Saturday, December 29, 2001

sobering....

as that eclipse full moon targets my 6 degree Cancer sun sign degree, I sense the Course of my life.
Many Answers to years-long Questions, about Motives and Actions, during my 60 years of life.

I confront the "Last Unaccepted Cuss Word"!
I find a swear word, a "dirty word" that i would agree should never never be accepted by anyone!
----this is where one Knows the matter, and relative timings, of his Immanent death! If he were to tell someone, while in relative health: THAT is this "cuss word"!

[only if i were very sick and on my death bed, would i tell someone who i really know and love, that my death is near.]

My close friend of 25 years lives right next door, with his five kids and sick father. If i were to tell him that spirit tells me that i am to die soon, why i would be a "rainstorm upon his picnic" as he is 50 years old and in the prime of life. I do not want to burden him with the News, or have him worrey about me having Delusions, psychologically. this would be in effect even if a had an X-ray photo of some tumor in my brain that gives to me "only months"!
Telling my friend...telling all of my relatives and other friends, why that would be like telling a family as they are getting into their car to go off to the lakeside for a nice family picnic..."that my weather internet radar map shows a squall line of heavy rain coming in four hours even though now it is nice and warm and sunny"!! they may well have a wonderfull picnic, for the three hours before the rain comes: why would i want to ruin it even before they go?!!

so i will not tell anyone, face to face.

why my mother's vision ten years before she died....that she was to die in ten years at dusk with a red sports car coming into her lane....she only told her husband/my father. I only learned about this vision when my father told one friend, and this friend told ME, 11 years later when father was on his own Hospital/nursing home death bed! I knew for years that Mother was afraid of driving at dusk: she never never mentioned WHY. she essentually told no one...and it Came To Pass, right down to the color of the car! If she told people, most would not have belived her. in a sense it would be much much WORSE if they did believe her!!
how would YOU like to "live with mr death"...knowing that your signifigent other is going to die in two years and you believe the Spirit Messege/Doctors that told your lover! you would ALSO have to have your own aceptance of death, and of the afterlife, Firmly established in your heart, before you could take such a belived messege
without great concern/worry/fear! fear for that person and fear for yourself! Rain on a picnic. fire alarm at the party...the ultimate "life-party pooper"! Like frosting the growing tip of a delicate plant, ceasing its growth.....if you shared such visions with your close friends and relatives.

I am getting SERIOUS stuff that tells me that i will not live beyond my birthday, June 28th, more than a month or three! maybe even before that! if NOT actually dying: then every bit of my life-work-missions, has been finished and
i would be like of a man who has been Laid Off from his company, with nothing more to do!!
Over the years, there were several vision dreams about how my life comes in stages, and there are seven of them. I was shown that...in october of 1979...that "5/7th of my life has now been finished"!
In october of 1996, there was a small "accident" where there was a small wound on my inner arm, near my wrist. a deep scratch, really. only thing was....that wound-scar was in a *PERFECT* "seven"!!
the number "7" burned, cut, onto my arm: it was there for months! e-x-a-c-t-l-y a "7", no one could have wrote it better, not even a "mechanical drawing student"! it was about three inches long, this "7".
NOW....it is "7/7th"!!! now, today....this december, plus or minus a month or two...
I can tell no one that i know.....
even if i am "wrong" or "spirit overwrites this with a life-extension"...I probably OUGHT to move away from my favorite city...Tallahassee...and never look back, at the middle of the summer of 2002, if extended!!
why?
the apple ROTS, after the perfect Ripeness! that "ending" is so profound, if i did NOT move, it would be like of a man who utters one-half of a sentence and then walks away letting the sentence just hang there, unfinished! the profound "ending", of my maybe-death, is so...that if it does not occur, i must MAKE it occur, by moving away for good to a new city...to "die" symbolicly!

----anyone who follows this Journal....ought to be Some Interesting Writings Ahead, Folks, from now until the middle of August....IF i am here that long!!