Thursday, October 25, 2001

---here is part of a letter to the husband of the daughter of that aunt that i wrote of, yesterday!
[the other side of being single in a married family world!]

yes hello up there in new york. yes i feel your pain, i have had a long long distant relationship with my Aunt R. for years. i have noted often that there ARE many many topics where i come up against a wall of Iron! "go no further, cut you off, lets not discuss"
---that is the tone.
end of dialogue.
she about cut me off completely, once, nearly in RAGE when i merely mentioned that i went to see a psychic at Freeville, the spiritualist camp there!! MERELY to see a psychic: that is an utter "no no" in her books as that is not the christian way!
i wrote a letter to my weblog yesterday about how i feel i am a "lone wolf" in the world of family and marrage!
AHA!
there is another side to this that lone wolf's me!
their anger towards me as i have that freedom that they resent that i have! they resent my being able to do and to think/feel things that they have to shove under the rug in order for them to have a kind of compromise-peace with themselves as anytime someone chooses something as huge as "family", there has to be things given up in order to accept the blessings of having family! so i wonder how much resentment she has with me.
this can also occur with a single person who commits to some enterprise: i had a friend in Interlaken who had the farm consume him! his farm grew to 800 acres and it took every bit of his time and he, i think, resented me for being so "free"! it killed him, that farm, eventually!
so R. cannot face her daughter, cannot face any other way than that "christianity"!
she listens many many hours a day to "Christian radio"...there is that FM station that is part of the chistian network: BRAINWASHING if i ever saw it as the messeges just keep being poured out night and day, the messeges that come from the fundamentalist belief systems.
oh yes there IS real christianity: but if one uses it
as a coverup, a tarmac cover on the field of life to cover up something unpleasent in one's life??!
so some of R.'s "peacekeepings" is not of RESOLVEMENT of issues, it is of denial and repressions!
I, myself, have tread lightly with her; there is so much forbidden territory in her life, things one must never talk about or even say out loud!
so....she cannot really have a good talk with her daughter as there is only one way for her to do it, in her eyes...the "one trick horse" way that comes out of that fundamental religion!
"personal spiritual growth" and "personal empowerment" are

*NOT*

words that are in the Christian vocabulary!!
the words that seem to be used a lot, in the conservative christian's language, and thoughts, are words like..."peace", "submit to", "acceptance",
---in other words...to find a good bus and get Onto It!
leave the driving to us....to "the Lord"!
all well fine and dandy, EXCEPT when this way is used to deny the rest of one's soul!

so you will not be able to talk to the mother about her daughter. her language is limited, her mind is made up FOR her, years and years ago. she grew up in the Great 1930 depression where and when one SHOULD give up one's personal life for the good of one's family, one's town, one's country!
i ramble.
anyway, i guess i should be fortunate that she has kept relating with me THIS long! would have been shorter if i kept on speaking about "mediums, spirit, psychics, spirits, afterlife"!
maybe i can never never move back there again, the suit of clothes of my childhood is far far too small for me now!
well enough for now......freestone