Friday, November 09, 2001

strange! i walked for the first time in months to the market last night, at a late time. i ran into a lady from the bus who i have not seen for months, at the day care center, on the way there.
she has a girl about five. bad divorce, she has to do it alone, raising her. she is chronicly depressed and chain smokes. nice lady, very "country' and earthly simple. she remarked about "that trailer for rent behind me that was taken before she got to see it". i told her how that trailer will be open in December and i gave to her my landlord friend's number. she probably will call him soon.

ah!
here it is how i walk and see her, "accidently" and she could be living 50 feet away...but probably the landlord will not rent to her as she smokes like a chinney!! as IF i was "directed" JUST to have her next door, a older singleman just for her and her daughter!
---chronicly depressed, the last person i need, a cloud over her even when she smiles!

seems nearly ALL the people i know are like that: why if i were not so "isolationist" and "denying", why i could have 20 of these depressed, sad, on therapy, people for friends and they will need ALL of my time all day long! is Spirit actually TELLING me that i need to be a Source of life-force channel, for these people?
to be a "healer" for them? I hope not!

I sense a TERRIBLE secret about depressed people, though: maybe this is what attracts them to me.
It is...that depressed people are more "awake", and more counscious, than the rest of us!!
they ARE suffering suffering, and have lost their Innocnce: many "happy" people are innocent and are asleep! the depressed person KNOWS that things are not right, within or without, and they lack a method of how to deal with this condition: the depression is their frustration.
so.
there is uncounscious innocence.
then there is discord.
then there is resolution.

like of one gal who finds her clerk job boring, but the other girls in the office just Do Not Know, these other girls are "Fat, Dumb, and Happy", in their asleepness, fodder for advertisement people to have them buy buy buy, and these asleep people will swim with the fish and walk with the herd even if the herd is heading for the cliff!

every "spiritual" person has heard that ole chestnut of a saying, about 10,000 times...."suffering is GOOD for the soul"!
this is why!....
+ -----------------------------
+ peace, resolution
---------------------------
uncounscious/asleep

the two "plusess" above, the "stairs" from one floor to another, is that DEPRESSION!

thus depressed people are more spiritually evolved than most people!
they just cannot bury their heads in the sand anymore! cannot deny, repress: it all comes out!