Thursday, August 16, 2001

I, when i lived in Ithaca, ny, the home of cornell U.......someone told me a belief of his that I always recall...
He said to me," Ya know, freestone, i can tell if a person is not committed to life".
"how", i asked....
he says, "easy to tell. Just ask him if he has a friend or not!
For if he has a friend that means that he has extra time on his hands, not committed to life!"

!

"!" indeed! Whenever i tell this to someone, they laugh nerviously, denying that this is too too extreme.
Of course Ithaca is a bit Puritanical in its Gothic Upstateness, but I Sense the truth To What He Says!!

Take me.
I, while doing whatever Incarnational Mission[s] that i have been doing, there has been little time for much else, between my constantly Moving and my projects, these days everyone i know is time-filled to the limit of their days! oh, i could go out to the mall and sit down with the depressed people and thus i could have 20 'friends".....they would be worse than enimies as they are not life-supporting!
[i like that statement;"if you choose to make friends, make friends with people who are just a bit ahead of you, on the spiritual path, so that they will be a positive influence upon you to pull you ahead, in life-growth"!]
When i lived with my sister, she had so many personal problems that her therapist actually told me, one day, that "i was responsible for having her NOT to have a nervious breakdown, by my being there for her, during her difficult times"! And every day was a "difficult time"...she soon died, another story, i had 500+ boxes to open....another article some day!!
At this same time, i got to know a very Interesting guy down the road and one day he and his wife invited me for supper, an invite for me to begin to have a friendship with them, but i told them that i was here FOR my sister and thus i could not as she comes first, in my life and her NEEDS were SO great that even one evening of not being there would not be good! Poof, one frendship Gone!
[One of my MAJOR spiritual Missions, my sister Suanna!...her needs were so great that i actually prayed to spirit that she would win *every* card game, that we often played at night, so that her weak self-image would be supported!!

I can list my friends upon practically one hand! most of them were brought to me by Spirit to
"the last picture show" them off, to be a spirit-given catylist for them, for several months, and then to see them off to a 2000 mile move and off they go for good! why there was one lady in Gainesville that i actually moved away from as she was given $2500 to finish up her PHD dissertation with, by her mother, who was dying and mother wanted her to have that degree before she died and this "would-be-lady-relationship-possibility" i killed the possibility as she LITERALLY needed every moment
for a year and *any* visit was a frank interuption, utterly, and i lived right next door and i knew that i could never never keep away so i moved!! the very day of graduation she got a job offer in the mail and in a week she moved 2000 miles to begin her life, WITHOUT me!!
friends??
---there was SAM, my childhood friend in Interlaken who I knew for 40 years on and off. His parents left for the city and he remained on the farm....soon he had 900+ acres and his resentment of me grew and grew as he had to work 25 hours a day on that farm and I just wandered around the country roads, that last 1998 year that i was there. My last image of him was he giving to me the "finger" salute, in anger, over something unknown...probably as"i was not paying the Dues" of life...suffering suffering suffering, like he did!! [never judge the Karma of another: ye know not what inner Pain and Obligational "cross' they carry in life!!]. he had a 1998 accident, paralyzed from the neck down, died in a year, but then accepted jesus as his Savior, a change of heart!
---then there is Jeff. A wonderfull friend over the years on and off whenever i moved back to Tallahassee.
about the only friend that i have left, really the only one left, all th other Tallahassee people I know only have five minutes per visit to give to me, unless i were to go with them to the club at 2 am every friday...
[like "Jim", another ex-friend]
So Jeff is the Old Soul Friend that is about the only person left
Who I Smile, Inwardly, Whenever I see Him come to my coffee table....there are very very few who i smile at, anymore! many of the people I knew, in my 50+ years of adultness, were "Missions"...anything BUT smile inwardly to see their faces appear in my day!! Missions of Obligation, of Duty, of Supportings, of
HoldingHands! So I smile inwardly and there are many things that i share both ways...He now has five kids and a "alzchimers" father living in the small house...two oldest girls are "late teens", the Hormone change...thus i can learn about all of this by hearing his accounts. Friends like "Jeff" are to be Valued!!....like old wine or some Precious Substance...oh dear, I find it hard to "eulogize/praise the friendship of an old friend!!
---"Joe"...a nephew who has now gone to live in Boston, gone 200 miles away, much to share, but yet Another who is Gone.

well...I will meet them all in heaven, there will then be much to share...but now here on earth...
I walk the "Stony Lonesone Road".....an actual name of a road in the Fingerlakes region where i was born, that Viking place of Aloneness and 200 days a year of cloudydays, a veery beautifull place, acually, one of my favorite places in the country but not for "socialness"!