Tuesday, July 31, 2001

I am still amazed at Winn-Dixie supermarkets!
now i have to buy three dozen cookies at their bakery if i want just one or four of them! 36 cookies min!
reminds me of how Things Grow!
portions....people too, i guess the cosmic law is to inflate!
horses were once two feet tall and elephants too!
probably if the human race is still around in 10,000 years, we all will be nine foot tall!

just what about that other bakery, recently, where the small cookie was one foot across and the large cookie was about two feet in diameter...and NOT a "presentation cookie" either!

then there is those drink cups that you can take a bath in afterwards...

on a more serious note, i see that it is in our Nature to always seek the more...the MORE!
as if we all just Know that there is much more to Existance than a "mere" physicalness.

perhaps that magizine article about all the drug use in the small towns and the "epedemic" of "ecstasy", has much sense!
why, in these little towns there is not much to fill the urge to transcend, and the church, oh my God, hast Failed!
failed to deliver as it offers no direct experiences of the Spirit for many people. only "NO"! the last thing you are supposed to do in the Church is to use it to transcend, the authority will be challenged within the church.

many of the ancient temple mystery intiations, like of the Greek Elysion mysteries, gave the average person a Direct personal first person experience of the Divine, and or, or the afterlife, so that the initiated person would KNOW and not merely BELIEVE in Spirit
or the afterlife!
thus, in all counsciuosness, i must "support' all manner and means of drugs and drug taking, no matter what drug is inferred!!
not till something better to fill the urge to transcend comes along!

why these anti-drug people, why they do not ever ever ever ask the very first real question, the Question that is "ground zero" and unless they do ask it, everything that they try to do is a sham and a failure on all accounts!
that question?
"why do people want to use drugs".....or...."what is missing in their lives so that they feel that drugs are the way to go?"!
well i see in the news that some kid was freakishly killed in some medical accident, a freak accident that was so rare......surely the parents were very upset.

this reminded me about what several Spirit Guides said about one's time of death..... i spent several months reading through Books brought forth from mediums, a number of years ago; there were some very very interesting stuff here!
some of the comments were------

----some people come and die as children and that they come TO die young, set up in advance, for many many reasons.
----a guide says,"you would be amazed at what goes on behind the scenes of a large group-accident, like of a plane crash of 178 people! first the plane is set up, in Spirit, so that it will crash. then the passengar list is drawn up, the guides and angels decide who needs to die right now and who has it set up where that person is supposed to die right now...and they are all, individually, one by one, brought to get a reservation for that plane so that they all can die at once! ........and oh! as this takes months and months to set up, on earth, by then several people have it where NOW they do not need to die at this time: Spirit THEN has these people either have a warning dream of not to go or maybe the car breaks down on the way to the airport and they miss the flight"!!
-----some people have it set in stone that there is ONE death date: others have it where one finishes certain karmas and then they go..."conclusion" directed" not "time directed"...the conclusion of a certain karmas could take ten years or thirty years.
----[aha this one is a "toughy"!] in this here book, written about 1950, this guide says..."modern medicine has gotten to save SO many lives that spirit has problems having people to keep their APPOINTMENTS!
If people have a appointment to come to heaven and modern medicine were to cure the enabling disease, spirit would not be "happy" with this....
so...
spirit creates NEW diseases, new sicknesses that there is no cure for yet, so that people can have them and KEEP their appointments!!
[yipes! just imagine what AIDS spirit can create to have Souls to die at their appointed times!!]

Monday, July 30, 2001

a quiet day. I sit here, sometimes drawing a blank as my autistic state of mind has it where i do not bring along anything to write about when i sit down!

probably i will have to take notes during the day! the Bus always provides many people watching though....

somehow, in all of the people that i see, i come to the conclusion, a conclusion i could write pages and pages upon....that this conclusion of mine is that we all will arrive in heaven whether our lives were "good", by the Church's definitions! we all are Doing Our Field Work, here on earth and no one Project is "wrong"! even the Executive who spends all of his days in his business world consummed in type A behavior, a work-aholic....and dies of that Promished haert attack...why when he arrives in heaven he will find that Management is very needed there too! and he Has Lots of Training in management skills.

You are not, in my opinion, judged by others or yourself, in heaven for WHAT you did, whether being a long long talker, or a aggressive land developer or a Mother of children.
you are judged by WHAT and HOW you did yopur talant and how you used it!
---it is what you talk about, not the amount.
---it is how you developed the land, not that you were a Developer..
---if you were authoritarian? it is how you used that Authority.
----and how the mother raised her children.

so dance dance dance, whatever Danc that strikes your fancy...there are no wrong answers up there and no one is going to hit you with their ugly stick when you arrive in the afterlife, for something you did or did not do!

well i gotta go for today.....have a good one, whoever reads this!
=========
I finally got my link to the archives fixed so that you can not only GO to read the writups of some of my visions, from the link on the left of the Journal; you can now go to the very very bottom of this weblog page and use the yahoo graphic-link to sign up for the archives! thus if i have anymore of my visions written up, in the future, they will go out in the e-mail to you! there will not be a lot of them, but a few, in the next few months.

Sunday, July 29, 2001

Hey!
I have it now set up where the site that has my files where my 20 or so visiondreams of the afterlife
are archieved in, can be subscribed to, so that any more visions that i write up will be simultainiously mailed to you.
just go to the very very bottom of this weblog page to the "yahoo subscription form" and enter you mail address!

you can visit this archieve site of my visions just by clicking at the left of this page where the paragragh is
that tells about my archieved visions.

thanks......
I saw a "US news and World report" magizine today. the article that I found to be very interesting was about how "boys, not girls are the weaker sex and need much much more tender raising care"

yes i thought about that....
this here country does not really teach anything about "FEELINGS" and how to grow and cultivate them! too too often feelings just get trounced by mind!

a small example, here.....

I talked to someone on the bus who often was at a certain office building on Tennessee street. today, on this bus, she told me about "the church". " It was directly across the street from the Shelter, she said.
Old building" she said.

"funny", i said....."that Jerry's resturant has only been a church now for about four years, after
the resturant went out of business and they bought it"

"never been a resturant" the lady says.....

I countered..."but you said it was directly across the street from the Shelter and that ex-resturant building is 80 from that front door! Oh there IS another church about a block away, maybe 500 feet away and you can hardly see it from the street as it really is on another street and faces away from tennessee street".

"that's the one" she says!

just how, i wondered, could she not even notice that church building that was literally right in front of her nose while another church that she called "a church", was almost out of sight?!

EASY...I realized.
a converted resturant does not have the "feel" of a church!!
thus it is NOT a church, no matter if there is a sign in front of it six feet high saying so.

In this country, intellect really trounches feelings....who is right, about that church, me or her?!
in feeling tone, SHE is right and I am wrong!

thus "feelings" are not valued, in this western world as they MEAN nothing!
"mean" is a world of Mind, of Intellect.

one more example.
tis a cold raw damp day.
i go int a coofee shop and I order a hot drink.
i say to the server...."a NICE cup of hot hot tea please".
she brings to me a cup of lukewarm water with a tetly tea bag sitting next to it, and she apologizes that this is a coffee cafe and we do not have tea here. I get upset as I WANTED coffee but i ordered through the FEELING of what would restore my inner warmth from the cold raw day, outside.
"feelings" has absolutely nothing nothing to do with words at all!!
thus what is needed is to teach us in school how to feel....and to valdidate feelings: but unfortunately mind and feelings do not get along very well, in this age......
test

Saturday, July 28, 2001

there.
I finally got my link, on the left of the page, to my "freestonefiles" site where about 20 of my visions are written up where they can be read by people who go there. To read of SOME of what i have seen and experienced.
there are articles on AUTISM and alien abductions and earthchange visions too!

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/freestonefiles

quite a small job, not only for the link, but more so for the "freestonefiles" page! I had to get the intro done so that it is easy for visitors to know that they can actually subscribe to my site through yahoo.com.
when someone subscribes, any new visions or articles that i write up there will be E-mail-icly sent out to the subscriber...but there will be ONLY maybe one per month if that!

that's an art and Science of itself---how to give directions so that another person can follow them!
True Direction-givers are rare rare...

so I hope to write up a few more, out of the 100-plus that i have had, over the 40 years or so...


Interesting Dream last night. not so much there dream itself but the mechanics of it.

For years and years, now, I have at least every other dream where I go to Worlds! not "psychological" these dreams, but real events in real places. Not all of these "spirit" dreams are in the afterlife worlds!
many many of them seem to be on the "back side" of the physical world! what i mean by that is...One, there is the physical world that we live in. Two, there is an "astral" higher vibration of this world that is partly in the afterlife and partly here. Souls in heaven can come down to it and sort of see our world, but we cannot see them unless they lower their vibrations a bit more and then we would call these visitors a "ghost".
thus, i have been all over the world, experiencing places from the "backsides".

example: a number of years ago my Dream began where i was in a house somewhere up north, and the
living room was full of women, older women. I soon found out that this was a WICCA coven somewhere in rural Wisconson! One of the ladies there was being Inituated into some Wicca order or level of acheivement, there. I can recall little, except that all were happy and they had a ceremony and then they all went outdoors and danced around a circle with, i think, flowers.
another example was when i visited a house somewhere, where the interior looked a bit "polish-Serbian"! i listened to people talk, a family gathering of some sort, a reunion. they all went outdoors and one man was pointing out to his guest that the tennis courts in the birch woods next door
was part of a summer camp for workers of a Collective factory. I saw a newspaper windcaught in a fence and i tried to go over to read it but i found the print undeciperable as the writting was in CYRILIC!
One of the house owners pointed out to a guest, also, that the "outer road circle" was
" over there", and the hill that the road was on had it where the "Moscoow" city began there...

I even was in a building, once, where someone in the building threw tools at me, as i floated up the wall and through the ceiling, no doubt this person actuall could sort of see me and he thought that i was a ghost: not all ghosts are of the dead!!

Friday, July 27, 2001

I got a small nasty surprise at a large supermarket chain the other day! I wanted a few cookies from their in-house bakery.
not "homemade" but closer than most commercial cookies. recently they had a new policy...only a dozen to buy at a time. I, even though i am single and do not eat many cookies...i could handle that.
however...yesterday i discovered that there is a new policy at their bakery. the minimum purchase of cookies is now 36 cookies!
that is three dozen and NO they will not break a package and if ya wanted more than that it would have to be 72 cookies!


excuse me!
where is the concern for the individual shopper here?
they put corporate ease and profit over customer!

reminds me of what a spirit guide said through a medium, concerning Angels and the heavenly realm that they live in.
he said...."in the realm of these angels, just what constitutes an angel's happiness, there? It is where an angel wants to make all of the other angels around her MORE happier than she is!" I wonder what this world would be like if this rule could be used here?

My!
how so utterly unlike this world often is here! I wonder if this supermarket could apply even a bit of this rule, to its customers?!
once there was a saying: "the customer comes first".
betcha one major supermarket chain will soon go under, the workers will come to work one morning and then they find out that they have five minutes to clean out their lockers! Goodbye! A five minute warning of "layoff".
lawyers root through the garbage pile.....

for these [the executives of companies like this] will be the true Poor in heaven!! When they arrive there after their archtypical heart attacks, they will find that everything that they considered "real" has absolutely no value there! they will be like that child who has "arrested development". who is going to hold their hands and walk them through the basics of the Heavenly Way of Living, that way of living that will be for a l-o-o-o-n-g time?!
well, on to lunch!
so many links, so many creative people out there....i can never never have enough time or energy to read and look and digest them all!
i am glad you all are there, even if i can not read them all!!
Oh the tallahassee tropic air morning!

people up north have no idea of the clarity of tropic air! the only clear air, very very similar actually, is when the summer Candian cool fronts come down IF that air misses the Torondo-New London industrial complex on the way down to new york state! when the temperature goes to 90 degrees, in new york, the air is usually very "used"! the air is smogy and hazy and polluted as it has to come all the way north from the Gulf!
but here in North florida the air comes from the ocean, from the equator.....

remember those photos of the Islands in the Pacific, from National geographic?! the air is so clear and soft, the thunderheads off in the oceanal distance on the horizen? the air is like that here.

something tells me that the air of heaven is like this, AND i know why now why dull grey skies depress me! this is the color of the air in the Lower Worlds, the "hell" worlds! endless grey skies like as if you were a cockroach under an overturned aluminum frying pan: all grey without even a cloud to be seen and the temp is 38 degrees. cold damp and raw, in perpetual semi-fog!

hooray for the Model of tropic skies!

Thursday, July 26, 2001

oh i love to ride the bus for this reason alone: provides a school for Character Observations!

this here Lady yesterday....she sat near me and she ran her mouth constantly about how much she disliked Tallahassee so so so much!
[i have a small hobby, one hobby out of 53,185 hobbies----Why Do Some people hate Tallahassee so Much?!] she had been living in this city for only six months and she came from south florida.
By her own admission, she ranted to the guy next to her about how she came here to deal with her disfunctional crazy relatives and she had her own crazyness too, and her painfull life of Insanity and Schizophrenia.

{WAS she the lady that wandered up and down the streets one day with her fist in the air, shouting out loud her anger, to the crows and the pigeons?!!]

I thought about how a Compass needle will point to "north", the needle is attracted to the Pole. people who have a disturbed soul will seek out and draw to them the very mirror of that soul...
"like attacts like" is an Ancient Phrase".....

here, this lady draws to her lots of also disturbed people and the "crows squack to each other"...crows do not attract Robins or mockingbirds! Woodpeckers sing only to other Woodpeckers....Finches warble only to other finches.

I sense that if this lady can change herself, then her whole world will change! but tis very hard, as that
pain IS out there, IS real: one can see Social Injustice at each and every Glance of the eyes and mind.
the vast Meadows of Real sufferings where people muck over people....each and every grass blade, in that field, is
some shit that is out there, in the city, some Real Injustice, some Real Occurance where "redneckness" is at work! if you have a pair of scissors, why you can bend down and snip away, one blade at a time: the field will grow more grass-blades behind your back---erternity is patient and the Field is Vast!!

"Pain Is Real..thus it must be embraced"....i see has trapped many a soul...as they kick that tar baby REAL hard, perhaps the more pain they have, the more aware and intense a counsciousness they have!
"pain is life", then, perhaps, for these people........

I have a Question, for myself, for anyone......how would a Counselor, here, or in the afterlife, be able to Offer something else to these People-of-Pain?! something that is not of pain, but something that they can accept as being real!
anything that is NOT of pain, is perhaps like "the color orange" to a orange-colorblind person, to them! "life IS pain....there IS nothing else that is real". they might say that, to this counselor! thus after death they may go to where there is ONLY pain, unless this process can be interupted. but should one even interupt it?! I am not a "master"! I do not Know.....

so this yesrerday's bus lady....would not matter WHAT city she lives in, her soul mirrors into something everywhere....she finds what she wants, and it Justifies her stance, her belief system. if she talked to me, no doubt she is a Master at this: she would find my "buttons" and surely i would soon rapport with her about how "tallahassee [and life] is a-w-f-u-l-l!! she would get her Meal, her Food, from me, no matter what i would feebly try to tell her, about how "life is amazing, wonderfull, interesting"! Soon, i would just become another "crow" squacking to her "crowness"! and she would WIN! as she, like others i have known, would go away Satisfied, her Reality Reinforced:life IS a fucking Bitch! and they get what they want!

Wednesday, July 25, 2001

this morning i was reminded of something.

when, in 1967, i was Discharged from the U S Air Force, in San francisco, i had an Interesting experience. I was overseas for several years, and this san francisco was my very first return to the states for those years. after Discharge Processings, i was sent by bus from the base to the YMCA, in downtown san fran. i got off the bus and then went inside and registered to stay a week. i went upstairs to unpack and clean up: then i want supper as now it was late, about 8 pm, and dark outside.

there were many many cafes and diners on the street out side and thus i Chose one of them and as i felt tired i wanted peace and Quiet. i chose a table far far removed from people...a table that was an Island of calm, surrounded by empty tables, where people were sitting far off in the distance.

"ah...san franciso", i told the waitress, "clam chowder please".

she duly brough it to me, with whatever else that i ordered and as she left i bent over to salt....
pepper...sugar...cream...stir that coffee.

I then looked up withspoon in hand, ready to taste the stew, only to see....

to see an old man just getting ready to pull out a chair at my table and then he immediately sat down without apology or askings, with coffecup in hand!!

He looked at me deeply, and intently and he said...
"I can COPE with LONELYNESS"
---he THEN began to talk non-stop, telling me the story of his life as i began to eat and i had BETTER begin to eat as this guy went on and on and on...i remember, now, that i left him, eventually, breaking his narration, with the "excuse' of tiredness....he had hours and hours and hours yet to go!

eventually, i found out that this area of san fran was the "retirement district". there were a hundred cafes and cafeterias, and after six pm, they all were filled with HUNDREDS and HUNDREDS of retirees, each one person to a table, ALONE ALONE ALONE, nursing a cup of coffee for hours and hours a-l-o-n-e!

I wonder what i would take to assuge, heal, these people?
take a person probably a year or more just to listen non-stop to one of the lonely retirees, while he processes his life.
Interesting: most of these poor souls have one thing in common, they seem not to be able to SYNTHETHIZE or come to conclusions, about their experiences of life. as they talk non-stop, it is of the nature of literalness, every moment must be played back as if they are showing a fileclip of their life, moment by moment. there is no introspections or Meaning Gotten: they can only pour back the video and sound, not the STORYLINE of their life.
---why i had such a man, once, try to tell me his trip down from Chicago.
"left house at 7:13. drove 4.2 miles to Macdonalds, along fourth ave two blocks then hang a right
down eddy ave three blocks, then right at Foresman's toMacdonalds.
----I had a bisquit with eggs at $.99 and coffee a large cup at $.85. i put in four sugars and two creamers.
then the total was $3.76. i ate for 23 minutes...."
---------yes, i stopped him by the time he got to Kentucky...but golly....litteral litteral....every mile, every name and every minute and every cent...

no Processings....no meanings...no Soul.
ask him "what does it MEAN, you trip down to st. pete?"........duh!
"what do you FEEL about the farms in Southern Illinois"?........blank.
"do you prefer a diner over macdonalds"?.....hmmmmm.
"how do the people of Illinois compare to the people in Indianna"?......[silence]

hmmmm.....perhaps THIS is what is meant, in the Owner's Manual, of the Human race, by the
phrase..."the poor in heaven"!
for no matter how rich in THINGS or even of the quantity of life-experiences in a 80 year old long lifetime of living: if there is no Soulgrowth[ the Soul is comprised, and made up of, MEANINGS!]....
if there is no soul developed, then people like this end up in heaven with a poverty-sticken soul!

Monday, July 23, 2001

I have made a major life-discovery! a combination of looking at three generations of family member's lives and my own: I see that my life runs in 19 year cycles. what ever has occured, in one of these 19 year cycles, will repeat again, in the next 19 year cycle.
---there are three of these 19 years, in my 60 years that i have lived. [19 x 3 = 57].
sometimes there is a "miss" in one of them, something, say, in the first, may skip the second but appear in the third.

several examples:
-----late winter of when i was 4. 1945. polo. i can recall my mother taking me to the Therapy building once per week where doctors would look at my legs.
19 years later..late winter 1965. us air force hospital for two weeks: chemical pnumonia.
19 years later 1984...bad bronchitis from roadside spray, in may!
the next 19 years. 1993, but in the late fall: empyma of the lungs, i nearly died!

-----another example.
I went to Canada family vacation summer of 1950.
19 year later summer of 69, i drove for the first time to Toronto around the same bridge as in 1950
did not repeat in 1988!
-----one more.
sister was born fall of 1943.
early 1962, she appeared at my college, i was not overjoyed at the Prospect of shepareding my younger sister around!!
summer of 1981, i went to live with her in the Carolina mountains at her wonderfull mountain house.
summer of 2000, 14 years after her death, just HOW could there be a "sister' then?!
easy!
I found that she had abandoned property in Carolina and i spent months getting it processed!
yes that cycle really repeated, my sister!
------i could give here 20 more examples: nearly everything in my life repeats

and here is the kicker , the One That Scares Me!
----on july 1 of 1963, i got really really sick with food poisoning. lasted two weeks.
then in the fall, i attended a forest ranger school in lake City, fla., as my college had collapsed in the spring of that year:failed miserably! on october 25th, ranger school burned to the ground!! all i had left was my car and the clothes on my back! i drove back to mama at 22 years of age
a kid again owning nothing. i immediately joined the Air Force but there was a three month waiting period and then i went to TEXAS for four months for basic training.
19 year later?? i was lving at that mountain house with sister and she had her career collapse and she had to sell her hose at an auction: we drove off at night leaving stuff in the house, oct 16th...then to "plan B"...nov. 1st...to TEXAS for four months!
-----so now, THIS year it is the 19 year cycle again and on july 1st i coughed up blood!!
i tore my trachia somehow in running out of the rain and i coughed up several tablespoons of blood every few hours...now two weeks or more later and it is better now: another mysterious illness EXACTLY
on the same day....38 years later [no repeat in 1982].

so.

i sit here like a chicken in the field with that hawk circling overhead....WILL i "become a refugee with the clothes on my back" on about end of october then go to Texas for four months AGAIN?!
some cycles has it delayed for months....so from early october to about the summer of 2002, I could become that refugee! as in dreams "texas" represents "heaven".....this gives to me that EDGE of wonderings....yet another omenious intent that my Time on earth is near up with!

Saturday, July 21, 2001

Interesting thing at the bookstore cafe this morning!

I told someone about something that happened in germany in 1930 and i used the words "SSS" to describe the storm troopers of Hitler. then someone in line corrected my statement, telling me that it is "SS"!
this is AUTISM at work. words do not mean anything: only images do! tis much much easier to say "SSS" than "SS"...try it! much much more poetically rythmatic, thus rythem triumphs over correctness.

ah!
but i get to eat the ice cream, though!!
i walked into Baskin robins one day and i waited for ten minutes for the couple ahead of me to order and they talked endlessly between them about the 50 odd names of ice cream on the
overhead menu board. they finally chose a name and they ordered it.
they ate a word!!
no matter if that ice cream was only the dregs at the bottom of an almost empty box and it melted and refroze about four times and all yuuch looking and stale: they would choose it as they choose the WORD over the ice cream as it is!!
me?
as they talked and talked, i went over to the counter and looked into the boxes and i let the ice cream tell me what to order. i accepted the box that was just opened and about two servings had been served already, so that the cardboardly very-top had been served already...a fresh new box...
thus i had a bit of trouble ordering it as i had to point to it as i could not find the word for it, in my memory. pointing to it, got me some real ice cream.

Friday, July 20, 2001

as i sit here looking back a bit on my writings and upon my Visions, i wondered a bit about how I really have never told anyone about them. some of them are so that any one of them is a story that
would take over an hour to tell, as the writup, itself, is only a rough scetch.
at first i thought that it is that this Age is not an age for a story-teller to live in! gotta bare your soul in ten seconds or less: who today has the attention span to sit and listen to a tale that goes on for an hour and you-do-not-say-one-word!
[my father was a Master story-teller. ten years after he died i lived back in my hometown and a man at the diner told me that He Rembered Dudley and those stories. why one memorible day Dudley talked for FOUR HOURS nonstop and no one said one word. finally he had to leave and after he left, in the quiet
someone spoke up and spoke up for all the group of men..."its TOO bad he had to go: i wanted to hear MORE"!!]

finally, i realized this was not it. tis NOT why no one wants to hear my tales of visiting heaven.
no, tis not so much a denial of death, perhaps...but this....

----that no one should yell "fire" in a 10 am full 8th grade classroom full of kids! if they do, the kids will run outside in "fire drill mode", and the class is disrupted for the morning...no lessons learned for today!!
so, we all are here to learn lessons and there is SO so so so much to learn, in the 2001 Accelerated Learning Ciricculums: so much to learn that "multitasking" IS the way to go!
thus, an 8th grader would not have to know much about what lies ahead in the Senior College Year, does he?! only distract him from The Lessons At Hand.

like gravity, it exist whether we believe in it or not, same with the afterlife!

Thursday, July 19, 2001

yet another morning bus ride to coffee shop and i see this here lady walking the street. she has just left the Shelter, i have seen her now for years and she has a *very*, to me, interesting soul-expression!

she must be about 30. hard to tell her age. her body is wracked. tis an amazing way her soul has Chosen to express itself, in this Incarnation. all emotion and emotion to the max, using every single bit of her "hard drive"
for each emotional vent.
to call her "emotional", as a psychological personality, would be like calling the blast from a hydrogen bomb..."warm"!
even the smallest bit of emotional feeling, is expressed full tilt all stops out and for hours and hours!
I have seen her bawling and crying for what must have been hours, crying over something that I[or you] may only have a twinge over.
---I knew of a man once who put a chevy 300 HP V-8 engine into a VW bug car!! the engine sat *in* the back seat, the engine ate up every bit of space: but oh he could make that car scream----this is how this lady is wired!!

this bus morning i saw her near in convulsions as she walked along the sidewalk, her head snapping from side to side, arms jerking....afterall, if you put the power of an elephant into the body of a fly, so that the
elephant had to "come through" the fly...well...that fly would indeed be spasming!
surely if she writes email to people,
*EVERY* SENTENCE WOULD LOOK LIKE THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
with 57 !!! marks after *each* and every sentence!
she would *want* the size of the letters to be about a foot high, mere "caps" is all the computer can do, she would have her letters at least 12" high, on the screen!

of course she is homeless: would you want to be a friend of hers, would you want to hire her?!
With every tiny emotion expressed to the max, expressed physically as much as her little body can muster for as long as her energy can push it, for hours and hours for each emotional emote...who could live with her?
---I wonder---
i wonder if there is a culture or a time where her way of being would be "normal"?! maybe there is a place on this planet, once, where this emotionality is "normal"...or at least acceptable.
Ah, but here and now, she Is Alone. no counseling can help, as there is no room on her "hard drive" of a brain for words, concepts, or knowledge: no counseling can reach her needs!
Drugs? would need 599 tabs of "prozac" a day to even begin to calm the emotional typoons of hers, i suspect.

so i wonder what kind of soul she has? what will be her afterlife and what was a life in a prior incarnation?! what lesson is she learning?

Wednesday, July 18, 2001

that article in the paper this morning reminded me of something.

the artlcle: this is where a man came to the baseball game where his estranged wife and his ten year old son was, and he pulled out a gun and shot both of them and then he turned the gun upon himself...three dead!

a spirit guide wrote, i read, "there is that heavenly realm where the Angels live.
now...just what constitutes their greatest happiness?!
what would make one Angel the happiest, there, is to do something to make all of the other Angels around her to become happier than she is"!

SO removed from the earthsphere!
but i can now see the Intent of this saying, from my life and from my Visions......

If that man who killed Truly Loved his wife and she fell in love with another man, taking his son with them: if he truly put her happiness
above all else, value-ing her Self above his wants, and he felt that she was happier with this other man than with he, then he ought to tell her that he gives to her his Blessings.
He wants her to be happy and if that other man can fullfill her soul better than he can: she should go to him! To put her happiness above his wants.

that guy came into the coffee shop again this morning.
a homeless person who lives at the Shelter. puts 30 packets of sugar into his coffee.
wears the same clothes till they unwashedly turn brown, a dingy brown-all-over. recently the seat of his pants wore out so that MOST of his underwear shows but then again most people would not see it as he spends most of his day on the park bench!!
[many of the Homeless, at the shelter, will spend all day long sitting in front of the shelter, until they are re-admitted back at night!]

many of these people are people who used to, in the "old" days, lived in mental hospitals, but now are "in the care of the community"! i read that there is a nurse that actually has an office inside of the Tallahassee shelter and she gives aid to these people and dispenses their "meds"!

sigh.....
my take on them is........
some high quality amplifiers are burdened with a speaker sytem that produces scratchy poor sound.
the music is of good quality but somewhere between creation and output there is trouble.
so here are people who Want To Dance the dance of life, who want to Live their Life in Soul, but it does not get out into manifestations!
they are us; but with some handicap, a handicap that cripples them; but even us, we all, have SOME handicap of "life-expressions"---whether it is a medical condition, like an allergy, or some childhood Trauma, or something....a something that does not cripple us so much that we can not "function".

I knew a man once, who would all day long see angels and demons and spirits---his ten tabs of LSD a day for six months percipatated a schizophrenia latant. He fell out of the living room, through the picture window, into the backyard of the collective uncounsciousness of Mankind, the same place where the mystics, the poets, the artists go: but they have a telephone with them so that they can communicate back to people in the living room and to themselves what they see and experience out there....AND a rope so that they can pull themselves back into that living room WHENEVER they choose to come back----this poor acid lsd guy have neither!! all this guy could do is to laugh hystaricly all day long as the demons spun around his head and yelled at him, the demons and spirits that only he could see and were probably VERY real, being the earthbound spirits of the dead!

thus...the messege of the homeless, as i see it, is that we ALL are homeless, in some way!

Tuesday, July 17, 2001

Yes i ponder a bit over what i wrote early today about the earthchanges and manderville and my own visions.
My own mother had a vision ten years before she died that she would be killed by a red sports car coming into her lane at dusk....but that my father would live till he was 72.
probably 1965 when she had that dream....father was about 51 then.

sure enough ten years later her Appoinment Was Kept, righ down to the color of that sports car in her lane at 120 mph! about ruined the psychological health of my father, her death did.
he would burn water if he tried to cook it.
being Alone in the old farm house in Gothic upstate ny unhinged him a bit. he blamed "everything" on me and never spoke to me again...

when he turned 72, he suffered many stokes; but just bfore that he had a Conversion experience of some sort...saw angels and spirits and on his "deathbed" in the intensive care unit, he asked my aunt that he wanted to see me.
i immediately drove 1200 miles to see him, and his face glowed with joy...a wonderfull reunion.
for a year, i would see him several times a week, i lived with my aunt[his sister] for a year...often the nurses would gather around while i would tell Dudley of some of my Vision experiences of heaven.

he died at 73 on Christmas day.

so was mom wrong about he dying when he was 72?
NO!
Spirit gave to him an EXTENSION so that he could make amends with his son and he died two months into his 73rd birthday on the day of Gifts...Christmas.

so maybe Spirit can overwrite any "endtimes" earthchanges too!!
well, on this tuesday morning, i went ahead and put my weblog into several spiritual directories.

Tis really made me aware of just how many people have "spiritual" sites out there! bunches and bunches of them. how wonderfull....
I wonder how many people have experienced mystical states of being, in dreams, in visions, in spirit communications, without really knowing it?!! maybe now, with the internet and those sites, more people will be able to "self-vaidate" their own experiences.
----"just a dream"---they might say. "just a coincidence, or the pizza i ate last night" they may mutter...

no!

I would say that at least every other night, there is a dream i have that has at least a bit of "objective" afterlife experiences in it.
I wonder how many YOU have??
yesterday i went to re-read Mandervile's sites about his belief that Edgar Cayce REALLY is right about the pole shift at or near the fall of 2001! I would like to think that this manderville is just one of many psychics that will be shown to be wrong.

but I have had a vision that is of manderville's own reality!! plus a few other "end time visions" of my own!
[they are in my archives....go to the url on the sidebar, the "freestonefiles" site ]
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/freestonefiles

so is he wrong?
am i wrong? even if we are right: Spirit can overwrite any such realities at anytime!
Manderville's site is.....

http://www.michaelmandeville.com/quest/questhomepage.htm

but i got a BAD FEELING about september to December...or June july of next year!!

Monday, July 16, 2001

I got to thinking about that dream i had on June 8th...yesterday.
On June 8th, i dreamed that i was standing on the porch of the Interlaken Nursing Home and looked towards my old high school. it looked the same except that there were now four or five more floors added onto it! up where the sun is supposed to be, there was a clockface that read "1:20".
I told myself, in the dream, "the Time is Now 1:20".
[old folks home = end of my life.
school with new higher floors = floors that exist in Spirit, in heaven, after i die.]

On december 5th of last year, i had a dream with that number in it, exactly 180 days from June 8th.
when such a pattern[180days] occurs, to me, that is suspicious of A Meaningfull Connection!

I seem to be "blessed' with the gift of dreaming ahead of time, months ahead of time, major scenes in places that i WILL see, especially after i have been given an assignment to go somewhere...like four months before the US Air Force sent me to japan, I dreamed of a dozen scenes that i later saw.
I went to Japan on december 5th of 1965. 35 years ago, from the december 5th dream of 2000.

so on my december 5th dream of 2000, i dreamed that i entered heaven just after i died! dream
showed to me The Very First scenes that i WILL see, when i arrive there. yes the mountain land.
i will not go into what i saw, to save space, but that there was a signboard there by the Gate.
on one side was my name and the other side of the board had two numbers on it.
120 and 420.
?
well, i can see that 12 X 3.5 = 42 "3.5" as in "35".
on december 1965, i went to japan, 35 years ago.

---so what all this comes down to, is that 1:20 is the Time in heaven, of my earthly death to come, this number is the YEAR of it....in heavenly time, not earthly time.
JAPAN time!!
the grenwich calculations give it to be 13 hours difference....between east coast and Tokyo, in savings time differences.

00:20

as in....."2002" not 2020

oh these paragraphs seem SO simple, so unconvincing to any reader of the weblog: how could i believe just two dreams to mean this?!
aha...but only i know the inner connections and import and feelings, that give the import to the messege!!
just a couple of paragraphs, here, to YOU, perhaps....
but to me:i have received my Orders: I have been WARNED!!
to me, my "japan" orders are now on my desk.....

this will give, perhaps, my journal an extra EDGE of intent, of meaning, of Urgency!
six months? a year?----maybe 15 months left: i better use it wisely.

Yesterday on my sunday morning walk i came across a certain person that i often see upon my walk.
He greeted me with "cool morning but oh bitch it will be hot again today".

---reminds me.
reminds me of that janitor i used to work with; i saw him stub out his cigarette, one day, upon the sidewalk. that gesture took him about all of ten seconds but i saw his whole life in that gesture. the summation of his whole life, as if those 60-odd years were to be a kind of two demensionalness, where
each and evey moment of those 60 years were right "now" in this moment of time. Just as the harmonics of melody has it where some a musiclal composition may have a theme running through it where each and every segment of that melody may have the theme in it---oh!, a better example of this is the hologram!
a hologram film has it where any small snippet cut from the piece of film, why that snippet has the whole image in it! you cut cut a one inch square from a twenty inch square of holo-film, of a scene, and that one inch square will, upon being blown up to twenty inches; it will have the whole scene, the same as the twenty inch original had!
---that stubbing of the cigarrete was like that: his whole life was in it.

same with that statement about the morning that my aquaintance said to me, just before he went on to tell me 20 more things, all in a certain TONE of voice, a voice filled with anger and cynicism: ah the intellectual's Occupational Hazard! which is...."I know what perfection could be, in anything, and all falls short of this" yes, i can see why animals can Tell about a person: the life is in the Tone!
Reveals the Soul. each soul has a tone and this tone is in anything that is done, big or small....

Saturday, July 14, 2001

I ran into a lady today who was sitting outside of a fast food resturant. A local homeless lady, of high intelligence but kinda scattered in thought. i have run into her before, seems like a very intelligent person but she is of One Of many who I fear that i can not really get to know well....
Her first remarks were of this: "whenever i bring my raincoat it never rains and if i forget it ALWAYS does"! tone: angry sarcasim tinged with sadness...

brings home to me yet again.....
how HARD it is to not get into a "negative stance" when talking to someone. this time i caught the loop and stopped it. but golly, i find that much of the Bonding between people is IN sharing the negative, bonding in "fellow survivors of the life is a bitch then ya die" mode!! no social life if i do not feed their wants! I have enought trouble trying to overcome my childhood programming to be negative! from Mom to neighbors to relatives...it is in the air and how does a fish get beyond water and cows oxygen?!
the "oxygen" is that negativeness......
I am steeped like a tea bag in it...
[just how often do YOU, reader, join your friend and you two Put Down someone or something, sharing the Bond of Rapport between you?!]

that sharing is nearly much more important to 'psychic health" than what you share over!

So what could i tell her?
tell her about my cabin in the mountain heaven lands that awaits me, when i die? [I was SHOWN that cabin!!]
? ? ? !!
--might as well talk english to a turkish person!
If i tell her that life is wonderfull, she will not get her NEEDS met! she will not even understand my talk.
surely somewhere, in such a person, is a Soul that cries for Love and Light and Knowledge that there is a afterlife!!

see folks, this is the kernal of the NUT, the very very center of the great Blessings of having these Vision experiences...it is NOT merely that i know that there is life after death, it is that NOW i know that I can Truly know that Optimism has a meaning, now, as there is no "heat death of the universe:death" to end any bid for optimisms. most people, see, who are "down and negative and pessimistic"; they just "know" that ----why try anything as death ends it, why even bother, you can never win and no matter what you think feel or do...you will become rotted meat! pretty sunsets and Ethics and smiles, have no meaning
against that dead end sign called "thge tombstone"...
THAT is the thing that my Visions Dismiss! Now anything that i think, say, feel, or do....will have Eternal ramifications, i Know that!
now it is OK to be optimistic! there IS meaning to life.

Thursday, July 12, 2001

I recall one day at my home town cafe, up there in 1998 Interlaken ny. I had just finished a ham supper and was drinking my coffee; i love to people-watch, and here was something that i saw to be amazing.
a man had a slice of lemon pie before him, you know, that pie with the white maragne on top...

he lowered his fork and cut off one third of the pie.
bite.
fork descends-------
another bite, then fork descends...
then the third forkfull into his mouth....

all of five to eight seconds, three bites and the
PIE IS GONE!!

---would take me about twenty minutes or more to really enjoy this pie, i wonder what lay behind the soul of this man?

Wednesday, July 11, 2001

when i moved back to my home town, in the 1990s, my aunt told me about the house down the rural road, the house that has been abandoned for years and years. the two sisters in the nursing home let my aunt and kids go through the house for stuff.
so i walked down to it.
grass is four feet high. the house is falling down. paint peels---must be about ten years that they, the two sisters, have been in the nusing home.
ugh!
mold, mustyness...the house is packed with junk, mostly their belongings from the 1950s. pack rats!!

most of the good stuff has been stolen, rumaged through....
so much stuff that one room fell through into the celler!

i found a dish or two.
a week later i asked my aunt if i could go back again. aunt says she will ask them when she goes visiting the rest home next week.
week later i am told that i can go back but that i must pay the ladies three dollars per item.

!!
here they are in the home snuggling right up against the tombstone of time and they still own every little thing in that house all 9,069++++ items!! a psychic string of connection runs to each and every object in that house of theirs....they would drag all of it through that door of the tombstone if they could!!
THIS is where ghosts are made: they die and then go back to live in that house instead of Going On to heaven!!
how tiring and exhausting to have all these strings still attached to each and evey thing in that house.
---the 1953 sovenier plate of Watkins Glen gorge.
---the rusty spatula.
---overstuffed couch: home to mice, now.
---37 issues of Ladies home Companion[1958].
---plaid dress with tear and mouse-shit.
---one slipper
---electric bill: june 23 of 1964
---lid without its knob...for to cover pies with.
---52 nails strewn about the floor, slightly rusty.
---a "fuller" brush, with hair.
---12 copies of "life" magazine, well lathered with racoon dung, piled upon the floor.

i think that the girls are STILL in the nusing home: house slowly collapses into itself, as nephew of mine
has bought the farmland, the barn has burned, rumor has it that the next door 16 year old "likes to watch fires burn"! yard andblakened barn; the four acres could now actually be bought by the Nature Conservatory as a wildlife preserve....tis so so overgrown.

i liked that article about the Indian Shaman that i read about ten years ago, in some nameless book. this shaman told of how he was intiuated into his calling and it WAS a calling: he did not choose it---it chose him!

he, like many other shamans in many other times and places, had to learn how to "have a foot in both worlds"....the physical and the Spiritual. [ the spirit world of his ancestors]

He said, the phrase that sticks with me....."you have to die before you can live"!

yes, from my near-death-type Dreamvisions of the afterlifeworlds, i can actually LIVE the better HERE in THIS world! yes, i do not pine not being in the heaven worlds: i know they will be there for me some day, just like i know that there is a cabin awaiting for me in that Mountain Land, when i die to here on earth.
yes, i can look and live in this earthly life as a real kind of "prep", a preparation for heaven.

the Puritans sorta got it right when they said the life is prep for heaven: the only Mistake that they made is that they said "NO" far far too much!
life is to say "YES"!!

one's soul is like a painting; the more colors there are in the painting, the richer the result looks to be.
each soul-color is a life experience.

I would want 324 colors, in "art 101" in the High School of earthly life!! too too many people have only 24 or so colors that they feel are availible to them. ugh! THIS is what freedom and the "unlimited Possibilities" of this modern age; this is what i feel Spirit gave them to us for--------

so live your incredible life: evey ticket that you "buy"[a life experience], is a ticket that will admit you to a heavenly temple of some sort after you die...temple of art, music, healing, Mothering...etc...etc.....

Tuesday, July 10, 2001

I was reminded today about one of my old dreams from the 1970s. i was only beginning this Path of heavenVisions, i hardly knew what was really happening in these dreams!
In the dream, i was in an office of some sort, a counselor of some type; i was talking to a lady was appeared to be my "client". I entered this dream as if it had already begun long ago, hours ago---as IF i were tuning in on something that i am GOING to do some far far off day[ from 1978]!

she was describing her life in detail. in great detail! from the beginning to old age.
eventually she came to the old aged portion of her life: then she died.
her talk did NOT end!!
she went on to tell of what immediately happened to her after she died----she appeared in a city somewhere, a dimly lit foggy
depressing city of shades of only grey. as IF it were always 38 degrees far. with drizzle! the residents were grey too, but also were very angry and bitchy and mean/violent.
the city had a name.
"DIS"
she spelled it out. Dis. to me, it sounds like this lower heavenly city has been there for years and years---perhaps some other psychic/prophet or three has seen it in their own visions, over the hundreds of years that this Dis has been there!

then she told me of the much better heaven she went to next. then the University heaven land. then she told me of the "nursery" where one might be able to reincarnate back to earth: she was undecided if she wanted to or not!

yes, dreams....I musta have had a thousand of them that have delt with other realms and places, over the years.....
the lady behind Barnes and Noble coffee shop counter is going to the FSU Florence program next year.
[read: University-sponsered school-program to the Heart of the Classical Roman-Rennasaunce Italian
area of Europe!]
I wonder what i would be like to stand upon a city square that has seen over Two Thousand years of history?! walk along a 2300 year old Roman Road?

I remember, myself, spending the day in Fredericksburg Maryland. the whole of downtown was flash-frozen into something like 1730-1760, as this 1750 booming city was Bypassed by Baltimore and all the growth was halted, thus freezing all of the buildings into that time period and nothing much was changed after that! Tis was a revelation on many levels, one of which amazed me!
my head felt like it was in a kind of vicegrip, i felt like i was walking through a kind of "psychic molassis"
as the very air was thick thick with Time!
"psychic field"!!
----definition: all people create a field of energy around them and it remains, in part, after they leave the place where they were. that place has then the "feel" of the person who put that energy there.
thus objects and rooms and places has this energy. this is what Psychics pick up upon when they hold in their hands a scarf of a lost kid and then she has images/feelings about this kid.
---sub definition: this field depends upon the number of people versus the time.
ie-----one person meditating in one room, once per day for 100 days, creates "100 units" of this energy: 100 people meditating in an auditorium for just one time, they will create near the same amount of energy as that one person did for the 100 days!

thus----old cites, because of the years of time X the number of people = the resultant Fredericksburg psychic field was very very strong, even if i was only about the lone person on the street!!
that air was THICK! as if my thoughts had to crowd themselves into a million other thoughts, thoughts and feelings that were created long long ago, and in part remain there as part of the place.
thoughts like crowded people on a subway car at rush hour!!

NOW you know why you cannot read very well a book in that public library!!! air is too too thick with other's vibes and thoughts!

so i wonder what it would be like for me to wander the streets of Florence or London?!
someone told me that they tear down 200 year old buildings in london, to make room for new buildings.
Insensitve?!
NO!
their building code considers a 200 year old building to be NEW! 200 years is the cutoff date: many of the old buildings go back to 1400 and before!

yes, walk the plains of rural India...walk the Hiking trails of old country England, 800 year old hedgerows.
more ghosts per square mile.....there. wonder what the FEELINGS of that trail would be like?!

Monday, July 09, 2001

I am gonna have to write to myself notes during the day as i find SO many interesting things to blog about but then when i sit down----POOF, off they go!

well, my throat is much better now.....
tis something to always find that "I am a Sensitive"---in body, in mind, in psychicness...
humbling and "ego-deflating"

i hear it now....
the "redneck" at the next table, telling me "become strong"!
i reply------
"yes, take that sensitive film out of the camera and unroll it to the tropic noon florida sun!
tis strong strong film and thus it will take it: drive nails with it even by pounding nails with the cartridge!
strong film can take it"!

but the strength of sensitive film IS in its sensitivity! would ya take a photo of a scene with a slice of pizza in the camera?! or a post card of Yellowstone park, inserteded into the camera *as* film?!

so i celebrate being a sensitive.

Saturday, July 07, 2001

oh what a SOBERING 4th of july week!!
scary!

the day after my 28th birthday, the 29th, i ran to get out of the rain and i musta tore a artery in my bronchial system...coughing up blood: the vet Clinic found nothing serious.
I got a "birthday present" like this back in 1963! food poisoning for a week just after my birthday!

THEN i found the Pattern. tis my life runs in 19 year cycles, absolutely so....I could fill this whole page as to the examples of this, reader....and the Pattern runs through THREE generations of my family who moved here, since 1907!!

19 year repeats.
in october of 1963, my school burned down, the dorm was ashes: i left in my car with only the clothes on my back: in several months of living with my mother, i joined the air force and went to texas for 4 months.
in october of 1983, 19 years later, i was living with my sister in the Asheville mountains when she had to sell her beloved home at auction, we became refugees, fleeing at night, leaving stuff in the house, to go to texas for four months!

I am waiting for the shoe to drop: in sept to november, of this year, i may have to leave tallahassee with nothing but my clothes and soon to texas! tis that 19 years again:THAT was my birthday present for this year, that sickness of 1963!! a reminder.

oh this here chicken now sees the hawk circling overhead, but she must keep a-living in that field, gotta scratch the ground in order to eat! one eye must always be focused upon that hawk....

sorta takes the sails out of my life, a bit.....But I have Been Shown this already.

yes, i am sure that everyone has cycles in their lives of some sort....just gotta find them.
tis for us all that Tool wrote that SCHISM cut............

Thursday, July 05, 2001

another wonderfull morning, i get up early about 7 am and walk down to the bus; after coffee, i walk a mile to the Library where i am now.

People up north do not realize how clear and soft tropical air is! everything is green and lush, the air is soft and warm, very clear air, the birds chirp excitiedly....Tallahassee has tropical air four months or more of the year.

when my friend would visit his parents for a few days in the retirement community in central Florida, about a hundred miles away from tallahassee, he would get up early too, and take a walk down the 7 am street.
One day he did this, in the summer, with similar weather conditions, and he would see the other residents often out walking too.
He met one of these other retirees one day, on a morning walk, and this guy more or less told him the secret of these early morning walks out into this lovely morning with the sunrise clouds SO colorfull
and the air sl clear and the plants so so green----

he says,"that we all give the lord Thanks for yet another day upon the earth, a day for us to learn our lessons and to grow in Understanding, as we here in the Retiree Development do not have many of these here mornings left, before we all die!"

yes....another day of grace, to enjoy Living in, and to prepare to Die, in!!

Tuesday, July 03, 2001

on the way to the library about ten minutes ago, i passed a man on the sidewalk. he yelled to me..."oh this terrible Tallahassee city"!
i could not turn fast enough, physically, or mentally, to reply to him.

i hear this a lot over the years. so so many people do not like tallahassee. especially the intellectuals. this city is a bit sprawly, for sure, but that sprawl does not contain the "urban city-ness' that true urban dwellers crave!

one person's heaven is another's hell. i now know what to ask these tally bashers...."if this city is your hell: what place is your heaven?!
i can get a handle then upon his dislikes and begin to talk.

so why do these people dislike a place so. funny, i hear that in every single place that i live in.

like:
-----someone told me that new york city was nothing but capitalistic consumerisms.
a day later...
-----someone else told me that he loved new york city so because of the great economic opporunities there!

same reality: two utterly different perceptions.
well i guess my visit to the vet clinic was interesting! they told me more or less that i did indeed tear some blood vessel in my bronchial system, the lungs looked ok on the x-ray.
sigh...coughing up some blood, i will probably do that for days and days: the bhronchial system is not a place good for clots to set up to heal...in!!

tis interesting again to sit there and look at the other vets that walk in, 30 or 60 people who have Problems. some look "ok" and some older men just can walk in the door, carring a box with oxygen tubes going into their noses---they gotta have that extra air ALL day and ALL night long!
puts my small problem Into Perspective!
in the distance there is always that Deep Cough, coming from someone.....

treasure your health, do not let the small problems pile up. yes i have seen scenes in the afterlife: i KNOW heaven will await me after death, and not merely believe this...but I am in No Hurry to get there by ignoring my health....plus: when one is not healthy, there is not a good experiencing of life as much of the vitial life force is diverted to the body needs, its sickness!

here is a post that i made to the "discuss" section of blogger....the "media section"---
============================================
I was sitting in the Veteran's Clinic waiting room waiting and
waiting, a walk-in patient with lots of time to kill and i went
through all the old magizines.
I came across a recent copy of the "Yahoo internet Life"...[i am
not sure what the name is]
and i really was not that interested as a lot of the stuff is
"internet-self-promo"! but the lead article much more than made
up for it: the most interesting article in the whole waiting room by
far!

the article was about how when the "dot-coms" collapsed and
the commercial interests in the internet were laid back, the "real'
internet became stronger. now the bandwidth
was freer of the commercial sites with the ads and the $$$
mentality, so that sites could flourish that connected people
together with shared information and talants.
this article used as the PRIME EXAMPLE, of a site that was of
the "real internet", a site that was of "people and information
and talants....www.blogger.com!!
they told how the blogger set up the site where anyone could
create a weblog without programming knowledge and there are
thousands of them now...

Monday, July 02, 2001

interesting talk with my next door friend last night!

he follows, a bit, the Gardejieff spiritual path; we talked about how there really is nothing in the western world that teaches, especially a man, how to feel!
as a result, there is so much negative feelings about and no one can get out of them as there is no "feeling management 101" being offered anywhere.
usually emotions end up ruling.....

I find it very interesting how DIFFICULT it is for me to approach many people and talk with them, feelingly!
I have many "good feelings" about life, about me, about the world---but so many people are "down", so down that they can only socially bond with me over some negative state of feeling! if i were to be positive to them; tis would be like a German talking to a Brazilian! the "friend" gets even angry at me as his needs are just NOT being met!! he wants that rapport and the only bonding-language is in the bonding of Shared Pain and the "fuckingness' of life!!
now if i am "needing" his approval of me, i am Doomed! i will always end up agreeing with his bitches!

these journals help me.
help me to get a distance, as there has to become a kind of "observer me" that can stand aside and watch the conversations and keep them from turning sour and aligning with that need for negational-bonding.
my!

i went to look at the live camera at Cornell University!
---a beautifull sky with racing clouds, looks like a cold Viking land! the Lake and the hills are very clear...
almost see my childhood home 20 miles away, from this photo!
ugh the WINTERS if yo ever wanna see snow, just click here! just to look at the photo right now, is to cool ya off by ten degrees!!

http://www.info.cornell.edu/CUHomePage/CornellStream.html
the day after my 60th birthday, friday, i ran across the mall parking lot to escape the oncoming rain and in tallahassee, if you do not run at the first sprinkle, you, in ten seconds, will not have to take a shower that night! only when i ran the 300 feet, i musta tore a blood vessel in my bronchial system, down in my lungs as i have brought up 1/5th of a cup of blood a day now for three days...today it is better: i am going to the Vet Center Clinic today for them to look at it.
[Advice to all young aspiring plumbers, veternarians, doctors, other public service people: wanna
make your fortune and do good public service? just be open from 4PM friday until early monday!
my accident occurred at 4pm on friday: my plumbing would clog up regularly at 4 pm friday and the Landlord company could not get a plumber until Monday!]

----and more advice...take care of your Health, one takes it for granted! why my friend who saw me cough up some blood yesterday he realized that it was six months since he had his blood pressure checked...a Cancer Survivor of colon cancer about 6 years ago...

so today or tomorrow the Vet clinic will take a look...if they send me 100 miles to their hospital for tests, it may be awhile before i can update my log!
---and yet more lessons....why everyone can Run, why everyman is active: i take for granted my damaged lungs from those chemical events and the genetics: the vet people gave to me that Disability rating for a reason!
-------all part of that Larger Novel called,"accepting that at 60 one must be aware of the fragility of the body, older people are conservative often for a reason!! "the ole mare taint what she used to be" is that upstate ny saying.....

this morning at the coffee cafe, i was talking to the owner. we talked about something that I had thought of before, a kind of slogun. just like there is a saying, 'either you are a rent payer or a rent collector", there is, i feel, this here saying......"80% of our daily lives is in solving the problems created by the other 20% of us---either you are a problem solver or a problem maker"!!