Wednesday, November 28, 2001

Ah, the AUTISTIC experience!

I go often to a cafeteria for my supper. i have trouble ordering food on the line. there is a brocculi salad that i like: but i always end up saying "culliflower salad" when i ask for it!

I thought about this, as i did it again the other day.
---seems that in order for me to order food, i have to blank out UTTERLY the world outside, and then to
intricate-ly go through a long associational train of thought as the "WORD" is not the food and i think in images and i have to see that mass of green called "the salad" and then i have to ago ahunting for the word FOR that salad. to do this, i have to blank out the counter, the people behind me, as they get so so impatient, blank out all the outside world so that i can go through this thing with getting the proper word to corresepond with what i want to order!

i feel that most people think through their "desktop" as if the think and the concept are the same.
no access the hard drive: just use the desktop on the monitor screen!
i could do this, in a conversation, if i just use the words...."blap blap blap blap...over and over and over: no thought what so ever!
oh, i hear a couple of guys talking like of this desktop talk, the other day....they talked of ten foreign
films that they had seen, with the actors names and all of the last ten movies EACH of these actors had played in and the YEARS these movies were made: 20 seconds!!
i, myself, would still be on "word number one"!!

no wonder i never try to verbally defend myself, never to argue: i always lose lose lose, as even a "deaf mute" can run circles around me!

----but i know, utterly, that the word is NOT the object! i do not think that is very common knowledge!
I have actually seen people spend 20 minutes at a menu list, at a ice cream shop, to order their ice cream: the actual ice cream is in the open-to-view freezers, before them. if they ordered, say, Vanillia ice cream, from that menu-board, they would be ordering the WORD "vanillia"!! the actual vanillia ice cream could be in a box that is almost empty, the ice cream in it all ice cystal refrozen and stale stale and old cardboardybox tasting! they eat the word!
me?
i go up to look into the boxes and i order something that looks fresh and vital and good tasting: words have nothing to do with this at all.