Monday, July 02, 2001

interesting talk with my next door friend last night!

he follows, a bit, the Gardejieff spiritual path; we talked about how there really is nothing in the western world that teaches, especially a man, how to feel!
as a result, there is so much negative feelings about and no one can get out of them as there is no "feeling management 101" being offered anywhere.
usually emotions end up ruling.....

I find it very interesting how DIFFICULT it is for me to approach many people and talk with them, feelingly!
I have many "good feelings" about life, about me, about the world---but so many people are "down", so down that they can only socially bond with me over some negative state of feeling! if i were to be positive to them; tis would be like a German talking to a Brazilian! the "friend" gets even angry at me as his needs are just NOT being met!! he wants that rapport and the only bonding-language is in the bonding of Shared Pain and the "fuckingness' of life!!
now if i am "needing" his approval of me, i am Doomed! i will always end up agreeing with his bitches!

these journals help me.
help me to get a distance, as there has to become a kind of "observer me" that can stand aside and watch the conversations and keep them from turning sour and aligning with that need for negational-bonding.