Sunday, December 16, 2001

ah AUTISM!

rears its head again as i try to post to another list..........
===============================================

I find the posts about the brain and thinking styles, from B, and others, interesting. I think mostly in images, to the extent, as i posted before, that i have trouble with the "abstract modern way of thinkings"!
I have been intrigued for yeasrs ( i have tried, now, for ten times, to correct that spelling, i can NOT, that IS the way i think that word "yaers"!! Oh the Dubious Gift of Autism!)over how much the "object' and the "image" of that object, are similar. I find that my sleep dreams extend out into life.....through correspondences and synchronisms.
Like: my daily events can be interpeted *like* a dream.
[in dream, if i dream of an apple, it may mean "a pear", but if i dream of a pear, it may mean an apple"! if there is no association: it is dead. thus everything in my life means something else.

( therory: this can be applied to the collective culture too! i find MURALS on public buildings very very fashinating, as the 'real" cultural content is often symbolicly encoded!
I met and got to know a Mural painter once who told me how all of his murals got painted over within months....and he wanted to know WHY!
we found out: he was telaphathicly, clairvoyantly, picking up something about the culture of his subject and placing it in the mural-work, and it upset the Patron!!
he had his portfoleo (spelling looks awfull, but GOLLY...i spell what i HEAR, how it sounds!)
he had his portfoleo with him of his past works and we looked at his most recent one. it was of the wall of a Howard Johnson's resturant
in his very very conservative hometown in south Ohio. it was a street scene of main street of this town, but dated in the victorian times.
One part stood out to me! it was of a man and wife walking along main street together, in front of a bycycle shop, a shop with one of those hurmongus six foot tall byclcles in the window for display. only thing was...the large handlebars were positioned just so, that they stuck out of the wife's head like of some deer antlers or Viking headdress!
we two found out....that when he painted this mural in the victorian motieff, he was REALLY painting the "real time counsciousness" of Chilcocoie,Ohio! real time: like of "now". In this very very conservative city, in 1979, men HANDLED their women, thank you!
handled them, as in "wife taking all the orders...no woman's lib there! "Handled" as in those byclycle handbars....he rode her and handled her...as did most of the husbands to their wives, in this town...
I wonder how long THAT Mural lasted, without being painted over?!

---my home town too!
in the 1970s....there was a Demonstration of woman's libers in a nearby town and the local police used the gym of the local high school as a "safe detention center' for the arrestees. As the police escorted, i was told, the women from the bus, the police stood side by side on both sides of the incoming women, so to protect them from the angry men trying to attack the women! i was told that one man was so so so angry that he went into convulsions on the grass, foaming at the mouth, his RAGE so overwhelmed his nervious system that there was no order to any of it!
So what was he so angry over? enough anger that if he were to stick his finger into an electric socket, he would power new york city for an hour, it would seem!
not that these women were "lesbos"...or "witches" ...or "communists"!
(these were issues that the critics used)
he was angry, i was told, because these women were Human beings, not women! women were to be always under his thumb, under his rule, subsurvient, uttterly utterly utterly, and these women were not under his thumb!

another trait i have: associative thinkings! since everything means something else, it WILL go off on a tanget in a second...
sorry! better Real Interesting image-pictures; than writing some tone-ic philosophical rant, utterly disjoined, as that kind of writing would be like for me to "use a rock for a paper airplane"!

I admit, too, that there is always a "slight" tone of "anger" running through many of my writings, as much of my day is spent confronting where i am always "the nail that sticks out, the very first to get the caress of the hammer"!-----no matter what i do or say, it is "off" in some way, the conventional social norm, and i am always the one that "needs" to make the adjustment!! Interesting life, to be always 34 degrees "off" from everyone else! It makes for even ordering a cup of coffee at the barnes and Noble coffee cafe, a very Unique experience!
takes me four times as long and the server lady will have to be awakened as everything that i do or say will not be part of any "social script" that she has memorized and used a million times over and over! And i never mean to be confrontive to anything! But! But i always end up sorta confronting, a bit, trying to explain my point of view or of life! I am just "out of it" and no one has a moment to spare these days...gotta git it out, your Story, in 3.5 seconds or less, or it will not come out!

in the old days....my father.
ten years after he died, in the Interlaken cafe, a man Eulogized my father, remembered him to me, after ten years....
"Dudley loved to tell stories, like i remember that day that he came into the cafe and did all of the talking and no one said one word for FOUR HOURS and he did *all* the talking. Finally his wife called the cafe and said that supper was ready....Dudley apologized that he had to go...the one man spoke up, in the Silence, after Dudley left: he spoke for all the ten men that had gathered to Listen...he merely told everyone, and to no one in particular...IT IS TOO TOO BAD THAT HE HAD TO GO: I WANTED MORE!"
he spoke for all the feelings of all the ten men!
four hours. and they all wanted yet more of Dudley's stories!!
Today, and here in Tallahassee, a City modern...gotta git it out in three seconds or less!
---i take after my father: *anything* that i talk about has 4,941 associational links and if i just describe ONE linksubject, it would be like that i gave to you a woven wool sweather; but i rip off several threads of it and then give to you those threads, keeping the rest of the sweater! or rip off the head of a live frog and give it to ya, saying..."here is a live frog"! gotta give you all of the frog, or none!

---enough bandwidth. that is the flavor of freestonesoul...and how i think. I would either make a rotten magician...or a very very good one, with proper trainings!!
freestone