance. as wonderfull as this is...what is even more wonderfully stranger....is that due to the Construction in the Church Service building, that lasts over a year, the church meetings on sunday must be in the same room as the cafe....thus the cafe is IN the same place as the alter...the choir...the vestments...the other church trappings. in other words, I eat lunch IN a church!
Maybe some day i will write about the coffeehouse that is IN a real railroad caboose...or the other tallahassee coffeehouse, the one that is the "cutting edge" place, where all the "intellectuals" hang out, and the liberal left.....that is IN the American Legion Hall, next door to the Viet nam vet House!
inside of it. often, they say, some of the older ww II vets come sit with the liberal left colllege professors and Real Dialogues Take Place!! wonderfull!! I maintain that Tallahassee, fla, is one of the most strange cities in America!)

anyhoo, i degress!
the little old lady....

She is Like all of the others, she blurs into the 78,042 others i have seen, as well as the "old men" too.
She grew up in the Great 1930 depression and then she lived the ww II years where everyone put their own interests aside for the Greater good of the family and the nation. she always self-apologizes for everything, as if she stands there naked before all! she shakes and trembles with this self-apology, embarressed just to stand there.
I feel for "her"....somehow, i think that after she dies, and faces Spirit, i wonder what will occur between her and her God?!
why?
for i feel that there is almost No One there, in her soul, as her soul is not hers! it is made up of everyone else's additions, all of the stuff of her life that she ate without chewing, swallowed whole without Digestions! How can she face god face to face unless she has a face? that face is her soul.
Ah, the new Agers are far from being Immune to this! i recall a couple of new ager/hippy people, in Rochester, ny...in the 1970s....who told me that they were going to go nightly to listen to talks in some local Zen-type collective ashram, they said that they were not going to wear the clothes or eat the maciobiotic food: just to go there.
I watched them, slowly slowly begin to wear more and more orange/saffronic type clothes, over the following months, and they began to eat rice more. soon soon, those two fishes, entering the School of other fishes, became en-trained into the Same Pattern! soon the became One with all the rest of the devotees. uncounsciuosly!
but did they choose it? if not, it really is not part of ther soul-faces!

I wonder.....
i wonder how many old ladies, if you took away all the stuff in their souls that they just added that was not theirs, what would be left!? maybe a ten year old girl of a soul!
I once ANGERED a new ager greatly! I told him that i have sometimes eaten for a meal....on a plate, two foods.
two foods on the same plate.
the first food was of a "Moosewoodian concoction of stir-fried vegetables, the vegetarian Goodness, of a medley of vegies and fruits, all stir-fried together. On the other side of the plate was a nice thick juicy Hamburger, with cheese topping...medium rare, with ketchup on the side, a hanburger about two inches thick! He was angered as he was a vegetarian.
ah...THAT is just it!!
he "IS" a vegetarian....not "he Eats vegetarian foods"!
i-d-e-nt-f-i-c-a-t-i-o-n!
I eat vegie foods. I eat also meat. i love both. If i "am" a vegetarian, then i must eat all of what "they' prescribe for me to eat", the vegietarian movement! and to NOT eat other foods.
or...
"i feel hungry", instead of "i am hungry"!
yet, our whole culture seems to "insist' that one "belong" to one side OR the other, in any situation.
but I try to CHOOSE, try to choose what i feel and think that I want, in my own self-becomings...
(a whole nother topic for yet another day: becoming oneself! becoming, in self-actualization in your daily life, the seed-patterns that are preinscribed in your soul, before Birth!)
i say..."be aware of what you think or feel: often one's thoughts and feelings are not your own, they come from other people and the culture around you"!
yeah!
i think that only what is yours, is in your soul-face! only what is yours will be there for you, when you arrive in heaven.

Thursday, December 13, 2001

yesterday on the city bus, i noticed for the upteenth time, a certain billboard.
there are a lot of them along Tennessee street, maybe 20 or 30 of them along this five mile stretch of busy busy downtown tallahassee main drag street.
Interesting.
I pass the same boards near every day...after a while the ad companies put up new ads: i see a LOT of ads if i look.

I began to rate them.
not if i like the ads or not: i wanted to examine the signboards to see just how the ads were made up, to see how readible they were. I wanted to examine how well the graphics dept, and the concept dept, conveyed their ad-messege, in that 1/2 second that most people are allowed to read it!

See, the drivers have only a second to turn to look at an ad that catches their eyes, maybe not even that long....often just a side glimpse is enough time. why, these billboards are huge, about 30 by 10 feet or more in size. but they are often way off in the distance and there would be the power line clutter in front of them: hard to see some of them.

I was struck by one such billboard, yesterday. the bus stopped for a long long trafficlight and i peered at this sign for maybe three minutes and i could not tell what it offered! the colors were all muddy red, and the print was too too small. i could see the FSU logos, i could see a basketball. i could see a $$ price value.
---I think this poster was for a season series of tickets to the university basketball games----
but even at three minutes of studying this board....I COULD NOT READ IT! opaque. Like reading the top of a cup of "alphebet soup"! billows of color, all alike in tones, with a similar colored background, the print the same color and too small to read, and runs together

later in the day, on another bus route, i peered two minutes at a board that advertised some non-profit
something or other...again, all the picture colors were all muted and all of the same tone: "muddy", would be a good description!

I Have begun to rate these boards on how well they communicate their messeges, not whether or not i agree with the Product that is advertised.
----there is one that i like, for instance, that is quite clear and direct. four tires graphicly shown, and "$100" in big bold black paint. then the name of the dealer that has this offer for four tires for $100. i can see it four blocks away, and in one-half second!
thus.....there are boards that are very clear in what they sell, but others?......w-e-l-l, a study in vagueness and muddy graphics: i cannot even understand what they are selling in three minutes, let alone the 1/2 second that the average driver has to see them....the company's money spent on the ad, is a total waste!

People too: their souls!
i can make that anology, that some people express "themselves" in soul very clearly, while others are of a study in "muddyness, murkyness"!
AURAS
in the arua and in the feelings that are picked up: even in their clothes.
eveyone is a walking billboard, advertising themselves!

---seems that the more a person Becomes one's soul, becomes one's Self, the clearer the vibration of that soul-expression. i may not "agree' with what this particular expression is...in one such person, but i
am happy to sense a person who has "become"!

Wednesday, December 12, 2001

well.

I got this article in my phoenix folder, a few weeks ago. I copied it into my "other people's earthchange folder", in my Freestonefiles site.
==============

To:
phoenix5_psychic_monitor@yahoogroups.com
From:
lilei

Thu, 15 Nov 2001 12:42:55 EST
Subject:
Re: [phoenix5_psychic_monitor] (www.egroups.com)

end times in
three years?!

=====================================

The channeled message in Spring 2000 and summer 2001
was to leave the

metropolitan area of New York city by the spring of
2005. Earth
changes in
the type of flooding (tsunami?) will cause massive
deaths. Smoke
(probably
from high voltage wiring short circuit) from fire and
screams were
sense by
the persons present in the room. According to
channeling, this
message was
not intended to create fear, but as a warning for
humans that there
are
choices we can made. That earth changes are already
in place and are

inevitable. And that we (civilization) do with this
present message
what we
feel is the best. That this is an opportunity to
raise our frequency
level
and to look at the sequences of earth changes as
energetic
cleansing. After
the changes, there will be left individuals that will
reconstruct the
world
toward the age of light.

I have been receiving messages of earth changes since
1994. I am
just
finding that you also are getting the same year 2005.

Lilei.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

now what do i make of that one?
I do not know.
i DO know that one day last week, as i was walking across the Mall parking lot, where the sky is open, and the lack of parked cars, make this three acres surprisingly quiet and open; i heard an Inner Voice Speak!
"three years to get ready"!!

these psychics and prophets seem to crank out these messeges like of from a Tibetian prayer wheel, a-spinning in the wind! over and over. and over yet again.
me included!
This particular messege seems to indicate that [ a ] spirit Guide seems to think that these changes are "set in concrete, unchangeable"! maybe the severity may be altered, but not overwrit!

so how DOES one "get ready"?!!
i guess it depends upon that Choice Made about the "Y" fork in the road: does one stay here as a survivor? or does one die and go on to spirit, into the afterlife.
thus.....
there are two types of "getting ready".
either ready to live here *as* a survivor .......
or to die!

I see , too, that each of the two choices has within them two very very similar sub-choices!

1a....as a survivor, go off as a "suvivalist"...as a self-centered survivor, a kind of "dark age monestary" mind set, to preserve some of what is left....go off to perhaps a safe zone and build a fortress of survivial.
1b...as a survivor, to minister to other survivors, to help them medically or Couselingly; to aid others to rebuild civilization and personal lives. To bring Spirit into manifestation as a beacon-light unto others.
2a...when you die, begin to work on one's personal ascention, to Realize one's Rise in counsciousness, and take the Degree of ascention and go off to join the Intergalactic civilizations....to join the Schools of Soul-progressions, in order to become One with Spirit, into the higher Celestial realms!
2b....when you arrive in heaven, join up with the healing Spirits, to aid and help the less aware than you, below you in progressions! there will be many many who die at, or after, you do: many will be utterly unable to adapt or adjust to the higher vibrations, as they died so quickly at a young age, being still immersed in material persuits! thus delay your own progressions, except to join as a pupil in the schools of Healings and Counselings, in order to Shed Light to those souls who are still below you, on the trail up the mountian called "ascention"!! but do not actively seek "ascention" for your own self!

I expect that your Decision-Choice has already been made!
if not: then what you do, think, and feel, during the next three years....you LIFE during these next three years, if this prophecy is in anyway true, will be the "applying for the job!
in other words------
what you do in the next three years; THAT will be the "application form" for what choice-road that you will take, after this earthchange thing has occured!

Tuesday, December 11, 2001

Library is quiet today. I guess that i can still use it.

I am still self-troubled about the "homeless, from that article that i wrote yesterday"!
I have to face the fact that i Do Not Really Want To Be Around Them! but it is not a "political issue" or a "social issue"! it is due to the bad vibes! If their collective vibes were a color, they would be a mixture of pea-green, dark muddy red, and murky yellow!
Imagine a person who EXPECTS to step on a dog turd at *every* step: it has occured---WILL occur, with every step.
yes i hear it now, from the "peanut galley"........"why doesn't such a homeless person just accept Jesus into his heart"?!
yeah!

yeah indeed!

I can hear this homeless person now-----"Just another mother fucker, this Jesus, to tell me what to do"!
and....
"everyone tells me what to do.
---- the social worker says that i must take Thoribenzindrine before she can help me, and all it does is make me sleepy and wozey and dumb!
----the job counselor says that the only job training open is for to become a dishwasher at the local caferteria on-the-job-training.....12 hour days at the pots and pans line!
----etc..etc..etc..etc!"

many embrace the terrible Secret of ALCOHOL!
what is that terrible secret?
why it is that being drunk gets ya up into the spirit world, a much higher place than MOST "Mr Straights"
ever go to! "a jug of wine and Thou"......
thus an alcoholic has a kind of spirituality that is much much higher than most of the sober people ever ever have!
terrible price though....as a Guide once said, through a medium, that i read....."the drinker is indeed raised up to a higher level of spirit, but it is a dead end, he cannot get the higher! like of a hill next to a mountain where anyone who climbs it, thinks that they have Arrived! Once they see that the real high mountain is next to them, why they have to climb back down into the physical world before re-beginning their ascent up the True Mountain of spirit, from that hill"!
so...
as that hill is the only thing that is REAL, for the alkie, he will not let go!
"Sigmund Freud, i think, said...."in order for a man to let go of his nerosis, he must have something else better to reach out FOR"!
like a drowning man will cling *very* tightly to a floating stick, even when a rope is offered to him for to have him grab it to have him pulled to the dock: but first he must accept that the rope is a rope!!
as long as he does not see the rope or believe that the rope is a saving-device, he will cling to the *ONLY* thing that he knows, and that anyone else's suggestions could just well cause him to drown!
---more mother fuckers to tell him what to do, for "his own good", is the very very last thing that he wants to hear; thus he will cling to what he knows---that floating stick!

thus, many suggestions for the homeless end up being suggestions for cure that help the helpers: not the homeless!

the only way i can see True Help being given to the homeless, or to any other people who are not of the "mainstream", is.....
is to help each individual homeless person BECOME THEMSELVES!
Each Soul has talants and gifts, brought to the Incarnation, here, now: but somehow the signals got garbled and the "launch pad", the parents and upbringing was lacking in Love, was corrupted.
thus the inner gyroscope of "self-love-acceptance", is defective.
Inside this "stereo system" with miswired speakers, is am Amplifier with Golden Sounds and Music making Possibilities. a True Counselor would help such a "stereo system", that dysfunctional person, to
get in touch with his "true sounds", his true soul's Talants, so that this person can touch and then to activate these Talants and then to be able to bring them out into manifestations into the world and into his life!
---good advice for us "non-homeless"!

and THAT is my personal definition for what is a "homeless person"!
Anyone out of touch with his soul! Does not matter if he is a $120,000 a year CEO with that mansion on the hill, if he has lost the thread of his soul missions...he is spiritually homeless!!

Monday, December 10, 2001

nearly got kicked out of the Library today!

seems that the new Director saw me looking at a game review site! She walks around often, peering at the computer screens and she saw that i was Not Doing Serious Reseach!
I went up and talked to people upstairs and then an Understanding dawned.

seems that many homeless and other "real" students just use the computers for games and porno and clog up the system. me with my somewhat raggy clothes have more in common with the homeless, than with the carded, "real" students.

looks like a "small me against the heartless system of Management?!!
NOT SO!

There was a wonderfull Commune, in the 70s, near Ithaca new york. the highest vibes...the best people...the most pretty scenery. it attracted many many visitors...
soon, people came just to bring "their dirty laundry"!.....their negative vibes. the commune had BEEN DISCOVERED! soon it became a haven for the angry and the depressed!
---just like of a resort that "gets discovered"....soon all the area around it becomes one strip mall!

sorta sad to say, this downstairs basement, in this library: many homeless men come in and use the computers. they play games and they play PORNO and i noticed that i cannot sit in that area of the library even when they are gone for the day, these four or seven guys, as the VIBES are so so bad there!!
so this Library supervisor NEEDED to clean house! too...she said how some people, either students or not, had used the computers to try to make a killing on the E-business...perhaps multi-marketings and spam!
Clean house... takes the innocent out with the bad!

[that old library struggle: the conflict between the Staff whether they are there to Serve the public...or to protect the books!]

bad?!
here i sit, confronting, somewhat, what many of the "Conservative" people say about the "homeless"!
they put the homeless down as being "dirty" or "bad attitudes".
the advocates for the homeless say that of course the homeless have bad attitudes and be dirty as they have been stepped upon by everyone...they know well enough that the sign on the door of McDonalds
that says..."you can only sit here for 40 minutes" pertains EXACTLY to THEM! of course they are angry!
they would also be angry that no one lets them in the library to play games and to see porno!
the advocates for them might say..."what is left for these people....maybe the only thing left is for them just to go out and get drunk all of the time!

---reminds me of that article a few years ago about that homeless guy who used daily the Newark new jersey main library: he stunk SO bad that staff and patrons gagged and near passed out....they kicked him out.
he went to legal aid and sued the library and he WON! now he goes in every day VICTORIOUS and unwashed and everyone has to accept his dirt smell.

there IS no solution: when ya purge a system of deviency you remove the SUPER-SANE as well as the INSANE!
but what I have to deal with, is this: when i get near *any* of the tallahassee homeless men[women too!], most of the time i feel "dirty" in vibe-pickup! like that "peanuts" character who sheds dirt like of a rainstorm, around him, where-ever he walks...what is the word......yes, "SLEAZE"! a mixture of depression...anger, with a centeredness near the lower chakras!
as if they were like "dogs eating off of the table of a formal dinner party's table"!!
Having Monkeys over for a lunch date!

Young souls, probably, the homeless...tinctured with a very bad childhood! everything around them is too too much for them to understand.
they fell off of the "track", and cannot get back on! what they probably need, the young souls, is to be born in a conservative christian family, where they grow up being Believers who belive in the litteral Bible and are *very* fundamental in their way of life! when grown up, these young soul kids....they would be the unimaginative business people who do things by "formula", and if the formula works, they often are "better off", financially, than most of the readers of this weblog! that is...as long as they adhere ridgidly to that formula!!

well...i guess i cannot look at game review sites anymore for awhile....

I fear that even this "near death stuff' might not be to the library staff's likenings....

so IF i vanish some day from the journal, it probably is that i have not died, it merely may mean that i cannot use public computers anymore! why for a disability pension person, like of me, my "half full cup" of a Pension means that the telephone[internet connections] is something far far too expensive for me to indulge in!

Saturday, December 08, 2001

Interesting how dreams reflect the day before!

here i got an e-mail, yesaterday, from someone with a THELEMIC webring and he was changing the style of it and he wanted to ask the members if they liked it.

I, last night, experienced a series of out-of-body dreams. they all were like disconnected chapters of a book: i went to one place then another, somewheres in the astral realms.
---the last one was very strange and interesting!

Seems that i ran into a long room full of people, ran into it very abruptly and ran the whole length of the room before stopping. i apologized for "butting in", and then i noted that the room was full of people. seemed a house in the countryside, or of some meeting room of some sort.
Someone intrioduced himself as a member of the Thelemic organization, and welcomed me there.
I recall not so much of what happened next: but i do recall how I read a long long booklet about Thelema
and the Workings of its magiks and systems! very though, very detailed....i must have spent a dream hour or more in reading...

yes, to touch someone is to be touched in return! just to get an e-mail from a thelemic person is to make Contact, contact in the spirit worlds with Him and his organization! then as i touched him, at night he can touch me: the Bond is made!
i suppose, and hope, i guess, that i am on some sort of "roll" in their organization, at least as a
"beginner"[!] ---in their ASTRAL organization! the people who "belong' to this Path, no matter which branch of Thelema, all belong to the various astral counterparts of the Spirit Thelemic organization, the "trunk" that unites in heaven, all and each of the "roots" of it, all over the earth, no matter how disconnected from each other.
after they die, the members, that is where they will go to[one of the places].

I would wish and hope and Ask of spirit.....that i would be "on the rolls" of as many of the astral/heavenly
organizations as possible! to be able to at least begin to Ask Questions of them, when i arrive, and to pick up their learnings, if it suits me at that time!

yes, the streets of life are lined with Recruiting office store fronts, each office is a "front end", or front, for an Astral, spiritual counterpart, up there in the heavens, for that office. i suppose for some offices, anyone can join, others are selective, and yet others ask YOU, and you cannot ask them!!
After you die, you have that Connection---off ya go to the Basic training Boot Camp, of that organization!
you arrive, off the Chairon's ferry, onto the docks...to get on the shuttle bus to a barracks reception center at 5 am, and the tech sargent TI..DI enters the room to great you!!

earthly offices where after you Sign Up, you can walk out anytime you want...but you can never never leave!
reminds me indeed of when i 1964-ly joined the U S Air Force, in that recruiting office, and there was a three month waiting period...i could, and did, go home for awhile...but soon enough a pack of papers arrived in the mail, and off on the Plane i went and i got off the taxi-shuttle and walked into a Reception room at 5 am, at the basic training center...

Friday, December 07, 2001

i got a letter from one of the rings that i sub to; he is changing the slant of his Thelemic site to one of "storms"
Magickal Reign Forest ....that is the name of the ring....in "webring"[not yahoorings!]

reminds me, as i replied...about how as a kid, in my upstate new york high hill prairie farm home, i would make a point to be out at the front of the yard to watch those oncoming thunderstorms, in the summertime. so so awe-some to watch these storms come from 60 miles away. the colors! the action!
the drama! no two storms are ever alike.
i eventually went to weather school, to major in meteorology...only to fail miserably as i think in autistic picture-images and meteorology is nuttin but math and physics!
least i still am *at* this universery!---i am now in the Library!
and i still drop everything just to go out and watch the storms...why tallahahassee has over 80 thunderstorms a year: tropical rain summers!

no one else seems to even notice!
i can see why people spend hours riding in cars in the Kansas praries just to catch a glimpse of a tornado!

Thursday, December 06, 2001

well.....

an Interesting person wrote to me about how she enjoyed reading my Journal: she says that she is learning all about "out of Body travel" and the psychic and the Spirit. she reads a lot.

this reminds me.......
reminds me that once long long newsgrouply ago, i posted a lot to the newsgroup "out of body", and i
actually wrote up an "OBE FAQ"!
I eventually re-looked it up in Deja.com and placed it in my "freestonefiles".
buried away......

So here it is, my "obe faq". Tis sorta thrown together a bit rough around the edges and full of grammer mistakes and spelling boo boos, but maybe someone who reads it may actually find some of it interesting!
------------------------------------
an OBE FAQ

>>>> I have noted, over the months of reading these
newsgroups...that the same
Questions are asked
over and over........
-----how can i have an OBE?
----i can now Obe...but what can i DO with it?!!
----why does so-and-so, happen, as i do this?
---are Dreams also OBEs??
----and other questions.
So......
I have put together some of my experiences and
observations..... my "two
cents worth"..from my years of having out of body
experiences. I have seen
what I thought are BETTER faqs\articles...on
OBE-ing...in this newsgroup, or
in letters: but each person can contribute something:
bear that in mind as
you read this, that this article is NOT the final
wisdom-filled word in
OBE information!!

We have a "Soul body"..that looks just like our
"real body". It occupies
the same space as our
earthly
body. It is "IN" the earth body..just like water is
"in" an Orange!
while this body is in the next upper dimension, from
the physical world,
this body is linked to the physical body...but from
another dimension.
Think of that orange; but with its juice in another
dimension!!

At night.."the juice separates from the orange....and
keeps the shape of the
orange": but this "Juice' is in another dimension,
away from the earth.
the Soul body separate from the earth body and
"hovers" above it...right
near the sleeper.
the "Silver cord" connects the two...linking the
bodies together. If it
breaks......??.
well........ you take the Final OBE: you die!! but
this cord NEVER breaks
in a obe....no matter if you go around the planet or
20 dimensions away---it
can stretch infinitely!
I will call this body..."the astral body"!!!!....from
now on.
your astral body looks like you. or maybe just a blob
of light colored
material...if it is not awake. it even wears
clothes...like of your pajamas!

MOST of the counsciouness...moves over to this
body....at sleep.
think of two boxcars side by side on two adjacent
railroad tracks at the
same speed: cargo is transfered from one to another.
Just how MUCH cargo is transfered...will depend upon
IF you can AWAKE into
this body: most people just lie in it and dream brain
homework
processing....of
the day's living. but SOME astral stuff gets
through...that is what make
the dreams often so wierd....
a combination of brain and astral occur.

All of the Trainings...for Soul travel...in
sleep...depend upon getting one
to AWAKEN IN
the astral body and then be able to use the
astral-body ears and eyes to
hear and see...what is OUTSIDE of this body!!
---and those strange noises and paralyized body...this
is where the awareness
is only partially
transfered over to the astral body.
Ah, folks...this is the Trick----to become AWAKE
.in this astral
body..while "sleeping"!!
that is what all these excercises and Spiritual
trainings are FOR!!


And, ya know...I think that MANY people have many
Bona fide, real, astral
trips and
experiences...and do not realize this...as they
think it is only a dream!!
Many old souls do Travel nightly: but they think that
"it is only a vivid
dream"!!
How can you tell if your dream is a hidden OBE?!!
----do you fly or float..through the scenery?
---do you actually float/fly through walls, doors,
buildings...as if they
are not there?
---is the dream in vivid color..or in very LUCID
awareness (LUCID DREAM)?
Is even the
awakeness
more awake than even while awake in the daytime?
do you go to somewhere else, on the earth, to have
your dream??
---do you see incredible scenes and places? Is the
color of the sky of a
translucent blue color??
---do you see and talk to "dead"
relatives..friends..???----or even be
hounded by "demons"?!!
---do you receive teachings from people or
teachers...there?
do you get the strange feeling that your dream scenery
will be not only
"there"...during the daytime after you awake...it,
having a reality of its
own, that you did not create: but that this scenery
would "still be there",
even years later?!!
.............these are some of the signs....of an
OBE-dream.

Now....OK.....
now that you can do this, or have this obe...
WHAT is it GOOD for: what can ya DO with it?!!!
or is it just another occulty toy?!

NO!
right off...it is obvious that YOU..in an astral
body...will still be
"there" ....even when the physical body DIES! Your
awareness will just
transfer over to the astral body, for keeps, when you
die.
Thus..there is no death!!

then there are the WORLDS that you can go to!!!!!
to see the scenery of....
to get teachings from Guides.....
to see your "dead" relatives and friends....
to talk to spirits....see Masters.....even Jesus!!
and more...more...more....more........more!!!!
one can be taken even to see the records of Probable
futures..of the planet
earth.

True prophecy.

I, myself, have been so taken..in my visionary
dreams.....to see end-time
visions...as well as to see various places in the
afterlife worlds.
if you want them...please ask me....
freestonew@yahoo.com
[they are in my "freestonefiles"....the link at the left top of the sidebar!]


From my experiences and from what i have read and was
Taught, by teachers
and life.....up IN the astral worlds....
there are two genaral places that you can go to..in
OBE-ing.
ONE...the astral "backside" to the physical world. In
effect; you will
become a ghost!!
you will move through walls and float...like a ghost!
and you can go to China..Russia..france..or to see
your friend next door!!
In fact.."real" ghosts...are Souls who are stuck on
this
next-to-the-physical twilight world.
I have actually Traveled, myself, onto the
earth-plane, in this
level.....where someone living, on earth, saw me! I
WAS a ghost...a living
Ghost!
He thought, indeed, that it was a ghost that he
saw.....he fired a gun
at me..in panic..then he threw
tools at me..as i floated up the wall! I was a
ghost...before i died!!
also...i have seen ...for instance....i had a OBE
where i spent the obe in a
chinese-looking city.
every single sign on the buildings was written in
chinese
letter-characters!!

Then, there are all the worlds of spirit!!
Lands for every Country..every race...and for every
period of history....
they tell me that the astral lands are in layers of
dimensions...each layer
a little "above" that
of a lower one.
think of a FM radio..tipped up on its side: every
station is an astral
world: and this radio is on top of a building in New
York City...just THINK
of the vast number of FM stations that you could pick
up, there, in that
city, from that high vantage-point?!!! AND...this is
just the ASTRAL
LEVEL!! they tell me that there are many many layers
of heaven above
that....all reachable by an astral traveler!
Vastness beyond compare...worlds and worlds and yet
more worlds.....
MAGIC ...exists here! Mind does indeed influence
the surroundings. the
mind, see, is now CLOSER to the level of the astral
outer world in
vibration: thus mind can actually affect the scenery.
Magic!!
"final Fantasy 7", or
a good role playing computer game....is a good
model..for many of these worlds, for what they are
like to actually LIVE
in. In fact , ...i think Spirit gave to us..games
like this...
as a "training
course"...for heaven....for when we get there, after
we die, it will not
be so strange to us!


How can one help to encourage these sleep astral
OBEs...to have more and
better ones? Here are a
few of MY observations.
---you should ask..of Spirit..in prayer...to have
these experiences. Many
of them, you do not do, yourself...but you have an
Angel or Guide, to lead
you. Spirit would send such a helper. (This guide
is usually unseen, while you are obe-ing. He takes
you to the places that
Spirit wants you to go to.)
---sleep on your back, facing the ceiling.
---Try to be sleeping between 4am and 7am---i find
that the best times for
obe..are then.
---try to be in a good state of mind and heart.
(One of the MAJOR Spiritual laws,
up there, is..."like
attracts like". You are
surrounded
in scenery and people, by what is in your
heart...FIRST! And foremost.
Remember: the mind draws to you the places..and can
create some of the
scenery.
and the mind is driven by the feelings of the
HEART---which is....one's
Feelings.
So...the more you LOVE everything about you...in your
waking life: the
better your astral travel experiences will be, for
taking you to "nice"
places!

Yes...i have seen HELL!!!
It is NOT nice!!
Have compassion for those who can never leave it!!!
all negitive
feelings\thoughts lead one to be drawn to
there...before AND after death.

{{even though the physical world is "thick
density"...mind and the heart
will draw reality to you, here, too!!!...
"LIKE ATTRACTS LIKE"..as they say!!)

---read up on astral travel and OBEs...books on
astral travel. There is a
very good internet site..that has a whole section on
"astral travel"------ www.spiritweb.org

---just before you fall asleep...ask of Spirit, to
have an experience!

You will see and experience some of the places that
you will live in,
after you die!

"This is not Kansas
anymore, Toto"....Dorothey..in the "Wizard of Oz"!!


So....
What are some of the places and scenes..that i have
seen?? In no
particular order...here are some.
The descriptions will not be of very good
grammar..and will be short....to
save bandwidth!!
You can use these...as examples of some places that
YOU can go to!....

------i have been taken to a healing center, in
heaven, for newly arrived
souls, after death. these are Souls who
need to "take a summer school remedial course,
before entering that fall's
college!". For souls who had never gotten around to
develop their
soul-life, while they were still living on earth.
I have that obe, on a
flopply-disk..if you would like
to read it, please ask me.
I will send it to
you.....plus a few
others...visits with deceased relatives, and seeings
of masters.
[freestonefiles]

--------i met someone, that i knew, here on
earth..in obe.
....i saw her, the next day...and she tells me that
she dreams of seeing me the night before. And the
scenery is the same!!
Yes, "i will see you in my dreams"....as the
song goes...is quite real!!

--------i have seen a temple of prayer...where
earthly prayers are routed
through, to God.....Spirit; and not
one prayer is lost or not paid attention to!!
--------i had a drunken man ...on earth..wave to
me..he could see
me!!!...he protruded a bit, into the astral, in his
drunken-ness!
-------i have been blessed with seeing Sathya Sai
Baba.
-------i saw my deceased sister..being taken, with
her class of students,
too....from a lower heavenly
school..to a higher heaven....by JESUS. {I have
that one on disk: if you
want it...ask me please!}
again: "freestonefiles"!]
-------i have had Long Talks with all my
relatives...mother, father,
sister.....many times...and seeing the
homes and scenery where they live!....there, in
heaven. { i have several
on disk..ask me}
-------i have done magic and Sorcery..in worlds
where this IS the Basic
law...that magic, IS!
------- i have obe-d to foreign earthly
countries...Russia...France...India.
----------seen lost Souls, rescued..into higher
realms....[ on disk..ask
me}
--------i have witnessed people being taken to
heaven!. Once, i saw a car
accident. A lady was standing
by the wrecked car..dazed. But, none of the rescue
squad could see her!!!
She was dead!!
I then looke up to the sky, and saw a hole in the
sky! It was a round
hole, maybe twenty feet across: the "sky" above this
hole was very bright!
there were Angels or Spirits standing around the edge
of this hole, looking
down to the ground below and they all were holding
hands, like in a ring.
Suddenly, i saw ANOTHER band of Angels descend down
through this hole, from
further above...about five Angels..in a smaller than
the hole, ring..also
holding hands...to make another ring.

they descended to the lady who was standing there on
the ground, "dead". As
this band of angels came to the ground...this lady was
the center of this
circle. Then ALL of them..including the lady...rose
upward into the sky and
THROUGH the hole and onward, upward, out of sight,
into the light.
{ I have read that often an OBE person volunteers or
is "drafted' to
perform a rescue service to the dead! the out of body
person has the
energy of both worlds, in him...thus the angels can
use it to BRIDGE the
gap, between the person to be rescued, and themselves.
----like of a "clutch plate'..between the car's motor
and the axle!}
so this is something a OBE person can do: help to
rescue lost souls...and
just-died Souls!

---------I have seen some hells, too!
Hell is NOT "fire and Brimstone"!!---it is of
a Grey Day,
Forever....as if it were 36 degrees fareinhiet,
..and the lidded grey drizzle..covers al, with a
permanent northeast
wind..

---ever pay "Riven"..or "MYST"?.....i have seen
places like that.
That is where we will go, after death......
Open that mailbox...and look at that letter...and
off we go..to ZORK..ian
universes and worlds!!!
....in our sleep...or after death!

The BIGGEST learning experience..of these years of
OBE..ing, is that
I now know...that the Tombstone..is but a
Door...into heaven...and
not a "dead end"!!
..all the cynics are laid to rest, before wonder and
awe.......
....our Adventures...have just only just begun...a
billion worlds to
explore...and a near-infinity of
time,
to explore them in!
Child-like wonder...and awe......our lives have only
just begun!!
or
as a spirit wrote through a medium..." the purpose of
the earthy life---is
to assey, to prepare, to get ready...to live"!!! I
read that the
Birthday..a Soul, in heaven celebrates...is NOT his
earthly birthday, when
he lived on earth...but the Date of his EARTHLY
DEATH!!
........Freestone (Free)

Live An Incredible Life!