I have noted several cases where a caregiver of an alzeimers relative does it all. While the others live far away, they do not call, do not help, do not visit very much.
I told her that it is not that they are lazy and self centered, letting her do all the work of caregiving, it is that the dementia mother reminds them of THEIR vulnerability to dementia! The genetics alone is scary! Runs in families. So they do not want to hear, know, anything about dementia and to stay away is best to not face their possible futures!
But these people, are all high level professionals and naturalists and professors! Should they not be more educated and understanding?!
NO! They more intelligence one has, the more one stands to lose.....!!
Imagine a. College professor , now, in the nursing home, now a baby again, being dependent upon everyone for everything. Imagine that he cannot now tell time, nor the date or even to know where he is! To be reduced to a Nothing....
Since there is, often, in these cases, no spiritual life, there is nothing.
Tis a bit like a root canal dentist appointment scheduled for four months away. Ah...safely four months away. You do not even look at that calander month, on the schedule calander on your wall. Only when that month appears do you see it.
Out of sight is out of mind, thus the relatives stay away and even to send a card or donate money REMINDS them!